Do not follow the heart, for the heart is deceitful above all things.

My deepest darkest desire is to be in love while im still young.
Im 25 years old, and ive been single for the past 5+ years.

I tried to date but i kept messing up the relationships before they even started, and everyone around me is just like "if thats the case then shes not the right one for you."

when will i find the right one?
Im very attracted to dark haired women, ethnicity doesnt really bother me at all.
i want a girl that i can talk to about stuff i read here on abovetopsecret and play a video game called eve online with.
Im not a computer geek but eve online is my hobby ive been playing it for six years+ as well as made alot of freinds there.

this is what i look like. The girls on the dating sites always tell me how handsome i am but then the next thing you know they want you to rate their webcam show or send money to nigeria.



Im a homebody so i dont really put myself out there, and the average woman just doesn't appeal to me when i meet them i feel like i have nothing in common with them. really i just want somebody that sees the world for how messed up it is like i do and try to make our life better together.
my deepest desire is to be really loved and i would do anything it took to make it work.

Im not desperate though. im perfectly fine by myself i just daydream sometimes.
I followed my heart once and it got torn apart beyond repair, and i learned the hardway why the bible says not to follow your heart for the heart is deceitful above all things.

a reply to: Belcastro

Well.

Just steer clear of the bottom of the barrel. That's my turf!

a reply to: Belcastro

Belcastro you seem to be making the mistake so many of us make until we finally seek for love within.

It is not something to be found outside of ourselves, true love, that unconditional love for ourselves, life, and all around us is ours for the taking. We have been duped by our societal images of happily ever after.

I have never heard that the bible states that "the heart is deceitful above all else" this does not surprise me though, due to my belief that the bible had been written by man to lead him away from his true spiritual nature, at least those not initiated in the allegorical meaning of many of the stories.

To me the heart is where our inutitive voice resides and the intuitive voice is our connection to spirit, thus, to not follow the heart is a fools errand. However we are conditioned to believe that we find love outside of ourselves and that is where the mind comes in and confuses the whole situation endlessly.

I recommend reading this book The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz, it is short and was an enlightneing read. I spent years struggling much like you have described yourself. This book truly opened up a new perspective for me and is one I go back to whenever I need a reminder!

a reply to: Belcastro

We aren't entitled to and don't deserve love. We have to work for it.

We have to identify our flaws, work on them, and highlight our strengths. You have to find the right ones not swayed by looks though physical attraction is important.


It's this long search that makes us go absolutely crazy when we find the one. It's the absence of the one that joy is found when they are found.


More so, find yourself before you look for her. No offense but I can tell your figuring some things out.... Find yourself man, when you do you'll find patience and confidence and she will find you while you're not searching.


Best of luck!

Hey bud, can't help but to notice how you say that you aren't desperate yet you post online about finding true love. Not being disrespectful at all, but that seems kind of.... desperate? Love is a fickle foe, and for those who seek it, it stays hidden away. I found that for those who seek love for themselves rather for then the sake of others, are rarely successful. Love is about finding somebody you want to help, lift up, and be their stepping stool to greatness, not somebody to make yourself happy. Another thing, I am a firm believer in love at first site. If two people's vibrations/personallities/characteristics synch up, you will know it. If you meet somebody who moves you spiritually (not physically or mentally), that is someone meant for you.

When I met my wife for the first time, we (both of us) had flashes of our lives together. When you meet someone you feel that you have known in not just this life, you will know it is love.

One last annoying bit of advice. Stop looking. Love can only find you when you aren't busy searching for what you define as love.

a reply to: Belcastro

If your friends are in the same boat are they good people to go to for advice? Sometimes they can be a case of misery loves company and sabotage just to not feel alone themselves.

That just means perpetuation of the same cycles without much hope for change, so stop taking their advice and just spend time with them.

Here's my advice get yourself in a position you are happy with and make room for someone else to be happy in it I guarantee before that is done someone will come along to interrupt that progress... if that someone is you, then ask yourself why you keep self sabotaging knowing you aren't where you want to be and yet if it happened you'd slide all that crap off the table all starry eyed to make room and lose track of where you were going or wanting to head all doting...

Thats the sickness of the nice guy... and why the nice guy becomes a doormat they throw their entire self away to be remade or reborn into whatever that person wants instead of what you want.

Well, what woman really wants that? Some do but very rarely it means you'll be clingy and needy and more like a child than a friend and a partner a rock that she can depend on to be there when she feels weak... she will get tired of holding you up and then drop you when it gets to be too much.

So that's part of loving oneself... not losing oneself in another, having enough self respect to maintain who you are and keep progress moving forward to where you want to be so that life has room and if someone fills that room then allow them the same respect instead of expecting them to be someone other than they are and encourage who and where they are trying to go with confidence.

Whomever it is does not choose anyone but you when they do and well be sure to know their intent... short term, long term, a romp, a friend or whatever... so it is clear and no guessing or expectations needed and no assumptions made.

The head and the heart when they do not have a purpose or reason for being or a goal often become conflicted when you have a purpose and a goal then they are never separate and you will always move towards and make new ones as they arise no matter who or what steps into your life for however long.

It sounds like you really want a friends with benefits that leads to a possibility of more... if you are easily attached emotionally to sexual intercourse detach from it as then you'll become one of those player sorts and disingenuous those are a dime a dozen and they fit the ones that leap from partner to partner man to man wanting someone to take care of them that are also a dime a dozen. Love and intimacy has nothing to do with sexual intercourse... although when love and intimacy is present then that is a union not sex.

Leave them to it and be real and honest and you won't nor cant fail because with or without anyone there you will be headed to exactly where you have already planned for you... if someone comes along and you both are headed towards different goals that pull you apart then love means also letting go in order to let the both of you grow in the directions that you both need to even if you don't want too... but if you hit that destination you want to be or if they are happy to cheer you on there or vice versa and the destination ends up as the same to plan together? Awesome if not? life goes on so have a plan for it a goal for it and keep striving on.

If your desire is to have a partner that gets you then I would suggest to better your odds of intanglement with such a creature.....would be to hang out a bit in only the places you like and feel comfortable hanging in and be your self.

I want to elaborate on the "be your self" part. This means speak YOUR mind. Think about what I am saying and read it slowly, don't just read this quickly and let it blow past from in front of you where you seen it clearly with a chance to grab it and analyze it just to let it slide to the back, behind you where it is lost in the hole where most other words and sentences you hear from anyone... Even the closest to you find themselves.

You need to realize there is at least three faces you show. One you portray in public, another you show your closest friends and family, and the other..in the mirror.

When looking for a partner you should show the second face, if you get a desirable response then keep it up for a short time always anticipating the showing of your third face.

Don't take long (maybe a few weeks) in showing your third face.

Be prepared for rejection and hurt feelings over and over...our third face is so sensitive when exposed. To put it bluntly it takes a bit of balls to get it right because you are constantly putting your self out there risking your feelings and constantly getting hurt.

Learn from the relationships by taking time in between for reflection. Perhaps you made a mistake, perhaps the other person used you. If you learn then it gives you a better perspective and a higher insight into the next relationship. If you don't learn then you will continue to make mistakes and or you will continue to be used by some people.

Know what you want and expect, and expect to at least give the same.

Long term relationships are about compromise.

a reply to: Belcastro

Does Eve Online have marriage like Second life?

I am 'married' in Wartune. We text every day. Sometimes call or skype. On occasion watch a movie online while talking on the phone.
We have met once. It is not a barrier to real life relationships, but can provide companionship in between. Have been 'married' to this player since october 2014. We have changed servers and 'marry' again. I have had real life relationships during that time.

I knew people that played Eve. Sean Smith was one of the people killed at Benghazi, and he played EVE. Not sure you knew that. I knew him from a Teamspeak room. Eve is highly regarded among online gamers for that reason.

You can look online while you look offline.

a reply to: Belcastro

Belcastro.

Are you seeking a companion for your flesh, or a partner for your soul? If the latter, rather than the former, then talking about "average" women boring you or not interesting you, seems rather foolish. If you have your priorities straight, a supermodel is not what you should be aiming for, with respect.

What is important in relationships is what is within a person, and you cannot tell these things by observation, only by long familiarity. That necessitates that you leave your abode and experience the world. This will also put you in a better position to deal with other people, something you have pretty much stated, that you have had trouble with in the past.

Finally, it is important to understand if you are seeking love, or if you are merely seeking to be validated. If the latter, rather than the former, then stop it. That is diseased thinking.

God bless!

a reply to: Belcastro

as the heart heals,so the heart will be your guide again. Thats not to say you stop using your brains when deciding.
There is somone out there for everyone, good luck

a reply to: TrueBrit
I, for one, did not interpret his word "average" to refer to looks. It seems like he meant... mouthbreathers, the profane masses, those who follow the media, gossip over celebrities, et cetera.

I suspect this as he mentioned right after that he wanted someone who recognizes how messed up the world is, and "can talk to about stuff i read here on abovetopsecret". Certainly not the "average" person by any means.

a reply to: Belcastro

Ok, you are a total stunner. And plenty of girls play Eve. You know that big battle that was on CNN a few years ago? My boyfriend was in that (on the pic they used too) and he's got no problem getting attention from the ladies.

My point is that your hobbies and appearance aren't the issue. Maybe change dating sites? I've never heard of webcam spamming on OKC, for example.

a reply to: Belcastro

I think I'll do the Chinese cookie thing
When you learn to love life it will love you back.

originally posted by: Belcastro
when will i find the right one?

When you stop looking. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true.

well, think of where the perfect girl for you would have been?Like you met here, you know her, and you know how she spends every day.. where is she right now? in the gym? online?shopping in the mall? maybe sitting along in the coffe place, just reading?
just imagine where she is, and go get her!
btw, you are cute)