Girlfriend wants to leave me

a reply to: misterhistory

I understand and have been there myself in life, the pain is the same as grief in my opinion, same deep loss.
I am no counsellor but whenever I've felt that loss the first thing I do is # with someone new on a one night no strings stand.

May not work for everyone but for me the more new sexual partners after a split of love then easier to desensitise the loss.

You should know the value of what you bring to the relationship instead of feeling like you're punching above your weight, if your efforts aren't reciprocated or appreciated then it's time to be single.

You can't beg somebody to stay with you dude, it'll destroy what's left of your self esteem and she will lose whatever respect she has for you. If it works and she stays she'll feel pressured and will be looking for an out anyway.

a reply to: misterhistory

Don't listen to all the naysayers, follow Augie's advice:

Send her flowers every day.
Make her a mix tape as often as you can.
Call her all the time and start crying while you tell her you cannot live without her.
Park outside her house nightly.
Hire someone to 'mug' her and then jump out of the bushes and beat the crap out of the 'mugger'.

She'll be yours again in no time.

originally posted by: SlapMonkey
a reply to: misterhistory

Generally speaking, you can't make someone feel something that they claim that they don't. All you should do in this situation is be yourself--if that means going out of your way to try to woo her to stay, then do it, but don't overdo it, or it could push her away farther from you.

It sucks, man, and I'm lucky enough to have not ever been broken up with, but I have had the scenario where someone I had feelings for did not have them for me, and that, I guess, is as similar as I can get to your situation, and it sucked, so I'm guessing yours is to another level.

I think my only advice would be this old cliché: Let her go. If she comes back, it was meant to be.

But by all means, don't try to artificially prop up something that apparently isn't there anymore on her behalf.

Those blow up dolls sure don't say much do they?

Once a girl knows how much you love her its over for you. Whenever my girl says she loves me I pull a Bender and say "Shut up baby I know it" Works 60% of the time every time.

But for real you can never be to clingy nor to unattached. Its a thin rope you walk when in a relationship. Care to much and your smothering her care to little and you don't care enough.

My advice is if she has already told you she has not been giving it her all than forget about it dude. She has prob already moved on looking for the BBD (bigger better deal). Just give her the deuces and find someone who will give you their heart and soul. You deserve nothing less than 100%

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: misterhistory

Don't listen to all the naysayers, follow Augie's advice:

Send her flowers every day.
Make her a mix tape as often as you can.
Call her all the time and start crying while you tell her you cannot live without her.
Park outside her house nightly.
Hire someone to 'mug' her and then jump out of the bushes and beat the crap out of the 'mugger'.

She'll be yours again in now time.

Decent advice, but remember the I "the mugger" comes at you, don't hit him so hard. Remember, he's there to help. (my nose still hurts, thanks pal.)

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Who the # has a tape player these days?!

a reply to: network dude

LOL...only if you put them in front of a speaker and play Marilynn Monroe singing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President"

Wait, what?

originally posted by: grainofsand
Who the # has a tape player these days?!

I'm sure he can find a good thrift shop. Maybe they even have some tapes of the Minister of Mope, Morrissey, laying around. He can play those too.

'Everyday is like Sunday, then I hung myself on the shower rod...'

If she doesn't want you, you don't need her.
Tell her to not let the door hit her in the ass when she leaves.

originally posted by: network dude
Decent advice, but remember the I "the mugger" comes at you, don't hit him so hard. Remember, he's there to help. (my nose still hurts, thanks pal.)

Yeah, solid point. It just needs to look convincing.

Hey OP, do some Kung Fu moves when you 'defend' her. Chicks dig the martial arts.

I wouldn't listen to anyone else except Augie's and only most of his, not every part.
Don't park outside her house every night, park down the street every other night and use binocs.

Hahah, but really, don't give up if you Love her.

All of these people here would make terrible husbands or wives, they'd get a divorce over nothing because they don't understand commitment or perseverance.

She could just be in a weird mood or something. Who knows?
Step up your game and show her how you feel, Love her if it's in you.

Giving up is just ridiculous, in my opinion.
But hey, there's only one way to win. It's up to you.

She's not right for you.

Remember, for a relationship to be truly "right", it has to be for BOTH people. If it's not right for her, then it automatically becomes "not right" for you.

Move on.

as someone whos been in about a dozen serious relationships i can tell you from my perspective that number one you have to be secure in yourself before any relationship has a real chance at working, and even then it will only work if the other person is ALSO secure in themselves.

Relationships of all kind are inherently difficult anyway, but romantic/love/committed relationships are THE hardest. They tend to reveal all the aspects of a person that need development.

Chances are, im making an assumption here, that neither you nor she are "older"....and also its likely neither of you have done alot of deep soul searching and seeking after self knowledge. Self knowledge is not something that happens accidentally. We CAN experience moments of awareness....getting a peek here and there into the self and what makes us tick, but in my opinion and according to my experience self knowledge is something that one must truly labor after and it is a long painful process....also a rewarding process....but a process that most people appear to either be unaware of or have little interest in.

So....get yourself some good philosophy books and start asking yourself the "hard questions" of life. There is no substitute for this, believe me. I do like alot of the more pop style "life coaching" things out there too, but those tend to not get really deep in some of the most critical areas and tend to be more motivational in nature.

When you start to really see yourself do yourself a favor and try to not be too emotional or over reactive about it. If youre really honest youre going to find some things that really bother you....that is normal. The true path of wisdom and self knowledge takes the good and the bad and treats them with fairness. It doesnt do anyone any favors to either be TOO hard on themselves for their shortcomings, nor to over emphasize their strong points to the point of absurdity or exaggeration.
Try to approach the process with a balanced emotional state, as a learner.

As you get deeper and go longer into this process you will start meeting people that are interested in the same thing. It tends to happen very randomly and often without any planning. You might be sitting in a coffee shop or on the bus reading Kirkegaard or Nietzche and someone will strike up a conversation with you.

What are your hobbies? are they superficial ones like watching tv and playing video games? Learn an instrument, learn some poetry or free verse by heart. Focus on mental and soul/spiritual culture. Imagine if you were ever put in a prison with no reading material or things to watch.....would you have anything in your brain to keep you from going insane? Mental culture....super super important. One must have a rich thought life and imagination to be interesting to the kinds of people that make truly good and long lasting friends. Try to become the kind of person that others want to be around because youre just so darn interesting.

Our culture is very superficial.....where so many people are just looking for the next new or interesting thing to distract their attention from thinking about themselves and how empty they are. A person who is rich and full of ideas and imagination and content absorbed from the best sources of creative endeavor will never be bored and will require little in the way of entertainment and glitzy, flashy nonsense.

I know this is a painful time for you. Pain is a stark but often a good and necessary teacher. We often learn from from hard times than good times. I dont know why it seems to always be that way, but many in history have noticed this trend in the human experience.

Whatever you do, hang in there. Remind yourself of the truth and reality of things often. Remember that there are almost or about SEVEN BILLION people in the world. As a world traveler myself, and having met hundreds of people online and in person i can ASSURE you that you will never run out of amazing and beautiful people to meet. And i mean beautiful on the outside as well as on the inside.

take care!

I wouldn't want a relationship with nearly any of you.
Yall sound terrible.

Except you Augie.
I like dedicated caring types.

a reply to: misterhistory

The woman I'm currently seeing had broken up with me and based on the last conversation that we had had, I didn't think there was any chance of a reconciliation.

Then a few months down the road, I got a text from her asking how I was doing and if I'd even be willing to be friends and talk to her. I was in love with her so of course I was. We chatted for a while and ended up seeing each other again.

Sometimes the best course is to accept it and move on. If it's meant to be it will be.

Jaden

a reply to: misterhistory

There is a lot of sound advice given by members here and i agree withe the sentiment, you can't convince someone to feel the same way you do.
I believe you should accept the others feelings and appreciate whatever level of relationship she has to offer, and that she is honest about things... if it is plutonic friendship she wants or absolutely cutting the cord between you altogether.

pure love energy shouldn't hurt, what hurts is, IMHO, unrecipricated expectations not being met...i recommend you get past whatever holds You back from from finding a love where the romantic feelings are mutual and where,
You Can Believe that the/a person (in the universe) wants the same level of romantic intimacy that you do or is with you, because you are in the same place, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and connect, are compatable with , ect...

Hurt feelings can be let go and pass, as much as it sucks...but keep your heart open and believe that love is within and without you, just waiting somewhere, someday!

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: misterhistory

Don't listen to all the naysayers, follow Augie's advice:

Send her flowers every day.
Make her a mix tape as often as you can.
Call her all the time and start crying while you tell her you cannot live without her.
Park outside her house nightly.
Hire someone to 'mug' her and then jump out of the bushes and beat the crap out of the 'mugger'.

She'll be yours again in no time.

And when he's served with the restraint order, he might even get her autograph!

originally posted by: ColaTesla
Stop chasing her, for a couple of reasons

A - you cant make somebody love you

B - You become 10x more appealing if you don't chase her.

Once in the friend zone, there's no getting out....

This is correct and an odd quirk of people and women...But don't do it with the intentions of getting her back just value yourself more than she does.

originally posted by: misterhistory
Okay, I met someone of the kind that one can't believe you're theirs. Obviously with the title I have I'm not her's currently as of the past two days. Looking for advice on any way I could convince her to stay with me. She's saying it's because she's not been giving it her all, but if what she had done over the past couple of months isn't her all, then I want to try to get it instead of lose all of it.

If you need more details to help answer my quest. Feel free to ask, though anything about messages sent between me and her are probably going to have to go through pm if I even feel it's appropriate. Thanks if you can help, don't just say I'm screwed and a looser, the messages between me and here are so freakishly similar to when I dumped my ex fiancée so I already know how bad the situation is.

Erm, sorry but, that last sentence is the key. If you dumped your ex fiancee then presumably she had the same thoughts about you as you are having now about your current girlfriend. So ask yourself what could your ex have said to keep you?.........aha.......so there we have it. Nothing really.

Hormones and sex are a bast.rd they warp your thinking. If a relationship is worth saving (before the committal stage) then it will happen without any extra effort which means there won't be a "worth saving" situation. Catch 22 kicks in.

Let relationships take their course. Be you and if "you" is not enough with whoever you are with then forget it. It might mean some "new you" work but don't even try with the current relationship. "New You's" work only months/years down the line when the "new you" is obvious to the "new her".

Different if you are in a committed relationship though with kids, marriage etc