I hate myself for the things I do

I hate myself for the things I do,
Lack of patience and vanity too.

Taking for granted things I have,
Wanting something I do not have.

Craving attention and crying for affection,
Insane jealousy over nothing.

Throwing angry insults in any direction.

Why do I do these horrible things?

When all I know is the hatred,
Lack of empathy or sympathy,
Shouldn't I know better?

Couldn't I be better?

Why do I care if life is not fair?

If karma exist I am sorely lacking,
My scales of justice have become one sided.

Confiding and deciding, conflicted and depleted,
Making choices and hearing voices.

Ignoring the truth that slaps me in the face.

I have to change the things I do,
It starts with me, not you, I am the problem,
I am the solution for me and human evolution.

Overcoming my inequities and fears and stupidities,
The first step is the hardest, the second step is the farthest,
Admitting to myself I am broken and using tools to fix me.

Remembering my humble beginnings and what my goal is,
To be the very best version of me, so that I can be free.

I want to be a better me, so I can achieve and believe,
Humanity is fixable, but it starts with me.

a reply to: searcherfortruth

Nicely written! The last line is very powerful

It's a cute writing. I'll start there. Kudos. Now for a lesson I learned through out my life. Might not apply to you.

The only times I've radically changed my thought process, it came about without any conscious processing, and without the needs for words to back them up. It's something that bubbles up to the surface like a lightning bolt to the spine, or a brick to the head. Maybe a stroke, but I think otherwise.

You don't need to pronounce it to the world, or vow to yourself, because that's still fighting against something. You're not truly there yet. The key is to realize that the way you were being doesn't align with how you want to live your life, then you shift your consciousness towards a perspective that allows you to be whom you imagine is best.

It's a lack of fighting against yourself, hating yourself, or denying aspects of yourself. Instead, it's a conscious choice, after the realization, to drop thoughts as they consciously arise that get in the way of living your life as you choose. The thoughts still come out, but you can choose not to feed them, instead acting on better things that align well with your intentions.

These words are the dashes of lines on a treasure map. Alone they are a blemish, together they are a route to freedom.

a reply to: pl3bscheese

You don't need to pronounce it to the world, or vow to yourself, because that's still fighting against something. You're not truly there yet.

That sounds like you're not "there" yet either. Boasting, denying, unasked for guidance, self proclaimed wisdom etc. Just sayin...

a reply to: Quantum12

Thanks again for your encouraging words.

a reply to: pl3bscheese

Ats is hardly the world, but then again, maybe this all you are exposed to. I do not expect I will ever get there truly, but I will strive just the same.

a reply to: donktheclown

Thanks, I think

a reply to: searcherfortruth

You're welcome.

a reply to: donktheclown

I decided you're really not worth it. It's either a baiting post else you have a very warped sense of my thoughts and intentions.

You take care.

a reply to: searcherfortruth

Cant fight fate and you cant fight who you are ,keep being who you are despite you not liking it,because if its one thing that you cant change, 'the universal fate of whom you are'/ .

Art should inspire discussion, and pl3bscheese just offered a really thoughtful response... I think you should be flattered, OP.

Or are we only allowed to pat one another on the back and write, "BRAVO THAT WAS BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN YOU ARE SUCH A DEEP THINKER, OMG!"

?

But what if you're not?

Wouldn't you rather someone to tell you, "hey, you're not hitting that note you're trying to hit," so that you could then work out your own error and perfect your skill, instead of being told you can sing (when you really can't) until you're on American Idol's stage and telling them you've got music in your blood... only to literally humiliate yourself in front of millions of people? lol.

Not saying thats what's happening here but, pl3bscheese wasn't rude in the least and wrote an interesting response to your poem. That's more than most get around here. You and mister donktheclown should apologize to him right away and thank him for contributing and making this thread way more interesting than it would have otherwise been if everyone just wrote the boring "bravo!"

a reply to: pl3bscheese

I offended you, so I would like to apologize. That wasn't my intention.

I viewed your reflections as a finger of wisdom pointing at the OP to emulate. You state that wasn't the intention, so I evidently interpreted your message incorrectly. Please forgive me.

a reply to: donktheclown

Nah just a lesson I learned in life her OP made me think of. I figured the words might resonate with a reader, but realized it might not apply to her at all.

Your post caught me off guard is all. Thanks for the reply.