Any advice on Dealing with Grief ?

I have learned I'm not alone in my grief.

That lots of people have those days and weeks of depression.

I had a family member that went to a program.

She says it really helped her.

I'm not the "group setting " type. I was raised depression is weakness.

Enough BS, it is extremely tough.

What works besides passage of time.

So, if anyone has any advice. I'm not a big reader

(yeah, I know you're shocked).

Thoughts ? Anything work for you ?

Not big on music either (collected gasp).

Thanks

a reply to: whyamIhere

Hmm...I think it depends on the type of grief and the gravity of it, to be perfectly honest. I doubt any catch-all really works for all types of grief or suffering.


But, a lot of people have had decent results with pets. Especially dogs.



ETA: While group settings may not work for you, corresponding, in whatever way you MAY be comfortable with, with like-type grieving or sufferers tends to lend collective support simply by hearing that you aren't the only one experiencing it.

a reply to: whyamIhere

Gosh, no music, written words or group hugs?

You're making it kind of tough.

I still like going to the woods and hiking and when I'm there sometimes the person that I am grieving will just cross my mind as if carried on the wind.

It can be therapeutic (for me anyway) to stop and be still and just remember them in that moment, in the beauty of nature.

I tried to shorten that up (since you're not a big reader).

Just something that has always helped me and still helps to this day.

Stay strong.

a reply to: whyamIhere
Im the same way, i seen depression as a weekness that would screw off given enough time.
Well for people it does work like that, for others talking to someone one on one is ideal.
Google depression councilers online.
Im lucky, my work provides grief counciling through our benefits.
Mining is a dangerous job, everyday we hear of so and so from one of our neighboring mines, has died in an accident.

Find someone you can talk to openly.
Its the best medicine.

In the last 2 years, I have lost many people that I loved. Time is the only thing that works. No camps, no counselors, no group hugs or crying on someone's shoulder.
Time.

Different things work for different people. Diversions help like watching movies or reading a good book, spending time with a good friend or family members. Pets usually bring a smile or some level of comfort. Being out in nature helps. Sometimes, you just have to ride the wave and hope the next day is better. Take one day at a time. Share your thoughts and feelings with others.

Depression is not a sign of weakness, it is part of being human and having to face some bad things in life.

After losing my daughter 16 years ago, I found the thing that helped me the most was to talk. Not just talk about it once, but I talked a lot and often times repeated the same damn things over and over and over.. until I found that I annoyed even myself. Don't stop talking either, just get that # out every time it comes into your head, which is quite often always.

I also am a big fan of getting outside, not just taking a walk in your neighborhood, but go on a hike away from the town/city. And of course a dog or a pet is a huge help! I used to take my dog out on a hike and get out of the town for a bit. I'm in Colorado right against the foothills of the Rocky Mountains so I would go find the most remote path I could find and just walk and walk and walk.. after a while the pounding of my feet reverberated inside my head loud enough that it drowned out my own thoughts.

a reply to: whyamIhere


Ummm...what works for me...I know it sounds really simplistic...is not trying to hide from what I feel and what I go through...
What I mean by that is...I don't try to smother my emotions with medication...
I think that some of the most alive times are in adversity...and especially in how I respond to the adverse...

That which works best...is when I externalize my thought process and puzzle on the miraculous...those thousand and one quaint things that occur on the edge of periphery...It's amazing how much smile induced endorphin can be produced by lightly touching with the tip of your tongue to that part of your hard palette behind your upper front teeth...

Every moment is amazing...you only have to be willing to let it be so...




YouSir

a reply to: whyamIhere

Difficult crossword puzzles.

a reply to: MaMaa
Sorry for your loss, a loss I hope that I never have to face.

I would go find the most remote path I could find and just walk and walk and walk.. after a while the pounding of my feet reverberated inside my head loud enough that it drowned out my own thoughts.

That's it!
What a great description.

Then when you reach the summit, to just stare out and realize what a small piece of this huge universe we are and perhaps how we are all connected.

a reply to: whyamIhere

You get used to it. That's all. I doesn't get easier or better. You just get used to it. My lady passed a few years ago. I'm just used to it now.

I'm not big on organized religion but I always rely on prayer.

a reply to: whyamIhere

Hello good person. Think of good thoughts and the amazing energy you have. We as humans get sad and depressed throughout our lives.

I know I do too. When I am feeling down I go outside at night and look at the beautiful stars above. Peace fills my mind knowing that we are not alone.

I don't know if this will work for you but it works for me. Just my thoughts.

Feel better sir.

You just have to wake up everyday and do good. No matter what. Stay busy and work toward the greater good. And, when you invariably get push back, go around it to the next opportunity. Don't fight - SWERVE - go around, yield to the greater good. Find satisfaction in the smallest of victories. Service to others is a HUGE boon. To them and you both.

As the song goes..."# it or fight it, it's all the same".

So why fight? Move on to the next thing you can make better.

We're here too, ya know?

a reply to: TNMockingbird

Thank you, It's been 16 years now, but I always feel like a part of me is missing. I healed even though I am not whole. That said, at the point of my grief there is no way I could have stepped far enough outside of my grief or myself to see that I was just a small piece of a great big place and that we are all connected. Back then I was happy to just make it through the day, to breath in and breath out, and to still be mom to my two boys. It's funny how looking back now, I still remember the cocoon I felt like I was in. Like I could see the world moving and that I was just this little speck in it all, but yet I didn't feel like I was moving with it.

Grief has a way of making your brain separate it'self from anything else going on. Like you sort of check out and just exist outside of it, yet still physically operating within it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it was comforting to know I wasn't alone. I found others who went through the same thing and talked a lot!

originally posted by: Night Star
Depression is not a sign of weakness, it is part of being human and having to face some bad things in life.

Depression is a state of mind. Getting stuck in a constant state of mind is a weakness. To the OP, we remain depressed because we can not find a way to escape the cycle. I can only hope that you find a release.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

Honestly, grief is a powerful thing. It's been known to make people physically ill, even. My mother nearly triggered a heart problem after her father passed purely due to grief, for instance. And she's tough as nails. It can be very daunting. Don't feel compromised by it, it's natural as Night Star said. It's built into us, even our bodies (there's a definite physical component of profound grief.)

I agree with all the previous advice, and in somewhat the same vein of crossword puzzles, I would also add, as weird as it may sound: the most time consuming, grindy, repetitive video game you can find. Nothing too hard, but something that you can eventually forget about and just go through the motions, iteratively. A JRPG or one of those match 3 games (bejeweled, Puzzle Quest, etc.) but something with a sense of progression.

Something that doesn't distract or numb, but at least gives you somewhere for all that energy to go, and something rewarding that makes you feel you've accomplished something.

It could also be exercise, building something, a project like a model kit, one of those huge 1,000 piece puzzles, etc. Whatever it is, at the end of it, whether it be hitting a new weight goal, having a completed model or puzzles, max leveling a character in a game, painting your house, etc. I find enough time has passed that I feel better finally, and I've accomplished something born of my grief.

Or as another poster said, doing things for others, taking solace in knowing that in your own grief - if able - you've helped them. That does wonders too. Though, for me at least, the truth is it just takes time and I have to fill that time with something.

I hope you feel better.

Peace.

a reply to: whyamIhere

Find an activity or interest that you both shared. If the person liked the beach then go to the beach, even just to walk the dog.

Keep the persons memory alive by sharing a funny story with others and have a laugh.

Do something constructive in memory of the person, such as collecting for their favorite charity. If the person died from breast cancer, collect donations for breast cancer research for example.

Grief touches us all at times. There is nothing weak about grieving the lost of a loved one.

I know grief.
Just know that no one can tell you how to deal with it. No one. If youre mad, be mad. Get out what you feel and let it dissipate. My first taste of true grief spurrned me on to fighting. Legally... but contact sports. Its still my go to therapy even at my age. My last match was 2 weeks ago! LOL! Grief never goes away. A part of you has been excised. It doesnt grow back. It SHOULD hurt, but it should heal. The vacant spot it always there though.

With my grandfather we did a thing.. we both had long long braids.. we cut them in his bodys presence and gave him our years.

You grieve how you know you should.. just dont buy into all this BS that isnt true.. it just makes the pain deeper. You will tell you what to do. Listen to yourself.