I'm getting married in less than a month but I think I have just met my soul mate.

a reply to: InTheLight
I only made one assumption. As I looked down the list of the people who did say call it off, I already noticed two that I know of that are in fact from the generation behind us.
Your welcome to query the rest of them, but I am already certain the percentage of them over 45 is at or above 90.

young people tend to not get married anymore, so OP is a rare gem right now. I have about a dozen friends with families right now, only two are married, and one of them is getting separated.

I mean OP does not even have kids yet, so why tell him to abandon eight years and call off a wedding over normal jitters? Thats old school thinking thats why! I merely offered a different more modern perspective with my input. Hopefully it was not offensive, because I was being sincere.

Convert them to Mormonism and make it a 3 way.
Problem solved.

originally posted by: xsocomx
The human mind is complexed box.
I know right from wrong.
I know this is wrong.

So why does it feel like I'm being punched in the heart a thousand times?

In all honesty I don't even know if this other girl even sees me the same light.
I need to know this at the very least before I can move past this.

After eight years, I am surprised that you haven't cemented a firm base with her. Are you also co-dependent?

originally posted by: xsocomx
The human mind is complexed box.
I know right from wrong.
I know this is wrong.

So why does it feel like I'm being punched in the heart a thousand times?

In all honesty I don't even know if this other girl even sees me the same light.
I need to know this at the very least before I can move past this.

I know how you feel. Sometimes you just want to know, not that you'd act on it, but knowing for knowledge sake.

It could make you feel worlds better.

That being said, my experience in the past with women who get attracted to other womens men.. STAY AWAY

You said, "We are relatively happy together." and you said, "She's dependent on me." Why would you say "relatively"? That sounds like you're saying, "We're okay together, but not fabulous." Why would you say "she's dependent" unless that bothered you. It sounds like you're saying "She needs me, so I'll stay with her and support her." That doesn't sound like 'True Love' to me. It sounds like you've been complacent and settled for "OK."

Think of this other woman you're infatuated with as a catalyst, but not a solution. In other words, she has made you see your lack of contentment, but that doesn't mean you ought to pursue her at all. Please DO NOT interfere with her marriage or her marital problems. You say she has a son. That's who she will be loyal to, not you, and believe me when I say children from a previous marriage can be a serious issue in any relationship. That represents serious tension just waiting to happen. It will manifest eventually and blood is thicker than water.

originally posted by: Lucidparadox
a reply to: InTheLight


Oh and I say this from experience being a people pleaser.

Ive never cheated, although I have dated women I had virtually no interest in and didn't really like at all or wasnt attracted to solely because they asked me out and aggressively pursued me and I didn't know how to say no and let them down easy and not hurt their feelings. I wasted a total of 6 years with 2 separate women I never wanted a relationship with solely because I didnt want to hurt their feelings.

Its a difficult position to be in when youre the type of person that wants to make everyone happy.

You hit the nail hard on the head with this.

How do you know that the girl you are about to marry is not testing you with another women?
women do things of this nature to test men.

You could end up alone.

a reply to: xsocomx

Take a cold shower and remember why you love your soon to be wife.

This 'new' woman, the one with the similar likes as you, is not your soulmate!

You don't want to marry a mirror image of yourself-that is extremely boring. Instead - you want to experience life through different eyes via a person who completes you and is not like you.. Does this make sense?

originally posted by: Fisherr
How do you know that the girl you are about to marry is not testing you with another women?
women do things of this nature to test men.

You could end up alone.

I've got a good buddy or two that will help me weed out the whores. I return the favor. Broes before Hoes.

a reply to: schuyler

Thank you.

originally posted by: xsocomx

originally posted by: Lucidparadox
a reply to: InTheLight


Oh and I say this from experience being a people pleaser.

Ive never cheated, although I have dated women I had virtually no interest in and didn't really like at all or wasnt attracted to solely because they asked me out and aggressively pursued me and I didn't know how to say no and let them down easy and not hurt their feelings. I wasted a total of 6 years with 2 separate women I never wanted a relationship with solely because I didnt want to hurt their feelings.

Its a difficult position to be in when youre the type of person that wants to make everyone happy.

You hit the nail hard on the head with this.

How do you know when you are only listening to your side...what about her side? She may be trying to please you too.

originally posted by: worldstarcountry
a reply to: InTheLight
I only made one assumption. As I looked down the list of the people who did say call it off, I already noticed two that I know of that are in fact from the generation behind us.
Your welcome to query the rest of them, but I am already certain the percentage of them over 45 is at or above 90.

young people tend to not get married anymore, so OP is a rare gem right now. I have about a dozen friends with families right now, only two are married, and one of them is getting separated.

I mean OP does not even have kids yet, so why tell him to abandon eight years and call off a wedding over normal jitters? Thats old school thinking thats why! I merely offered a different more modern perspective with my input. Hopefully it was not offensive, because I was being sincere.

Wow, is 45 years old considered old?

originally posted by: mkultra11
Advice from a stranger:

She's looking for someone else bc she's unhappy with her relationship. So she's making herself available to you. She's knows you are engaged and is disrespecting your fiance. She's trouble and selfish. Stay away from her and stay with the girl that gave you 8 years and promising forever. Unless you don't love her anymore.

This bears repeating.

No real relationship can be had without a foundation of respect and honesty.

Neither of which seem to be things she's concerned with.

Don't let yourself be dragged down to that level.

a reply to: InTheLight

did I not say, older generation?? As in the generation that is older than OP and myself? Yes, actually that is exactly what I said. If I were 44 and you were 45, you would be older right?
A 15 year difference is pretty much one generation in the modern era.

originally posted by: InTheLight

originally posted by: worldstarcountry
a reply to: InTheLight
I only made one assumption. As I looked down the list of the people who did say call it off, I already noticed two that I know of that are in fact from the generation behind us.
Your welcome to query the rest of them, but I am already certain the percentage of them over 45 is at or above 90.

young people tend to not get married anymore, so OP is a rare gem right now. I have about a dozen friends with families right now, only two are married, and one of them is getting separated.

I mean OP does not even have kids yet, so why tell him to abandon eight years and call off a wedding over normal jitters? Thats old school thinking thats why! I merely offered a different more modern perspective with my input. Hopefully it was not offensive, because I was being sincere.

Wow, is 45 years old considered old?

Really. I don't understand this fellow typecasting older people as somehow worse as far as giving advice on relationships. It just may be that older people have been through this stuff a zillion times and having played that game, made those mistakes, and suffered through it, can see the consequences a mile away. It's not as if younger people have a better track record with regards to relationships. By definition they do not and to claim some sort of superiority there is completely naive.

You better marry your best friend.

Looks wear off. Hot bodies become regular bodies.

If you think sex even matters after 10 years and a kid, it doesn't.

My wife and I have hallway sex after 25 years.

We pass each other in the hall...I say FU, then she says FU.

I have never cheated despite many chances.

I could never do that to her...

Treasure this woman or let her find someone who will treasure her.

a reply to: schuyler

Age should not factor into this, experience most definitely.

a reply to: whyamIhere

You better marry your best friend.

This is the best advice anyone can give. I married my best friend.

If you think sex even matters after 10 years and a kid, it doesn't.

13 years 2 kids and I'm sore as hell from just this week's "activities" alone. Gotta find time for it otherwise relationships can get stagnant.

My wife and I have hallway sex after 25 years. We pass each other in the hall...I say FU, then she says FU.

lol I always loved that line.

I have never cheated despite many chances. I could never do that to her... Treasure this woman or let her find someone who will treasure her.

Absolutely. I would caution the OP to heed this piece of advice in its totality.

a reply to: xsocomx

Sometimes, being selfless is best.

It's not just you here.

It's you ... your girl ... this other girl ... her kid ... and her spouse. Seriously, you have an itch and you are messing with her kid?! It's not like saying if you do this, no one will get hurt. You could mess up some poor kids' life because you provide the excuse for his mom and dad to finally split. Do you really want that on your conscience?

Sure, she may end up splitting anyhow and screwing her kid over, but at least then, you had no hand in it.

a reply to: projectvxn

My wife and I have hallway sex after 25 years. We pass each other in the hall...I say FU, then she says FU.