Barstar Lumberjerk An Almost True Story

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
but - yeah. Last line....

"what about me? I have to walk out of here alone"

Perhaps you are not aware that as a great poet Barstar coined the turn of phrase known as the Lumberjerkoff which is when you head in an entirely unexpected direction both rhythmically and story-wise with the last line(s).

To the poetry-uneducated (hell to everyone) it makes no sense but it is his hallmark style.

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
and BARSTAR was the one who taught me! Like BUDDHA, I'm telling you! Yeah!!! Like freaking Buddha!!!!

Buddha would go to Barstar for advice.

And Barstar would pawn him off on one of his Dali Llamas.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

*PROFOUND BLUSH*

oh my....


no. I was not aware.

oh my. I'm very embarrassed. And here, I thought I knew his inner self! Damn him!!!! How many others are there, though?

Because I suspect lots of us have a problem.

Like:



dammit. Now I'm pissed.




no. I'm heartbroken all over again

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
How many others are there, though?

Too many to keep track of which is pretty much the issue with him.

He spreads so much BS you never know what to believe. Actually, you should not believe anything. Ever.

Unless he says he is a married tree trimmer from the Midwest with a wife and kid he ignores.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Lumberjerkoff

Hmmm.....

wait. Wait, wait!!! So, this is with an Eastern European or Northern Asian accent, right? Russian, or Ukrainian or Serb or whatever???

Loom Bar Chekov

Right?

Chekov was really cute, though...oh. Wait! Do you think maybe that was his uncle or someone??

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
Chekov was really cute, though...

The author or the guy that just got run over by his Jeep?

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Unless he says he is a married tree trimmer from the Midwest with a wife and kid he ignores.

Pffffttt....right.
(not)

Like that other guy - said he was unable to be happy ever, and I tried anyway ---- and it turned out that he couldn't be happy ever. Sigh




Yeah, if Barryboo ever did that, I'd be - like - ready for shock treatments. GASP!!! In fact!! I remember I dated a guy called ******** who said he wanted to have shock treatments.

omg

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

What? No, checkov was the guy on Star Trek, the cute Eastern European or Soviet or whatever guy....a switchboard operator or something.....

who got run over by a jeep?

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
Like that other guy - said he was unable to be happy ever, and I tried anyway ---- and it turned out that he couldn't be happy ever.

Well, take a page out of Barstar's book and tell him to create a made up backstory for himself.

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
What? No, checkov was the guy on Star Trek, the cute Eastern European or Soviet or whatever guy....a switchboard operator or something.....

who got run over by a jeep?

*le sigh*

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

when you head in an entirely unexpected direction both rhythmically and story-wise with the last line(s).

Oh!! OH!! Yes, I know about this. It's called
"deus ex machina" ----

it means an entirely unexpected and surprise (contrived) event or interruption or surprise twist that saves the day. This was in ancient Greek plays, and it's also now in pulp fiction paperbacks and B-grade romcoms.....
a sudden (and utterly unrealistic) resolution appears.

To the poetry-uneducated (hell to everyone) it makes no sense but it is his hallmark style.

Yeah?! I guess I was always so enchanted with his voice, and the smell of his hair, and the w 127389#JJLSJKDLL$ ay he brushed his &^*^*&^665555^6&&&&&%4rfinger**&s acro..................






(damn cat)

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
It's called
"deus ex machina" ----

Not, it is not. It was originally called 'Lumberjerkus ex machina' but he let Deus borrow it for the time being.

Just showing his generosity but I think he is billing him for royalties while he uses it.

Barstar Lumberjerk can more than fell a tree,

He'll seduce you with that look,

Whilst clearing a bar,

He taught Chuck Norris for free.

Once you are putty and that is a given,

He will take you in his car,

Of course, it's Chauffer driven.

Stopping for no one, not even Trump,

He will make jokes about Hillary

Whilst patting your rump.

Such is his wisdom and power untold,

Barstar is loved by everyone,

Not only young but also the old.

He is warm and compassionate,

Knows just how you feel,

If I were less modest,

I'd tell you I'm real ...

a reply to: Timely

Barstar is touched (he told me) and said he would weep fake tears to your homage.

It will help him prep for his next big roll.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

GAH!!!!SP!!!!

R U kidding me?

See how amazing Barstar is??

It is utterly astounding. Dazzlingly spectacular. Unspeakably divine. Sublimely delicious.


GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!

Unrequited.

But you knew that anyway, right? He has a bevy of hotties flying in right now from out of state. He is going to fix them his famous Vodka Bottle With A Straw, put on some of his early stuff and then puke all over the place because only amateurs drink vodka straight. Or at all.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

But you knew that anyway, right? He has a bevy of hotties flying in right now from out of state. He is going to fix them his famous Vodka Bottle With A Straw, put on some of his early stuff and then puke all over the place because only amateurs drink vodka straight. Or at all.

BUt...God. YEAH! That's what I'm saying!!

He was the world's worst boyfriend Ev. Er.

like, the corner of EV and ER......

WW.

Damn. And we even - I kid you not - we even had a mariachi band right there like four feet in front of our faces....and I had to ask them to step back (this was on the beach).....

bleh.
No. No more memories. It's too painful.

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
Damn. And we even - I kid you not - we even had a mariachi band right there like four feet in front of our faces....

At least he didn't haul his kid and wife along like he did with Bird. They thought they were going on 'family vacation'. Barstar told him it was families vacation.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Tsk!!!

WHAT??!!

THat ASSHOLE!!!

gah.

a reply to: BuzzyWigs

Yeah. Just simple folk from the Midwest who have no idea the double life he leads in his head.