King Shorty: The Rise And Rise Of

This was one of my Blogs too but i thought the blog system didn't do it justice as IMO it is my best story to date. (Guess that doesn't say much about my storys then) So if you want to delete i guess that's fair enough after all it was a blog.


This is the tale of the rise of king Shorty (my cat being king Shorty not me) and how he started as a mear cat and rose to be the king of the entire universe! (You got the pun there Mear cat/ mere cat)



Our story begins.......... not with that line cause its hardly original. What line then? er.......... ah here we go. Shorty was always an incredible intelligent, strong, fast and all round super human cat. His great, great, great, great uncle Silus aided in Einstein’s theory of relativity and who was the brave cat who went into a box with cyanide? King Shorty’s less intelligent half-brother Mikey and yes he died.

KS (King Shorty) moved to my town and straight away gained a massive following, well kinda, well next doors cat. Anyway, he and Sammy (next door’s cat) set about taking control of Hatfield (where he lives) i'd like to say it wasn't an easy task but KS and Sammy swiftly took control of Hatfield. KS then went about training up his army of cats to take over the U.K. He was a harsh teacher but fair and after looking for the strongest cats in Hatfield he quickly found there were none (Hatfields a hell hole full of druggys. That’s probably all he found, well that’s all I ever find) So he went onto the nabouring town, St. Albans. Where he and Sammy founded the CRAP ( Cats Rebellion against People). CRAP was mainly formed to rebel against people controlling the world. KS never, ever forgot that in ancient Egypt cats were once worshipped as gods and he lives by the philosophy that dogs think they are man and cats think they are god.

After CRAP gained support KS began building up his cat army. After another year KS led the attack into the surrounding villages but found no resistance. Then came the capital of England (London, well Dur) Shorty's hordes surrounded the city in the pouring rain. They stood a field of wet, smelly, fur. Then came the calls; KS and his right-hand-man Sammy yelled for the attack to begin, again no resistance was met but there was a strongly worded letter from new labour addressed to CRAP HQ in St. Albans.

CRAP HQ was now in control of the U.K and the German British royal family were told to sit down and shut up. So, nothing out of the ordinary. However their dogs where seized and imprisoned.

KS now set his sights upon Europe. The ONOS (Official Ninjas Of Shorty) trained by the grandmaster Lei in China were sent to swim across the freezing cold waters of the channel to begin the taking over of France. They swam for hours all the way to France, where they all died of hypothermia. So Shorty sent more ONOS across the channel but these guys didn't die. (I haven’t work out why yet. They just didn’t okay?) France fell equally easily and those who resisted were laughed at for naming all there resistance cells "la resistance".

Well that’s the end of part one of King Shorty the rise and rise of.

And yes its meant to be funny. Don’t know if it is or not.

You may want to note that the isle of dog is not under KS control but is a independent island.

Europe was now under the total control of CRAP. Shorty had been fitting public appearances around his tight schedule.

He was preparing for the take over of the next big super power, the USA. He knew the government had the attention span similar to the appeal of a burnt sausage, so taking over the government shouldn't be too hard but Shorty planned to re-paint the white house, he heard rumors that it was bright blue before they had a pigeon problem. (Cats are colour blind i think)

Shorty's armies were sneaking through American customs, passing themselves off as ham sandwiches. They stealthy pulled the cold ham over themselves. They remembered stealth training 5A and they knew that they must keep their body temperature down to stop the risk of the ham sweating. Every so often they would douse themselves in the first class, alcoholic beverages the humans would bring around. Shorty himself didn't use the classic go in a ham sandwich disguise. He dressed as an old lady with alot of facial hair.

Once Shorty's army had massed in an abandoned hippy camp the planning began. Shorty thought for a long time, he didn't want another head on assault that was too boring. After much thought and many bent politicians had been bribed Shorty came up with a plan. A cunning plan. A plan more cunning than the fox that is the professer of cunning at Oxford uni. He pondered it for along time, until he noticed the slight flaw. The flaw being they don't know any rhinoceroses that could pass themselves off as fairies.

So King Shorty sent his ONOS into the white house. They slipped quietly through the halls of the white house. They reached the presidents bedroom and they thought they were undetected but this wasn't the case. As they crept into his room they heard a sound which made their tales stand on end. "ha ha ha, look at the fuddy crats in the drak ninja clothes, ha ha ha, they even have face masks." They spun around to see a figure stumbling towards them. The lead cat took up a fighting stance and began to size up the primitive monkey-man that was gaining on him. Its large hand scooped him up and another hand began pulling his skin across his head so the cats eyes were wide open. The other ninjas stood froze in horror all the time the strange laugh filling the room. "Sir, drop that cat" came the voice of a SS agent " but why, he is so cute hah ah ha ha" replied the idiot president. " It could be a terrorist sir" said the SS agent. The president dropped the cat and backed away. " Put them in projective custard" ordered the president. " You mean protective custody sir?" said the SS agent.

When word came back to Shorty he had no choice but to launch a large scale attack. Shorty wasn't happy about this. He must of over estimated president Bush. However he did doubt this.

Shorty's massive army of cats marched through the streets of America, they met no residence. Very little of the American's army were actually in America. Shorty finally reached the white house while T.V screens across America flicked to a shot of the presidents office. " Our free nation faces a blave new enenemy. Cats are to be bashed, banished they are part of the axis of evil and will stop at nothing to destroy our free nation that we impose on the world. It's a whole new type of Fleadom, ha ha ha ha ha. We have a group of these terrorist cats in our custod as we speak. We will respond to this new threat by sending more troops to I-rack. These cats do not threaten us." and as the words were leaving his lips cats swarmed through the small defenses and over run the white house.

Although the American president was no longer in control, America still run smoothly as if he never really done anything.

Their were still a few pockets of residence around but one stuck out more than most. It was a nuclear bunker hidden inside a mountain and everything surrounding it was listed top secret SO DONT SHOW THE PRESIDENT. A small task force surrounded the mountain. A huge fire fight ensued, many cats fell to the ground. The humans retreated inside the mountain and the cats gave chase, fighting their way through the many twisting tunnels of the mountain complex. They reached a central point in the base. Humans filled the room to defend the base, while the cats held their position and waited for reinforcements. Lots of cats had been lost (how clumsy) and for this Shorty was not grateful. King Shorty himself came to the base and brought his hi-fi system with him, this was his secret weapon. There was serious loss of morale amongst the cats. This was soon to be solved. The cats prepared for the final assault and just before the order came the smooth, grooves of squeeze came through the speaker system.

THE INDIANS SEND SIGNALS
FROM THE ROCKS ABOVE THE PASS
THE COWBOYS TAKE POSITONS

The attack began, the cats run in and many shots were fired. The table was turning and the humans were taking back ground, one guy with a tattoo on his head made all the difference, he fought well.

AND HE WAKES TO THE FIND THE FIRES DEAD
AND ARROWS IN HIS HAT

The cats fought with all their might but many lay dead on the floor and others ran. Still they attacked continuously.

AND SAYS ITS COOL FOR CATS ITS COOL FOR CATS

Shorty’s called the withdraw of his cats. They retreated out of the room into a long tunnel. Shorty needed to do something but the humans made a large mistake. They shot the speaks out and oh no Shorty was very annoyed.

He walked onto the central room, the humans aimed at him but Shorty just kept walking, his eyes stung as a bead of sweat dripped into his eye. He blinked recovered and then sprung into life. He ran, dodging bullets all the way, at a human and knocked him over picking up his gun as he did so. He jumped onto the wall and ran across firing his gun at the closest of the humans. Shorty’s landed sharply on the cold steel floor, bullets came toward him, he lent backwards and waved his arms dramticly to avoid being hit but one scraped his leg and he fell to the floor. A round of bullets was shot at him but he sprung up and waved his hand at the wall of bullets heading at him and as he did this they slowed and fell to the floor ( Familiar?). After this show of super human cat powers. The humans surrendered.

The Mountain base came under the control of CRAP.


To be continued...

I know what you're think "Is that a threat or a promise?"


(and yes i ripped off blackadder)





[edit on 21-1-2005 by shorty]

Big dreams there Shorty? Pretty cool story.

that is one of the most insane things i have ever read



nice one shorty

Nice storie shorty...... i loved it and i bet others who (can be bothered to) read it will do too.

thanx for the laugh mate! and i wish you all the luck in the world (if) you bring out a sequal.

Blessed be

"We needa geta rid of Shorty"

"Yes Don Fluffy" Said a small hairless cat ina darkened room.

"I tell you time and again you never call me a Don Fluff! My name isa Don Michael Leone!"

"yes Don Fluff"

"What! Are you mocking me? you think you’re funny aa? Make sure this cat sleep with da fishes" Yelled the plump cat Don Leone.

"Yes, borse, but are you sure wouldn't that be a good thing... I meana him being a cat an all?" asked a beefy looking cat that was sat next to Don Leone.

"I mean drowna him you flaming gallar"

"Yes borse sorry"

The large cat sat next Don Leone picked up the small hairless cat and dragged him out back.

"Now, gentlemen" Said Don Leone "The cat mafia sees thisa as a great opportunity to take over the vorld asa weea noa ita" But he was interrupted by the large cat running in.

"Borse! He escaped"

"How, how can this been, Wellington?" asked Don Leone

"We asked if he had a last request. He say he want the toilet so we turned our backs while he went but he didn't go he went, borse"

"What do you mean how couldaa he notaa go but of went?"

"Well, he didn't go to the toilet but he went, he ran away"

"You were out smarted by a bored cat" Yelled plump Don Leone standing up and looking at the other Mafia leaders. "Look, look at what is before you. A cat that was out smarted by a baldy"


2 Weeks later

Sammy walked into the kings chamber (no not in the great pyramid!).

"Sir, we hear there is to be an attempt on your life"

"When and how did you hear this?"

"It is planned for when you have your coronation parade in Abadine and it was this ugly short bald cat that escaped the claws of a cat called Don Fluffy"

"ah Fluffy” Said Shorty with a grin.

"You know him?" asked Sammy.

"nope"

"So why did you do that thing where you look as if it's an old enemy or worse and old friend or worse still an ex?"

"What look?" Asked Shorty puzzled.

"You know that one where you grin and kinda raise your eye brows"

"I'm a cat what eye brows do I have?"

"no, you looked kinda like this" said Sammy and screwed up his face trying to imitate shorty.

"Be gone with you!" yelled Shorty "Strange, strange creature"

Edit: The title went all screwy



[edit on 16-2-2005 by shorty]

Cat mafia... lol!

very good shorty

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i made this post at...'click'... my own free will

What happened to the stargate and Daniel?!?

Originally posted by Atomix
What happened to the stargate and Daniel?!?

I gave up on that it didn't seem like a good idea anymore.

Infact i was totally stuck at this one which is why this current story is complete and utter crap.

I gotta think o' somthing good. Maybe ditch poor ol' shorty.

Or it could be some war where shorty clones himself a billion times and takes russias missiles and stuff just a thought.

Originally posted by Atomix
Or it could be some war where shorty clones himself a billion times and takes russias missiles and stuff just a thought.

Keep it a thought

j/k

Originally posted by shorty
Keep it a thought

j/k

I will Mr. 1000 posts.



[edit on 18/2/05 by Atomix]

Originally posted by Atomix
I will Mr. 1000 posts.

Would be way higher than that if the alien forums hadn't beceom full of trolls.