Barstar Lumberjerk An Almost True Story

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
Aaaaactually, they say something else about you.

Ah, I should have specified in real life.
I couldn't give a # whatever anyone on ATS thinks about me.
...probably why I'm blunt and honest, much easier than bull#ting. I had the chance to come back as fleckofdust or whatever when I pushed it and nearly had a full-on ban a few months ago, but I played the game and conceded because I stand by my posted words as grainofsand, me.

Whatever I've posted over the years I always meant it at the time I clicked 'reply' so I'll shine or hang for it.
But not bull#ting makes it much easier lol

originally posted by: grainofsand
But not bull#ting makes it much easier lol

Perhaps you can be Barstar's life coach. He could use one, vodka is crap.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I'd get him on the Sambuca and coke, you know that.
It's the appropriate beverage for the situation.

originally posted by: grainofsand
I'd get him on the Sambuca and coke, you know that.
It's the appropriate beverage for the situation.

He wrote a tagline for it:

'Sambuca and Coke, at least it tastes like something. Now fix me a vodka.'

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Normal life, strife, need to hide the wife.

Can't be me, who's he?
Who cares about average citizenry.

Need a disguise, is it wise...while pondering the question he cries

No more deceit, take the heat, it's no easy feat.
...bitter sweet.

a reply to: grainofsand

I would say that would hit home with Barstar but he pretends he doesn't live there so I'm pretty sure he'll ignore it.

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
Yes.
Yes, I am.
Very lucky.

And believe I don't take a second of the friendship for granted.

He just sent me this little gem he just wrote for you:

Will you walk in the woods with me
When it is dark and moonless?

Will you wander off the path
When fear leaves you breathless?

Will you ignore that axe
When it leaves you a mess?

Is that a hole up ahead
Does the sight cause you stress?

'I'm scared!', you say
'What about me? I have to walk out of here alone!'

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Oooh!
Fantastic!

Yes, of course I would walk off the path!
As long as he continued to whisper in my ear while the blows are rendered.

It would be a death for the history books.
Don't you see? He has this hypnotizing quality.

That jerk Barstar wrote this on the side of ATS.

I need a drink,
I need a hat

I need a stool,
Where's my cat?

The hired help,
Has left me here.

Alone to dwell,
In this cup of tears.

Rhyming sucks,
My Barness gone.

But only till,
I have more rum!

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
Don't you see? He has this hypnotizing quality.

Like a King Cobra. Except fangless and more scaly.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

An Ode to Your Ova:

My voice can make them scramble with glee
Souffléd, poached or over easy

I'm Barstar the superstar can't you see?
Do you feel that quiver in your ovary?

I call to them over the thicket
Now get in line Goupie, use the take-a-ticket

Not bad!!!

the phrase "do you feel that quiver in your ovary" adds an extra beat, however........

how about: "do feel the quiver in your ovary!"....or "d'you feel that quiver in your ovary?" (d'you is pronounced like jew).


I'm very much into rhyming and cadence and syllabic symmetry. Like - same when a picture is not hanging straight on a wall, or Mr Wigs lowers the shade without making it a balanced arrangement.......

nono. Symmetry, spacial intelligence.....it's one of my superpowers.

But Barstar? He was the dazzlingly eclipsing entity. No matter WHAT I did, he did it better.

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

An Ode to Your Ova:
My voice can make them scramble with glee
Souffléd, poached or over easy
I'm Barstar the superstar can't you see?
Do you feel that quiver in your ovary?
I call to them over the thicket
Now get in line Goupie, use the take-a-ticket

Not bad!!!
the phrase "do you feel that quiver in your ovary" adds an extra beat, however........
how about: "do feel the quiver in your ovary!"....or "d'you feel that quiver in your ovary?" (d'you is pronounced like jew).

I'm very much into rhyming and cadence and syllabic symmetry. Like - same when a picture is not hanging straight on a wall, or Mr Wigs lowers the shade without making it a balanced arrangement.......
nono. Symmetry, spacial intelligence.....it's one of my superpowers.
But Barstar? He was the dazzlingly eclipsing entity. No matter WHAT I did, he did it better.

Oh my gosh Buzzy!
He must have allowed you to study him at great length.
I'm rather envious!

You are right though, that is exactly what he does and it is so magical and ingenious.
He will take the English language and just rip apart anything we thought we knew and make us look at it through his eyes.
It can be transformed and words no longer mean what we once thought.

It is truly a gift and a radical approach to his art.

a reply to: TNMockingbird

*heart flutters*

sigh....

Yes! You know exactly what I mean! It's indescribable. Like the first time you experience something so amazing you can never unknow or unfeel it.

like...being hit by lightning...

or, childbirth,

or, migraine.....or, a tornado roaring past your ears...
or, falling off of a cliff in a 1975 Mercury Cougar.....

I don't know. Of those five, only three trigger an internal "oh...fu ------- yeah, I remember that".....

And the Barstarrista always, always could top my experiences.....Ack. And the stories he could tell!! *sigh* I always had to load my purse up in anticipation of needing several changes of under....erm, attire.

a reply to: BuzzyWigs

I will pass on your critical commentary to Mr. Lumberjerk who is always NOT open to constructive criticism.

Ego and all that.

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
like...being hit by lightning...

or, childbirth,

or, migraine.....or, a tornado roaring past your ears...
or, falling off of a cliff in a 1975 Mercury Cougar.....

Meeting Barstar is like being hit with lightning while giving birth with a migraine and simultaneously plummeting over a cliff in a 75 Cougar during a tornado.


And you're a dude.

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
He will take the English language and just rip apart anything we thought we knew and make us look at it through his eyes.

I like when we get to look through his eyes after he has run a half iron man and then tossed back 7 straight vodkas.

It's like he can make the world multiply when he does that.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Meeting Barstar is like being hit with lightening while giving birth with a migraine and simultaneously plummeting over a cliff in a 75 Cougar during a tornado.

Right?!!! I KNOW!! Right??

And your a dude.

Wut?



??????

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
Wut?

Guess you missed it earlier:

originally posted by: awareness10
How does one swoon?

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
By getting too close to Lumberjerk.

When he hits High C his voice can cause all females within a 100 foot radius to instantly ovulate. And some men too.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Will you walk in the woods with me
When it is dark and moonless?

Will you wander off the path
When fear leaves you breathless?

Will you ignore that axe
When it leaves you a mess?

Is that a hole up ahead
Does the sight cause you stress?

'I'm scared!', you say
'What about me? I have to walk out of here alone!'

***GASP!******

Oh my heavens. That is...it's just --- it's positively sublime!
Except for that last line! He did it again, here!

(And Barstiboopsy, you know I only mean it with the utmost respect...)

but - yeah. Last line....

"what about me? I have to walk out of here alone"

no. that doesn't work....Barry would want me to correct his error.
and the line before that was truncated.....

will you ignore that axe ["ba dum"] -- (two beats there)......

anyway, ignoring that ---- just the very last line.....

'I'm scared!', you say
'What about me? I have to walk out of here alone!' "

Let's play with it.


"I'm scared!" you say. "But,
what about me?" I ask. "I leave alone!"


Anyway - just....sorry. The Barster makes me do it. He won't look me in the eye for weeks if I don't do this stuff.
And since I only get to see his eyes once every six to eight weeks, that's an ETERNITY of counting up days. "A month of Sundays" is 30 weeks. It's like that.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Oh!!! *sucks in breath*


yes. Indeed. I missed that part.
Kindly excuse my distracted disposition. Occasionally, summer days create an ambience of relaxation, unhurried pace, peace of body and mind and safety of all within your own bubble -----

and it's a first-world blessing.

I try to revel in it....

and BARSTAR was the one who taught me! Like BUDDHA, I'm telling you! Yeah!!! Like freaking Buddha!!!!