Boris's Limerick - Can You Do Better?

Among the many things he is infamous for Boris Johnson wrote a derogatory limerick about the Turkish President which, I think, is highly amusing.

So in the interests of keeping up with the times now that Boris has been made Foreign Secretary what can we, the proles, do to further outrage our neighbours and partners?

I know - let's all write limericks and see if we can match Boris for biting wit and satire.

Here's Boris's limerick:

“There was a young fellow from Ankara,
Who was a terrific w**kerer,
“Till he sowed his wild oats, With the help of a goat,
“But he didn't even stop to thankera.”


taken from this source:
www.standard.co.uk...

And here are my offerings:

Cameron:

There was a young fellow called Dave
Whose reputation had been hard to save
When it was found out
He'd shagged a pig's snout
That he hadn't bothered to shave


Merkel:

There was an old Frau from Cologne *
Who decided to go it alone
And throw open our doors
To all the World's poor
Now none of them want to go home

*artistic license - I don't know where Mrs Merkel is from.


So, come on everybody - have a go but please keep it fun.


PS - if, after reading this anyone wants to offer me a lucrative, globe-trotting job at the Foreign Office I can be contacted here at ATS.

If, however, anyone wants to do me for treason or insurrection I should point out that I'm actually a Bot.

a reply to: berenike

there was an old dragon called thatcher,

when comaparing evil twas quite hard to match 'er,

of her we're well rids,

She took free drinks from our kids,

and that's why they called her milk snatcher.

A little lame but it's early mate, I am sure with a few beers on a Friday night I will get a few posts removed and a subtle yet firm warning from the mods on this one

There was a mayor called Sadiq Khan,
Who's acts like he's living in Iran,
We thought it was all a jest,
When dressed woman showed some chest,
In a fitness ad and he asked for a ban.

A poet I am noet.

a reply to: berenike

There once was a trump from new York,
Who took a huuuge dump on the floor,
He lifted his rump,
Smiled down at the lump,
And ate his own crap with a fork.



~meathead

There was am old fellow called trump
Who's hair looks like my last dump
He is as racist as sin
He has bright orange skin
But I'd love to give his wifey a hump

There was an old chappie called Boris
His best interests are apparently us
This idiot from the village square
what the f### is up with that hair
I blame lack of social skills on his old Doris

(Old Doris is a cockney London term for mum)

a reply to: Mike Stivic

There once was a woman named Hillary,
Who relied on her prowess at trickery,
She commits all these fouls,
With a screech and a scowl,
While slick Willy is living in misery.


~meathead

a reply to: nonspecific

There was a young fellow called Gregg
Who was rather fond of the keg
One night when drunk
As the proverbial skunk
He poked a live wire with his finger
The resulting shock
Fried him right to his socks
And the burnt, bacony smell sort of lingered.

There once was a very posh guy,
Who climbed up the London Eye.
He zipped down on a wire,
The results were dire,
And now to the EU he says "bye".
(Terrible effort).

There was a fine toff called BoJo,
Who played wiff-waff not waff-wiff I know know.
His social faux pas,
And his hatred for cars,
Made BoJo a no no for AO (Allegra Owen his ex wife).

Soz.

There once was a site called ATS
Where people would log on to profess
Their deepest darkest fears
After five too many beers
Mostly just boring us to death

Donald Trump is facking rich
And his wife's a sexy b#tch
He opened his mouth
And all logic went south
Leaving us screaming in fits

originally posted by: berenike
a reply to: nonspecific

There was a young fellow called Gregg
Who was rather fond of the keg
One night when drunk
As the proverbial skunk
He poked a live wire with his finger
The resulting shock
Fried him right to his socks
And the burnt, bacony smell sort of lingered.

There once was a guy called nonspeficic.

Some members they found him terrific.

Augustus came along

and everything thing went wrong.

The outcome was somewhat horrific.

There exists a fella, a sage
Who's on every outer-space page
To tell you you're wrong
After you've sung your song
I think his name rhymes with rage

originally posted by: EmmanuelGoldstein
There exists a fella -no age?
Where he pops up on every space page
To tell you you're wrong
After you sing your song
I think his name rhymes with sage

Ooh I see what you did there?

a reply to: nonspecific

Hah
I edited it again.
Keep trying to fine tune tune it

a reply to: nonspecific
Nonspecific would write on the boards,
His followers came in hoards.
His avatar winked,
Which made me think...
I was out of my mind, oh Lord!

originally posted by: EmmanuelGoldstein
Donald Trump is facking rich
And his wife's a sexy b#tch
He opened his mouth
And all logic went south
Leaving us screaming in fits

Ok, final edit:


Donald Trump is facking rich
His wife's a sexy b#tch
He opened his mouth
All logic went south
Leaving us screaming in fits