So it's about 10:58 AM now here in Tampa, FL. Usually on Saturdays around this time I am either sleeping off a hangover or I am still going from the
Today was not so, however. I went to bed fairly early as I didn't go out last night. Instead, last night I watched Leviathan, the four hour long
documentary about Clive Barker's Hellraiser series, which seemed ironically appropriate to mention in this story.
So I live in a 1920s historic Art Deco building on one of the islands jutting out from downtown Tampa. There are exactly twelve units and mine is on
the second floor. I was outside smoking a ciggy when these two ladies came up and started chatting with me.
Both latino, possibly a mother and daughter, very well spoken English and very polite.
Younger lady: We are out this morning trying to spread the word and faith of our lord Jesus Christ!
I light my cig, inhale, exhale and lean back with a grin on my face.
Me: Your wasting your breath, ladies. I worship Satan!
Their looks were quizzical. As if they thought I was some kind of liar trying to provoke a response from them!
Younger lady: Do you really worship Satan sweetie? Have you heard the message of our lord Jesus Christ?
Me: You know I always found it to be rather humorous, the fact that most Christians don't even know that most Satanists don't even believe
Satan. You see people could do wonders for their own beliefs by learning the beliefs and traditions of others, even if they are fundamentally opposed
to each other.
Older lady: Well we agree completely we spend a lot of time learning about others' beliefs.
Younger lady: We are trying to do just that and educate people that may not be familiar with our God and his son our savior Jesus Christ. Of course,
obviously you worship something different (she says while grinning, obviously referring to Satan).
Me: Now how could I worship something I don't believe in?
Younger lady: So is it that you don't believe in God?
Me: Define God?
Younger lady: Well we believe that our
Me: STOP! (I interrupt) Right there.... You just said Our
God. You are immediately disqualified. (lol)
Older lady says to younger: Ah you see because there is only one
Me: Tell me, have either of you ladies every read the Book of Enoch?
Older lady: I'm familiar with Enoch.
Me: Yes but have you read the book of his that was pulled from the Bible?
Younger lady: Pulled, you say?
Me: Yup. He had a really fascinating take on the hierarchy of Angels and their involvement with humans on Earth. And it just got yanked right out of
the bible! It didn't conform to the narrative the Catholic church was pushing at the time...
Older: I was unfamiliar with the fact that he had his own book in the Bible.
Me: See, you should really know more about the history of your own
faith before you decide to go around peddling it to people from door to door
on a Saturday morning.
It was around this time that they were realizing that speaking to me was going to yield nothing on their blight quest. So they went to go knock on my
neighbor's door. I advised against it, informing them that he was out late last night and that he has a really big dog that would bark if they
knocked. So they instead knocked on, you guessed it, my other neighbor's door!
This neighbor does not have a dog, but she's an old disabled woman with a hell
ish disposition on life. So naturally I wanted to see how this
interaction played out. It wasn't very dramatic anyways, she just answered the door and was very straight forward with them about not entertaining
solicitors and that half the people in our building have dogs, the time of day, blah blah.
My neighbor closes the door and the younger lady looks to me as she slides down to the next door.
Younder lady: Was that your mother?
That was kind of a low blow now that I think about it... but I was kind with my reply.
Me: No, heh. If my mother were here she would stop and talk to you for hours (not true, while my mother is a Christian and very religious, she too
would probably 'pass' on a door to door religioner).
Older lady: And her child just went astray like that? We pray for understand in others as well.
Me: That's great. Then you should understand why you are going to consistently get the same reaction from people that you are trying to sell your God
Younger lady: We aren't selling anything! Our literature is free and we...!
Me: What you are selling doesn't cost money
. It costs something much more valuable! (our attention, duh).
About this time they were getting turned away by yet another
neighbor in my building (I knew this place had good people when I moved in
Younger lady: Ok Mr. Cold (not my real name) we are leaving, thank you bye!
Me: Don't forget to look up the Book of Enoch!
So then I came inside, laughed for about 10 minutes, and typed this story up.
While the encounter itself was brief, I still gave you all the summarized version. The dialogue lasted a couple minutes longer and to be honest these
ladies were very polite to me and even though all I wanted to do was challenge them (I mean hey, they approached ME here! On my own stoop!) I did feel
a little bad about giving them the Satanic runaround. But let's face it, they were asking for it! I feel no guilt in standing my ground. I am not a
Satanist, by the way. I do not adhere to any religious institution or ideology but I do consider myself spiritual.
And I have to admit, those Christian women were a lot better than the Scientologists I used to frequently encounter in Ybor City.
What say you ATS? Perhaps some of you have your own 'door-to-door' bible thumper stories?
edit on 8/27/2016 by ColdWisdom because: (no reason given)