Pt. 2, Confronted a childhood friend now homeless.

If you missed the first thread:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

It's been gnawing at me every time I see him. Finally confronted him tonight.



Walked over to the corner store for a beer and candy bar. _______ is sitting outside. I got my stuff, came out, sat down next to him.

I said, "_______, what the hell did you do to yourself man?"

The guy could barely talk. He is only muttering very quietly.

I said, "Are you ready to get back to work and turn this around? I can talk to my boss and get you a job. Are you ready?"

He said, "No, no, no, no, man. I'm good."

I asked if he wanted something to eat. Went back inside and got him some food and drink.



Very sad.

I feel like I overstepped. I really wanted to help the guy, and I have the key to do so. Our office is always desperate for help and it's easy to get hired because of this. I was ready to get him clean, put some money into turning around his image, give him a place to sleep etc.

He refused.

Well, I don't know. I respect him for choosing his own destiny, like every free man should.

I do feel better about finally confronting him. There's officially nothing more I can do that wouldn't be harassment.

I am just very puzzled by this experience. I didn't expect him to refuse my offer; I had a plan to help him all the way through. And now I feel like a total jackass--NB, trying to be the hero, be someone's savior.


I don't even know if he recognized me.

Ugh

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Maybe he just wants to be free.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I haven't looked at your earlier thread, but....It sounds to me like your friend needs a bed, a bath, some regular food and some time to get "clean" before he can take on a job.

a reply to: windword

Good point.

Even if he wanted to accept, my approach was probably all wrong. I maybe came off more intimidating than sincere.

a reply to: NoElection

Possibly.

My definition of free doesn't involve having to rely on others to buy them sandwiches.

But I think you may be correct. He did seem genuinely determined to keep on doing what he's doing.

It could be, it's what he wants.

I'm not going to judge or beat myself up over it. I did what I thought was the right thing.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I have personally thought, during daydreams, being homeless would be the closest thing a poor/lower middle class person would ever get to being free. Though I would steal #loads of food from big corporations so id never go hungry. Better a thief than a dead man with a sunken stomach.

Jobs and debt are slavery. Jobs used to be work before heavy industry. Plus the robots are coming for blue and white collar jobs, white collar most likely first as its easier to write a program to do mental work than to design a AI/Autotron robot to do a builders job. They estimate in 30 years 50% of jobs could dissapear.

You made the offer and he did what he thought best suited him at the time.

If he was on drugs, he may not have even been aware of what you were offering. He may just be running on auto pilot, saying "I'm ok" to everyone. It's the way to get people to leave you alone, so he's stuck in that loop. He may be too ashamed that someone actually recognized him from the old days and can't bring himself to face you.
Maybe wait a week, keep an eye out for him when he seems a little more "with it" and try again.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: windword

Good point.

Even if he wanted to accept, my approach was probably all wrong. I maybe came off more intimidating than sincere.

I think by saying " What did you do to yourself?" Might have intimidated him. It's quite possible he has substance abuse issues or mental health issues. Does your community have an outreach program that helps the homeless? If they do, you can contact them and see if a social worker can try to initiate contact with your childhood friend. You meant well, but you may have come off harsh without realizing it at the time.

a reply to: PorteurDeMort

Yes, well, It's just--I was always kinda big bro there. I know that's the past. It's kinda hard to see him as anything but little brother that needs guidance.

My first instinct is to whip his butt into gear.

That's not the way to go, I agree. I feel like an idiot.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Don't feel like an idiot for trying to help an old friend. If he has a problem with drugs or alcohol or mental issues, he needs help, but if he refuses to help himself, there is nothing you can do. Does he have family?

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

He'd probably qualify for food stamps and maybe disability.

You offered your help and he declined. Nothing to feel bad about yourself. Often people feel ashamed to take help if in such situations. Maybe your wording was a bit unlucky for him. If I were you and I would see him again, I´d try one more time being direct and honest and tell him, if he wants help, not to be ashamed.

But in the end, as you know, it´s his decision.
applause for your good heart.

Edit: Don´t feel like an idiot, your intentions are honest and straight.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

It's a good what you did. More humans should try to help each other and build each other up instead of tearing down. What a world that would be.
Your friend may just not be in that place where he feels that he can hold down a job. Maybe he thinks if he accepted and let you down it would be worse than never accepting the hand up at all.
You're doing/did what you can and that is more than some folks would do.

Thank you for being a good human.

I think there is something blissful to living life the way he does, don't pity him, he's okay where he is.
I'm sure a meal every now and then and $10 for his next hit is all he really needs.

Are you sure it was him? He didn't seem to confirm that..

----

Homelessness may be rough but it seems like his problem is more than just homelessness.

a reply to: NoElection

Jobs and debt are slavery.

In a sense, we are slaves to our nature and our needs. Even if we lived in the forest with a few people, we still have to hunt, forage or farm, make clothing, etc.

But yeah "developed" civilizations came into self-sufficient and subsistence cultures who were doing fine and took all their sh#t and taught them their way of life, which is to exploit others to do their work for them.

originally posted by: nOraKat
Are you sure it was him?

Yes, beyond any doubt.

Not sure he totally pinned down who I am to him though.

Remember, I stopped hanging with him because he was getting into drugs. I haven't seem him in almost 10 years.

Fear of success is as powerful as fear of failure. For many reasons he may be scared to try..

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Your a good man to try when most of us don't look a homeless person dead in the eyes. Most all of us walk round them scared in case they ask for something and make us feel bad.

I want you to understand these people can't quit the life on a spur. You did good and he cannot get up and go back to society. Can you imagine having ptsd or an anxiety that makes you freeze? Stage fright is close. When a guy spends so long on the road he fashions an invisible shell about him. Only thing he has is his anonymity and what passes for dignity. He can't cut loose mental habits and survival that are years in the making.

The shell needs deconstructing over time. With help. Halfway houses. Bit by bit and habit by habit. A hard road. Have you thought he could of done something he can't go back to? Could be running, could of been pushed. Details friend.

You need to be a friend before you can help him. You might not like what he is underneath. Prepare for that or walk on.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Yeah its unfortunate, but what can you do?

Maybe the problem is not so much the homelessness. I can imagine a homeless person living an Ok life w good weather permitting.

We all work so hard and for what? - so you can sit on the couch a few moments each day, and then you wake up and your off to work again. Maybe some homeless people have it better than us.