My brother said... (about dress code and rape)

that the problem with wearing short shorts and wearing revealing clothes is that there are rapists out there.

I was making the point that we should all basically get to wear whatever we like and if people stare then that's ok as long as no one crosses that line and invades your personal space and if you don't like being looked at then it is up to you to change your wardrobe, and etc. It's not rocket science. Being looked at isn't illegal, and it's not offensive imo. Everyone looks at everyone anyhow.

But my brother made the point that there are people who will cross that line so that's the problem so that's why we should watch what we wear.

And at first it sounds like a valid point , except I just remembered something that my therapist told me once and I'll never forget it because it's that important. She said... it's not about what you look like, at all. Because when I was young and when it happened to me? I basically looked like I was 8 years old and also I never wore makeup and I wore baggy clothes all the time. I was basically looking like a big baggy dork. I wasn't wearing short shorts and tight tanktops.

My therapist told me it's not because of what you look like... so it's not about what you're wearing. Rape isn't confined to any age or dress code. It's about control. For me, it wasn't short shorts that invited rape into my life... and the elderly are victims of rape so it's not about physical appearances at all.

So, we shouldn't continue to breed shame about our bodies via a stricter dress code... because if you keep going in that direction you'll just end up in a burka. And people will still be getting assaulted. Because rape isn't bound to any particular dress code and can't be prevented via dress code. That is all that I'm saying now.

a reply to: geezlouise

Victim blaming is a cornerstone of rape culture.

It doesn't matter what somebody is wearing. If they are sexually assaulted, that blame falls 100% on the attacker and NOBODY else. To think otherwise is some old testament bs.

a reply to: Abysha

Yes absolutely and also I feel like I never got to be a victim so when people talk about how they were once in the "victim" mentality but got out of it and now act like heros because they didn't want to be the "victim" anymore?

I just feel pissed off about it because what's wrong with being a victim when you're actually a victim? I say that's more than ok, it's appropriate. But people just act like you're a baby when you're legit just a victim of crime. And if you're getting raped and decide you're not a victim? Then it's not rape.

So I just want to say... we should be allowed to be the victim. Yes. It's ok to be a victim. It's not ok but you know what I mean. It's appropriate. It's what happens sometimes. Let's stop denying it.

originally posted by: geezlouise
a reply to: Abysha

Yes absolutely and also I feel like I never got to be a victim so when people talk about how they were once in the "victim" mentality but got out of it and now act like heros because they didn't want to be the "victim" anymore? I just feel pissed off anymore because what's wrong with being a victim when you're actually a victim? I say that's more than ok, it's appropriate. But people just act like you're a baby when you're legit just a victim of crime. And if you're getting raped and decide your not a victim? Then it's not rape.

So I just want to say... we should be allowed to be the victim. Yes. It's ok to be a victim. It's not ok but you know what I mean. It's appropriate. It's what happens sometimes. Let's stop denying it.

Holy crap, that's perfect. I think those dots were always almost connected in my head but you really just laid it out there. Thank you.

so, successful people shouldn`t have nice things because criminals will rob them. what the hell kind of thinking is that?

I have a better idea, let hard working people buy all the nice things that they want and lets start getting tough with the criminals and tossing them in prison for a very long time.

a reply to: Abysha

Thank you for your contribution, without it I wouldn't have went there!

a reply to: Tardacus

Delivering fast speedy consequences for criminal actions is key to prevention of future criminal actions. IMO! Yes yes.

Applause...
S&F for OP,
And stars for all thus far.


I'm not too sold on the rape culture narrative, but victim blaming is wrong, even doing so borderlines a crime in it's self when warranted(against a true victim of the crime) and definitely it is the attackers fault %100.

I think you're a smart and brave young lady and seem to have things figured out for yourself...bravo.

I appreciate you starting what could be a controversial thread and expressing yourself so well. It's always nice to read subjects like this as I'm a single ole fart and tend to be far too insensitive to the fairer sexes point of view.

Thanks for sharing (you also Abysha) and giving me insight into something I would otherwise be clueless about.

a reply to: geezlouise

Right up to the day she passed away, my Mom would not hesitate to slap the back of my head if I said or did something stupid. Knowing what you went through, for your brother to tell you that how someone dresses is in any way responsible for a sexual assault is definitely a slap-worthy comment. The back of my head hurts just thinking about it.

a reply to: geezlouise

Yes, certain types of rape is about power and control. Still, what about date rape, statuatory rape, and the pedophiles? These are all recognized as types of rape. Power and control are not the motive to them all. Date rape is just straight up lust accompanied by a mixture of weak-will and weak-mind. It is equally dispicable to regular rape, but in these cases it may or may not have a lot to do with the victims' way of dressing. No, this isn't to blame the victim. However, there should always be a distinction between common sense and fault. The fault and blame should always rest solely on the rapists shoulders, and the rapist should always be brought to justice.

If a kid gets raped it is never their fault, but we still teach them not to accept candy from strangers. We also teach them to dress appropriately if for no other reason than classiness. But we don't blame them. Women who wear provocative clothing do indeed invite unwanted attention. Again, it's solely the fault of the rapist if they get raped, but in the same way as children they should be encouraged to dress more appropriately because it is the wise thing to do. Also, if for no other reason than classiness. That a big issue people have with women dressing like a hooker.

a reply to: filthyphilanthropist

I would rather live in a world where we all get to walk around naked if we wanted to, knowing we are relatively safe doing it- than live in a world where we need to cover up and still fear being assaulted. That's my personal direction though. I'm tired of the shame of having a body and being human.

You dress like a hoe, you will get treated like one.

Im not saying that rape is ever justified, but if you go out in public looking like a two dollsr hooker, that is how you will be treated.

This goes in all walks of life. There is s reason for the saying "dress for success".

When i dressed like a corner thug, i got treated like one even though i was a nerd. I stoped dressing like a thug and surprise, i stopped being treated like one.

People who think there is no correlation (not all rape cases, obviously) between amount of skin shown and rape are in denial/deluded, imo..

Its not about blaming victims, either...

Id like to live in OPs naked dream world too....but society is what it is...grow up..

a reply to: Edumakated

I do not disagree.

What I am saying is that as long as a certain line isn't crossed, it's all fair play. People can look. And people will treat you however they treat you and to a certain degree you aid their behavior with your physical appearance. I absolutely agree with that.

But also what I'm suggesting is that maybe... it's possible for us to be more accepting of one another, more naked with one another, less judging and thus free to be whatever we are truly are without sexualizing everything or being ashamed of our own sexuality or insecure of having bodies and we should never be afraid of being raped whenever we decide to show some ankle. Honestly it's ridiculous.

And if I dress like a ho its still not an invitation for rape. It may be an invitation to be looked at, to get sexual attention from others, but not rape and assault. No one wants to be raped, truly.

I had a sweetie in Australia. She is very petite, She went to the beach in a bikini. Some muslim glabed her, and picked her up and began running with her in his arms. He was taking her to rape her. Guys on the beach saw, and pursued, yelling all the way. He threw her down, hurting her knees, but she was spared. Beware of backward people and cultures who do not respect women

a reply to: Tucket

Idk, I think you're the one who's showing ignorance.

And we've really got no excuse. Because there's that wealth of information at the ends of our fingertips, all of that knowledge just sitting there in a mountainous pile just waiting for you to sift through it and make sense of it all and find the answers... it's called google and the internet. But you don't want the answers. Do you?

I'll probably get crucified here but....

If I'm parking my car in an area that I know has alot of theft, I don't leave my laptop on the passenger seat in full view of passers by, and I hide my wallet to remove temptation from those who lack the self control and decency to respect other peoples property.

If I live in an area known for drug abuse and violence, I avoid where possible walking around late at night in badly lit back alleys to avoid ending up in a fight with some jacked up neanderthal looking for someone to take his anger out on.

If I'm having lunch with a recovering alcoholic, I'll grab a coke instead of a beer so they aren't tempted to start drinking again.

If I'm with a group of highly educated people, I'll keep my opinion to myself unless I know enough about the topic to provide a half intelligent response to avoid looking like an idiot and losing their respect.

If I feel like going for a hoon, I'll head to the race track but make sure I check fluids, brakes, wheels etc beforehand to avoid finding myself heading towards a wall at 150km/h without any brakes or tires.

If you know that you're at risk of being the victim of rape (in a bad area, walking alone at night, walking somewhere that's secluded and away from the public eye etc), why would you create additional risk for yourself by dressing provocatively? Note that I'm not "victim blaming" here, I'm not saying you should be ashamed of your body. I'm saying, if you know there is a risk of something bad happening, why would you not take actions to minimise that risk?

The reality is that no matter how hard we try, there will always be bad elements in society. People willing to murder, rob, rape, pillage and generally cause pain and misery on those around them. So instead of getting up on a high horse about how the world should be (then acting surprised when expectations don't match reality), why not do what you can to avoid negative encounters with those elements, while society as a whole continues to find better ways to deal with them? If you can't avoid encounters, then do whatever's in your power to minimise the potential of sickos doing something bad to you (eg: if you can't avoid a bad area/person the cover up until you're back in a safe environment, keep your phone handy to call someone and have something in your bag to defend yourself if worst comes to worst).

originally posted by: Edumakated
You dress like a hoe, you will get treated like one.

Im not saying that rape is ever justified, but if you go out in public looking like a two dollsr hooker, that is how you will be treated.

This goes in all walks of life. There is s reason for the saying "dress for success".

When i dressed like a corner thug, i got treated like one even though i was a nerd. I stoped dressing like a thug and surprise, i stopped being treated like one.

I'm just curious. If you had a son and witnessed him making rude gestures and shouting foul things to a woman who was scantily clad, would you just say "Well son, she is dressed like a slut so she must enjoy your rude behavior"?

Are you actually saying it's okay to be disrespectful to somebody because of the way they present themselves? Is that what you've taught your children?

a reply to: filthyphilanthropist

That was a hard read. I really hope you don't believe that....it's the opposite of everything the op said.

My precious daughter was a young teen raped in my own yard-I was inside sick with pneumonia. When she finally told me I went into a rage- I'm a big mama bear. My uncle the sheriff got him run outta town-I made sure he was thrown out of school-had to leave the state (he was living with relatives) but she was cruelly treated even by her own cousin and others at the school because he was big football player.

She was victimized over and over again-finally-she went to a private school.

The rape counselor and the law enforcement said nothing would happen to him legally so pressing charges wouldn't help. Georgia doesn't protect victims or make rapists pay very often-it would just traumatize her more-so, she was victimized again-yeah Georgia.

My daughter was a 14 year old tom boy. And dressed like one.

That pos is probably in jail now-he is worthless human flesh. It doesn't matter what you wear or how you act-rapists rape.

a reply to: geezlouise

I'd ask your brother how he would feel if he had to worry about what he chose to wear on a day to day basis,if he faced the prospect of being raped by some (male) pervert.

If he can't imagine that happening to him, remind him of what can happen in a prison.