It has happened. The unthinkable. The nightmare has begun.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

It was just "a Crane".

It was Bob Crane.

He always had a way to calm me down.

I always thought it was so cute how he'd call you his little "Sgt. Shultzie" as he fed you strudel and dumplings.

I'm on an iteresting diet tonight.
I worked my ass off all day and was to tired to go to the grocery store.
Had to make do with what I had.
Sardines and crackers. Cheddar cheese.
Smoked and salted trout.
Olives and pickled okra.
And can of beanie wienies.
Washed down with cheap malt liquor.
I am locked and loaded.
There will be farts.

It's been nearly a month.

A month of anguish and pain and torture.

A month of unimaginable suffering.

I know the true face of starvation now. I have live it.

I have wasted away. I am a frail ghost of what I once was. I am only a shadow of the man I used to be.


Yes.

I have lost 10 pounds.

Ten pounds of what was once me, is now gone. Forever.

The trial and torture continues.

The wife is happy. She is a sadist and is encourage enough to continue this hell I face every day.

I am a captive of my heart.

Later I may eat it.

So looking forward to the salad tonight. Rumors around the house is that she might add bleu cheese crumbles to it.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
I know the true face of starvation now.

I hear a camera crew is going to show up and film your harrowing tribulations while some sympathetic narrator asks us all for donations to help feed you. Maybe we can have Sarah McLachlan playing in the background to make it extra tear-jerky.

And before you ask, no, tear-jerky is not like beef jerky, you cannot eat it.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Start a GoFeedMe

a reply to: DBCowboy

Well it's happening. I am gaining what you are losing.

Did you hex me to steal my wardrobe?

originally posted by: zazzafrazz
Well it's happening. I am gaining what you are losing.

#plussizedhotties

originally posted by: DBCowboy
Start a GoFeedMe

The requirements would dwarf the national debt.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I don't mind me curvy, I mind that DB is trying to get at my skinny jeans.

originally posted by: zazzafrazz
a reply to: DBCowboy

Well it's happening. I am gaining what you are losing.

Did you hex me to steal my wardrobe?

Yes. I did hex you.

It's called the Quantum Diet.

I'm actually giving you my thighs.

originally posted by: zazzafrazz
I don't mind me curvy...

That makes two of us.

...I mind that DB is trying to get at my skinny jeans.

The words 'DB' and 'skinny jeans' are so oxymoronic that only something like 'temporary tax' can rival it.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I think there is a brand being birthed.....

"DB Skinny Jeans.

When your muffin top makes your arse look small"

originally posted by: zazzafrazz
a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I don't mind me curvy, I mind that DB is trying to get at my skinny jeans.

Imagine trying to fit a hard-boiled egg into a drinking straw and you'll know what it's like for me and "skinny jeans'.

originally posted by: zazzafrazz
a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I think there is a brand being birthed.....

"DB Skinny Jeans.

When your muffin top makes your arse look small"

Muffin top.

pfft.

I have a whole damned bakery!

originally posted by: zazzafrazz
I think there is a brand being birthed.....

I just had a horrifying image of DB's mom in labor and nearly fainted.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I was born at a very young age, so I can't comment on my labor.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
I was born at a very young age, so I can't comment on my labor.

That type of child labor really should be illegal.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Congrats on the loss!!!

I'm like Zazz over there. I gained some extra love handles and butt this past year. But I'm digging my extra jiggly thighs.

originally posted by: geezlouise
I'm like Zazz over there. I gained some extra love handles and butt this past year. But I'm digging my extra jiggly thighs.

I'll get you and Zazz in the hot tub, we'll only need a glass of water to fill it up.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

LOL.

Yeah cause we're such whales, all boobs and butts and zero thigh gap. You'd nearly disappear in our extra rolls of fat.