I'm getting married in less than a month but I think I have just met my soul mate.

originally posted by: xsocomx
Thanks everyone. I slept on this entire situation and I would be an idiot to pursue this other relationship.
I'm confident now this is just wedding jitters.
I will not be calling off the wedding. And I will continue to love and cherish my partner of 8 years.
It's natural to have these thoughts of the grass is greener.
I will distance myself from this person and reinforce the fact that I do not want anything other than a friendship from her. I will not have any part of breaking up her family.

ATS you have talked a lot of sense into me.

You've made a wise choice.

Are we all invited to the wedding? (Maybe not, now that we all know about little Miss Googly-Eyes.)

originally posted by: xsocomx
Thanks everyone. I slept on this entire situation and I would be an idiot to pursue this other relationship.
I'm confident now this is just wedding jitters.
I will not be calling off the wedding. And I will continue to love and cherish my partner of 8 years.
It's natural to have these thoughts of the grass is greener.
I will distance myself from this person and reinforce the fact that I do not want anything other than a friendship from her. I will not have any part of breaking up her family.

ATS you have talked a lot of sense into me.

Good man...

Don't think temptation stops at marriage.

I never cheated, not because how it would make my wife feel.

I never cheated because of how it would make me feel.

originally posted by: xsocomx
Thanks everyone. I slept on this entire situation and I would be an idiot to pursue this other relationship.
I'm confident now this is just wedding jitters.
I will not be calling off the wedding. And I will continue to love and cherish my partner of 8 years.
It's natural to have these thoughts of the grass is greener.
I will distance myself from this person and reinforce the fact that I do not want anything other than a friendship from her. I will not have any part of breaking up her family.

ATS you have talked a lot of sense into me.

Well, it took quite a while but I finally finished reading this entire thread. Let me give you something to chew on for a bit before you say your I Dos and make your relationship permanent:

If my husband had any misgivings about marrying me I honestly would have preferred that he had postponed the wedding until he really put his whole heart and mind into being absolutely sure of his feelings than to just brush them aside and label them "jitters". As a woman I wanted a man who was absolutely sure of his love and commitment to me. Anything less would not be enough.

I read statements that you made like "relatively happy" and "dependent" in reference to your fiance and "soulmate" in reference to this other woman. These are huge red flags! Now all of a sudden you're ready to say your vows? This is one of the most important decisions of your life so you'd best think long and hard before you make things permanent!

a reply to: mkultra11

I tend to agree, although I also think OP has gotten a case of cold feet/pre-wedding jitters. Most people fear any form of change.

Even if you the fiancee is someone he has been with a long time, maybe the unconscious brain is panicking about change and looking for a way out. Most of the time when someone uses the term 'soul mate', they are projecting a fantasy person onto a stranger.

Glad to see OP has come around. Relationships are about reality, not fantasy and if you've lasted 8 years with someone already, they're good for the long haul.

Entertaining myriad 'what ifs' is normal. But relationships are not just abut 'soul mates' or some dubious connection, but about stability and having someone who'll still be willing to have sex with you when you're fat and old

take a good long look at your circumstances today. your home your girl your job your dog your car....imagine it all gone.

then live with that feeling (all there or all gone - whichever you prefer)

or at least live with you peaceably
a reply to: Annagramma

Hope you can put all this behind you and live happily ever after!

a reply to: Sheye

This makes no sense to me... stirring the pot with deep confessions will break the trust..

Having feelings does not break any trust. Acting on those feelings does break trust. Would you rather someone be honest and upfront with you? Or would you rather live a lie?

originally posted by: 3daysgone
a reply to: Sheye

This makes no sense to me... stirring the pot with deep confessions will break the trust..

Having feelings does not break any trust. Acting on those feelings does break trust. Would you rather someone be honest and upfront with you? Or would you rather live a lie?

If a significant other of mine confessed he was deeply attracted to someone to the point of having entertained an affair , I would almost feel like he's been unfaithful already... just as I'm sure he'd feel the same way if I , out of the blue, confessed my deep attraction for another man.

a reply to: Sheye

If a significant other of mine confessed he was deeply attracted to someone to the point of having entertained an affair , I would almost feel like he's been unfaithful already... just as I'm sure he'd feel the same way if I , out of the blue, confessed my deep attraction for another man.

Almost feel? So you would want your mate to not be upfront and honest with you about their feelings? I would want to know how my mate feels whether I view it as good or bad, I would at least have a choice in the matter. It might hurt, but sometimes the truth does hurt.

originally posted by: 3daysgone
a reply to: Sheye

If a significant other of mine confessed he was deeply attracted to someone to the point of having entertained an affair , I would almost feel like he's been unfaithful already... just as I'm sure he'd feel the same way if I , out of the blue, confessed my deep attraction for another man.

Almost feel? So you would want your mate to not be upfront and honest with you about their feelings? I would want to know how my mate feels whether I view it as good or bad, I would at least have a choice in the matter. It might hurt, but sometimes the truth does hurt.

To be honest I think I could tell if my mate was seriously attracted to someone else ... especially if you are around both of them when the tells show.

I guess it would be the best to have an honest , open discussion about it as opposed to it festering inside.
Honesty is the best policy after all is said and done .. so I stand corrected.

But in the OP's case he may just blow an expensive wedding , to the cost of the brides family perhaps... while she decides if she wants to move ahead.

The OP said he was sticking with his plans for the wedding... why rock the boat now ?

a reply to: Sheye

The OP said he was sticking with his plans for the wedding... why rock the boat now ?

I missed that part.

do something now
it's better than having that nagging doubt for the rest of your life

originally posted by: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

originally posted by: xsocomx
Thanks everyone. I slept on this entire situation and I would be an idiot to pursue this other relationship.
I'm confident now this is just wedding jitters.
I will not be calling off the wedding. And I will continue to love and cherish my partner of 8 years.
It's natural to have these thoughts of the grass is greener.
I will distance myself from this person and reinforce the fact that I do not want anything other than a friendship from her. I will not have any part of breaking up her family.

ATS you have talked a lot of sense into me.

Well, it took quite a while but I finally finished reading this entire thread. Let me give you something to chew on for a bit before you say your I Dos and make your relationship permanent:

If my husband had any misgivings about marrying me I honestly would have preferred that he had postponed the wedding until he really put his whole heart and mind into being absolutely sure of his feelings than to just brush them aside and label them "jitters". As a woman I wanted a man who was absolutely sure of his love and commitment to me. Anything less would not be enough.

I read statements that you made like "relatively happy" and "dependent" in reference to your fiance and "soulmate" in reference to this other woman. These are huge red flags! Now all of a sudden you're ready to say your vows? This is one of the most important decisions of your life so you'd best think long and hard before you make things permanent!

This, a million times this. A star for you.

originally posted by: Starcrossd
Your'e truly being tested.. why else would this woman show up just weeks before your WEDDING?
I feel terrible for your fiance'..but understand your torment. Good luck, I bet it's mostly just jitters.. but, I hope you sort it out.

Got to agree here. This is a test of your love. Here is something that "SEEMS" better but only knowing her 3 weeks well by damn we are soulmates...What does that tell you? Hmmm I kinda think you are not ready to be married not that you found "The ONE"

As soon as you leave your mate of 8 years for this woman who says in another year or 8 you will not do the same to this woman?

Also right now she is putting out a vibe or whatever you want to call it of undefined lust because she is completely unhappy in her marriage...again she leaves him for you who is to say she will not do the same to you?

There are enough red flags to make yourself a communist! But you know you will do what you want don't you? If its any consultation I never follow affairs of the heart advice either though...

a reply to: xsocomx

Oh boy.

This is a tough one. But here's the thing: no one can tell you what to do and I mean NO ONE. This is your choice and you must live with the choices you make. You've got to be an adult here and take responsibility for yourself.

Here are a few things to toss around:

1) if you were my fiancé and you wrote this about me on a website---or were considering leaving me because of a fleeting attraction---I'd say let me go. I deserve better than that.

2. You are not ready to get married. I get that---I wasn't either the first time around.

3. Marriage is a serious commitment. If a month before a wedding you are questioning yourself like this----that is your soul speaking to you. Listen to it.

4. Marriage is based on honesty. You have already failed at that. You're sneaking secret glances with a married woman. Who has a baby! Hello?!?!

Your fiancé deserves better. This is not just about you.

Now lock yourself in the closet and don't come out until you've faced facts and come up with some honest solutions to do what's best for everyone.

The world doesn't revolve around you.

a reply to: xsocomx

You leave her alone. It takes a special kind of scum to mess around with a married woman. Do yourself a favor here, and don't be that special kind of scum. Thoughts are one thing. Actions are another. You're not into your fiancé. OK, so leave her. You want to get over yourself and maintain this relationship? OK, marry her. Whatever you do, respect what marriage is.

a reply to: xsocomx

My heart is telling me to pursue. My brain is telling my to stop you have everything you need.

You are getting advise from people based on their personal life experience.....I won't give you any, but I will share with an ancient scripture from the old prophet Jeremiah.

"The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?

Ponder and meditate on that statement.

These are the best kind of women and the most fun. Be a man and bang her on the side. She may really be your soul mate. If not, just another notch.

So, remember to always pay cash when banging other chicks when you have a wife/gf or a prepaid visa.

You will know a world of hurt............