Don't Come Around Here No More!

I've given up, STOP!

Why can't a buddha catch a break?! What heinous crime of past life brings me such a dark star?!

Just when I think this day can't get any worse...it does.

I'm working. It's slow and miserable and I'm working in waist-deep snow.

Then I get a text.

You know I'm not a COMPLETE jerk. I have grown older and saltier lately and taken to drink. All in all I'm a decent heart with a rough shell.

I have once or twice made rude, offensive, hyperbolic statements regarding women, dating, couplehood etc.

There is a person who twisted my mind this way, and she has today contacted me for the first time in over a year.

The worst part, it made a thaw in the ice and feelings leaked out. The memory of her had calloused over. I was OVER her and moving on happy as can be.

Now I don't know how I feel. Confused and hurt and wanting to forgive and wanting to punch a clown doll or something.

Everything would make sense. I would know my place and direction. If only she stayed away, in the past.

Why would she contact me after so long? After such a messed up breakup?

I feel...invaded.

Has someone ever done this to you? How did you handle it?

Depends what she said
Guilt perhaps? Looking for forgiveness so she can feel better about herself?

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Maybe she just wanted to re-open old wounds and see if she can still
push your buttons.

Don't go back. It will happen all over again just like it did before. Old dynamics do not die. Really. ignore it. Time to move on.

Sometimes when a person is experiencing current doubts about his or her worth, they fall back to those that make them feel worthy again. Maybe she had a bad day or week, maybe someone said something hurtful to her and now she is looking for something or someone to give her ego a boost.

On the other hand, maybe she has grown, and realises she lost something very good with you.

Now that I read my post, I see this is probably no help.

Either way, tread carefully.

Question: do you want to repeat your past?

If yes, restart your relationship.

If no, then, how possible is it that she's changed significantly in one year?

If "not at all" then RUN.

IF "I think we've both grown up in the past year and she is worth another shot even if it doesn't work out," then proceed to restart your relationship but with caution. Have an escape plan.

If you know that if it goes badly again you will be emotionally destroyed, then weigh the risk
Carefully.

Good luck.

I've played both sides of that filthy coin. Typically, the motives aren't genuine.

Reminds me of a song:


Sweet dreams are made of these
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas,
Everybody's looking for something.
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

It's funny though. We tell ourselves we are over someone then BOOM! Something happens and we're not.

Smoke from a distant fire.
There's a reason why you moved on.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

It's hard to say without knowing intimate details about your relationship.

This happened to me too, not too long ago. Had a bitter break up and she ended up coming around a year later but I stood my ground regardless of the feelings I still had for her (I still did) because I knew some of the issues we had could not be solved and I wasn't willing to go through it all over again.

I like you, narcoleptic Buddha.

originally posted by: schuyler
Don't go back. It will happen all over again just like it did before. Old dynamics do not die. Really. ignore it. Time to move on.

Totally heed this advice.

When an old love comes back around it's usually because they miss how you made them feel about themselves, not because of how they feel about you.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

""I have once or twice made rude, offensive, hyperbolic statements regarding women, dating, couplehood etc. ''

I said more than just a mere couple. Monogamy isn't natural to begin with, and that 'the right one' thing a total scam.
It's always based on money and looks and 'Lady and the tramp' type secernos are extremely rare.

originally posted by: kosmicjack
When an old love comes back around it's usually because they miss how you made them feel about themselves, not because of how they feel about you.

Might be the most succinct relationship advice I've ever seen on the Internet.

a reply to: kosmicjack

Right. I agree. I am just not in the mood to play defense against a known charmer. She is used to getting her way and will make it a personal challenge to herself.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: kosmicjack

Right. I agree. I am just not in the mood to play defense against a known charmer. She is used to getting her way and will make it a personal challenge to herself.

That last phrase is telling. it's not about you. Now, the cool thing about the Internet and social media as a method of contact is that you can IGNORE them. If you reply, even to say, "Hey!" then the hook is set.

We're rootin' for ya!

Run, as fast as you can, away from her.

You were "almost" free.

Here's the thing. Different people "pull out" different things within us. This is why two people can be miserable together, think that each other is a bad person, and then break up and each find someone else that they are much happier with.

There's nothing wrong with either person.

But, put these two particular individuals together, and you get poison.

It's not you, it's not her, it's the combination of you both.

When Hydrogen meets Oxygen it explodes.

Yet, when Hydrogen meets Carbon it doesn't, and when Oxygen meets Helium nothing much occurs.

The same thing happens between people.

If you go back into the same relationship, expect exactly the same results.

You can't change this.

Stay free !

Run! It will just repeat its old ways. She probably didn't find the grass was greener and wants back on the ranch. It will end the same when she thinks she finds more greener grass.

In my case, letting my ex come back 7 years after our divorce ended with her shooting me in the neck with a 12ga 00mag buckshot while sleeping in my bed. 23 major surgeries. Psychopath! Hence, RUN LIKE HELL!

You truly never know.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Don't Come Around Here No More

a reply to: schuyler

You're right. I need to call a locksmith ASAP. She could still have my apartment key.