Stay home to raise your kids? You're worthless.

Just came across this article on my local news, and it made me feel like crap. Felt a need to vent.
Mother with 3 amputations denied disability

CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- A Charlotte mother of five who lost three limbs after barely surviving sepsis was just told she’s not eligible for disability payments.

n attorney helped them apply for social security disability payments, attorney Vernon Sumwalt, who has worked thousands of social security cases, says he was blindsided when the government denied Kristan’s claim. “This is one of those situations where you look at it and you just shake your head going this is just wrong,” he says. Kristan spent nine years working before deciding to stay at home with the kids, but Sumwalt says because she hadn’t paid into the system in the last 10 years, she’s not eligible for help.

I left my secure, well paying job to stay home and raise my daughter. My husband and I decided to cut our income in half so that we wouldn't have to leave our kid with strangers for 8-10 hours a day and trust that she would be safe and cared for.
Recently, my daughter graduated high school and I am looking to reenter the job market. It's amazing to me how hard it is for someone my age (49) to find a job. Employers aren't interested in women over 35. Even the dress shop that caters to middle aged women is staffed entirely by 20 somethings. Now I see that society considers me pretty much worthless because I wanted to give my daughter what I never had. 2 parents and a safe loving place to grow up. It actually punishes women who make this choice.

I'm feeling pretty depressed about this right now but if I had it to do over again, I would make the same choice. "Society" can kiss my middle aged ass. # you people sitting at home collecting government checks because you are too #ing lazy to work when women bust their asses to raise their kids right.

End of rant
~Neysa

I chose to stay home as well and the thought of one day having to re enter the job market terrifies me. This is encouraging to read that you don't regret your decision.

I'm not seeing how the 2 are related. Granted, I'm having a slow day. Good on you for raising your daughter how you wanted.

That's appalling! Surely they can appeal this decision? I think her lawyer will probably dig in and get this sorted out. I get so disgusted with the disability thing.. it seems like a lot of people are on it that can actually get out there, and others who desperately need it can't get approved!!

Good for you for staying home to raise your daughter! She will always have those life values you gave her.

I totally understand about the job force too-- if you're female and over 35..good %#ing luck. I went back to school because I couldn't get hired anywhere, despite excellent work history, letters of recommendations, accolades and a degree. Now, I am still taking classes and working a minimum wage job! (that's 7.25/hr folks..)

a reply to: ValentineWiggin
How could I have regrets? My daughter is healthy and I was lucky enough to be with her during the most joyful part of her life. Unlike me, a latchkey kid from the age of 8, she was able to enjoy her childhood and know that I would always be there for her.
Don't regret your decision, Val. Most women aren't fortunate enough to be able to stay home and raise their kids nowadays. Regardless of what happens with my your future, you did the right thing for your child.

a reply to: In4ormant
It's just an overall feeling of not being appreciated for the sacrifices and hard work that goes into the decision to leave the workforce to raise your kids. Most of the time I don't let it bother me but this article just really brought it home. I needed to rant.

I doubt it's anyone looking down on you. The job market is tight. Youth and education will win out every single time.

a reply to: Neysa

She still has an arm, can sit in a wheel chair at a desk and shuffle paper...

/sarcasm

a reply to: Neysa

I do not think it is your age. It must be your work ethic. And you have to speak like someone who constantly cleans up after everyone without complaining about it.

This is coming from a 28 year old who has been through 20 different job titles.

In your interviews and on your resume start talking, or writing out sentences as if you have already been working there for a few years. Even though you have never set foot in that place before. If you need to get a feel of the place just watch some of the other workers if you can. Try to identify what they are not doing. That is how I pretty much stole this job and quickly swept three kids under the rug.

If you really need the job you need to take an aggressive approach to it by casing the place. And in your interview you need to speak like someone who is someone used to getting ducked over with work.

Honestly what managers really need is someone who is always going to show up, even if it means an 80 hour work week. We want to have the ability to call you upon a minutes notice to cover someone quiting on us.

It has been growing increasingly rare to find someone where no matter what we ask of them they just do it. It doesn't even have to be the best job, we just need someone to do it.

a reply to: GiulXainx
Work ethic? seriously?
While I appreciate your advice, I don't think you realize what my job has entailed the last 18 years.
No sick days. Haven't missed 1 day of work in 18 years. Is it possible to have more responsibility?
No vacation days that are not kid related.
I haven't spent a night away from my house in 6 years and the one weekend I did was with child in tow.
I'm pretty sure it's not a work ethic thing.

originally posted by: Neysa
a reply to: In4ormant
It's just an overall feeling of not being appreciated for the sacrifices and hard work that goes into the decision to leave the workforce to raise your kids. Most of the time I don't let it bother me but this article just really brought it home. I needed to rant.

Gotcha. That's what this forum is for.

a reply to: Neysa

Well I am speaking on what I have experienced.

And I myself have not had any vacation what so ever for the past 12 years. I am always working. My reputation at my job is strong. And I have only been there for two years. And in that time I have covered several shifts due to slackers quitters and people who have been nicked on hours.

And honestly what managers need are workers who don't complain. Who create their own effective and timely routines working as a team. If you want to have the edge over the kids of tomorrow you have to crush the competition. And it is easy. Just work like you don't need the money. Keep up your image at work.

This is how I obtained 45 hours a week at my job simply by being something they can't lose. And it has proven time and time again that my presence at my job is extremely valuable. I can clock out when ever I know the shop doesn't need me anymore because my judgement is pure. I don't leave anything behind for anyone else to "pick up on after I leave."

Honestly we are running out of workers who cherish their integrity. And instead what we hire are a bunch of people who pretend like the amount of work they are given is something they can handle, only to see their efforts slowly diminish as the weeks go by.

So yes this is why you see jobs requiring 3 years of experience before they hire somebody new. They have tried to train people to become a valuable worker only to see them crumble over time.

a reply to: Neysa

My wife made the same decision as you did.

Our kids are better for it, my wife is happy at home. Life is good.

You should be proud of the work and sacrifices you made.

a reply to: Neysa

Fully agree, it's disgusting how goverment and society say make choices and feel good about them, but then skew the system to punish you for doing what they said you should do. One of the most important jobs is raising your kids right, because those kids will form a better society, they will the discoveries and inventions we didn't. They progress beyond us, their parents. Isn't that what it's all about? Making a better world. You can't do that with uneducated spoiler idiots that are offended by anything and feel entitled to everything.

Cheers - Dave

a reply to: Neysa

I agree that if anyone deserves disability benefits, it's someone like the lady in the OP.

But, I fail to see what that has to do with you being unable to find a job.

What field were you in before you had your kid? Do you have any skills?

I'm pretty sure that a disability lawyer will get her that, but it will only be about $1800 a month; good but not great to live on. The lawyers get a percentage of the pay she would have received between filing a complaint and getting a final 'yes' decision.

As to your issues with getting hired OP, consider training in either RN work or some other medical technician training. You'll be headhunted before you're even out of school, the need is so great and the pay is great. Don't presume that all RN jobs are strenuous where you have to be on your feet for 12 hours straight, either. You'd be able to pick and choose some that were more 'desk jobs' if that's what would work for you. You can get 'medical aide' training in a few months, LPN in a year and basic RN in two years. Continue schooling from there and get a BSN and the pay will scale up into the 70K to 100K USD range.

I'll make a separate thread about it, but if ANYONE out there is looking for immediate placement at a job, consider working as a home health aide (may be called other things in other countries). With the babyboomers aging there's a huge need for home health aides by the hundreds in every city and town. Some are live-in (free room included), some are partial live-in (several days straight, go home for several and then start again) and others are shift work. Families are frantic for 'someone to take care of gramma' while they both work, or for an aging spouse that the other can't manage and nursing homes charge 4K a month and are hard to find openings in.

The work can vary from 'no medical knowledge needed' and may be strictly driving to and from doctor's appointments and outings, medicine reminders, nonstrenuous housekeeping, cooking and laundry duties, to full-on medically savvy caretaking to include something that would be akin to one-on-one nursing home care. The more medically vigorous the job is, the less long it likely will last because the 'client' is in dire straits.

If you don't have medical knowledge but present well and can pass a simple background check, you'll be snapped up and placed immediately by the agencies that hire for this kind of thing, they're that desperate. Or you could hire yourself out privately and make more money - the agencies charge upwards of $17 an hour and take their cut, leaving you with perhaps $11 or so. With experience and references, you will command more.

Check Craigslist for openings under 'jobs' and 'health/medical' and you'll see there are dozens of job openings, most of them frantically looking for someone. Prior child care experience is eminently applicable (or you can apply for child care openings if you'd rather, obviously, but the pay scales will never ramp up like they can in medical).

She still has white pivilege and is married.

The welfare and social security system is rigged for single parent minorities.

Blame feminism and raging militant feminists.
www.theatlantic.com...

If you want to take care of your children and raise them rather than pay someone else you are killing feminism.

a reply to: Neysa

Most women aren't fortunate enough to be able to stay home and raise their kids nowadays.

Many people pay out as much for child care as they make, they simply PREFER to leave their kids with strangers and I think stinks to not want to raise your kids if you choose to have kids..

a reply to: SeaWorthy

My cousins wife actually paid about $5k a year above what she made so someone else would raise her children.