I'm getting married in less than a month but I think I have just met my soul mate.

Try seeing the husband respectfully- that is, how you would like to be treated. Treat the woman with respect as well, and realize, as others have stated, that when things change, we can rarely anticipate the results. I personally think you should stay in your relationship. You have not caused any damage, you've just done some reflecting that has begun to spill over into real life. I would say don't look into her eyes like you want her. Try to control yourself.
Also, imagine the happiness you would get from a lustful encounter that would eventually get stail- after all the woman is bored with her husband. Then continue imagining taking care of her son, imagine dealing with her ex husband, and finally imagine running into friends and family of your fiancé after you betray her for a lustful encounter- then you might as well continue to imagine becoming unsatisfied with the new fling, and imagine yourself looking into other relationships, always lusting for and flirting with other men's wives while ditching your own....
I am glad you asked before acting, I personally know about your question. I have wrecked things, and I have also made great things.
You will get to a place one day and be glad you thought this through, or you will regret deeply- and your regret will probably not be from a missed sexual encounter-
Our lives are short, and we don't do them over. When you screw up, there is no undoing it.

a reply to: xsocomx

You are still young-this is called lust. Surely you have felt it before. And you will feel it for the rest of your life every now and then.

Your fiance and you have something beyond lust-love and that is hard to find and keep and cherish and work at.

It comes down to maturity-are you ready for that commitment? If not, be honest. It will cause alot of hurt but better to do it now than years of pain to your wife.

This is truly a test of what you want. And if you know what love and commitment will mean in the future.

a reply to: randomtangentsrme

NO! That would be a disaster and ruin any trust levels between the two forever. This something this guy has got to figure out-alone/without hurting his fiance. Some things you definitely don't share.

a reply to: xsocomx

Just read your most recent post. If you don't really love your fiance there is no question-you probably should have ended this a long time ago.

But this new married crush is not the answer but it does tell you that you are still searching. Life is hard-and breaking up horrid-but if you don't see true adoring and enduring love with your fiance-break it now-but steer away from the unhappy girl. She comes with alot of baggage.

a reply to: whyamIhere

Gee, you sound like a swell guy and a a great father/husband example for your child. Just get a divorce and kill her misery.

DID YOU EVER THINK YOUR FIANCE IS FRIENDS WITH HER AND THIS IS A TEST TO SEE IF YOU WILL CHEAT OR NOT?? DONT BE STUPID. STICK WITH YOUR FIANCE AND DITCH THE ****ING CHICK THAT IS ****ING WITH YOUR HEAD.

Thanks everyone. I slept on this entire situation and I would be an idiot to pursue this other relationship.
I'm confident now this is just wedding jitters.
I will not be calling off the wedding. And I will continue to love and cherish my partner of 8 years.
It's natural to have these thoughts of the grass is greener.
I will distance myself from this person and reinforce the fact that I do not want anything other than a friendship from her. I will not have any part of breaking up her family.

ATS you have talked a lot of sense into me.

originally posted by: xsocomx
Thanks everyone. I slept on this entire situation and I would be an idiot to pursue this other relationship.
I'm confident now this is just wedding jitters.
I will not be calling off the wedding. And I will continue to love and cherish my partner of 8 years.
It's natural to have these thoughts of the grass is greener.
I will distance myself from this person and reinforce the fact that I do not want anything other than a friendship from her. I will not have any part of breaking up her family.

ATS you have talked a lot of sense into me.

Yay !!! 😁 Wish you all the best .

a reply to: xsocomx


So here it comes, and I will put it here as ugly as I just can:

She has a son, is married, and obviously looking for a pay-check from somewhere else. AND to make things worse, your main opinion builder seems to be your genitals.

So, its a trap, stay clear from it.


... oh, noticed, you'd decided on it already, and did not kill yourself with this distraction. Good choice. Thumbs up, and no worries.

a reply to: xsocomx

Wish you all the best. Please give us an update of the situation after the wedding date

Had the same situation 18 years ago, when I met my current wife, whom is my soulmate. Go for it dude. Would you rather have your soulmate, or be miserable for the next few years....if this is already in your head, no way the currently planned marriage will work.
a reply to: xsocomx

a reply to: xsocomx

'Temptation'.

It is a very hard thing to beat.

I think you should maybe take these few weeks to really think about what you want because once you're married, it will be a lot tougher.

A long time ago I was with a girl for 4 years, we were engaged but i met someone else who did something to me that the girl i was engaged to didn't. I don't mean sexually, i mean within me, so I took the decision to leave my girlfriend for her... unfortunately that relationship didn't work out but it was better to be truthful to my feelings and girlfriend then to see this other girl behind her back.

originally posted by: xsocomx
OK so here goes nothing...

I want to start by saying that I have been with my current girlfriend for about 8 years and have never cheated on her. We got engaged 2 years ago and are getting married next month. We have always been relatively happy together.

Going back about 3 weeks ago I met this girl. A friend of a friend. We have a lot in common and we get on very well together. It's almost like we are the same person. We seem to have a strong relationship seen as we have only know each other for a short time.

Here's where it gets complicated... She is Married and has a son. She isn't happy in her relationship. Her husband is a deadbeat.
We have both met each others spouses and have had a few film nights as the 4 of us.
All night we are pretty much looking into each others eyes from across the room.

We are going on a night out together this weekend with a bunch of people. And I'm worried I'm going to say something when we are drunk and ruin everything.

At night times I find myself longing for her. (not a sex thing). During the days I am counting down our next meeting.
I don't know for sure how she feels about me but if I don't say anything I may regret it for the rest of my life.

Do I:

A) Tell her how I feel and risk ruining our friendship.
B) Not say anything and risk regretting it forever. Remaining friends.

It could be wedding jitters but I have never felt this way in my life for someone before.
Please help me.. I'm going crazy!!!

I just finished going through almost your exact situation I made the mistake of telling the other girl. Do Not Do IT!!!! I just had one of the most hellish situations of my life for over a year. It's not worth it she's not your soul mate trust me. I almost ruined my life for her. I did a lot of things I wasn't proud of for her and spent over a year trying to help her get away from her ex and get her kid back but in the end she was just using me.

a reply to: Sheye

@ OP, I wish you the best too and you have just embraced one of the most important requirements of marriage.

Remember, we promised to “forsake all others and keep myself only unto you.” If we fail at “forsaking” we'll necessarily fail at “keeping.”.

Take it from the perspective of the girl who married the wishy washy guy, if nothing else.

I pursued my husband when we met, and we even broke up once because he wasn't "sure" about me.

I persisted, and eventually we married and had a child.

5 years ago, I caught him in several, not just one, but several sexting affairs. I just wasn't enough.

Turns out one of them was a ex high school girlfriend he never really "got over", and one was a woman he worked with.

I was actually told by one of them he felt 'trapped'. Girls who have been caught cheating with another woman's husband usually say things like that, but there is a ring of truth to it, because if he were happy, he would've never done it.

We got help, and we are still together, but it got ME thinking, what if there is something better. I met a guy I fell head over heals for. And it went absolutely nowhere. I couldn't even look at another man until he pulled all of this.

Be sure your fiance' is who you want. She may very well think you are the moon and stars, but if you have doubts, your situation could turn into mine. I still don't trust him, I still check his phone, and I still look, all because I figure if he does it again, I'm in the wind. We have a child and I don't want to put her though that. You can't make her happy if you are not all in, and YOU won't be happy if you aren't all in.

originally posted by: Justso
a reply to: randomtangentsrme

NO! That would be a disaster and ruin any trust levels between the two forever. This something this guy has got to figure out-alone/without hurting his fiance. Some things you definitely don't share.

I was in a similar situation with my now current wife, I spoke to her about it. Our relationship is stronger now because of it. Why would it hurt his fiance to let her know he finds other women attractive? It's how people are biologically wired.

ETA: He's realized it's wedding jitters, so at this point there is no reason to tell her.

Dude, sleep with her and get it out of your system, or better yet a 3 way.

Glad to hear🍺

a reply to: xsocomx

"After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting." - Mr. Spock

Revel in the chase. It's the capture that murders the feeling.

It's only chemistry and it doesn't last.

a reply to: xsocomx

Omg congrats!