What do I say?

Thanks to the following thread I have a date coming up on April 8.

The importance of the face-to-face meeting

My ex-girlfriend just sent me a text message saying that she might be coming to visit me on April 16. The way she's talking, it sounds like it's very likely to happen.

Ex-girlfriend coming for a visit

If my ex-girlfriend comes to visit me, how do I explain that to the woman I'm probably still going to be dating at that point?

I absolutely can't tell my ex-girlfriend not to come. I miss her a lot, and she's talking about us being "best friends forever." I want that too. I barely know the other woman. There is no comparison between the situations.

Assuming that I'm still dating the woman I recently met, how do I explain my ex-girlfriend coming to visit me?

I could lie and say, "It's just a friend." I hate lying, and it's simply an unbelievable story when you take into account the age difference (24 to over 40). Once she sees myself and my ex-girlfriend together...body language will tell the rest of the story.

a reply to: Profusion

Do you intentionally put yourself in these situations or do they just happen? You have got to have the most screwed up relationships I have ever seen.
If you're still in love with the ex [ and it certainly sounds like it ] why are you dating the new one? Why are you letting the ex back in your life? It sounds like she has you wrapped around her finger and you jump when she calls.
You are setting yourself up for another fall.

And why do you keep asking "us"? You already know what you want, you're just looking for someone to tell you it's ok.

a reply to: Profusion

You may not care for my opinion or desire but, here it is anyway.
As a first date, you seem rather confident that the first will lead to mutual exclusiveness immediately.
Is that rushing things a bit?
Why would you need to explain your personal life (dating etc) to either of them?
One is an old 'friend' and the other is 'new' to you.
Also, I wouldn't even consider lying to either of them.
My two cents.
Good luck.

a reply to: Profusion
Considering your previous post about your Ex coming over, I would say that going on that date is just being rude to the new girl, even though you dont know her. You obviously have mixed emotions and should not be inviting innocent victims into your past-relationship-drama-thingy. No insult intended.

Off the date (if you want to give your ex a chance), wait for your ex (if that is truly what you want). Re-book / find a new date if ex is still your ex after visit.

a reply to: Profusion

No soup for you - get off the computer and get your life sorted out, or are you trolling again

originally posted by: DAVID64
a reply to: Profusion

Do you intentionally put yourself in these situations or do they just happen? You have got to have the most screwed up relationships I have ever seen.
If you're still in love with the ex [ and it certainly sounds like it ] why are you dating the new one? Why are you letting the ex back in your life? It sounds like she has you wrapped around her finger and you jump when she calls.
You are setting yourself up for another fall.

And why do you keep asking "us"? You already know what you want, you're just looking for someone to tell you it's ok.

My ex-girlfriend and I can't get married. We're just friends now. The thing that concerns me is the fact that your reaction is exactly what's going to be going through the head of the woman that I'm about to (hopefully) continue to be dating.

This thread is for brainstorming, but I'm drawing a blank. I'm hoping that someone will have a brilliant idea that will help me out of this mess. One key point is that I'll just be hoping for a second date with the new woman I'm dating. We won't be going steady by that point or anything. She'll have no right to criticize my life.

I'll say that a friend of mine needs a place to stay for a short time. I'll tell her not be concerned because it's just a friend. The age difference could work in my favor because it may be unbelievable to many people that we were together romantically.

"If you're still in love with the ex [ and it certainly sounds like it ] why are you dating the new one?"

I'm dating a new woman because I need to get on with my life. There's no chance of romance between my ex and I.

a reply to: TNMockingbird

I have to say something if I continue dating the woman I just met. If she sees my ex-girlfriend entering my home once, it could do a lot of damage to our relationship. I know what to say now...the actual truth without mentioning the term "ex-girlfriend." That should do it. Thank you for your reply.

How would you feel if the best friend of the girl you're dating happened to be her ex? And he was coming to visit her?


It'll be healthier for you to just move on.

Stop making so many thread and get off your computer and start pumping iron or something . Get a suntan , smell nicer , and don't be dependent on people like these for advice or legitimation .
Also there's a dick who keeps following me round trying to destroy my relationships , you haven't got to worry about that , you can be yourself, and grow a pair on the way .

a reply to: Profusion

And you're really surprised you get ad hominem attacks for the OPs you write?

Or wait until after the visit from the ex, to go on the date. Then you dont have to say anything.

Cancel the April 8th date.
Tell her you got a screaming case of Diarrhea. That should buy you some time.

The ex comes and goes. You call up the girl you want to date and tell her its all cleared up,
your ready and able to leave the house.

Things will work out perfectly.

a reply to: Profusion


Good lord! Why the fig would you even want to be best friends with an ex and have visits that get in the way of moving on ( and it will) and getting with some other random angelic faced chick who's dog you fell over outside the grocery store that time that you were waiting to meet another chick who wont leave you alone after you persistently messaged her on gangstalkingisrealandineedlove.com?

It aint even funny.

You should introduce them to each other and all go out somewhere. It's so normal. It'll be fine.

originally posted by: wheresthebody
How would you feel if the best friend of the girl your dating happened to be her ex? And he was coming to visit her?


It'll be healthier for you to just move on.

My solution is to not tell the woman that I just met that my ex is coming to visit me. There's no way that my ex will say anything because she can't (long story). I don't know why people keep telling me to "move on"...I am moving on. That's how I got in this situation.

Remaining friends with my ex is not open to debate. It's almost impossible for me to make friends, and she is a perfect friend to me.

How would I feel about the hypothetical situation you mentioned?

It wouldn't bother me at all. As long as the woman I'm dating stays with me. If she had sex with him, it would cross the line. I could understand a little kissing. That's not a problem really although it's a little gross.

originally posted by: Macenroe82
Or wait until after the visit from the ex, to go on the date. Then you dont have to say anything.

Cancel the April 8th date.
Tell her you got a screaming case of Diarrhea. That should buy you some time.

The ex comes and goes. You call up the girl you want to date and tell her its all cleared up,
your ready and able to leave the house.

Things will work out perfectly.

That's impossible...absolutely out of the question. I felt like getting this date was a bit of a miracle. I will not take any chances with it.

a reply to: Profusion

Rule number #1 don't talk to ex girlfriends

And don't lie to your new girl that's selfish

a reply to: Profusion

Just ask the ex and the new date if they're a into menage a trois...problem solved

originally posted by: JDmOKI
a reply to: Profusion

Rule number #1 don't talk to ex girlfriends

And don't lie to your new girl that's selfish

Why would that rule exist? You don't believe that platonic friendships between exes are possible? My ex-wife has been my best friend since we got divorced. It's been almost five years, and she's wanted to help me more than she was able to because we live in different places. I couldn't disagree with you more.

I'm so choosy about my friends. I'm thrilled to have my ex-girlfriend as a friend, but considering her characteristics, I would be stuck with her as a friend even if I wasn't thrilled about it. There just aren't many people out there that are like her. I think she's unique, and she's a perfect match for my personality. Giving her up as a friend is not an option.

I won't be lying to the new woman I'll hopefully be dating. I'll just explain the situation without mentioning the term "ex-girlfriend." The way to explain all this is becoming clear...

a reply to: Profusion

Having sex with HIM would cross the line.

So is your ex or your new date undergoing a sex change...you're not even making sense

a reply to: Profusion

I dunno because it make you wanna lie and go behind the back of your current girlfriend

Difference between being friendly and actually seeing that person. You're just asking for more drama.

But it also sounds like you still love your ex

a reply to: Profusion

Your ex is just that, your ex. Friendship isn't a possibility, because it will continue to haunt you in every relationship ever.

Drop the ex completely from your life if you ever want to move on in life.

a reply to: Profusion

Sup con-fusion, I know said I would refrain from your threads but I just can't help it.

You see the importance of being honest from the get-go? To avoid these types of situations. Trust me, you want to continue to be honest with them both to avoid even more con-fusion in the future, tell your new date that you already had plans for your ex wife to come visit you. Be honest and say you guys are just friends and there is no possibility of you guys getting back but she needs a place to stay. Tell your new date that you are interested in her and would really like to go on the date to see where things could go, you should know after one date where you guys stand, and if not.. I'll be ready for the next con-fusion thread. Just go out have fun and don't GUSH over her so much or you might overwhelm and scare her away.

Advice; dont talk about your ex wife unless she asks.

If your new date doesn't like the idea of your ex wife staying over, you have 2 choices;

1. Find someone new (or stop searching for something like I keep telling you, and instead focus and search for peace within yourself)

2. Tell your ex wife it's not a good idea, atleast for now that she comes and visit. You should probably be honest with her and tell her why too.

Advice2; don't hide them from each other or you will run into more problems, be honest from the start.

Hopefully you can sort this out, good luck fusion.

Your neighborhood dating/life doctor,

KH

a reply to: TheConstruKctionofLight

The way that was worded originally made perfect sense to me:

"How would I feel about the hypothetical situation you mentioned?

It wouldn't bother me at all. As long as the woman I'm dating stays with me. Having sex with him would cross the line."

Did you understand the hypothetical situation I was writing about?

I rewrote it for you:

"How would I feel about the hypothetical situation you mentioned?

It wouldn't bother me at all. As long as the woman I'm dating stays with me. If she had sex with him, it would cross the line."

originally posted by: Vector99
a reply to: Profusion

Your ex is just that, your ex. Friendship isn't a possibility, because it will continue to haunt you in every relationship ever.

Drop the ex completely from your life if you ever want to move on in life.

I replied to that point earlier, so I'll repeat the reply here:

"You don't believe that platonic friendships between exes are possible? My ex-wife has been my best friend since we got divorced. It's been almost five years, and she's wanted to help me more than she was able to because we live in different places. I couldn't disagree with you more.

I'm so choosy about my friends. I'm thrilled to have my ex-girlfriend as a friend, but considering her characteristics, I would be stuck with her as a friend even if I wasn't thrilled about it. There just aren't many people out there that are like her. I think she's unique, and she's a perfect match for my personality. Giving her up as a friend is not an option."

originally posted by: JDmOKI
a reply to: Profusion

I dunno because it make you wanna lie and go behind the back of your current girlfriend

Difference between being friendly and actually seeing that person. You're just asking for more drama.

But it also sounds like you still love your ex

At that point, we will have just started dating. If that woman becomes my girlfriend, you better believe that I will ask for permission before I have a female friend visit me.

I absolutely still love my ex, but we have irreconcilable differences concerning any possible marriage.

If I tell the woman I'll probably be dating that a female friend will be visiting me for a short time, it's not lying at all. I don't have to tell her every detail about my past. I wouldn't expect that from her, and I don't think it's reasonable for her to expect that from me.

a reply to: knowledgehunter0986

I agree with you basically 100%. I'm simply not going to tell the new woman every detail about my past. My friend is coming to visit me, that's all. It's my ex-girlfriend that may be coming to visit me, not my ex-wife.