My ex just killed himself...

Sad but they are at peace now. No more mental pain or suffering. Take this perspective, remember the positive things and move on with your life. Do not dwell in the well of the past less you forsake the future!

Tomorrows another day enjoy the sunshine.

Best

Send PM if you need an S.

a reply to: stosh64

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, as I'm really appreciating all the differing perspectives..and likewise the condolences. It's actually a fraction of what I feel...sadness..confusion..and anger at him. I can't tell if this is okay to feel..

a reply to: Charlyboy

I am so extremely sorry for you having to go through such hardships. For so many people, life seems to keep itself together..but it's truly crazy how quickly it can all come tumbling down around your ears. I, again, am sorry to hear of all your struggles. But it really does mean a lot to me that you shared your experience...as like I said before...it helps me feel a connection that I strongly need right now.

Thank you.

a reply to: eXia7

Thank you for sharing your opinion. It's hard for me to fully see him outside of this wonderful person I had initially fallen in love with. I now find myself suddenly harking back, wondering if there had been signs when we were together that he was struggling..or if it was something new in his life..

Again..thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

a reply to: intrptr

I see multiple people telling me this. I still see a lot of logic in this situation..even after being up all night. I see him as this type of person...and while part of me is still trying to fully comprehend that he's no longer alive..the other part of me feels regretful anger..and I blame him for making me feel like this..and for making his family and his fiance feel this too...

a reply to: butcherguy

Thank you...I feel like this is the most logical way to think, but my head and my heart can't tell up from down right now, it's maddening. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and give me the encouragement..I'm extremely appreciative and never expected so many people to respond. It really is helping...and I will take the idea of speaking to a counselor as an option.

Thank you.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

It is a lot of guilt. Guilt for not answering, guilt for having to be that person his fiance will know as the last person he tried to reach out to, and the guilt of not being able to give his family any answers. I keep trying to tell myself this, as I keep trying to sober up and remain logical because my emotions are driving me up a wall.

Thank you for taking the time to respond like that. Your words mean a lot to me.

a reply to: Sapphire

Thank you. I sincerely appreciate that,

a reply to: ReyaPhemhurth

the other part of me feels regretful anger..and I blame him for making me feel like this..

He's playing on your feelings even from the grave. Its okay to let that go, you had nothing to do with it. From when you first realized he was cheating to the final curtain.

That was all his doing, not yours. I commend you for being a real person wth real notions of commitment and loyalty. You 'feel' the sorrow and loss, thats totally human, .

Never lose that, don't let him get to you and pull you from your center of reason into anger or resentment.

Stay you, let him go.

I know, easier said than done. It will take time...

I am so sorry you are going through this. There's nothing you could do if he wanted to die. You are not a part of his decision and don't let his family or friends drag you into their guilt and despair; as sad as it all is.

You are alive, motivated and preparing for a wonderful future. You made the right decisions; he didn't and there's nothing you could or can do. It was all him. We can't help who we love and the heart wants what the heart wants so I know this hurts, really badly but you are a smart, determined, intelligent woman. You will grieve then just get on with your life; sounds like you are doing fine - you'll be back on track soon. Just take care of yourself-his decision had nothing to do with you.

Sending good thoughts your way. You'll be fine-you will.

First, you must know that you are in no way responsible for this tragedy. This is all on him.

Second, my opinion is that you have every right to attend the service if you want to. If his mother wants you there, and you want to be there, then you should go. The fiance will just have to get over it the way you had to get over her participation in his betrayal of your relationship.

Just as a side note, I have zero tolerance for cheaters. There is no justification for it. Ever. You did the right thing by refusing to take him back. He probably wasn't ever a happy person, and would most likely always be looking for something better than what he had.

Hang in there Reya. You are a good person, and you didn't deserve what happened to you. Go to the service, say your goodbyes, then move on with your life. It sounds like you have a great future ahead of you. Embrace it!

Well if he called 10 times a year, say roughly once a month, and then out of nowhere, starts blowing up your phone, maybe that was a hint? Sorry for the loss.

You shouldn't feel bad at all,he had emotional problems and couldn't be honest with himself much less another person,he was weak of character,and weaker by trying to bring his doom on you,some people are self destructive no help

a reply to: openyourmind1262

I am at work, not late. I mentioned that in my post above. I understand where you're coming from..and as I mentioned I have virtually no connections where I am. So, in this mixture of sadness and guilt, I'm reaching out in a desperate measure to talk about it with someone or anyone. So, it's not that I'm late. There's no coincidences involved. Just a mixture of guilt and sadness and the feeling of going crazy in a way my normally logical mind is trying to cope with.

a reply to: ReyaPhemhurth

It might help you understand that people who are suicidal often blame others for their actions as a general rule. They want someone to pin their emotions on so they can justify their actions.

His desperate phone calls to you would have been overwhelmingly emotional, he would have tried to get you to 'rescue him', becoming dependent on you for his well being, "or else" he would kill himself and make that your fault. Don't let him succeed in that.

Its this weird sort of disposition this kind of person has, displaced identity, using others for their emotional state. That is also how some others go on killing sprees, blaming others for their 'plight' and another phenomenon, murder-suicides happen.

a reply to: intrptr

Thank you so much.

a reply to: kaylaluv

Thank you, Kayla, for responding. I really really appreciate the advice. I rally truly want to go, as I feel the pull to do so. But like I said, I know what she may be feeling as his fiance. I would hate to make the grieving process harder for anyone...even if she played that role in our relationship earlier on. I keep thinking I will go, when they do decide to set a date.

The hard part I know will be trying to not let her obvious anger and hurt have an effect on what I'm doing.

Thank you for the sound advice...again I truly do appreciate it.

a reply to: iTruthSeeker

It was pretty much out of nowhere...had I thought this time was any different I maybe would have picked up. Part of this guilt I feel is from after having let the call go to voicemail, I made the choice to silence my phone and not look at it until I got home and by that time it was too late.

a reply to: intrptr

This is truth.

My ex and I met in high school, so by the time college came around, we had years of history under our belts.

He was in my room telling me that if I didn't go back with him, he didn't know what he'd do. He'd just have to kill himself. At the time, I couldn't think of anything else other than to get him go home and I went with him. I put myself in danger to do it because if he'd been serious, he could have driven us into an embankment or something. But his parents took him from there.

But is was all about me and how I wasn't me and my fault, etc., all the way home.

Wow that's rough I'm sorry. It sucks when things are complicated like that, obviously someone you cared about at least on some level ya know even if it was just friends- and you tried to be there for him and lead him back home. I'm sorry his fiance doesn't want you there, but i'm not surprised. It's kind of evil to keep someone from someone elses funeral but it happens a lot, what can you really do, everyone grieves differently ya know?

I'm soooo sorry- Please take this virtual hug and know that no matter what anyone thinks, it was not your fault in any way shape or form.

I've been there. Many times. We make that choice of our own accord and it cannot be placed on someone elses shoulders and it shouldn't.

-Alee