When family is not family

Hey all,

I just wanted to share some thoughts with those of you who are alone. Those of you who have had family act like something less than family.

I understand.

You dont need people who are absent in your life. People who hurt you. You dont need anyone that does not love you.

There are many reasons to be upset when you have to break ties with a person whom you thought was in your corner, but turned out to be opposite of you in the ring.

There is perhaps more, but one true reason to be happy no matter the depth of your loss: The poison of a ruined mind can no longer touch you. The rot of a twisted core can not touch your indomitable heart.

Its a funny thing, once they are gone you are free of their malace. You are free of their weight. Free of the failure of their broken souls.

I have been blessed by discovering who some of my family truly is. Blessed because now, I am free.

All my loyalty is now with my wife and children. It is with my chosen brothers not of my blood. I have true and honest people now only in my life.

They are few, but I consider myself wealthy in their company. I can honestly say I would go to hell and back for them with no reservations. I am honored to have them.

In all this, I have found myself overcoming a part of me that once held tight to blind loyalty to those who are unworthy of it.

I am free to choose now who I would suffer for. I am free to suffer the most horrid of fates for those worthy of all my pain. I am now able by virtue of their spirit, to make any loss incured for them an honorable and noble act of faith.

Those I would make any suffering I may go through for them as an act of love. A true and infinite measure of love.

I am honored to be free of foul souls and the bitter living dead.

I am surounded by the best of those I know. I know that though I am often alone I am never so.

I am in my heart free and safe, strong and full of love. A love I am not bound to show, but by nature designed to bestow. I choose my blood.

I am new blood.

This is day one of this family's story.

Be free.

keep the faith
Hold it down

a reply to: tadaman

Almost like a cult ?

Bravo! I know the feeling all too well. Hang in there, it can be so heartbreaking, yet necessary.

a reply to: tikbalang

more devoted than a cult.

I know who is at my side, and because of that clarity, nothing is too much to ask or do.

To hell and back for those I choose. Even if just to hell.

a reply to: tadaman

So if anyone is curious, do you have a meeting somewhere? Or is it your fishingbuddies?

a reply to: tadaman

Oh Wow! I need to pass this along to my family...children and ex husband.

His mom just died and a sibling of his has gone to great lengths to take away from one side and give to their's while my mother in law was suffering with dementia. Actually changing CD's from our children to give half to her's and claiming huge amounts of money as their own. Some CD's to our grandchildren are actually missing.

He intends to cut ties after the hearing...and mounting legal expenses. Some children are in disbelief and deeply troubled to find this person seems to have no soul (my words).

Thank you for this post...I had considered posting my own but glad I waited. Your words...which I will paraphrase...will be sent along to them

As they say...there are no coincidences.

a reply to: tadaman

Im curious again, do you believe that your kids will consider you a responsible adult when you say you will die for your brothers love cause they see a subjective reality the same way you do?

I consider it a gang mentality, maybe even a childish act of an egocentric world view.. I think the world is unfair cause I'm a responsible law abiding adult, so I'm gonna build my own crew.. ?

I'm one of those people you will met in live who will be nothing but honest, even if it sucks.. You can hate me for it.. I just remember who feed me, and I return the favor as an adult..

a reply to: tadaman
I understand your feelings completely. Been there. Abandoned by those who should have been the support team. Nobody should have to face that but in today's world it seems all too common.

Unfortunately, some members of my family have just been through this revelation due to a family crisis. Just today a member expressed much the same sentiment as yours. It took her three weeks to see that others in her family do not have the sick family member's best interest in their hearts.

Hold tight to those you can love. Let the rest be whoever the hell they are. There is no explaining their actions.

It sounds to me like your describing a motorcycle club. Some of us don't live within society norms, we live in a different reality of everyday life. Only others in our group understand us and how we live. These men we call brothers

originally posted by: tadaman
Its a funny thing, once they are gone you are free of their malace. You are free of their weight. Free of the failure of their broken souls.

Get ready now. There's gonna be a day when things are reversed. You grew up ... take the right path all the way into manhood.

a reply to: Snarl

What happens the day when his kids says;" Hey Dad, see you in the next life.. Thanks for the 18 years "

So you still believe a grown man should have his dream when he had as a kid? And when he cant have that, its societies fault?

originally posted by: tikbalang
a reply to: Snarl

What happens the day when his kids says;" Hey Dad, see you in the next life.. Thanks for the 18 years "

So you still believe a grown man should have his dream when he had as a kid? And when he cant have that, its societies fault?

Wut? LOL

Did you not see that I completely cut out the part about Tadaman's wife and kids? That should be your first indication that what I said wasn't about them at all.

-Cheers

I really dont understand some of these replies.

I am glad it was useful to some.

To the rest, I got nothing either way.

As far as my kids paying me back in a similar manner....I highly doubt it. They wont need to, but if they are half as faithful as I WAS I will be a happy man.

Or their relationship suffering a similar end....nope.

I dont owe a damned thing. I have dedicated my life to my family, and I know where I stand. My kids will never know what I have known.

They will never act in ways that are less than honorable to eachother.

The people I speak of in my OP have acted in ways that lead me to block the one way street of parasitic paths into my life. Paths they dug into, To me and their own. Their own parents, siblings and extended family.

Its not money, though I wont lie, what they take is the measure /cost of their integrity. Its everything else as well.

Should I do for them what they do not for others, OR ME?

Sorry, I dont see it that way. Thats BS.

Be free of assholes, no matter the title they claim.

A title is not the same as being what the title implies.

a reply to: Snarl

I know I did. This is something that is a long time coming. The needle is more like truckload, and this camel is just done.

Its funny, I actually tried to make things right, though I had nothing to correct, more like forget, and once again I was dealt DISLOYALTY, and falsehoods for personal gain.

I still cant believe the way it worked out, but one day I am reaching out, the next I am finding out about another betrayal being done.

It was a Serendipitous moment of karma sparing me this time around.

a reply to: tadaman

Family is who you love and trust, to me anyway.
I have lived away from blood family since I was 16. I have 'brothers' close to me. Mates who trust me enough that I can walk in their house if the door isn't locked.
Mates who I would fight to the death for and they would for me.
'Sisters' who are ex's yet my closest confidants.

...I would feel greater loss from some of my non blood 'family' than my real siblings.

originally posted by: tadaman
a reply to: Snarl

I know I did. This is something a long time coming. The needle is more like truckload, and this camel is just done.

I know. You're in my footsteps. You'll recover your energy and things will be completely different next go-round. Just don't be unprepared for making amends on YOUR terms. If you're a man about it ... you'll be able to dispense with any bad blood and all's gonna be good with the family. You can do this. It just takes preparation. All in good time, brother.

a reply to: tikbalang

I too am one of those people, and this is my honesty at play.

I will return no longer what was never given to begin with.

Out by 18, working since before I was legally able to, always carried my weight, never asked for a damned thing...and I ALWAYS tilted the scale in others favor when anything was done for me.

I am as ungrateful as I am a masochist.

a reply to: Snarl

Thanks man.

I hear you. I have no bad blood towards them. I truly hope they find their peace.

I only want my own I know I deserve now.

I have no hate in my heart for them. I just cant find them in there anymore.

Have a good one bro.

Hold it down.
Keep the faith.

I don't think some people "get it". I get it.

I've had to sever some ties too. And not, as another posted implied, because I was unable to hear "truths". It wuz the lies wut dunnit. Yep. Very painful.

When they treat you worse than strangers. That does not mean they should treat you better than strangers either but you will always be your parents responsibility until the day they die their moment of passion gave rise to your being in form if they don't encourage or respect who you are and support who you are trying to be then they are self serving and shouldn't of had children those sorts tend to resent and control their children instead of grow them as happy healthy individuals as a responsibility.