Why Don't Women Ask Men Out on First Dates?

a reply to: Profusion

interesting topic...its simpler to ask a person out without fear of being rejected if a coversation is struck up and that..(speaking about a topic common or uncommon)e can lead to either wanting to spend time together or not...
for me its weather this weather that...not many find this topic very interesting and just do not want to sit somewhere discussing what i find interesting...
i start taliking about plants and bugs for gardening and its like, "blah blah blah!"
so my recomendation for starting a conversation is...bring a newspaper or pamplet or book around with oneself...see if it catches an eye and then you can be all..."anything interesting?"
or, i say things like this, "i see u here a bunch...its nice to see a familier face!" and then see where that leads...friendship or conversation or even being comfortable enough to ask someone for a walk...and think about restaurants to speak of...
and then when it is time to part, one can ask,"we should chill out again...what do you think?"
an answer could be, "ah, i have to go home to my other half or partner whatever...it was nice chatting though, thanks for chillin'"
or..."yeah i would really like to conversate once more..."exchange phone numbers or just plan on randomling seeing the person around the same area....like a campus or park..or watering hole..maybe the farmers market!(a great place to discusss food!)
there is a person i like that dresses as a boy and maybe i be brave enough to ask the friend out for soda!...the thing is to not lead one on into thinking i am out to break a heart or what not as age difference do mean something...my hairdresser is like thirty years older and she asked me out before and we weren't dating...
so, hope my writing about a woman asking a man out makes any difference!
i tried to ask a man out and he didn't seem to like it!

a reply to: Profusion

interesting topic...its simpler to ask a person out without fear of being rejected if a coversation is struck up and that..(speaking about a topic common or uncommon)e can lead to either wanting to spend time together or not...
for me its weather this weather that...not many find this topic very interesting and just do not want to sit somewhere discussing what i find interesting...
i start taliking about plants and bugs for gardening and its like, "blah blah blah!"
so my recomendation for starting a conversation is...bring a newspaper or pamplet or book around with oneself...see if it catches an eye and then you can be all..."anything interesting?"
or, i say things like this, "i see u here a bunch...its nice to see a familier face!" and then see where that leads...friendship or conversation or even being comfortable enough to ask someone for a walk...and think about restaurants to speak of...
and then when it is time to part, one can ask,"we should chill out again...what do you think?"
an answer could be, "ah, i have to go home to my other half or partner whatever...it was nice chatting though, thanks for chillin'"
or..."yeah i would really like to conversate once more..."exchange phone numbers or just plan on randomling seeing the person around the same area....like a campus or park..or watering hole..maybe the farmers market!(a great place to discusss food!)
there is a person i like that dresses as a boy and maybe i be brave enough to ask the friend out for soda!...the thing is to not lead one on into thinking i am out to break a heart or what not as age difference do mean something...my hairdresser is like thirty years older and she asked me out before and we weren't dating...
so, hope my writing about a woman asking a man out makes any difference!
i tried to ask a man out and he didn't seem to like it!

a reply to: peppycat

That's really good advice. You're very down-to-earth, and that's really nice. It's easy to get lost in the silly superficialities of modern life, and forget what you're on a date to do. Dates are about getting to know the other person, and you just described how to do that really well. Your post inspired me.

a reply to: Profusion

wow, i didn't think i could offer real advice!..thanks!

Most women just don't want to be with a man who is too wimpy to ask them out!

Sal

a reply to: Profusion

Traditionally men are the leaders in asking for a date. However, my life is littered with failures of tradition. I am married to someone who asked me out, and we never looked back, although I did try to escape a couple of times.

a reply to: SallieSunshine

With that reasoning, you're left with what I'm calling the roulette problem (please see the bottom of this post). There's another huge problem in my opinion. What if a man doesn't know you well enough to like you, but you want him to ask you out? What a conundrum. You won't ask him out because you think he's being "too wimpy" while in reality he doesn't like you enough to ask you out. The problem is that the only way he'll get to know you well enough to like you is if the two of you go out together. What could have been a happy life together goes nowhere because you thought he was being "too wimpy" when he wasn't. How do you determine if a man is being "too wimpy" or if he doesn't like you? I guess if you're never going to ask a man out, it doesn't matter either way. You just have to be lucky enough to have situations where the guys you like also like you enough to ask you out. What a tough position to be in unless you're really attractive. The problem is that if you're gorgeous it could actually work against you (please see the thread below)...

Do gorgeous women have it easier or harder than the rest of us?

I had no idea how hard it can be for narrow-minded beautiful women to get decent dates.

That's such a passive way to live your life. That's like leaving your life up to chance as far as I'm concerned.

If you wait for others to ask you out all the time, your only chance at a romantic relationship is who happened to be available when you were available...who happened to notice you at the right time...who happened to like you enough to ask you out.

It's like playing roulette with your life in my opinion. I think it's completely lame.

a reply to: Profusion

many times beauty is a glamore effect and it being intimidating is nonsense...why gussy up if you don't want attention?
after a really tuff day for a person that works cleaning up toxic waste...down by the river...should one gussy up or see if men like the person that hasn't slept in a week is looking a little ragged...i mean really its sienfeld program of the two faced lady changing from one minute to the next...so whats appraochable...its the vibes man...subtle energies and as mentioned certain signals and even phermone distrabutions...sorry if i am making very little sence right now and plus i am responding to a response to someone else...please forgive this rude behavoir...i am slowly manners...
hey i give it my best!
great thread here!

a reply to: peppycat

Nonsense? The thread I linked to above is not just a hypothetical stuff; it's based on people's extensive life experiences.

You're a master of "subtle energies", you've got that down pat. Your post made me laugh; I hope this video makes you laugh.


www.youtube.com...

Here is my honest and personal answer.

I asked a guy out in the fourth grade.

He laughed at me and told me I had no boobs and to # off.

I never asked anyone out after that.

I had my first kiss when I was 16

I met my first real boyfriend at 17, when he finally asked me out at the zoo.

We have a kid now and he's the only guy who did not clown on me for not developing physically until after high-school, and for not wearing makeup hardly ever in those days. Therefore I feel he is the only man who deserves me.

PS, the Ta-Ta's are a great size according to VS so suck it guy from fourth grade.

So in conclusion, I have severe anxiety and depression and so when I went out of my way to ask a guy out and he flatly told me my body wasn't good enough and to Fk myself at the ripe young age of 12, well..... LOL. So there is MY reason. I was afraid of rejection again and body shame

-Alee

In high school I had two girls fighting over me once. The one that asked me out became my first girlfriend. The other one attempted to kidnap me in the middle of the night once. Like literally came to my house with a couple of friends and grabbed my hands and feet and started running away with me. I shouldn't have broken free and run away. I should have just rolled with it.

Fun times.

a reply to: Profusion

Actually, it is not at all strange for a woman to ask a man on a "date" (sophomoric nonsense if you ask me). It was a Valentines card from the mother of my child which initiated our relationship, as failed as that enterprise was, but for the creation of said little rascal.

That is not the only time it has happened to me. I will admit though, that on two occasions that it has gone down that way (excepting of course for the relationship between the mother of my child, and myself, which I regard as positive despite the way things ended, which is a tale much gone over on this site and not something I wish to repeat myself over) the results were entirely unsatisfactory, because the woman in question turned out being completely bloody insane. On one occasion, it involved a woman whose idea of foreplay was to place a lit candle somewhere she ought not, and allow wax to arrive in a location that most women would not want it, I shall leave it at that. This was the least freaky thing about that evening, and the less said about it the better.

The point is though, that you are simply wrong that women do not ask men out. It happens all the time. It just is not happening to you, and that fact alone means nothing at all, except whatever it means to you. But it cannot be used as a barometer for the general approach of women to the concept of "dating".

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: Profusion
On one occasion, it involved a woman whose idea of foreplay was to place a lit candle somewhere she ought not, and allow wax to arrive in a location that most women would not want it, I shall leave it at that.

That sounds like my ex wife, with whom I also have a child with, and also a periot of my own life I'd rather not bring to mind. Heh.

a reply to: Profusion

Even though the "norm" is that a man is supposed to ask a woman out, I've known plenty of women who actually initiated the entire process. It's happened to me a few times, the most recent being my wife. I wanted to ask her out, but I won't lie, I'm terrible at breaking the ice. I'm great once it's broken, but I'm a shy nerd. Anyway, she walked up to me where I was working, grabbed my hand and wrote her phone number on it. We've been together almost 7 years.

I asked my man out almost 16 years ago now & still going strong. He was so shy bless him and I was a bit more outgoing. I'm

a reply to: TrueBrit

I have something to add to what I said above, something relevant to my current state.

It has been some time since I had any interest in a woman. While I have never been at all against the idea of becoming attached to a woman, a dearth of suitable potential partners, not to mention other elements of my life, have rather prevented me from being active in that regard.

Of late, I have become aware that I am attracted to a lady acquaintance of mine, someone I have known for sometime as it happens. She is a fantastic lady, has a great sense of humour, and a great many things in common with me. However, as luck would have it, she is still all broken up from her last relationship. When we hang out we laugh, we smile, we talk, set the world right, or light it on fire and things seem right. But when she is left to her own devices, she becomes sad and heartsick for her ex.

I am not worthy anyway, but even if I were ten times better looking, not to mention the most confident, egotistical, careless bastard that I could ever become, it would not be right for me to initiate anything with her. For a start, it would be pointless, since she is clearly going through a terrible time, one I know all about, having been there myself more times than I would have liked to. But also, it would be heartless, trying to get a reaction out of her when her heart is in bits and her mind is collapsing. I can be around if she needs a friend, I can get the drinks in and spend my time with her, and that is something I love to do when she wants me to. But I cannot even mention to her how I feel when she is in this state, because it would be a cold hearted, mercenary thing to do, and would have disastrous consequences, potentially.

I have to hope that one day the fog shes in lifts, whether she recognises my interest or not afterward. A face so endearing, a soul so beautiful, a person so warm and lovely should not be marred by such heartbreak, and I would rather see her heal, and never get to embrace her as I would wish to, than gain her affection whilst she is not in possession of a mended heart and a mind less in tumult. If she does get free of the cloud she is under, if she does recognise my interest in her, AND if she for some reason finds that interest intriguing, then she will have to make the move when she is good and ready, because as much as I desire to be in her company always, to be by her side in all things, I am not selfish enough to try to prompt a response from her unless she is in a fit state to have it.

Only she will know when she is ready for any of that. Until then, it is better that she not even have the slightest clue how I feel.

originally posted by: hopenotfeariswhatweneed
a reply to: Profusion

This stinks of an opinion of a guy who really struggles with women and likely the women do not find these types attractive therefor they do not ask them out....

Plenty of women make the first move....

Ignorant...


"You must be ugly because it happens to me all the time. If you're not being asked out, you're a troll and no one wants to date you".

What an ass...

No, plenty of women do not make the first move. Women, MOST women are conditioned to let the man be the man and the woman be the women from the get go. This may not apply throughout their lives when they pick up their own personality and their own self made image of who they believe they are but it's there... it's born into them by way of their parents and their parent's parents and so forth. It's the exact same way with guys. We're made to be men when we're wee kiddies. Not all men but MOST men.

I don't know how many times I've heard the term growing up... "Be a man, son". And as a teen from friends "Don't be a puss". And as an adult from other friends "You can't pussy your way out of this one". And now from friends... "Damn you're getting old"!

I've been asked out by women, usually the overly forward type. I believe all of those women have been bisexual... Just sayin. I'm not overly attracted to those types. I'm more into girly feminine types but I like a little inner strength in my women.

ok.. ok... I'm mainly attracted to crazy! Hey... It's my thing. Crazy gals, in my experience, tend to be more sexual and more fun. But... yeah, they're just crazy and you never know what you're going to get into. They're simply not embarrassed by sexuality and I like that. I feel more at ease in that situation. I like open women (I don't mean open minded - I just mean they know themselves and just don't hide who they are.. yes even the crazy part). So maybe I like my gals a little more primal?

Now days, I don't ask anyone out. It's just kind of a bonding thing. We talk, we hang out, stuff happens, sometimes a relationship develops, other times a fling occurs. There is no more, "can I have your number? Wanna go on a date? 'will you go with me?'"

So yes, OP, I agree with you...


my two pints

a reply to: Profusion

Thanks for the old video...your post about being intimidating gave me enough bravado to gussy up and go to kareoke night...i choosing this,
all the folks will be scared and won't ask me out!
i am thinking i just leave a number on napkin saying "for real fun, dial this number!"
hopefully i get a call!

Ones I have been asked out by an beautiful italian girl in my early 20s, i thought she want sex and pushed it too much and ruined the whole thing..

a reply to: StallionDuck

No, plenty of women do not make the first move. Women, MOST women are conditioned to let the man be the man and the woman be the women from the get go.

WOW ! really ! that sounds rather sexist what you just posted right there...perhaps in certain cultures you may be correct but for the most just no....

May i ask what country you live in /....for context im in Australia and sitting here with my girlfriend and she is curious as to how you have this attitude.....she reckons she has asked more guys out on first dates than have asked her....

What an ass...

Pics or it didnt happen