A Grandpa's Rant.

My oldest girl and her son Connor live with us. He's a peach. Love him to death(never really understood that term) but it's frustrating at times dealing with Vickie. Her patience is lacking at times. Sometimes too many times. He gets into things now that he shouldn't and is big enough to go where he wants most of the time. Well he'll be 2 in a couple of weeks, what the hell does one expect? He does things that he knows he shouldn't. Big smile on his face. He's playing for attention. Easy enough to see. Well when enough is enough for her he's BOOM, off to his room. Then she's off to the deck for smokes and FB. That can last quite a while.

Now I've been through parenthood before obviously. I KNOW kids can stress you out but "nap time" shouldn't be because you just need a break. Hell the wife and I had 2 in that age at one time. Only 17 months between her and her little sister. She also has her mother and me to help. Pisses me off that she's so easily put off and emotional about what he does. He's a frickin kid for christs sake.

Herein lies the rub. We can give advice but can't lean on her to take it. Well I could but what would I have thought if Mom interjected herself in my business back then? I would have told her to "#### off." As with most things she eventually see we gave her the right advice. The problem is the little guy suffers until she does. He's really going to hate his room eventually. Shame. I loved mine. Still do. MY place. He's going to see his as a jail though.

Sometimes I've had enough and I spring him. I can see this happening again in a few minutes. He's knocking on his door. He's not tired. When he is he goes right to sleep. And spending some alone time playing is healthy too BUT too much time and it's detrimental. It may not be right to subjugate the mothers way but I can justify it to myself. The problem is I'm not supposed to lift more than 10lbs and he's thrice that. Which sucks because he's a loving kid. He needs "upa".

I can't wait until she gets with the program and realizes that once you're a parent you have to consider the kid first. It's not that hard and cripes, he doesn't do what he does to spite you. He's either looking for attention or he want to play with you. Enjoy it.

Grandpa rant over.

Awww ... what a cutie!! He's blessed to have " upa".

Some parents seem to have more patience than others , but those with less still love their kids very much... just have a harder time dealing with them.

Hope your daughter will develop more patience as your grandson grows, and I'm sure you're setting a great example.

Once again ... I have to say he's adorable... would be easy to let that face get away with mischief.

a reply to: Sheye

My oops. That's just a random pic from the Net. I'll see if my inadequate photo skills can get a pic or two.

That must be tough. I'm a grandma and have been very lucky- my daughter has a two year old, and I swear she is a better mother than I was. I'm sort of in awe of her mothering skills. She's just always been sort of maternal, used to dream of being a school teacher.

I think also that it is easy to fall into these sorts of behaviors when you are a single parent. For one, you get tired. You don't have someone else to take turns with. Maybe that isn't the case for your daughter because you guys are there.

But also, when there is another parent, you get to witness their different way of interacting with the child, and they get a say in things. You have to talk to together about how you are doing things, and each exposes the other to different concerns.
It's a bit more complicated, but really useful. (I think).

I hope it is a passing phase and things get better! Two year olds can be so difficult.

originally posted by: intrepid
a reply to: Sheye

My oops. That's just a random pic from the Net. I'll see if my inadequate photo skills can get a pic or two.

Lol ... and here I thought I might be seeing a mini intrepid 😏

Let's see if I got this right.

originally posted by: intrepid
Let's see if I got this right.

You've got it right... in more ways than one ... he is absolutely adorable grandpa !!!

is it possible your daughter is depressed? being a parent can be overwhelming, a single parent even more so, even with help and support from loving grandparents. and some of us just naturally tend to anxiety or depression, which can be exacerbated by stress. might be worth her talking about with her doctor, just a thought

a reply to: intrepid
What a doll baby!

I have 3 girls (11,8,6) and a 15 month old boy. I can see how very different my parenting is from my first to my last. Sometimes I just cry because I feel my oldest was the " Guinea pig ". I was so new at it all, and still am with her. With each child I have learned SO much.

One day your daughter will look back and weep over those moments- and that breaks my heart, because it will break hers. You are right, interference from you will not go over well. Just be the best "umpa" you can be (what my littles call my dad). Be patient with your daughter. And maybe the example will rub off on her.

I think you hit the nail on the head with “FB” time. Is it really she’s had enough or she just wants to defer being a mom while she spends time on “FB”?

My wife and I have to occassionally remind our daughter/son-in-law there is more to parenting than staring at cell phones, iPads, PS4. When they come to visit, our grandson (also 2), loves it because the wife and I actually take him out in the yard, play with the dog, hold him and read to him, horse around, etc...just like we did when raising our two daughters, now 37 and 30.

Just another negative aspect of misusing technology...

Disclaimer: I do not have a FB account and have never understood why folks want others to know what they’re doing 24/7...or think they’d want to know...guess I’m just boring!

I understand! I'm not a grandmother yet- better be YEARS away from that!!- but I have an adorable great-nephew. His mom (my niece) is wonderful but I have noticed (as have my sister and our mother) that she is on her phone so much! The toddler will be performing all kinds of antics for mom's attention, but as you said about your daughter out on the deck, mommy is on Facebook or Instagram or whatever the hell and just can't be torn away from that riveting sh$t. She'll look up from time to time and give an ingenuous "oh that's womderful, buddy, you're such a good jumper" or something but it's fake.

Cell phones were just phones when my son was a baby, so I didn't have the distraction of that. I like to think I wouldn't have done the same thing but who knows. When I watch her absolutely delightful and precious boy my phone sure isn't on my person. I do remember how tiring it is at that stage though.

I also notice a lack of routine. The little guy will be cranky and emotional and wretched, and I'll look at the clock and it will be 9:30pm! He so obviously needs to go to bed, but mommy is in no hurry. Makes no sense! Happens every day.

I suppose each generation thinks they had it figured out better than the current one. This phone thing, though....ugh.

originally posted by: KansasGirl


I also notice a lack of routine. The little guy will be cranky and emotional and wretched, and I'll look at the clock and it will be 9:30pm! He so obviously needs to go to bed, but mommy is in no hurry. Makes no sense! Happens every day.

That is the thing my daughter really understood - from the beginning she set up and insisted on a strict routine. It really pays off - the kid seems so secure and now he goes to bed so wonderfully! Even at our house, I just tell him it's time to go to bed and he says night-night, lays down, and goes immediately to sleep!

She had read a lot about this during her pregnancy. When I was young mom at first, I just trusted in my intuition and instincts, didn't go searching for information enough. By the third one, I'd finally understood a thing or two.

One thing my daughter does is video calls a lot to the family members, in which he takes part, so she continues to interact with him at the same time. That's something this generation can do with their kids. (if they just can go without using their phones...)

A structured routine is so valuable and important at that age, for both kiddo and parents. Once the little body is dialed into it, it's so much easier to get everyone on the same page at the same time, so a nap is a nap and bedtime is bedtime. And for mom, the breaks are the breaks.

I wonder where or how she learned that, that is the way to raise a child?

it seems obvious that she just wants to play on facebook and smoke so she finds any excuse to send her kid to bed so she can have the free time to do that.

you should just tell her, I know why you send him to bed it`s because you want to smoke and play on facebook, but you don`t have to do that to him, I`ll watch over him while your out smoking and playing on facebook.

she thinks she`s being clever and sneaky but if you let her know straight out that she isn`t fooling you she might be reasonable although someone who cares more about smoking and playing on facebook than they do about their own child probably isn`t someone who is capable of reason.

a reply to: intrepid

Ouch, tough situation! As a parent, I had my mom interfering, and not in a good way, and it caused some real problems. in that case, since mine was, at the time, the only grandchild, my mother decided that she was never supposed be unhappy, and if she fussed when scolded, my mother would become angry, and issue threats. Worst possible thing she could have done, and that child became a real brat for a while! Now, clearly, that's not your situation.

With that oldest, I did disagree a few times, when I saw her do things with her kids, but only after they were clear of the room, and only as advice. They are good kids, too, and she's a good mom.

Your situation, it seems like perhaps she's using his behavior as an excuse to go "chill" and do what she wants. At two, he's going to get into things, and she needs to address that head on, not wait till she's annoyed, then lash out and banish the poor kid. You are right to be concerned! Even so, how to address this is the issue. I'd recommend explaining to her why you see this as a problem, and offering some time-tested ways that she could, perhaps, better address his behavior. Naps as punishment aren't a good plan, and should be scheduled, as needed. Punishment should be something else, like a short time out in a chair. A minute per year of the child is usually enough, and no associating that with any regular activity, either. Could be tricky, but needs to be done.

a reply to: intrepid

Cute kid, I can see the problem, he's far to mobile, just hobble him misery style and that will solve a few issues.

I wish I could offer you advice, I'm only dad not grandad yet. The boy will suffer until his mum as you say works out the kid comes first, it may be that you picking up the slack for your daughter may be enabling her to be lazier than she should. Tough spot... Good luck.

originally posted by: Tardacus
I wonder where or how she learned that, that is the way to raise a child?

it seems obvious that she just wants to play on facebook and smoke so she finds any excuse to send her kid to bed so she can have the free time to do that.

you should just tell her, I know why you send him to bed it`s because you want to smoke and play on facebook, but you don`t have to do that to him, I`ll watch over him while your out smoking and playing on facebook.

she thinks she`s being clever and sneaky but if you let her know straight out that she isn`t fooling you she might be reasonable although someone who cares more about smoking and playing on facebook than they do about their own child probably isn`t someone who is capable of reason.

Um... a bit harsh, doncha think?
Though the direct approach might have some value, chances are she is not really being honest with herself on that score, and that approach will just provoke her to defend herself and strengthen her denial.

Showing her through example other possibilities might be effective?

My daughter has a small apartment, with no place to put all the dinner ware like glasses and plates except in open shelves which are down low. I was scared about this at first. But because she spends lots of time talking with him and having him help her in the kitchen, he knows exactly which things he can touch or take out (plastic bowls, for example) and which he must not touch. This makes for much less trouble now.

Maybe you guys could show her how to include him in regular household activities, in which he'd get the attention he needs, and learns at the same time?

There was a trend in the US when I was a kid (maybe still is?) of simply denying a kid of all attention if they misbehave. I experienced that, observed it, and used it with my first kid who was born in the US.

I have come to think it is a mistake. Not only is attention and interaction a basic NEED of a child (so taking it away as punishment is as bad as starving them of food), but the behavior will escalate until you are forced to pay attention - which leads them directly to more extremes of bad behavior quicker.

If only she could be made to understand that a little more investment in the immediate really pays off in more relaxation later!

a reply to: intrepid

Ah kids hey . We brought ours up nowhere near family but got some good advice ( lets face it they dont come with users manuals )
1 they are hungry
2 they need burping
3 they crapped themselves
4 they wet themselves
If none of the above work revert to number 2

I was the world champion burper , wife used to say i hate you .

Another thing, at 2, he's at that age where it's time to start showing him what he can get into as opposed to just letting him get into everything and then getting mad at him when he gets it wrong.

Kids thrive under positive feedback. Show him what he can get into and when he does and you catch him at it, praise him to the moon for doing the right thing. You may find out it helps cut back on the frustration banishments.

Think that is a big problem these days,used to be you plan a family,I know I did I bought a house before having children,but seems of late getting married is a lost art,now young family's are living with grandparents,and they never get over the dad rules the house doesn't seem to bother them,the grandparents end up raising the grandkid,when the grandparent dies or becomes bed ridden,all of a sudden parents can't control their child,because both lived under same circumstances,I stay out of my kids life,I understand my role as a grandparent,parents have to know their child,I raised 4 kids by myself,I love my kids but I want my kids to make a life of their own