My Neighbor is Crazy or I Hate Cops

So, my neighbor is an ex marine who insists that everyone call him "Colonel". Ok. A little weird but fine. So he's eccentric. He's in his 70's done his service to his country. Fine.

He's also an Assistant Deputy Sheriff (volunteer), in the community. Now, he's called the house before to tell me that he is an Assistant Deputy Sheriff (and yes that should be said in the Big Voice. With an echo) and that my horses were out and someone was going to report it unless I went to go get them.

To which I tried to respond that No. My horses weren't out. I was standing in my kitchen looking at them. This took a while because he kept talking over me. I finally said "LIsten. I'm looking right at them. I see all four of them. You can come and do a head count if you want". To which he then responds that they must have been out. And I'm like "What? They went to sight see and let themselves back in and closed the gate?" I pressed for a description and there were two horses and only one of them even remotely resembled one of mine, except mine is a curly with no mane or tail. It kind of stands out. Whatever.

So, today when he calls I am reluctant to talk to him and I just have my husband pick up. The Colonel insists on talking to me.

Oh dear.

He leads with "I'm an Assistant Deputy Sheriff" *sigh* "and Teresa (not her real name) saw you go sliding behind the school bus in your truck down the hill on (such and such) road. Now, I'm absolutely baffled here. I literally had no idea what he was talking about, or who Teresa was for that matter, because my husband had blown a tire on his car and he had been driving my truck. I had literally not driven or even left the house for days.

I tried to explain this. He just talked over me and insisted that Teresa saw me and was probably going to file a report. I tried three different times to explain that there was no way that anyone saw me drive anything today because I wasn't driving and he just wasn't having it. Finally I pretty much shouted "Mr. F! I haven't driven for a while. You need to talk to my husband. He was driving that truck!" and handed the phone to my husband.

*edited to add* Teresa is apparently the name of the school bus driver and my husband did turn behind the bus while it was stopped. It was a legal turn and he turned up the hill. No one slid down it. A kid had gotten hit by a car leaving the bus earlier this week and everyone is super jumpy.

Seriously. Teresa has almost run me into the ditch more than once carelessly careening that yellow chunk of metal they optimistically refer to as a school bus down the road. That's why I pick my daughter up from school, because the woman drives like a maniac. I give precisely two #s about what "Teresa saw". She can't see me when I am on the road, and does see me when I'm not.

I called Mr. Assistant Deputy Sheriff back and told him that he was out of line and trying to intimidate me. He responded with "I'm sorry. I guess I just won't try to help anymore".

For real?! Of all the bitchy, passive aggressive, loaded responses. Who does he think he is? My mother-in-law?!

At any rate. I'm about to get a lawyer. This guy is pissin' me right off.

I vote for crazy! Not all cops are pushy, self-important ego maniacs! OR.... he may have a crush on you and makes things up to call you and talk to you(since he wouldn't speak to your husband!) Never know with men!

Good thoughts!

I`m sorry that you have a senile old neighbor, I`ve been there.

a few years ago my neighbor went senile,she was a nice old lady until then. then one day when my wife was out in the garden she comes over and starts yelling about how we had the radio on so loud all night, well we don`t even own a radio or a stereo. fortunately her sister lives on the other side of us and when she complained to her sister about the loud radio being on all night her sister told her , I didn`t hear anything,those people are the nicest people they never make any noise. a few weeks after that they put her in a home ,she obviously went senile.old senile neighbors are the worst beause they don`t mean any harm but they believe all their senile delusions.

my favorite response when I know I have done nothing wrong or illegal is to say, well arrest me or sue me and we`ll let the judge decide,, but I`m done talking to you.

We have a neighbor a half-mile up the road that we call "pyro". He used to be a state game warden.

2 years ago, at the tail end of a really bad fire season here (inland northwest), he decided to burn off a few "slash-piles"... he set half of the hillside on fire, and almost roasted his horses. The fire department spent HOURS up there putting the fire out.

This past January, his house burned down... we found out later that his chimney wasn't up to code, and hadn't been cleaned in several years. The only thing left, was the foundation.

No charges were filed in either instance... connections.

The house is almost rebuilt... we are hoping that we get a lot of rain, before he moves back in...

a reply to: Tardacus

Except that he is actually an Assistant Deputy Sheriff. For real.

a reply to: redhorse

so, tell him " I`m done talking to you, if I did something illegal arrest me and we`ll let the judge decide"

you have nothing to gain by talking to the police, they aren`t trying to collect evidence to prove that you`re innocent they are trying to collect evidence to prove that you are guilty.you have no legal obligation to help them collect evidence to prove you are guilty even if you did commit a crime and you certainly have no obligation to help them frame you for a crime you didn`t commit.so, whether innocent or guilty you have nothing to gain by talking to the police.

if he had any evidence that you did something illegal he would have arrested you by now and wouldn`t be calling to try and collect more evidence.

Before things go any further, I would contact the Sheriff and meet with him in person to discuss the harassment from your neighbor. More than likely he is bullying others. He may have the beginnings of alzheimers and needs someone he respects to talk to him.

Unfortunately, he is your neighbor. Have you thought about inviting him over for dessert or taking him a basket with an opportunity to sit and talk without letting him getting you upset?

Sometimes, that's all it takes. Small gestures. The hardest part is for you to make the first move after his aggressiveness. You have to be real chill and ask him alot about himself, these types love to tell war stores-indulge him. he just might become your best friend-you never know til you try-he wants to be the alpha dog so let him know you'll let him and he may lay off you.

a reply to: Justso


agreed, the dude is senile with a badge,he`s trying to use his badge to enforce his senile delusions.obviously he`s too old and senile to carry a badge or a gun.

originally posted by: Justso
Before things go any further, I would contact the Sheriff and meet with him in person to discuss the harassment from your neighbor. More than likely he is bullying others. He may have the beginnings of alzheimers and needs someone he respects to talk to him.

Unfortunately, he is your neighbor. Have you thought about inviting him over for dessert or taking him a basket with an opportunity to sit and talk without letting him getting you upset?

Sometimes, that's all it takes. Small gestures. The hardest part is for you to make the first move after his aggressiveness. You have to be real chill and ask him alot about himself, these types love to tell war stores-indulge him. he just might become your best friend-you never know til you try-he wants to be the alpha dog so let him know you'll let him and he may lay off you.

I totally agree. If the man is known as "Colonel", then he probably is held in high regard by local law enforcement. If you have evidence to present to the Sheriff, my advice is this. Don't present the evidence to condemn the man. Present the evidence to get him the help that he most likely needs.

a reply to: Lolliek

Well he is not even a cop, he is a volunteer. I vote for the old guy is possibly starting to exhibit dementia/Alzheimers. Having been a caregiver for someone with that for a few years (before getting her put into a care facility... which killed me, I had said I'd never do that, when she was lucid). Personality changes are extreme.

a reply to: redhorse

Take a loaded '45, discharge a shot harmlessly into the air, then aim at his head, holding the gun with both hands.

Then, in a small, barely audible voice, say, "I'm feeling very fragile right now."

a reply to: redhorse

Just go talk to the sheriff and let him deal with it. Make sure you make a report, and get a copy, so that if anything goes sideways you will be covered. then just let your lawyer handle it.

originally posted by: redhorse
So, my neighbor is an ex marine who insists that everyone call him "Colonel". Ok. A little weird but fine. So he's eccentric. He's in his 70's done his service to his country. Fine.

Yep. Old people--trying to hold on to what little shred of relevance they have left. I see it all the time. It must be frustrating being at that age where you're practically a living ghost vying for some kind of acknowledgment.

Just try to be respectful and have patience, and realize their behavior comes from a place of extreme insecurity and despair. It will one day be us trying to hold on..

originally posted by: CJCrawley
a reply to: redhorse

Take a loaded '45, discharge a shot harmlessly into the air, then aim at his head, holding the gun with both hands.

Then, in a small, barely audible voice, say, "I'm feeling very fragile right now."

I think the nature of this advice is so badly out of line that it should have not been written and posted in the first place. And i'm not the one who whines about others postings too often. I normally give a star or disagree or ignore but come on? That sort of action is illegal, and the receiver of the threat, the colonel dude, might as well have a fully loaded '45 in a holster somewhere hidden, armpit or the like... and while trying to prove a point by scaring him crapless, the colonel might take out the threat. A real shot in the head. And then it is all over and RIP. But yes, then the OP who just got shot probably wouldn't mind the senile craziness anymore, i give you that much.

a reply to: Finspiracy

Welcome to satire.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: Finspiracy

Welcome to satire.

I know satire already. I sense it. I'm not autistic or anything. But there is quality satire and bad satire. Nevertheless, thanks for the warm welcome.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: Finspiracy

Welcome to satire.

That guy is a crazy old fool.

I make people call me General.

The guy sounds like he is getting old and becoming eccentric like what happens to us all.

Worse things will happen to you in your life and you will long to be back in the years when all you had to deal with was the Colonel.

originally posted by: Finspiracy

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: Finspiracy

Welcome to satire.

I know satire already. I sense it. I'm not autistic or anything. But there is quality satire and bad satire. Nevertheless, thanks for the warm welcome.

I think somebody has the wrong idea about 'satire'....

a reply to: redhorse

Have your lawyer send a letter but start it...................To the party of Corporal (insert name).