"Science Explains How Complaining is Negatively Altering Your Brain"

NOTE: I always use the original title of the article involved. If you have to, Deal with it.

From:

Waking Times

3 March 2016

By
Alex Pietrowski, Staff
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www.wakingtimes.com...
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Listening to someone complain, even if it’s yourself, has never done anyone any good. Some people say that it may act as a catharsis, a way to let go of negative emotions and experiences, and maybe letting it all out once in a while does feel good, but taking a closer look at what complaining actually does to the brain gives us even more cause to strive for a positive frame of mind and cut out the complaining.
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“Synapses that fire together wire together,” says Parton, which is a concise way of understanding the essence of neuroplasticity, the science of how the brain re-wires itself based on whatever it is repetitively exposed to. Negativity and complaining breeds more of the same, as this theory points out.
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Parton explains further:
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“The principle is simple: Throughout your brain there is a collection of synapses separated by empty space called the synaptic cleft. Whenever you have a thought, one synapse shoots a chemical across the cleft to another synapse, thus building a bridge over which an electric signal can cross, carrying along its charge the relevant information you’re thinking about.
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…Every time this electrical charge is triggered, the synapses grow closer together in order to decrease the distance the electrical charge has to cross…. The brain is rewiring its own circuitry, physically changing itself, to make it easier and more likely that the proper synapses will share the chemical link and thus spark together–in essence, making it easier for the thought to trigger.”

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Furthermore, his understanding of this process includes the idea that the electrical connections most utilized by the brain will become shorter, and therefore more frequently chosen for use by the brain. This is how one’s personality is altered.
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So, when a person enters and drops a huge boatload of gossip, negativity and drama on you, you can be assured that it is affecting you bio-chemically, and is decreasing your chances of actually being happy. Exposure to this kind of emotional outburst actually causes stress, and because stress kills, complaining and negativity may seriously be contributing to your early demise.
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I believe this is reasonably accurate.
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Certainly even science has affirmed the Biblical wisdom that "A MERRY HEART DOES GOOD, LIKE A MEDICINE."
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It's not surprising that the opposite has a similar opposite effect.
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The older I've gotten, the more I've avoided folks who are emotional vampires--sucking the life and healthy positivity out of me, a relationship, a situation.
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This article seems to affirm that doing so may be a higher priority than I had assumed, believed.
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Anyway--I think it's worth a read. It's not that long.
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What do you typically do when around negative people?
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How many of them do you have in your inner social circle, family, friend relationships?
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a reply to: BO XIAN

Listening with judgement, of them or yourself, will lead to suffering.

Listening with empathy, non judgement, of them or yourself, will lead to peace.

Always...

a reply to: savemebarry

Good points, imho.

Thanks.

a reply to: BO XIANwhen dealing with negativity I either fight or walk away, it all depends on safety of not hurting each other emotionally... or physically. If an ego gets bruised or shattered... may be a good thing?
I try to keep things as light and civil as possible... not always easy when negative patterns and thinking run deep full of resentments... with weird mind games at play.
Great OP! Lots to contemplate....😊

a reply to: BO XIAN

Thank you for this! Everyday I have to listen to a friend complain for one hour on he phone. I have to send her this.

Now I am complaining about my friend lol.

originally posted by: BO XIAN
a reply to: savemebarry

Good points, imho.

Thanks.

I learnt it long ago, it's the act of mindfulness, compassion without judgement. While it is pretty much the one thing that can ease your mind when things are bad, when things are bad it can also be the hardest thing to do...

But like all things, practice makes perfect.. You can't pick up a 200lb weight and do 20 pressups first time.. nor can you be mindful your entire day without giving yourself time to achieve it..

Meditate and push energy to offset the stress so that the body is bliss full even if the awareness is annoyed.

a reply to: BO XIAN

It depends.. repressed trauma is very unhealthy. There is also a possibility that people end up complaining if they're not being heard when they need to be. They're just stuck on a loop is all.

a reply to: riley

Being stuck on a loop is destructive.

Chronic complaining keeps the destructiveness wound up; going, destroying.

There are ways to express concerns, pain, annoyance, distress etc. without dysfunctional complaining, whining.

I have another short doc I'll try and post later today when I get up for good.

Thank you for the topic and the link BO...very timely and very good...you're one of the good one's.

Keep up the good work and enjoy the monsoons while you can.

Have a good one.

a reply to: BO XIAN

I listen...let them get it out. Most people just need someone to actually listen to them. And I try to show them some positive... if at all possible.

I wonder though, what kind of world we are living in that there is so much negative to be talked about...but barely any positive to be heard?

Anyhow, I just listen ...

Thanks,
blend57

a reply to: BO XIAN

The mind remunerates when it's under stress or experiencing depression. Sometimes people may not be able to address their problems constructively until they speak about them. There are people who may whine for attention but some people just need help even if it's just advice.

I think that there is most likely something to this.

After 10 years slinging taps in the family barley mines, I walked away from my job as a bartender/manager. Gossip, sad stories, peoples mistakes, late late nights, psychic vampires, all of that comes with the territory, and it takes a huge toll on the mind after a while. I've had to physically separate myself from that situation because it was leading me through a series of emotional breakdowns.

In the six months since I quit I've noticed myself thinking clearer, and being able to stay focused on my own interests, I believe that my brain is changing from not having the negative outside influence of drunk A#$-hats!

Acknowledging some of my friends were toxic was difficult.
Looking at my part of the friendships was harder.

I made a conscious choice to disengage because the constant stress and energy needed was outweighing anything beneficial. NONE of this was easy and I will forever be an @$$hole to those I walked away from. Their opinion of course.

Changed jobs since that as well was a toxic-suck.
Despite the triteness of "you can only change yourself & your reactions" it's very true. I refuse to engage in the behavior and that still makes some people uncomfortable. Learning new "scripts" for standing my ground also means I make Gaffe's and don't always get it right.

Life is just too short for all that wasted energy and nonsense.
Living well is it's own reward.
By living well I mean being reasonably compassionate, do good when you can and enjoy what you have.
I fight hard to keep my life "drama-free". Even from my own little drama's. They just aren't necessary.

Unlearning bad behaviors has been difficult an it's easy to point fingers but sometimes you just have to dig in an realize that when you point a finger three are pointing back at you.

a reply to: BO XIAN

"5 THINGS TO DO INSTEAD OF COMPLAIN"

www.jongordon.com...

1. PRACTICE GRATITUDE
2. PRAISE OTHERS

3. FOCUS ON SUCCESS
4. LET GO

5. PRAY, MEDITATE

www.jongordon.com...

3 NO COMPLAINING TOOLS:

www.jongordon.com...

1. The But --> Positive Technique . . . I don't like driving to work for an hour but I'm thankful I can drive and that I have a job.

2. Focus on "Get To" instead of "Have To."

3. Turn Complaints into Solutions

a reply to: savemebarry

INDEED.

Most good new skills are a process to acquire.

Thanks.

originally posted by: riley
a reply to: BO XIAN

It depends.. repressed trauma is very unhealthy.

I'm NOT talking about repressing things in unhealthy, dysfunctional ways. I'm talking about a compulsive habit of whining and complaining virtually every time one's mouth opens. THAT is VERY unhealthy and the only way many people seem to know how to live. They usually learned it at an early age from a parent who did similarly.

If folks need to express traumatic and/or troublesome feelings, by all means find constructive ways to do so--even if it means a mediator and/or professional counselor has to be involved.

There is also a possibility that people end up complaining if they're not being heard when they need to be. They're just stuck on a loop is all.

I don't think "stuck on a loop" is a sufficient explanation. Chronic complaining is virtually a mindless obsession. It is the individual's major focus and way of being in the world. Their relationships and conversations are SATURATED with it. It is far more than "merely" an idle pastime.

Again, IF NEEDING TO BE HEARD IS A SIGNIFICANT, REAL ISSUE--find a good counselor, facilitator, mediator and insure you're heard.l

Chronic complaining usually insures that one is 'heard' LESS AND LESS AND LESS AND LESS.

And, as the OP indicates, it rewires the brain in unhealthy, dysfunctional ways.

a reply to: DeepImpactX

THANKS for your kind reply.

It's encouraging when at least some folks "get it."

The deliberately obnoxious chronic and compulsive contrarian RAD afflicted prickly ones are a plague on the net and in face to face life.

a reply to: blend57

Certainly there is a paucity of truly listening/being heard in our era.

And listening is a crucial lost art for any healthy relationship or dialogue.

However, it is an inadequate response to the chronic complainers.

Such folks are virtually in a compulsively mind-controlled groove and seemingly cannot allow anything but complaints out of their mouths.

Sometimes, I wonder if they need behavior modification therapy with electricity.

a reply to: wheresthebody

Congrats on leaving a deadening job/situation.

Congrats on such wholesale improvements in your life and being. Impressive.