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The theater of remorse [YJA2017] Contest

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posted on Feb, 28 2017 @ 04:25 PM
This is my submission for the short story writers contest. [YJA2017]


The theater of remorse

This is the end.......The end of the line bud, you got to get off. Brian stepped off the transport. "# its 4:30" brian says to himself. The transport hums off in the distance with a powerful noise. "Your late, you know I am always on time. I don't know why I bother"
"Calm down Alex, let's just get this over with" Alex rolls her eyes and replies "yeah yeah, I'm not that excited either" Alex and Brian walk to into the assessment center wondering what to expect.

"Mr. Green, their ready for you" the receptionist announces in a rude condescending tone. Brian takes a deep breath, stands up and walks down the brightly lit white hall. He approached a door marked 406 and walked in. The room seemed to be even more illuminated than the previous hall, which seemed strange considering there didn't seem to be any visible light sources. In the room set a single black chair. Brian sits down.

An old man with a black lab coat and info tablet comes in the room and closes the door behind him. "Hello Mr. Green, my name is Dr. Scorn" Brian continues to sit and says "Nice to meet you Dr. Scorn"
“Do you remember why you are here Brian?” says the doctor. “Because I made mistakes” Brian replied. That is correct Brian, You made mistakes, But you want to know something Brian, Everyone makes mistakes, but the afterlife is where those mistakes are rectified” mister scorn said with a sinister laugh.

“Well Brian by now you have realized that there is life after death, Life death as we call it. You may have noticed things here are different here then your old life. Much more advanced for one, also that you never feel discomfort or hunger, or feel tired or the need to sleep, Isn’t that right Brian? The doctor asks “yes sir” Brian replies.
Well are you ready to get started, “yes” Brian replies apprehensively.
A large apparatus lowers from what seems to be a solid ceiling, it was made of bright shiny metal and looked like a mixture of fiber optic cable and lights flashing, with probes sticking out of it.
Doctor scorn starts hooking up the apparatus to Brains head.

“Today we are going to start with some things that took place in December 2007, We don’t stick to a linear timeline, in case you were wondering.
“This was one of your biggest mistakes, wouldn’t you say Brian?” the Dr. asks in a rhetorical sense. Brian’s eyes are twitching and is in a catatonic state and does not reply.

Brian, December 07’ Carson City NV:
It was winter, me and one of my best friends were driving home from Christmas party and I had quite a bit to drink. You okay to drive? My friend Henry asks as I drop him off at his house, Yeah I am fine says Brian. It was snowing bad that year in Carson, All of a sudden a small child runs out about a mile from home and Brian runs him over.

Brian Wakes up from is catatonic state, Dr. Scorn Says well are you ready to live the lives of everyone affected by this incident?
Brian just stares at the Dr. “Well here we go, Just remember this will be like sitting in a movie theater that you can’t exit out of, you will be seeing through the eyes of the affected. We will be starting with the mother. She lived six years after the incident and then took her own life. So this will feel like 6 years.

Brian looks at the Dr with mouth gaping wide open.

The end

Thanks for reading!

posted on Feb, 28 2017 @ 06:53 PM
Makes you want the next chapter. Liked it.

posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 07:04 PM
a reply to: bananashooter

a reply to: In4ormant

I want to find out what happens to Alex also!

Yes, next chapter...please...


posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 07:13 PM
Oh man, that would suck.

Especially if it included all the mistakes that weren't
so obvious.

Good read Mister Bananashooter.

posted on Mar, 3 2017 @ 06:27 AM
a reply to: bananashooter

Hi bananashooter!

An afterlife of dealing with your karma...I love the idea!
Really enjoyed your writing, interesting concept.

Like the others, I could keep reading more.
S&F (& good luck in the contest)

posted on Mar, 3 2017 @ 08:52 AM
a reply to: jacygirl

Thanks everyone! I am playing around with some ideas for a second chapter, would that count for the contest? If I get bored this weekend It will come.

posted on Mar, 5 2017 @ 05:29 AM
Hi banana,

Thanks for your entry.
(You should really add a post in the CONTEST THREAD HERE so that everyone who's browsing the contest thread can see your entry.)

I'll do that for you now.

Welcome aboard!

kindest regards,

posted on Mar, 5 2017 @ 03:12 PM
a reply to: Gordi The Drummer

Sweet, I guess I didn't read all the instructions, Thanks gordy.

posted on Mar, 7 2017 @ 02:36 PM
*sniffs* Do I smell haggis?

Hey, bananashooter...just popping by for some shameless thread *bumping*.
(trying to fill the front page with stories instead of politics, hehe...)


posted on Mar, 7 2017 @ 03:38 PM
a reply to: jacygirl

Nice, much appreciated!

posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 10:34 AM
a reply to: bananashooter

that was dark and great

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