Would you break up a relationship over this?

a reply to: TruthJava

This could be an easy fix...

Tell your landlord your pregnant.
I can say with 99% certainty that these 2 low lifes cannot be within a certain distance of children.

You say your pregnant and bada bing - its time for them to move on.

Sure its a lie, but a lie that will keep you safe and in your own home.
Why should you be forced to leave because some slum-lord wants to get an easy rental paid by the state?

DO NOT leave your man over this. It is NOT his fault. Things were good with him up until these 2 perps moved in im assuming? Talk with him. Tell him how terrified you are being there alone with Pedo 1 and Pedo 2 lurking around.

Also, I would be taking it up with your land lord asap asking wtf is wrong with him.

a reply to: Macenroe82

DO NOT leave your man over this. It is NOT his fault. Things were good with him up until these 2 perps moved in im assuming?

read the edit in the OP...

a reply to: TruthJava

You sound kind of crazy haha. Just reading between the lines your boyfriend is better off without you. And you dont need his dumb azz either.

Read your op... your first post.
You write nothing about your boyfriend.
And the thread is about breaking up.

You feel like he diesnt care about you.
Why didnt you say that instead of telling a sideways story?

You have already made up your mind and now you are looking for pats on the back to feel better about you having private thoughts about breaking up with your boyfriend.

Tell him not us.
Its obvious you two dont need each other any more and you feel bad about it.


Grab your balls gurl and tell him how you feel.

Damn!

So what did he say to you after you told him that you feel like he doesnt care about your safety?

I see afew different Things going on with this scenario....
1. you've mentioned you were thinking of leaving the boyfriend anyway . .....if you were unhappy prior to this, then you need to address that. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a serious heart to heart talk . People become complacent after awhile and tend to take the other for granted with out even realizing it. ?.It is not his fault they moved in....but, it is a precursor to how your boyfriend handles life issues in your relationship.....Either your just opening your eyes to the fact that your boyfriend isn't the one for you , or he has changed over the years ...either one is not good ,and you need to figure out which one it is.
2. What country are you in , or where do you live ? Depending on where you live, the landlord is somewhat liable for the safety of their tenant,..meaning, It is their responsibity to see that they have taken proper steps to resolving their tenants security issues, especially after it has been brought to their attention........i would find out the laws where you are regarding child molesters, children in the neighborhood,and landlords responsibilities . You may need this if you are to break you lease.
3. Is there a neighborhood watch group or crime program ? If so, get in contact with them. They will know the laws and are in direct contact with the local police. Let the neighborhood watch take on the child molesters. They will raise a huge ruckus !
4. It's very weird that 2 child molesters moved in .... they probabaly are buddies and one told the other about the vacant room, or their is a connection to the landlord having a soft spot for criminals. You may want o Google your landlord and see who he is, or if he has been in trouble .
5. My final words to you are this....no one should have to live in fear . It sucks. Keep your guard up at all times.....I am sorry you are dealing with thi. if I were in your shoes, I'd alert everyone I could and move. .... you need to take a long hard look at your relationship . Is this man the one for you. Is he The love of your life, your soulmate,and The one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Can you picture having children with him , and dealing with other life issues with him........and then make your decision.

a reply to: TruthJava

First of all...

Child molesters are EXTREMELY unlikely to be a threat to you, because you are not a child. People of that sort have a very specific psychopathology, which limits their targeting in most circumstances, to those who fit the requirements set by their perversion.

Also, if you like where you live, then there is no reason you ought to be compelled to leave, by the mere presence of some absolute scum on your block. We call that appeasement, and it is not an effective strategy.

Further to that, have you considered that it may simply be entirely impractical to move at the present moment, that doing so merely to be away from the villains (for all that the threat they pose to an adult, given their preferences, is likely as not minimal), would be an expenditure far in excess of what is necessary to continue to live a life? Have you also considered that there is always more than one way to skin a cat?

Leave him. There are great guys out there- but to be with them, you can't disrespect yourself with losers. Also, one of the child molesters probably got out of prison, found a place to live and when his partner got out, he simply said that there is a place available next door to him.

a reply to: TruthJava

Honestly, if he is a child molester then how exactly does that affect you? It may be an unpleasant feeling living that close (i know i certainly wouldn't appreciate it) but if you have no kids then you really have nothing to fear do you? Like i say i can appreciate it would not be a nice feeling but there seems to be no actual safety concern here, more a don't like the feeling of them living that close feeling.

Rather than becoming the victim, become the jailer - by that i mean you can keep a close eye on what they are actually up to.

As unpleasant as it is, if they served there time then they deserve another chance (albeit one with some very big caveats).

a reply to: TruthJava

You have to leave ASAP. Good luck.

Your BF is not showing the protective instinct or masculinity that women find attractive. This in turn, is lowering your perception of his status, activating your natural female Hypergamy, and diminishing your level of attraction towards him. This is causing you to subconsciously wonder if you can do better than him.

Ask yourself this question, and answer it honestly. Have you done anything to make him feel less protective towards you, such as putting on weight, nagging, withholding sex, or flirting/cheating? If the answer to all of these questions is no, then you can do better and should move on (PM to get my my number). If answer is yes to any of the questions, sort your act out, before he decides he can do better than you, and you end up spending the rest of your life wearing ugly shoes, in a house full of cats.

a reply to: TruthJava

Okay, well... is it fair to say you would have been gone by now if it weren't for your boyfriend?

The creepy guys thing is a separate issue from your boyfriend.

I get the sense that this is only the latest in a series of problems between you two.

a reply to: Macenroe82

What an awesome idea, the end justifies the means, so true, i have used this on so many occasions, the world is fun this way.

Let me offer you this virtual beer, while i speed drink my own,

a reply to: Mousygretchen

out of curiosity..was there a first aid station at the airshow? security guards? the fact that he made you walk 3 miles to the car where he had you sit in the shade, he didn't ask anyone for help...doesn't sound very caring, yes the boyfriend has no control over the fact these 2 moved in..but he does have control in his response to it.

find out your local laws in reguards to pedophiles,including what what be considered harrassment of them that would get you into trouble since your boyfriend mentioned that.

pretty sure they are not supposed to be living together, against their parole conditions...oh and since a friend told you that they were pedophiles, can they inform the police so you are kept out of it??

a reply to: TruthJava

First and foremost, trust your gut. About both the neighbors and your boyfriend. And probably the landlord also. State laws may vary, but where I live, neighbors are notified when a registered sex offender moves into the neighborhood. I've gotten a couple notices over the years -- from the police department. I would check the laws, and if it's the same where you are, I would be very suspicious of why you did not receive such a notice...

But as for your boyfriend, there doesn't seem to have been much discussion about your very real and legitimate concerns, and that's what bothers me. He has every right to disagree and discuss and negotiate and find a happy medium, but it doesn't seem that he even gave you that much courtesy -- much less respect -- that you deserve. And that is a problem. A BIG problem.

I think you know that though, and I think you know that it's only getting worse, and I think you know what you need to do.

Good luck and God bless

You answered your question in your added edit. If you don't feel he treats you with enough respect, then that's reason to go- assuming you've shared your feelings with him and he hasn't responded favorably.

It sounds like he is dismissive of your feelings- which is definitely a reason to bail.

My caveat is that if you want to work things out, then to be fair, you have to share with him, honestly and clearly, how and what you are dissatisfied with, and what you need him to do instead. Then if he responds and tries to work with you on it, then at least the relationship might be workable. But if you've already shared this with him and he hasn't made an effort to change, then I say get the hell out of there.

a reply to: TruthJava

I guess it depends on how you 2 feel about one another.

I agree that if he really cared, he would go along with your wishes, but is it enough to split over it?

If you leave, will he follow? It's not certainly a matter of if he doesn't you split up but if you do, is he ok with being a part from you? I don't think either choice is a factor of breaking up unless he doesn't follow simply because he doesn't care that much about you. You can't base that on whether or not he follows. Maybe in his mind he just feels like even dealing with the situation, it's safe.

Personally, I would pack up and jet if my gal really felt that threatened and I would HOPE she'd feel the same if I felt like a situation was too much for me to handle, she would come along.

The only factor for splitting up is how you two feel about one another and where you stand with each other... Anything else is trivial. Still, if you feel unsafe, you are your own person.... Do what you need to do to feel safe. Who knows.. He might give up his pride in the end and jump ship with you. Maybe even after a couple of weeks he'll miss you too much and bail as well. It all depends on how he truly feels. Don't let anything else get in the way of a real relationship if that's what it is. Good companions and real love is so very hard to come by these days.

originally posted by: crazyewok
Likely he hasnt worked out how badly its scaring you AS MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS! So Stop being a typical woman and #ING TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND ABOUT YOUR CONCERNS before dumping him a leaving him heart broken and clueless to why you ran.


Instead of taking drastic action first sit down and tell him you need to move ASAP or you walk.

Yep! Exactly... People don't frickin talk anymore and one person ends up sitting there screaming WHY!!! to the silence around them. Someone will get crushed and their lives affected in a big way because they didn't have a warning shot across the bow to fix their issues. So many people are ready to drop tail and run at the first sign of even the smallest issue these days.

a reply to: TruthJava

You need to speak your feelings to him.

originally posted by: TruthJava

originally posted by: slider1982
Go with what your gut is saying,


Start planning on moving, unless there is something important keeping you there why not get the hell out?????...


RA

I'm planning.

See.. The issue isn't the OP. Your issue is prior and this is just another one of your own reasons to leave. If you're stacking reasons, you're wrong. You should have already had a discussion about your issues with him, talk it out or make your choice to move. Stacking reasons is bad. Once you do, it doesnt matter how things go after, they're already stacked and you've already made up your mind. The OP is just one more reason for you to justify what you already feel so you dont feel like the bad guy by leaving.

Go to your nearest police station and ask if they're even legally allowed to live at the same address in the first place. And check to see if they bothered to register themselves.

If either of those are answered with a no, the cops'll handle getting them out.

As for the boyfriend, put on your big girl panties and actually discuss what is making you unhappy with him. This is how grown-ups approach relationship problems. FFS, I hate women who bolster the tuck-tail-and-slink-off-quietly break-up stereotypes, it makes the rest of us look flaky. The only legit reason for getting out of relationship dodge like that is the clear abuse, IMHO.

a reply to: TruthJava
You seem like you have a foot out the door as is. Decide if you want to end it based on other things. If not tell your BF you don't feel comfortable and you want to move. If he is unwilling, dump his ass.