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Jokes IV

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posted on Sep, 29 2016 @ 11:10 AM
Some real groaners here.

The Terminator refuses to upgrade to Windows 10.
When I asked him why, he said: "I still love Vista, baby."

What do they call the security guards at Samsung?
Guardians of the Galaxy

Bill Gates went into an Apple Store and asked some technical questions about the new iMac.
The salesgirl called for help, and soon all the employees were assisting Gates. Gates then cut
a horrible fart, which left the employees gagging and running for fresh air. As Bill left the store, he said:
"It's your own fault for not having Windows."

What do you a belt with a watch?
A waist of time.

What did Simba say to the Lion King when he was walking too slow?

Why does everyone love Moses's tea?
Hebrews it fresh.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta way.

How did the lunatic walk through the woods.
He took the psycho-path.

Why did the bridge of the Enterprise smell bad?
William Shat near.

Oh no! Chuck Norris jokes:

How many push ups did Chuck Norris do?
All of them.

Chuck Norris is such a badass, he robbed a bank.
Over the phone.

There's no use crying over spilt milk, unless that milk belonged to Chuck Norris, and you spilled it.

Chuck Norris has never dialed a wrong number, it was people answering the wrong phones!

You might be a redneck if:

You go to the dump and come back with more stuff than you brought.

You refer to sixth grade as "Senior Year".

You consider family reunions a good place to meet girls.

Youve been married 3 times and your in-laws are still the same people.

edit on 29-9-2016 by ColeYounger because: (no reason given)

posted on Sep, 29 2016 @ 12:20 PM
Between the election and the train crash, I needed a good laugh. Thanks!

posted on Sep, 29 2016 @ 03:42 PM
a reply to: ColeYounger

When the North Pole elves clog the toilets, they call the "Santa-tation" department.

(don't worry mods. . . . . I'll ban myself for that one)

(post by Dumbass removed for a serious terms and conditions violation)

posted on Sep, 29 2016 @ 04:15 PM
Anagram source: Donald Trump

Rearranged: Dump Tan Lord


Rearranged: U 'N Old Tramp


Anagram source: Hillary Rodham Clinton

Rearranged: I'll Not Harm Any Old Rich

edit on 29-9-2016 by TEOTWAWKIAIFF because: added one more for the heck of it

edit on 29-9-2016 by TEOTWAWKIAIFF because: equal air time

posted on Sep, 29 2016 @ 05:07 PM
since my other ones were removed (as expected)

a new one....

Researchers have discovered that excessive masturbation can cause dyslexia.

However, tihs is olny in etxreem caess of slef aubse

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