It has happened. The unthinkable. The nightmare has begun.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Hope it goes well for you! In the meantime, check out this crazy cheese board I had last night..

Get divorced.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: AkontaDarkpaw

The shrew wants me to eat lean meats, more vegetables.

she wants me to starve away on a 2,000 calorie/day diet.

I now know how those on the Bataan Death March felt.

I am on a 1,500 a day diet...consider yourself lucky! I miss cookies and donuts!

originally posted by: underwerks
Hope it goes well for you! In the meantime, check out this crazy cheese board I had last night..

See that delicious bread basket? See that thing that's wrapped around the delicious bread in the basket? I believe it's called a napkin. See the stuff above the napkin? That's air.

DB can eat that.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Air is extra.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Bah! Let's hope she puts you on a variety of fruits and vegetables.

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
Let's hope she puts you on a variety of fruits and vegetables.

Why would she put him on fruits or vegetables? He would squash the hell out of them. Hell, his easy chair whimpers when he comes near it.

a reply to: DBCowboy
Diets, pah, they're just passing fads. The best way to lose weight is to exercise and the best exercise is SEX, sex, sex and more sex. See how she likes that.
Take it from me it's true because I have got a white coat and am probably a doctor.

a reply to: DBCowboy

I can assume that your wife will be making those sammies for you?
I will also assume your sammies will be tofu, rice and veggies washed
down with water/lemon and fruit for dessert.

a reply to: LookingForABetterLife

Trust me when I say that DB will pick the lock!

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: whywhynot

I allowed my wife to learn how to read and she actually goes online by herself.


Damn me for being such a liberal!

It could be worse...my husband had me taught how to drive and shoot a gun.
Now he complains about my side-seat driving but he's a better shot than I am.

originally posted by: rexsblues
I suggest buying your junkfood in both secrecy and in bulk DB. Find some loose floorboards or punch a hole in the drywall behind a painting, you gotta think like you're back in highschool and your mom's after your stash of grass.

Good ideas but she will find them!

originally posted by: CulturalResilience
Get divorced.

I can't. She'll just hunt me down and shoot me.

Probably use a harpoon.

originally posted by: crayzeed

Take it from me it's true because I have got a white coat and am probably a doctor.

I want you to prescribe whiskey and pastrami.

STAT!

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Vodka is made from potatoes and sometimes I put a lime in it.

Fruits and veg are covered!

Ha OP, you'll thank her for it down the road. I don't know you weight or medical history but greens and protein is the way to go. I too started a diet about a week ago. Well not necessarily a diet but more of a watch what you eat and the results will come. I seem to like that better than diet.

I'm not what people would say overweight but I need to lose 20 lbs. My first focus was improving what I eat for breakfast. I was eating almost on a daily basis a package of powder donuts with a 20oz MT Dew. Mmmmmm, tasty....but bad, lol.

I bought a blender and started making smoothies for breakfast. A simple mixture of Strawberrys, banana, yogurt, milk and maybe some protein and you got yourself a tasty low calorie meal. I have found that it gives me the same energy as the Dew. I'm saving about 400-500 calories on breakfast alone.

Anyways, good luck. It can suck to eat healthy at times.

a reply to: Bigburgh

That was very mean.But it did make me chuckle.

DBC, the answer to your problem is obvious. For $299.99 I will coach you through this.

















Oh alright, I'll tell. For free.

No matter what AM says - it's not cheese pizza.

It's a ketogenic or paleo diet. They're not the same. Both satisfying though. I recommend keto in the short term and paleo long term, for maintenance. Also intermittent fasting. Your welcome.

a reply to: kosmicjack

That, I will look into.

My lifestyle is not exactly appropriate for a diet.

Today, a host for a conference took some of out for lunch.

In Atlanta there is a place called "Ted's Montana Grill".

In the heart of Ted Turner country, I did ask the waitress if the was named after Ted Nugent.













I was told to leave.

a reply to: DBCowboy



Look, you can't BS a BSer. As an ATLien, I know full well most restaurants around here have healthy options.

Oh - I'm gonna be your worst nightmare. Well, except for your wife.