Moments Around Good Friends, That Make You Feel Lonely

I tend to find that when people badmouth or belittle shaggers that it's based mostly on jealousy.

We had this lad in our class, sort of boy what got facial hair and his voice broke at like 13. Taller than us, good friend of a friend but I knew him pretty well, guy was having sex from an early age and often with older, hot girls.

And his name was mud! I reckon I probably said some mean things about him behind his back, out of spite and jealousy...no to his face he was a big lad.

People just get jealous and take shots mostly from a moral or ethical perspective - one favoured technique is to feign gentlemanliness. I can claim self-imposed abstinance based on my moral superiority and maturity! Yeah, right.

Anyways, I didn't go to bed, I did some homework and read a lot of previous threads by the OP. I reckon you care too much about the admiration you have received from this online community, not to knock it, I'm sure it's of some value to you and others.

Still, I wouldn't invest too much stock in it, it's easy to say the right stuff to someone, online...and make yourself feel better. That's important TrueBrit - you gotta get that, it's really important.

Sometimes people will use you to make themselves feel better...it's all about the validation. Don't let them do it, people will exploit you, your state of mind and your vilnerabilities for a personal fix, as absurd as that sounds it's true. They'll make it look like they are on your side, care about you, have your interests at heart...but you're really just a tool that they are using. Very few people in a forum care about you, even after some 16 or so years of posting.

A house of cards, mate...real people will always bring you back to earth and you should appreciate them. I hope you figure out and work towards what you want and need instead of trying to please others all the time - don't be scared or ashamed of being selfish or held back by what meaningless people will think of you.

a reply to: HeathenJessie

Being a gentleman won't look after you when you're old and sick, it won't comfort you or keep you company.

Oh but it will! My Husband was a gentleman and I married him. It will make 38 years in September that we have been together. We're 59 and have been by each other's side through sickness, have been a comfort and great company for each other.

I watched as he faced going through losing a leg to diabetes and coming close to death a few times with other health issues. He watched me fight through cancer and sat through hours of treatments with me. We have both been there for each other through countless Doctor's appointments, tests and treatments. Neither of us ever had a one night stand with anyone. We both wanted something meaningful and lasting and we got it.

I don't think he's a gentleman, I think he's egotistical, I think he's pretentious and I think he's self-indulgent.

I think TrueBrit is wonderful and wish there were more men like him in the world.

Sometimes people will use you to make themselves feel better...it's all about the validation. Don't let them do it, people will exploit you, your state of mind and your vilnerabilities for a personal fix, as absurd as that sounds it's true. They'll make it look like they are on your side, care about you, have your interests at heart...but you're really just a tool that they are using. Very few people in a forum care about you, even after some 16 or so years of posting.

I actually feel sorry for you, because some of us have made real friends on this site.

originally posted by: grainofsand
a reply to: HeathenJessie

Oh and be careful disagreeing with some of his mates from 'The Shed' thread, they get really annoyed and in my opinion think of themselves as some kind of ATS royalty lol

Where is my crown? I demand my crown right this instant!

Seriously though, I can't imagine why you and HeathenJessie are so insulting to True and Jacy. I am just like them. Well, not as intelligent or witty, but I'm all for the gentleman thing and not sleeping around. If that's your cup of tea, go for it, but it isn't for everyone.

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: HeathenJessie

Being a gentleman won't look after you when you're old and sick, it won't comfort you or keep you company.

Oh but it will! My Husband was a gentleman and I married him. It will make 38 years in September that we have been together. We're 59 and have been by each other's side through sickness, have been a comfort and great company for each other.

I watched as he faced going through losing a leg to diabetes and coming close to death a few times with other health issues. He watched me fight through cancer and sat through hours of treatments with me. We have both been there for each other through countless Doctor's appointments, tests and treatments. Neither of us ever had a one night stand with anyone. We both wanted something meaningful and lasting and we got it.

I don't think he's a gentleman, I think he's egotistical, I think he's pretentious and I think he's self-indulgent.

I think TrueBrit is wonderful and wish there were more men like him in the world.

Sometimes people will use you to make themselves feel better...it's all about the validation. Don't let them do it, people will exploit you, your state of mind and your vilnerabilities for a personal fix, as absurd as that sounds it's true. They'll make it look like they are on your side, care about you, have your interests at heart...but you're really just a tool that they are using. Very few people in a forum care about you, even after some 16 or so years of posting.

I actually feel sorry for you, because some of us have made real friends on this site.

This is exactly the sort of bull# I mean...

Look at the quote this person responded to - I said Being a gentleman won't look after you when you're old and sick, it won't comfort you or keep you company

This person disagreed with that, and as an example to illusstrate her point, went on to describe how she and her husband supported each other through hard times.

Exactly how does this relate to the point I made? If anything, it confirms what I said...they're telling you to be happy to be alone, be happy with who and what you currently are...pretending she's your friend.

Stop lying, you dunno squat about the guy but what he's told you...this is exactly the sort of person I'm talking about.

The genuinely think they're your friend, that they're helping. But if you pay close attention, they're not...

No, just another person using you to massage their own ego, using your predicament to tell us all how happy they are.

Had this person your best interests at heart they would have realised, having read my last few responses, that I don't hate you...not at all, in fact out of everyone here I can honestly say I'm the only one, so far, who has had the decency to be honest with you.

I'm actually trying to help and give you useful advice, this person just showed us all how self involved and conceited she actually is, genuinely thinks her pointless comments are helping...but they aren't. You're not his friend, what a joke.

ETA - I've been using ATS forless than a year, it stands to reason that I've little to no connections on this site, and probably won't gain many as it's not my purpose here to make bull# friends who pretend to care about me. any connections I make on here will be kept to a minimum as I prefer to keep it real rather than surround myself with liars who pretend to be my mate while offering me terrible advice and telling me what I want to hear as opposed to what's best for me.

a reply to: HeathenJessie

You don't know me or True at all. If you did, you would know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am indeed his friend and proud of it! I do NOT pretend to be his friend, I AM his friend and care very much! I am NOT a liar! You sure do like to make assumptions don't you?

True can be happy with whoever he chooses, whenever he chooses. He isn't going to settle for just anyone. I'm sure it will be someone special with who he can have a lasting and loving relationship.

You think you are helping him by wanting him to change who he is? That is helping? I think not!

Indeed there's nothing wrong with being who you are. In a world with an ounce more sanity those guys would look up to you and learn from you. But yeah, it's the way they think and live. I've given up on the idea of trying to reach people like that. In my own experience I've received a lot of hate for just being a gentleman, never mind speaking up about what's right in any way. I do my best to avoid such people all together these days. Life is so much better without them. No offence, I know they are your friends. I too have been sociable with guys like that and tried to change them. I practically grew up with one such guy and one day a few years back he even called and thanked me for being a positive influence in his life, although he has recently been arrested for asking an underage prostitute for sex.

a reply to: HeathenJessie

No, just another person using you to massage their own ego, using your predicament to tell us all how happy they are.

And why the hell would I do that? What possible satisfaction would I get from that? I have had my hell to go through, it wasn't all rainbows and lollipops. I want nothing but the best for my dear friend and he knows that.
I'm self involved and conceited? OMG, that is actually funny as hell for anyone who really knows me. Obviously you know nothing about me or you'd be embarrassed by your outrageous statements. I don't find you to be helpful at all to True for wanting him to change. He is amazing, a gentleman and any woman would be proud to have a man like that.

originally posted by: grainofsand
a reply to: TrueBrit

I get what you are saying but if you were in my social group the last conversation I'd ever have with you would be about sex which doesn't involve deep love. I'd know exactly what your reaction would be and totally avoid the subject.

As an aside, most girls in my group would avoid you like the plague for fear of being labeled sluts who fail to meet your 'lady' standards.

Your replies here are nasty in attitude, grain. He was talking about his friends treating him rudely and showing disrespect for the woman and her mother nearby. You are getting as personal in your remarks as you feel you can get away with it seems. If you hate gentlemen so much why don't you just avoid reading a thread like this?

a reply to: HeathenJessie

It is his thread. Some persons here who have commented have asked questions as to why he would be decent or what his concept of decency is and he has graciously explained himself. Why am I even explaining this?

originally posted by: grainofsand
a reply to: jacygirl

Odd, I must have missed the post where HeathenJessie referred to women as things or prey.

You and TrueBrit have strong opinions on sexual relations, I get it, but it makes you no morally superior to people who do not share your thoughts.

I lost count of my sexual partners long ago, but have never considered objects or prey.
You know, when something 'clicks' instantly and two or more people enjoy mutually consensual sex.
Maybe you've never experienced it, but your position is no more or less moral or ethical than people who do.

As an aside, I personally think the whole ladies and gentlemen thing as laughably sexist if they treat each other differently purely based on sex.

I treat women equally, not as special 'ladies'.

No, you and Jesse have come onto TrueBrit's thread and criticised him for being a gentleman about women on and on. Clearly you are feeling very sensitive about this.

a reply to: HeathenJessie

I think it's disgusting the way you slap people around for being good people, who are proud to be good people and who support other people for being good people. Night Star was attempting to explain to you that there are women who appreciate gentlemen, that they in fact don't always end up sad and alone (as if you actually didn't get that.)

I think this thread has gone way off subject by ridiculous and personal attacks and by provoking, personal responses. The initial posts have not been allowed to flow into much of a conversation at all.

a reply to: LoneCloudHopper2

So you don't like people disagreeing with yourmate then?
I've been mostly on topic so challenge my specific statements or alert my posts, I'm easy either way.
whining won't stop me replying and sharing my opinion.

This thread really has taken a turn for the pointless.

This thread could have been a place to discuss the strangeness of friendship. It could have been a place for the discussion of coping with unhelpful input. But as it is, all it seems to be is a dissection of something which does not need to be taken apart.

a reply to: Night Star

I don't know you, you don't know him nor him you.

You know the person he projects himself as online...same for me, you...everyone else.

Everything you know or think you know about people online is based on assumptions...assuming what they're telling yo about themselves is true.

I'm not personally attacking TrueBrit, I'm trying to be honest and real.

No, this thread hasn't been derailed, or taken a wrong turn, or gone off into a tangent. TrueBrit came here for one thing and one thing alone...confirmation, he knows that you and others' who claim to be his friends will say all of the things he hopes and expects you to say.

You're not here to advise him nor are you trying to, you're simply confirming his biases and he's happy with that because that's why he came here and told this story.

You know why you all are reacting like this? Because I'm deviating from the plan...and making it hard for him to continue along this path, the easy path...the path where people just pat him on the back, pour sympathy over him and validate his self-perception. Making it hard for you lot to carry on stroking your own egos by handing out non-advice. Look at his previous threads...mostly whiny, needy crap about how he fell out with one mate who told some woman he liked her...etc, grow a pair ffs.

You all are angry because I'm not playing that game and, as an unbiased outsider, am calling it as it is.

I don't care if you agree, or like me. I ain't here to make friends.

TrueBrit, do what you want, mate. Bottom line - out of everyone here, thus far - I'm the only one keeping it real. I can see I'm wasting my time...that's why other, decent members like grainofsand have resigned to the notion of simply mocking and laughing at him because it's futile. He isn't here for advice, he's here for that fix - being told he's an amazing and great guy.

Help yourself, TrueBrit - these people can't help you neither can I...why did you come here to tell this story? You know what, if you're coming here and telling these stories about your personal and private life, you have a problem. Either admit it and deal with it or crack on letting these people fll your head with crap and pretending they're your friends, that they care about you.

You're smarter than that but it's up to you to realise it.

Bye, now.

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You are responsible for your own posts.

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a reply to: TrueBrit

You don't set the rules of discussion though, and dissection as you put it, is merely the flow of different slants from different people who read your posted words.

You stated your natural passion for 'gentlemanly' behaviour, your mates gushed appreciation and yearning for more men in the world like you.
Others disagreed and shared their opinions on the words you posted.
You see when your mates praise your declared position in a thread then the topic does naturally evolve into opinions about your declared position.

Some members appeared to take the high moral ground regarding your stance on etiquette etc, of course that was going to be challenged by those who think differently.

If you want an echo chamber, why post a thread in a public discussion forum?
You know I agree with you in other threads and often star your posts, but in this thread no, I don't.

And if your mates hadn't acted all holier than thou regarding their sexual standards I'd have let it be, but no, the tone was moral superiority so I challenged it, and will continue to do so.

a reply to: grainofsand

The fun part for not involved readers like me is, sexual freedom isn't the thing that needs to be fought for or defended anymore, but the decision not to randomly f*ck everybody you meet seems to be.

And since we're on a conspiracy site, I'd like to point out that promiscuity and all the free range kink living happened in all the great empires shortly before their downfall.
And me personally I think it's by design, nothing works better for behavioural modification than sex. Because it has it all really, hormones, pleasure, attention and appreciation.
So maybe you should consider in further discussions that sex is also highly addictive. It's a bit like you're promoting crack.