Are men and women the same at the start of dating?

I saw the video below recently, and it made me consciously aware of how important looks are to both sexes in the beginning stages of dating. I would summarize it like this:

If I had a chance to date a woman who looks as gorgeous as women such as Claudia Schiffer or Catherine Zeta Jones did in their prime, I'm going on the date almost no matter what.

That's what the video below exposes. I've read about how concerned women are with a man's confidence or wealth, but my experience has been that if a woman likes a man enough, she'll ignore almost any bad traits the man has in order to give him as much of a chance as possible. That's exactly what you see in the video below.


www.youtube.com...

All of this really hit home just recently. I saw a woman for the first time in about six months who I want to date. We've been discussing a date for months, but she's been too busy. She promised we could go out soon. As we were talking together, I could feel how much attention she was giving to looking at my face. If I hadn't seen the video above, it may not have been so apparent to me. Meanwhile, I realized how much attention I was giving to her face. She looked ill and gloomy. I was slightly repulsed by it (involuntarily), and the thought went through my mind that I shouldn't go out with her based on her appearance. I had to consciously stop myself from thinking that way. I know why she looked that way. She's under a ton of stress. It was enlightening for me to able to see how both of us were focusing on each other's faces. I believe it was exactly the same on both sides.

a reply to: Profusion

My short answer is

Sir, I have no idea what women think but I'm pretty sure this is true.

You, sir, are thinking way too much about this. That's a bad move. Don't try to figure out women if you're a man and vice versa. It doesn't matter how one meets a potential partner as long as you initialy just simply get along. Everything else will take care of itself.

a reply to: Profusion

Interesting.

There is a woman I know, who is going through an awful lot at the moment. She is suffering physical pain, mental stresses associated therewith, and all the hassles of work and life. Sometimes she seems plumb tuckered out, ready to crawl inside a cocoon and rest for all time. Sometimes she laughs and smiles despite it all...

And no matter which it happens to be on a given day, I relate to those things deeply, and I respect them totally. She has a most unconquerable soul, a warriors heart, and I find that not only worthy of respect, but deeply attractive. It never once occurs to me that her hair perhaps being a touch out of place, or her face wan with stress, ought to be unattractive, because the way that she deals with her burdens fills me with admiration, and so all I see is beauty.

While I find her physically attractive of course, it is her determination to meet the day with both middle fingers raised, no matter how much weight the world puts upon her, which defines her as a personality, and I cannot help but be enamoured of that personality, because it is both beautiful, wrathful, placid and at once chaotic, and the combination is profoundly pleasing. Though I would wish her life to be less of a trouble than it is to her, I consider myself fortunate to know that part of her which stands despite fatigue, which carries on despite unfavourable odds, because that sort of person is one you can trust to have your back, even when hell itself comes to claim you.

a reply to: Profusion

Have not seen the video, however, i get what you mean about CS and CZJ, i mean, who in their right mind wouldn't given the opportunity right? in saying that ... just off your comments and not the video, i would not turn anyone away just because of their looks, ill or healthy looking, people are people regardless and i guess i'm just me, to meet new people and have different discussions is a wonderful thing.

I guess i am a personality person 1st rather than a looks person 1st

originally posted by: TheAlleghenyGentleman
a reply to: Profusion

My short answer is

Sir, I have no idea what women think but I'm pretty sure this is true.

You, sir, are thinking way too much about this. That's a bad move. Don't try to figure out women if you're a man and vice versa. It doesn't matter how one meets a potential partner as long as you initialy just simply get along. Everything else will take care of itself.

The truth will set you free. How can one "think too much" about anything when ignorance is a killer of all good things while truth is the greatest liberator?

Did you watch the video in the original post? It exposes the simple fact that essentially...

Men and women are basically the same at the start of dating.

That's my conclusion. I didn't come to that conclusion due to the video, but the video made me realize what I've been seeing my whole life.

It helped me to realize that the whole "women emphasize confidence in a man" thing is basically a lie. I've never understood that because it has not been my experience. Women will excuse almost anything in a potential mate if they like them enough just like men will. That's just one of the lies I realized about all this.

a reply to: TrueBrit

You haven't asked her out yet? jeeze its been weeks!!! ....go for it True for gods sake , dont force me to put a Donny Osmond video up here LOL

Interesting video

20 min in and its not bad
3 highlights for me have been the blue/red pill thing, to me it seemed like a perfect metaphor for the Left/Right political paradigm
The old 50 shades of grey guy, I know its not funny but I couldnt help but piss myself laughing (for non Aussies, that phrase is not to be taken literally)
And its made me realise Im most likely ugly

Informative and a decent way to kill 30 min

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

OK, when i get home i HAVE to watch the video, thanks for spiking my interest in this one

i want to try and keep this short and sweet!

I spent several years studying social dynamics and taking seminars from the guys at RSD (real social dynamics)... its unbelievable how subconscious nuances can have such a polar effect on attractiveness from yourself or a mate.

But after reading your thread i understand that you too have a lot of uncontrolled issues in the way you speak and think through certain situations.

I highly recommend watching some RSD videos in order to further your understanding of how your indecisiveness and lack of authority is both unattractive to women and to business partners/ hiring bosses.

Heres a video to start on! give you the basics

Women are really adept at rationalisation and a woman that is heavily attracted to guy will rationalise just about anything. Take the example of convicted serial killers and mass murderers that get fan mail and wedding proposals.

a reply to: TrueBrit

As bad as this may sound...

If the woman I mentioned at the end of the original post was always ill and gloomy looking like the last time I saw her, I don't think I would be perusing a date with her now. In terms of the structure of her face and her body, I think she's gorgeous. She has a great personality too.

I suppose I'm a little too superficial. I don't know what to do about that.

originally posted by: AMNicks
I highly recommend watching some RSD videos in order to further your understanding of how your indecisiveness and lack of authority is both unattractive to women and to business partners/ hiring bosses.

Are you directing that at me?

The Internet is not real life. I've made it clear before that "Profusion" is a persona. I'm not trying to make friends here (anymore) or impress anyone. You've intrigued me. What specifically have I written that displayed "indecisiveness and lack of authority"?

"Indecisiveness and lack of authority" is what I try to project to get replies...

a reply to: Profusion

Sure, men and women are the same when they begin dating if those two people are from the same culture. If from the same culture men and women usually have the same immediate goal set in mind. If those same two people are from different cultures this makes those goals harder to achieve. I still stand by my original thought that over thinking a relationship leads to problems. The key to any relationship is flexibility and understanding. Defining any relationship by what you think other people need it to be is a sure way to fail.

a reply to: corblimeyguvnor

Hahahaha!

Oh mercy, anything but that!

a reply to: Profusion

Profusion,

Depending on what you are looking for in life, it may not be necessary to "do" anything about it at all.

If for example, you are looking to simply engage in regular sexual gymnastics with someone who also holds her end of a conversation, then perhaps you need change nothing, assuming all parties are consenting on that basis. But if your desire is to hold a long term commitment to a person, live a life with a person, share something deep with a person, then that is a different matter. I have read of your various histories with women before, and it seems to me that one of the points of failure you outlined previously, has been a breakdown in like purpose between yourself and the target of your affections.

The trouble is, that things do not remain the same, change is the only constant. But loving someone enough to remain with them despite change, which is the only way for a long association to exist at all, requires certain depth of feeling, transcendent of mere superficiality. Simply put, relationships are not all alike, they contain different instigating factors dependent on the individuals involved, and the type and length and strength of a commitment, depends largely on the depth of character which informs it and the depth to which the affection holding it all together, permeates through the relationship itself, and the people in it.

In short, whether you need to change something, depends on what you are trying to achieve.

@TrueBrit :

See special thread that I have created just for you mate.

Warmest respects

Lags
a reply to: TrueBrit

True beauty comes from within .
Pretty faces often hide evil hearts .

a reply to: Profusion

Hey Profusion,

Yes it was directed at you and i dont mean any harm by it.

Many men now-a-days have this problem and it isn't anything to be ashamed or angry about.. its common mistakes men make during social interactions that the average person wouldn't pick up on (unless they were educated on these issues).

I also agree that of course your not trying to "pull" me on here, but its more the persona of your message that allows me to know you may have some of these issues, that cause indecisiveness or "beta" traits.

A few examples for you:

If I had a chance to date a woman who looks as gorgeous as women such as Claudia Schiffer or Catherine Zeta Jones did in their prime

This is subconsciously portraying to me that you dont feel like that it is a possibility - the "if" clause shows this.

We've been discussing a date for months

she's been too busy

She promised we could go out soon

These are all "Beta" structures!

Its always someone elses fault.. shes to busy.. he knew the boss.. she was stressed to she will decide.

There is no control here from yourself!

Be proactive!

Now instead you TELL HER your taking her out, not where but just a time! tell her to be ready! no excuses!

The reason she probably looks so ill, is the fact she has beta males surrounding her and wants a man to stand strong and dominate her life!

a reply to: TrueBrit

I can understand how you could get that type of impression based on what I've posted. My posts on these issues are like an iceberg, you can only see 10% or less of the complete situation.

originally posted by: AMNicks
No you tell her your taking her out, not where but just a time! tell her to be ready! no excuses!

The reason she probably looks so ill, is the fact she has beta males surrounding her and wants a man to stand strong and dominate her life!

She's so busy that she doesn't have enough time to do her laundry. She told me she can't do any social interactions at all right now and it's been that way for months. I can't tell you about her exact situation, but I know it's true.

"This is subconsciously portraying to me that you dont feel like that it is a possibility - the "if" clause shows this."

I don't recall ever meeting anyone as beautiful as Claudia Schiffer or Catherine Zeta Jones in their primes. What are the odds that I'll get to date someone like that if I've never even met someone like that? Also, I word things like that because you have to consider the other side...if I come off as being too confident, I may get jumped on for sounding arrogant. I have to write a certain way because my posts get picked apart here. Just exactly like what you just did.

I'm humble by nature anyway. It may be a possibility, but if I emphasize that it makes me sound arrogant.

I don't want my threads to go off on tangents, so I try to proactively appease people. That makes me sound weak sometimes, but it's just the nature of the beast.

a reply to: VengefulGhost

The eyes are a window to the soul. This is all not as simple as you think... Do you believe in auras?

originally posted by: VengefulGhost
True beauty comes from within .
Pretty faces often hide evil hearts .

If you are male and match that criteria lots of women will be only to happy to date/be objectified by you/sleep with you.

a reply to: Profusion

I hear you brother! Just want you to be able to get everything you want! Men should RISE EACHOTHER UP..

How old are you if you dont mind me asking?