How to Win Friends and Influence People

I read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, and I pretty much ignored it. My criticism of it is that it teaches a robotic way to make people like you. That is so against my nature that I haven't been able to even consider following it in the past. What do you think of the book and its advice?

Part One
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two
Six ways to make people like you

Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Part Three
Win people to your way of thinking

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.

Part Four
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
SOURCE

I've tried to make friends online recently, and I got criticism concerning my actions that basically amounted to me breaking the advice above. Generally speaking, I don't have to follow the advice above exactly in real life real-time face-to-face relationships because I have a gift for knowing what to say to people. That gift doesn't translate to making friends online for me. Whether I like it or not, the nature of the Internet involves generally robotic-type exchanges that make use of the advice listed above basically a necessity in my opinion.

When I reread the book, I'm going to read the latest edition, How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age. Has anyone read that?

Anonymous online friends areas bad as online dating.

Don't over analyze it.

If you want friends in real life buy a boat.

Boats are fun, people gravitate towards fun.

If you build it, they will come(fun stuff)

a reply to: Mandroid7

Great answer... Derek Zoolander. Quite appropriate too, might I add.

In short...kiss everybody's ass and they will like you.
No Thanks.

a reply to: Profusion

i started reading the list and was sorta agreeing and then it was like some mind warp hypnotist feeling about being friends as aquaintences for first time...
so your focus is internet friendship or real life friendship?
i feel if you are going to listen to a person that you like as friend it should be genuine because your problems aren't in the way at the moment a person opens up about stuff they like or topics they like...
sometimes being around people and hearing them speaking you might find what they are saying interesting and one can always apologize for jumping in on a discussion and see if they do or do not mind...in a public setting
it takes a lot of practicing polite behaviors and feeling that intuition feeling about trying to meet new friends to have fun discussing things...or not have fun and "it is what it is"
Another thoughtful thread Profusion! i am not just saying that...your a fabulous friend and really like your threads!
Happy October!

originally posted by: peppycat
a reply to: Profusion

i started reading the list and was sorta agreeing and then it was like some mind warp hypnotist feeling about being friends as aquaintences for first time...

I feel the same way about that list. It warps my mind too. I don't want this thread get off on a tangent, so I'll leave the answers to your questions for another time.

Peppycat, you're an awesome person.

a reply to: Profusion

Self help books are crap. What this dude recommends is pretty standard, and works well for someone like a CIA agent trying to handle an asset.

BTW, the name thing....is correct. To a person, their name has a profound effect. My wife loves hearing me say her name. We are regularly jolted awake by voices yelling our name as we doze off. Its just part of our psychology. We all have that bit of weirdness when we hear someone else with our name, until soon enough when we create an abstract notion of that person that makes their name "different" in our perception of ourselves.

I'd read that book. Just to expose myself to its ideas.

I have read it and honestly it is a very good book. You take what you want from it and can guarantee everyone will get something useful In their daily lives.

It is also considered one of the best self help books ever written.. And it was written in the 1930's I think.

a reply to: Profusion

I think if a person is constantly deploying tactics in each and every conversation they have, it can come across as manipulative and have the opposite affect, driving people away from you.

That said, I have read this book. More than once. I highly recommend it to anyone. While I certainly do not use the tactics given in the book online, and do not employ them in normal, every day conversations, they are great for use in business settings, on the job (with both clients and co-workers or partners) and FABULOUS at parties where you don't know everyone.

Any time I'm in a group setting where I don't know most of the people, I can always fall back on the advice given by Carnegie, and make pleasant conversation with those around me.

a reply to: Profusion
When I was in early 20's the company I worked for sent me to that and a bunch more on same principle,pretty much a buisness practice,but yes it doesn't hurt to use it in real life,truth be told,better to have people like you then dislike you,and being single helped when it came to pickin up chicks too,I wan't just eye candy lol

originally posted by: Ameilia
a reply to: Profusion

I think if a person is constantly deploying tactics in each and every conversation they have, it can come across as manipulative and have the opposite affect, driving people away from you.

That said, I have read this book. More than once. I highly recommend it to anyone. While I certainly do not use the tactics given in the book online, and do not employ them in normal, every day conversations, they are great for use in business settings, on the job (with both clients and co-workers or partners) and FABULOUS at parties where you don't know everyone.

Any time I'm in a group setting where I don't know most of the people, I can always fall back on the advice given by Carnegie, and make pleasant conversation with those around me.

I find it fascinating that you're saying that you won't use the advice in the book online, but you do use the tactics on the job or at parties "where you don't know everyone." In the latter two cases what you're saying is that the advice is good when you need to make superficial conversation.

Isn't almost all conversation online superficial in nature? The reason I'm thinking about following the advice in the book online is because basically I was told by multiple people that I needed to be more superficial in my online communications. I was asking too many questions, giving too much information, or giving the wrong information that was off-putting. Basically, I've come to the conclusion that less is more when it comes to making friends online. With that in mind, How to Win Friends and Influence People could be excellent for online communications.

I have read it and many of the suggestions make for good incorporation into other selling techniques I have studied. My personal favorite is the CSP method (Counselor Sales Person). I put all my new hires through this program.

I don't have a need to use it online, because online I am not "on the spot" the way I am in person.

Online, I can read a thread, then take as much time as I want to make a reply, should I choose to make a reply at all. Contrast this with in person.

In person, I could be standing right next to some person unknown or barely known to me, who makes some kind of comment to me or asks a question. I can't take the time I might online to decide how to respond, I would need to respond right then. That is how it is different online versus in person.