I am so NOT thankful of my hardships.

I think we would all do better if we could learn how to discern what to be thankful about and what not to be thankful about.

I think it's not a sin to not be thankful for certain things.

On the contrary I think it's appropriate, healthy, and righteous to be unappreciative of certain situations. And I think I've been triggered by all of the "I'm so thankful of all the hardships because if it wasn't for them then I wouldn't be the beautiful strong person that I am today" meme's floating around, lol.

And I know that a lot of those people are probably talking about getting a college degree, parenting, the creative process, dieting and exercise, being challenged by naysayers and debbie downers, and etc. And those are all hard things sometimes but they are not what I am referring to at this point in time, so please just put it out of your minds. Because I have actually had people urge me to be thankful for childhood abuse... and people are actually feigning appreciation for their own twisted abuses. Like how they are so thankful that they suffered a drug addiction but now they've recovered and omg now they're a fugging hero. Or how they were so abused by their fathers but now they won't recycle the abuse because instead they are thanking the abuse for molding them into the beautiful strong people they are today. And now we have another fugging hero.

And for one, I'd rather live in a place that doesn't fugging need hero's.

And secondly, I love my friends but I just have this one thing to say to all of that:

I WILL NEVER BE THANKFUL OF CHILD ABUSE. OR ADULT ABUSE. OR ANIMAL AND EARTH ABUSE. OR ANY ABUSE OF ANY FUGGING KIND.

Because to me, the word "abuse" itself connotes that we are talking about a thing that is basically unnecessary in regards to our survival. Like how drinking gasoline is unnecessary to our survival. So drinking gasoline would be an abuse to your body.

And I think it's time we all faced it: SOMETIMES BAD THINGS HAPPEN AND NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES OUT OF IT.

And sometimes it doesn't have to make sense because sometimes it won't always fit into the mold of your particular perception of reality. Like seriously, not everything has to be a blessing in fugging disguise.

But I understand how it might help make things easier to swallow... for you maybe. That's just not the case for me. Because personally, instead of performing the mental gymnastics of turning a horrific and abusive event into a beautiful butterfly to be celebrated, I choose to forgive everything. Forgiveness is the path that I have chosen and I don't have to create a labyrinth of mental gymnastics to make sense out of it. I simply have mercy... on myself and the world. For being imperfect. And that is how I cope with the unthankfulness of knowing that sometimes bad things happen and nothing good ever comes out of it. That, and I know that there is more to this life than whatever I think it is.

And just because I forgive? It doesn't mean I'll ever forget... or be thankful. In fact, you can't forgive something that you're truly thankful for, can you? Think about that for a fugging moment.

And just because I'm NOT thankful of certain hardships, it doesn't mean I'm never thankful. On the contrary! I'm thankful of so many things and honestly these things are probably the only reason why I'm alive today: being thankful of the appropriate things, and having mercy on myself and the world.

I know it's a recurring theme in my life... but it's come up again and this time I just want you all to know that I'm feeling much better. Much, much better.

a reply to: geezlouise

I think it's not a sin to not be thankful for certain things.

I don't believe in 'sin', but I do believe we need to come to terms and take responsibility for our own actions. In the end, I believe we are our own judges.

a reply to: geezlouise

Not sure of your age but the older I get, some of those past abuses provide me with a window into how I got here . Not saying I am thankful for them but that they caused me to make choices I probably would never have made .I am not saying that some of those choices I made were good and they probably lead me into more things I suffered . Its like how many times does a person need to get knocked down before they get it ....well I got it and it was only by looking back at my choices (bad ones) that were directly related to the abuse .

I suffer less now a days .:>)

a reply to: Metallicus

I can own all of my actions but still be unthankful of some of the poor choices I have made in the past. Which leaves room for forgiveness of myself and those poor decisions made.

So there's that.

a reply to: the2ofusr1

I'm glad you suffer less nowadays.

I hope I continue to feel better, myself. (I'm 34)

originally posted by: geezlouise
a reply to: Metallicus

I can own all of my actions but still be unthankful of some of the poor choices I have made in the past. Which leaves room for forgiveness of myself and those poor decisions made.

So there's that.

I don't know that there is any value in being regretful of our past choices. I think we do the best we can when and where we are at in our unfoldment. Ultimately, we need to grow from our mistakes and they are what define us as the better person (hopefully) we are now.

a reply to: Metallicus

I'm not sure that forgiveness and regret are related at all. In fact, if you forgive yourself... can you also regret? To me, the two don't go hand in hand. Regret might actually stem from un-forgiveness of self.

I have never thought about that before so thank you for your contribution, I really appreciate you.

originally posted by: Metallicus

I don't believe in 'sin', but I do believe we need to come to terms and take responsibility for our own actions. In the end, I believe we are our own judges.

The worst people in my life both personal and professional were all life lessons as to what I did not want to be, and so made me a better person in the end...

a reply to: Xtrozero

I understand that we can learn from other people's behavior for sure but at the same time, if you were truly thankful of something... wouldn't you in turn celebrate and respect it? So I think maybe people don't know what being thankful really is sometimes- because it's actually... possibly, just maybe, unthankfulness that prompts change. We are unthankful of certain behaviors, so we steer clear from emulating them.

Just something to chew on.

a reply to: geezlouise

We are unthankful of certain behaviors, so we steer clear from emulating them. Just something to chew on.

Made me think of my relationship with my dad and this tune ...

We all have to face what hardships are thrown at us! each in our own way. Ok here go's Adopted at 10 months to the best family anyone could wish for! Blessed Sexually abused by a neighbor boy for many years leading to drinking and drug abuse (self medicating) for many more years! survivor, yes! hero no went to tech school and worked all my life as a machinery mechanic and maintenance worker at a facility for developmentally disabled children! met my wife there and helped her raise her to boys ( my stepsons) She was type 1 diabetic and wore an insulin pump! she died in April from COPD in my arms! she became disabled in 2008 after 32 years looking after those children! I became disabled after 18 years working there my back being eaten by arthritis two surgeries also bipolar 2 and major depressive disorder much therapy and I'm still here alone with the cat! hell no in not thankful for it but forgiveness was a helpful thing and being bipolar I'm not exactly safe be myself! no hero me for surviving but I do feel blessed to have known my best friend and wife for over 25 years my experiences make what I am! my biggest bummer is I cant go back to work because of my back and at 55 years old I get social security! so I hope I'm not off topic but it is what it is and I don't want pity

originally posted by: geezlouise
a reply to: Metallicus

I can own all of my actions but still be unthankful of some of the poor choices I have made in the past. Which leaves room for forgiveness of myself and those poor decisions made.

So there's that.

But have you *learned* from those poor choices?

a reply to: geezlouise

Well done geezlouise

I'm not a fan of the turn the other cheek idea either. Nor should, ike you say; certain "hardship" be tolerated.

Well said, religion and the new age have a lot to answer for.

a reply to: geezlouise

I absolutely can relate. Yes, there are some hardships I am thankful for because they had a happy ending. But what about the ones that don't? The ones that prevented you from taking critical steps in achieving goals and being a functional human?

There were some hardships in my life that permeated my personality and made me weaker as a person, not stronger. But even if it did make me stronger, I'd prefer the experiences of those "weak" people who had healthy childhoods, were supported through college, and now have great careers. Because those are the types who will tell you that your hardships made you strong. They'll tell you this while they are in Prague, "getting to know themselves".

But I am thankful in the sense it has made me empathetic to the needs of others. And to be honest, I love my life right now and I can't be 100% sure it would be like this had things gone better for me in the past.

a reply to: TimHeller

I hope things get better for you. I don't pity, but I am sorry about what life as thrown at you... I am sorry, and unthankful for it. I am glad however that you have experienced love, and good things... because so much of life is beautiful and worth it (just not all of it).

Thank you !

a reply to: geezlouise

a reply to: Teikiatsu

Like I said above, learning from someone else's behavior can sometimes stem from unthankfulness.

Sometimes we are "inspired" to do better when we really respect someone's talents and gifts, but more often than not... I suspect that being faced with someone's talents and gifts actually makes us feel worse about ourselves. Still, I think we can be prompted to change via the good deeds and talents of others through thankfulness just as much as we can be prompted to change via the bad deeds of others through unthankfulness.

Maybe?

a reply to: Whatsthisthen

YES. It's a stockholm syndrome thing really too. Loving your own abuse...

a reply to: Abysha

LOL.

I LOVE YOU FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT.

Though we still differ... because if I could change things in my past then I would.

If I could go back and do things differently, I would in a heartbeat. And I would gladly become a different person than whatever I am today. But I know I go against the current with that one, too.

a reply to: geezlouise

There is strength in forgiveness...power in thankfulness...and fortitude in lessons leaned and accepted. To learn and gain from something...is to build character and knowledge.

The 4 together....especially gained through adversity...builds the person and makes one who they are.

Good for you....Best!


MS

So I am going to assume someone has been thinking on the bible and christianity
That's ok but

The bible isn't a book written for non christians, you don't follow or understand it.
Don't be happy, don't feel obligated to live a christian life, live waht the bible teaches, don't be trying Christian life as a non christian. It's not rules for you
It's rules for those who choose to understand it and live it. No Christians should be twisting your arm to be happy in all situations

No one is saying you should forgive and forget, that's not biblical
See, you think the bible says something it doesnt, you understand but you don't

I am thankful for some pretty hard things, it's made me more caring and compassionate for others
The whole idea of suffering is to teach, the sermon on the mount is all about suffering, it doesnt teach christians we should skip and sing through suffering, accept it and grow rather than always being defeated by it

If christians choose to be thankful in all situations, it's because we have a promise of better things ahead, we dwell in that promise from Jesus.