Today my second child was born

A year ago I was away from my wife for 4 month, we dint plan to have another child (to be honest we are closer to getting divorce than contemplating having more kids) but here he is.

There is not much i can say, I been awake since Sunday and by now I'm in pretty rough shape (cant complain the wife did all the work) but just some random thoughts

The wife had a hard time, even as this is baby #2, the first child was by c-section in our original country, back there she had her family to support her and in here just her crappy unwanted husband, the birth had to be induced and she spend 24 hours in pain before being taken to the delivery room, where she spend another 14 hours before the actual birth that took around 1 and a half hours of pushing. You are there seeing these small woman giving all she got for over an hour and be amazed of the woman resilience to find strength to continue, after an hour of pushing the doctors told her they could not allow it to prolong anymore so they had to use forceps, when she heard that she only thought of possible damage to the child and she pushed harder than ever just when her strength seems to had faded. the love of a mother for their child is a real powerful force.

During these 3 days I never really worried about the child, seeing the wife in pain and not being able to do anything directed most of my concern to her, during the birth i started to worry when she kept pushing and nothing happens, you are there and if you don't see the clock you thing its just a moment when in reality was close to an hour. when you see the nurses and doctors start to move more frantic around and the wife seemly pushing weaker and weaker every time is when you start to worry, at the end an older female doctor came and started to scream to the wife and it just hit you that despite being surrounded by all those machines beeping, we are still primal animals and the force of the matriarch to guide in the darkest hour seems to put everything in place.

And then when the child is finally delivered it feels so good to hear him cry, i dint think of him being in pain or anything, it was just a relive to hear he was finally out, he was with his mother for about half an hour so happy and secure, he dint cry after he was in her arms. Then the nurse needs to do the measurements and the others to clean the wife so he starts crying again. When she finish what she was doing she tells me to put him the diaper and my doubts starts, why don't you do it i though i'm a crappy parent i wont do it right, but then the first stupid proud moment came when i finish my bad handiwork of putting the diaper (she basically had to do it again) when the realization came that I put the diaper without him pissing me all over, i was like SUCCESS i know its stupid but being a useless breather just occupying space over 40+ hours it felt good to have a small victory

Then the worst moment came for me, she told me to carry him while the other finished with my wife, I saw him so small and brittle and my sleep deprivation only allowed me to be filled with doubt and like a mindless zombie i just said, so i grab him and give it to my wife? the nurse saw me like dude come on i just told you you need to hold him while we finish and right away he starts to cry, then the best feeling in my life happens, I just grabbed him, he opened his eyes and saw perhaps a wall but it felt he saw me, and he stoops crying , there is no words to describe the felling of him recognizing you as your father and the relive of that giving him comfort all was good in the world in that moment.

Sorry if you read this and it was poorly written and it dint left you anything, I just wanted to share that feeling of being a proud father before going to pick the other kid (he is alright too i guess ), it was a hard 3 days when i felt more useless than usual married with random acts of compassion that left me feeling good, like the family that is taking care of the first born because we are alone in here, or the friend of my wife that i have just said hi 2 times in my life that brought to me the best porkchops i have ever eaten in my life despite me telling her over the phone that i was good with a sandwich of the vending machine and she should not worry about me.

Also, a lill more than a year ago when I was away from my wife and had no intention of having a child I made this thread of a dream I had where i had another child...

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Yeah, i'm not bathing my new son, nope i might be Nostradamus or something , also i'm old fashioned and that's the work of the mother anyways... (just kidding)

a reply to: Indigent

Congratulations!!!

That sounds like a magical moment! Here's to many more magical moments, although perhaps not the same kind of magical moments as that!

I hope that things do not remain in the downward spiral between yourself and your wife, that you both remember whatever it was that bought you together, and that your son reminds you that when you work together, you can bring wonderful things into the world.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Thanks for the kinds words man

You can bring wonderful things into the world.

I'm not going to lie, when you are tanking in life and your son does something you don't expect there is certain comfort in the idea your name is not doomed with you and there is hope for redemption by the younger generations

Congratulations!

Regardless of the future of the parents, it now becomes about the children both older and new!
I can tell by your words that it is only fear of failure that stands in your way of becoming exactly who you are!
Never let fear stand in the way.

Thank you for sharing this moment with us.

a reply to: Indigent

First CONGRATULATIONS ! You made it through the birthing process with all your faculties pretty much in tact! Good for you. And for the lady who did all the work, a huge CONGRATULATIONS too! 👌 👍 👣

It was an insight reading your words, thoughts and things you have been through and sharing with us. A father's take is so interesting. My husband never said anything about his feelings during my pregnancies...I wish he had shared something... anything. Especially since my second son was born over bucket seats in the hospital parking lot, and with my third son I had my first pain at 12:30 am and he made his grand entrance an hour and twenty minutes later! Do not tell your wife those two stories! Oh, my first son was a more normal arrival, though after only about six hours labor!

At any rate, thanks again for your post. You should print your post out and let him read it when he grows up. He'll see you in a totally new light. May you find the fatherhood life not so much a struggle, but a rich and wonderful and rewarding trip....

a reply to: Indigent

First CONGRATULATIONS ! You made it through the birthing process with all your faculties pretty much in tact! Good for you. And for the lady who did all the work, a huge CONGRATULATIONS too! 👌 👍 👣

It was an insight reading your words, thoughts and things you have been through and sharing with us. A father's take is so interesting. My husband never said anything about his feelings during my pregnancies...I wish he had shared something... anything. Especially since my second son was born over bucket seats in the hospital parking lot, and with my third son I had my first pain at 12:30 am and he made his grand entrance an hour and twenty minutes later! Do not tell your wife those two stories! Oh, my first son was a more normal arrival, though after only about six hours labor!

At any rate, thanks again for your post. You should print your post out and let him read it when he grows up. He'll see you in a totally new light. May you find the fatherhood life not so much a struggle, but a rich and wonderful and rewarding trip....

originally posted by: Indigent
a reply to: TrueBrit

Thanks for the kinds words man

You can bring wonderful things into the world.

I'm not going to lie, when you are tanking in life and your son does something you don't expect there is certain comfort in the idea your name is not doomed with you and there is hope for redemption by the younger generations

I certainly don't think you are "tanking" in life, you just made 1.

Congrats, now the real work AND rewards begin.

a reply to: Indigent

I'm not going to lie, when you are tanking in life and your son does something you don't expect there is certain comfort in the idea your name is not doomed with you and there is hope for redemption by the younger generations

Congratulation on your son...

And on an extremely well written piece of self-expression.

Redemption....perhaps...

a reply to: Indigent

I never had the chance to be there for my kid when he was at the stage yours is. I never got to hold him in my arms when he was a baby, or even a small child. I only met him when he was ten. I never got to be there for his mother during his birth, or for six months previous to it, or the whole of the time afterward. Her family got between us, and there was bugger all I could do, so savage was the opposition, without risking NEVER meeting the boy.

It came down to either getting killed by one of her family members, killing one of them, or just backing out and waiting, hoping.

I do not pine for my ex, she should have stood up to her parents and sisters if she loved me at all, or gave a god damn about our child. But I wish I could have had the chance, just the chance to make family work. As it is, I love my son, and would walk through death, fire and the blood gutted wrath of Satan himself for the boy. But things could have been better, for all of us.

If there is a chance for things to be better for you, for your boy, don't pass it up. That's all I am saying friend. Take it from one who knows. It's hard being on the outside of something you should be in the middle of.

Take care!

sounds like you did pretty good. Congrats Papa. I hope all is well with the Mrs. She sounds like she did a fine job as well.
What's his name?

Let me say cool on the birth of your kids.....now let me be the one to bring reality into the warm & fuzzy. I felt just like you 29 years ago when my 2nd ( son) was born. All giddy & warm & fuzzy......two years after that I was a single parent of two wondering WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!! Stayed a single parent till my kids were adults......reality always stay in it.

Congratulations! I am glad to hear you are all doing well.

I know everyone thinks about us ladies and the little ones, and they should. But the daddies also need some thought. It's hard for you guys to watch us go through it and not be able to do much to help. Not much worse than seeing those you love have to go through an ordeal like that and not to be able to help more than by just lending your love and moral support. It means a lot, but I know it tears you up to not actually be able to shoulder some of the rest of the load.

Congratulations, what an amazing gift. Enjoy, take it all in

a reply to: Indigent

Congratulations to you and your family. Your story was touching and I don't think your grammar could interfere with that. The way you describe your admiration for your wifes strength to give birth and your recognition of what it really means the amount of physical and emotional strength to get through and then the love for your new son was beautiful and proves you're not useless as a father or a husband. Much happiness to your family.

Congratulations!

Don't worry, be happy. It sounds so trite but it's true. If you focus on fear and worry, you only get more fear and worry. If you focus on joy and happiness, suddenly you find yourself with an abundance of joy and happiness.

Regardless of your circumstance, you are exactly where the universe intends you to be right now. Don't fight it. Don't kill it with fear. Embrace it with love. Choose to walk on the sunny side of the street. You'll be fine.

Thank you all for your kind reply, sorry for not acknowledge you all individually but I just came from picking up son #1, funny thing is now that i am in a quiet place i can still hear the heart rate monitor sound burned in my brain



His name is Juan

a reply to: Indigent


Congratulations to you and your wife!

a reply to: Indigent

Sorry if you read this and it was poorly written and it dint left you anything

Oh, no, man, quite the opposite -- you left us plenty.

What you wrote was beautiful. I could just feel your fear when your wife was struggling, and the joy of those first open eyes of your child.

Your lives are changed forever. I think you're up for the task and the ups and downs and joy and fears and love and.......

I had the privilege of going through childbirth with a friend of mine. I went to Lamaze classes with her and it was a wonderful moment. I can only imagine your elevated state, knowing those are your genes, your spirit in that child.

Your family is blessed.

a reply to: Indigent

That is just a beautiful thing to read. That is the moment that you start to think am I qualified to do this?' and I am a female. I had a difficult back labor. I was put on oxygen. They put a needle in my child's head while she was still inside me. The oxytocin didn't seem to be working.

There were tons of people there. Some team of nurses came from another hospital, they thought they saw 'meconium' in a smaple, but either it was a mistake or wasn't relevant. My actual obstetrician was there, she had thrown her back out helping her boyfriend move. So, she was there for moral support. It was mainly my ex husband and a nurse telling me to push when the time came. A bunch of interns were there too, they had shown up earier and I said they could stay.

In the last few minutes, in what seemed more like a concert hall than a delivery room, a middle eastern doctor, Iranian I think, showed up to handle the last and most important part. He was great. It took a few minutes for her to cry. They took her to a tall basinette for about 3 minutes until I heard it, the longest 3 minutes of my life.

I wanted to breastfeed right away, but was so sweaty and the baby was so slippery, I was afraid I would loose my grip on her. I remember saying that. They handed her to me anyway. I didn't lose my grip, they let me feed her for a few minutes, Jasmine took right too it. Then after was the aftertbirth and they took her away for measuring and testing and such.

Though I had prepared and I had read everthing about childbirth imaginable, nothing prepares you for this. I had never felt so unprepared in all of my lfe. I felt that I could not possibly be qualified for such a thing, especially when the monitors said I didn't have enough oxygen or that her heart rate was going down by the needle thing.

You're not alone, in fact, I decided based on this reason amongst some others, to not have another child.

You, as a dad, going through this twice, is a great acomplishment. I dont care if others have had 6 children, it is still a fantastic accomplishment. I rememebr my ex husband saying similar things. He was very worried for me. He wondered why the doctor hadn't shown up and he was helping the nurse in active pushing (it was a VERY busy night at an affluent suburban hospital and even their resources were stretched). He only told me the next dayhe was TERRIFIED for mee and the things the nurse was asking him to do.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: Indigent

I never had the chance to be there for my kid when he was at the stage yours is. I never got to hold him in my arms when he was a baby, or even a small child. I only met him when he was ten. I never got to be there for his mother during his birth, or for six months previous to it, or the whole of the time afterward. Her family got between us, and there was bugger all I could do, so savage was the opposition, without risking NEVER meeting the boy.

It came down to either getting killed by one of her family members, killing one of them, or just backing out and waiting, hoping.

I do not pine for my ex, she should have stood up to her parents and sisters if she loved me at all, or gave a god damn about our child. But I wish I could have had the chance, just the chance to make family work. As it is, I love my son, and would walk through death, fire and the blood gutted wrath of Satan himself for the boy. But things could have been better, for all of us.

If there is a chance for things to be better for you, for your boy, don't pass it up. That's all I am saying friend. Take it from one who knows. It's hard being on the outside of something you should be in the middle of.

Take care!

Damn well said, friend. It pisses me off to no end whenever I hear of someone who wants to be a father (or mother, but that usually doesn't happen) to their child and is denied. It's not just the father who is denied, it is the child who is denied their father.

Indigent - have faith, pride, and confidence in yourself. Be there for the boy, do everything you can to make it work. His life will be imminently richer for having had you in his life, and not just in passing. You can do it, there's no doubt you have motivation do so. Believe in yourself. And congratulations!!