Moments Around Good Friends, That Make You Feel Lonely

a reply to: TrueBrit

You really are obsessed with this notion of being a gentleman, aren't you?

Did you consider, for one moment, that the lady in question might have actually wanted you to make a sexual advance? Is it gentlemanly for you to reject her, or to not even acknowledge her efforts?

Is it gentlemanly of you to leave her feeling unwanted, like she isn't good enough for you?

Seems to me that you are using gentlemanliness as an excuse or perhaps to hide or mask something else. Personally, I'm surprised she spoke with you for 45 minutes as you seem to talk in similar terms to a 18th century drunk.

Anyway...it's easy to be a gentleman from your own perspective and expectations of what a gentleman actually is, but your idea of a gentleman isn't necessarily hers or anyone elses.

a reply to: HeathenJessie

It's not a notion.
He is a gentleman, and I am a lady who has never had a one-night stand.
We are years apart in age, but not in character.

It may be difficult for some of you to fathom that such people still exist, but we do.

A woman is not a thing that you prey upon.
Let me rephrase that...A woman is not a thing. She is not prey...unless you are a predator.

Respect is lovely and often much appreciated.
Stay true to being you, TrueBrit!

jacy

a reply to: HeathenJessie

It is not obsession. It is like breathing in and out, consuming and processing nutrition, in that it is necessary, fundamentally, to the way I live.

As for considering the possibility that the lady in question wanted me to make an advance, whether she did nor not is hardly the issue. The issue here, is that it is just not on for people to make assumptions, and loudly announce their beliefs as to what ought be done about said assumptions, to all and bloody sundry. Discretion, a modicum of self respect and respect for others, is not, I believe, too much to expect, and I bloody well do expect it. I make no apologies for that what so ever.

And, as it happens, the fact that I often speak in anachronistic fashion, rarely puts off my conversation partners. I have no idea why it ought to either. The manner in which I speak is very precise, very cohesive and expressive. It also has the benefit of being utterly unambiguous, which means everyone knows where they stand with me. It can be, so I am told, very refreshing to encounter.

a reply to: jacygirl

Odd, I must have missed the post where HeathenJessie referred to women as things or prey.

You and TrueBrit have strong opinions on sexual relations, I get it, but it makes you no morally superior to people who do not share your thoughts.

I lost count of my sexual partners long ago, but have never considered objects or prey.
You know, when something 'clicks' instantly and two or more people enjoy mutually consensual sex.
Maybe you've never experienced it, but your position is no more or less moral or ethical than people who do.

As an aside, I personally think the whole ladies and gentlemen thing as laughably sexist if they treat each other differently purely based on sex.

I treat women equally, not as special 'ladies'.

a reply to: jacygirl

I am being me.

Where did I once say that a woman is a thing to be preyed upon?

Seems to me that it's you that has a rather warped perception of reality, here...not me. You know what people sometimes do? They find a partner and hook up...you act like realising that reality somehow makes you less of a person, like some kind of predator...she spoke with him for 45 minutes.

Gentlemanliness is subjective.

I don't think he's a gentleman, I think he's egotistical, I think he's pretentious and I think he's self-indulgent.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Well...let's analyse the situation here, your friends...and it is you that said they are your friends, not anyone else...obviously know you well.

I think it's safe to assume that you are single...I think it's safe to assume you are an adult, since you drink in pubs.

You know what, a few years ago I was in a McDonalds after a night out, and I was ordering food. I was in my 30's, single, had been for a few years.

I sat down with my friends to eat and they were kind of giggling and looking at me like I had horns, after teasing me for a bit one said...that girl serving you was so into you, can you not see the signs?

No..I can't...you know why, I'm inept with women, I always was. I dunno the signs...because I'm an idiot. So after 15 to 20 minutes of this crap, me kinda being uncomfortable and in denial, they convinced me to go back up and chat to her.

You know what I did...I went and ordered another burger that I didn't want, and she knew...I was nervous...my friends were right and I asked her out, we dated for a few weeks...I ended up dropping her because we dind't click long-term but it brought me out of my shell a bit and gave me more confidence. They were trying to help me...seriously, so you're in a pub and some mates see you chat to a girl, they tease you a bit...and instead of being a man you go home, alone...sober up - then come on ATS to virtue signal about how much of a gentleman you were and how much of a swine your mate(s) were.

So, yeah. Aren't you the bastion of gentlemanliness....you're the living embodiment of that expression - nice guys finish last.

Maybe you like being alone or something...I don't particularly care...some people need a push. Your friends were only having a bit of fun, teasing you...but perhaps trying to subtly tell you something. some people can't be helped or simply don't want to.

Maybe you should either - A: take some advice from people who are your friends and probably care about you or B: Tell them to but out, that you're happy as you are.

originally posted by: grainofsand
a reply to: jacygirl

Odd, I must have missed the post where HeathenJessie referred to women as things or prey.

You and TrueBrit have strong opinions on sexual relations, I get it, but it makes you no morally superior to people who do not share your thoughts.

I lost count of my sexual partners long ago, but have never considered objects or prey.
You know, when something 'clicks' instantly and two or more people enjoy mutually consensual sex.
Maybe you've never experienced it, but your position is no more or less moral or ethical than people who do.

As an aside, I personally think the whole ladies and gentlemen thing as laughably sexist if they treat each other differently purely based on sex.

I treat women equally, not as special 'ladies'.

Exactly...we're on the same page for sure.

Appreciated.

Heathen Jessie did not call females things to be preyed on.
Why be disingenuous with such an implied slur.

originally posted by: jacygirl
a reply to: HeathenJessie

It's not a notion.
He is a gentleman, and I am a lady who has never had a one-night stand.
We are years apart in age, but not in character.

It may be difficult for some of you to fathom that such people still exist, but we do.

A woman is not a thing that you prey upon.
Let me rephrase that...A woman is not a thing. She is not prey...unless you are a predator.

Respect is lovely and often much appreciated.
Stay true to being you, TrueBrit!

jacy

You know what - all of this, that you typed - is crap.

Sentimental, nonsensical...crap!

Stay true to being you! Sounds like some mush from a chickflick...sounds sincere, sounds wise but it's utter nonsense.

Sometimes being you isn't the way to go...sometimes people get stuck being who they are, and want change, they want more but are either too scared or inept to begin making those changes.

To me, when a friend tries to help or offers advice, it's easy to fall back on that bullcrap mantra - I'm just being me! I'm happy being me!

It's often useful to take advice from someone who cares, and is on the outside looking in. Don't be yourself, to resign to the notion of being yourself means to stagnate and shy away from change.

My advice...be overly-analytical, critical of yourself...be your own biggest critic.

Identify what you REALLY want from life and realise that to get there will take effort, that you'll have to come out of your comfort zone...that you can't always hide behind this veneer of gentlemanliness.

Being a gentleman won't look after you when you're old and sick, it won't comfort you or keep you company.

You can either get over yourself. or eventually you'll reach a point in life where you have nothing left to do but reflect and realise that the biggest problem you had in your life was you, and your bizarre, antiquated attitude. Don't listen to her, TrueBrit...she is not your friend, just some person you chat to on some forum.

The guys you were with in the pub that day, they're your friends. Don't feed into this crap, man...be yourself but a true and honest reflection of yourself, not one projected upon you by a stranger on some website, or a watered down version of yourself because it's easier and more comfortable.

And I mean that, I hope you're happy, mate. Sincerely, you seem like a decent bloke, but don't get too full of it. Ground yourself in reality...your mates seem like decent lads and probably only want what's best for you.

Just to add - I'm speaking from experience, you're more like me than I was a few years ago. Gentlemen don't make an impact and tend to be forgotten when they're gone...don't be who you are, be the person you aspire to be...if you're already that person then why even carry on?

We should always be striving to change and make our own lives and situation better. Screw what people think, mate...identify your goals in life and nail it!

I wish you well.

a reply to: HeathenJessie

The women as things to be preyed on slur disappointed me, I thought debate was better than that on ATS.
Tragically the star count on the particular post indicates otherwise lol...cheap shots is all.

Ladies is amusing though, like they are something different to regular women who enjoy consensual sex.
The particular members may as well call women who have one night stands sluts such is their apparent holier than thou stance.

I suppose it's ok to be bigotted against people who have one night stands.

Oh, the self loathing!

a reply to: HeathenJessie

And to make out that being gentlemanly and ladylike does not involve sex without love lol!
The members need to mix in wider social circles and perhaps they'll see it is an imagined and contrived social concept.
The poshest women in my experience are the dirtiest.
Ladies? Pfft, and lol

I have to say, though - I genuinely hate that stuff.

That fake, hackneyed, stolen from some lame tv show or film type nonsense people talk.

I bet, right like 30 years ago, the first time one human being said to another - be true to yourself, man! that like 99% of people were like...wtf are tehy on about, be true to yourself?

But most just said nothing and let it slide...and then gradually more crap like that started to be programmed into society via crappy soaps operas and films, and it became part of the human mindset, that we accept this rubbish without question.

No..I want it explained to me...elaborate...wtf are you on about? People say crap like that all the time now, people take stuff like that as useful advice and try to apply it to their lives...and it probably doesn't help at all, in fact it probably makes things worse.

Saying something stupid like you have to do what's right...for yooooou! or I just need to be with myself right nooow- or I just need clooosuuuure! should be called out as the meaningless, nonsense and unhelpful non-advice that is it on the SPOT!

See that, TrueBrit? That's what a real human does, I actually want you to be happy.

I'm not going to tell you some fairy-dust crap to massage my own ego...anyone who says that sort of thing is just going through the motions A caring person gives you honest, often times painful advice.

Lastly...I think there's a serious problem now with modesty. You know, the problem isn't that you're a good man, with honourable intentions and manners. That's great...the problem is the lack of modesty, which is another gentlemanly atribute - a lost art.

Modesty isn't as prevalent as it once was... seems to me there are two types of people, people people who do, and people who claim - there's a small overlap or gray area but for the most part I believe they're pretty exclusive.

If you are a gentleman because you know it's right, and it satisfies your own desire to know that you are a good person, that you're well mannered, respectful and polite, then isn't that enough?

Why start a thread about something that happened in your personal life, involving your friends, real people you know and that care about you? To be really honest I don't think that's gentlemanly, regardless of whether you name them or not. Nobody knows them...if a mate of mine was starting some thread, using some anecdote involving me to put himself on a pedestal and paint me in a rather unfavourable light the last thing I'd be thinking is - oh, what a gentleman!

Let others' be the judge of how much of a gentleman you are based on their observations of you....that's all that matters. Be modest, that's probably part of being a gentleman - but don't let people cloud your perceptions of reality by telling you what you want to hear...keep it real, man.

a reply to: HeathenJessie

Yeah I'd be pissed off as well if I was his mate just sharing a thought.
Especially as he's so easy to make public after he posted the thread when he lost the civil court action regarding discrimination against a gay guy in Southend.
Yeah the thread was all 'I'm innocent' but sorry I'll go with the legal judgement.
...obviously his ATS mates believe the court was wrong.

a reply to: grainofsand

Lol...interesting! I didn't know about that.

I honestly don't know where to go with that...think I'll go to bed!

Night, everyone - night, grain...been a pleasure, as always!

a reply to: HeathenJessie

Oh and be careful disagreeing with some of his mates from 'The Shed' thread, they get really annoyed and in my opinion think of themselves as some kind of ATS royalty lol

You count this base miscreant as a friend?

What vulgar effrontery.

He impeached your honor and that of the lady, as well as the honor of any and all true ladies and gentlemen within ear shot.

You should have demanded a duel, cut the cad down right then and there.

a reply to: imwilliam

Lol@duel, perhaps we should bring such things back.
Some members clearly wish a regression of that type with ladies and gentlemen

a reply to: grainofsand

Lol@duel, perhaps we should bring such things back.

Quiet Trollop, after your recent and tawdry "confession" in another thread here on ATS, detailing how you achieved advancement in your career, I hardly think you merit a seat at the table with true ladies and gentlemen.

Be gone man hussy!

a reply to: imwilliam

Lol I was threatened with a # annual performance review if she didn't come, I made the best of a crap situation...her old leather skin I still remember and wanna be sick.
...would you mock if the predators had been male and I was female?

*edit*
I cleared out a room the other day and found my picture ID from when I was 23, yeah I'd shag me