Lost my dog Sunday night and now near breaking point, please help.

a reply to: chelsdh

Couldn't argue with you more. I will admit I wasn't there when he went but was there before I went to sleep but something inside tells me that it wasn't long after that I stroked him and shared those few minutes with him that he went. I can't explain why I believe that but I really do. I think waking up to it and having to see him like that, lifeless and sorry to say empty has made it harder but I'm incredibly glad I gave him that moment before I went to sleep and would regret it with everything I have if I hadn't done it. I think we both shared a special moment and even though he couldn't speak or didn't really move apart from lifting his head to look at me I think we both knew that it was special moment between us and I'm super glad it happened at home where he felt loved and safe and not with the face of a stranger in his while being injected that to me is something that I've never been able to get over when it came to Elvis (his puppy that died at two years old) he was growling and barking until the very end.

I like to think of Elvis as the dog who fought to the very end but he had fits and it changed him. He was going for everyone but me and my brother, even my parents, who bought and took care of him were on his hit list but his final moments weren't what I wanted them to be but Playboys were and I'm glad it was here in the room we share and where he often slept in the night. Oh and he did have a good last meal, he had ham. I'd had a sandwich and he kept smelling my hand and after not eating for most of the day I offered him a slice of ham and he chomped it down and had a drink so he didn't go hungry or thirsty lol.

a reply to: chelsdh

Thanks yeah I loved the bugger. Even if I had a time machine and could go back and stop myself from falling in love with him I wouldn't. I'd be a fool to even try. All these replies and talking about it is helping me alot and I thank you and everyone for replying. I think that for the faults of the internet and the idiots that are out there in cyberspace there are those who are truly human and you guys on here (although sometimes some of the threads I read are a bit strange) are being incredibly nice and helpful, so thanks again.

a reply to: texasgirl

I had all the same thoughts. My brother paid for the vet bills to have him cremated privately and the wooden urn that he will be put in and I know that when he gets here he'll be put right next to his sons ashes and then when and I dread, when Midnights time comes around hopefully a good few years from now (Although she is thirteen as well and has started with the hip issues although I'm hoping to get something to help deal with it when she goes to the vets in a few weeks) she'll be put in her own little urn and then I'm considering putting the three of them together as I think they should be in an urn on the side near the tv.

Some people think it's morbid to do it, to keep them but it helps. I know where they are and how they're being treated. It's the next best thing to having them actually being here.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

You were with him in spirit, and that's more than a lot of people offer. And often, with people and animals, those about to pass on prefer solitude.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

No, I don't think it's morbid. I have her ashes on my shelf that's dedicated to her. Her photos, collar and pet bowl are on there, as well.

a reply to: chelsdh

Yh I'm sure that's what he was attempting to do on days running up to Sunday. He kept himself out of the room and in his basket in the passage. It was only because I carried him up the stairs (three flights and he was/is a big fella) and put him down on the floor in my room that I think he just decided to stay there. Elvis did the same thing. Elvis seemed to know that something was happening because he played with everybody and he doesn't normally do that normally he sticks to either me or my mum and that's about it but on this day he played with everyone and the next day stayed away from people until he had his fit, my sister went over to help him and check on him but he went crazy and chased after her but buckled on the steps.

I'm glad he didn't move. I wouldn't have wanted to wake up and him being in a corner somewhere alone, it'd have made everything worse for me. But all these comments are helping. I'm being truly honest that they are. I've managed to eat something which is the first thing since Sunday evening (it was a kebab bought for me) and Midnight helped me eat it and she got a little extra for Playboys half.

a reply to: texasgirl

Neither do I but people have come over and said it was. I've never worried about it and that's probably why I've got about three friends and two of them are dogs lol.

a reply to: Dwoodward85
Sorry about your loss. He looked like a good dog.

originally posted by: Dwoodward85
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13 years ago I got two German Shepperds. Playboy and Midnight (named by my sister) and in that time we spent so much time together we had fun, played ball, went for walks we shared good times and bad times and experienced things together that I couldn't share with you on this website. They basically had a great life and one that other dogs and even people only wish they could have but then a year ago their hips started to go. Both started at about the same time but Playboy, was getting it worse but he struggled on and then a few days ago he started to be sick and in one of them he was sick and had a little blood in it. I called the vet and they told me that they couldn't take him until Tuesday because they were over booked but to feed him only a little bit of food and plenty of water to clear his stomach out so I did but then Saturday rolled around and it was clear that this was it, he was finally leaving me.

I laid down with him on Sunday night and rubbed him, stroked him, told him he was the best boy in the world and he was always a good dog and that I loved him, the family loved him and I'll never ever stop thinking about him. I spent about twenty minutes with him on the floor until I noticed that he was starting to fall asleep...at least that's what I thought. I kissed him and told him that I'd speak to him in the morning but when the morning came round I couldn't speak to him. I woke up and found him gone, he'd died in the night hopefully in his sleep and it's killing me. I'm near breaking point here and don't see a way of getting through it.

I don't have people around me that could make me feel better about him being gone. No one who I could lean on simply because it's not done with our family. I've experienced losing a dog three times before this in my life years ago and got through it but I didn't feel this bad and so I've come here looking for help. I know this is a conspiracy site and not really for people upset about their dogs passing away but I'm near the point of snapping and don't want to get to the point where I do something that I regret. So I'm asking for people who've gone through this and felt it this hard to tell me how they get through it.

The like above is one to a picture of him because I don't know how to put it on here, if someone was kind enough to do it in a reply I'd appreciate it. I'm just looking for...honestly I don't know. I might be using this as a means to rant about it and show that I freaking hate that animals especailly dogs are taken so young and no I don't believe all that dog years rubbish. He was thirteen and to young to go. I miss him so much that it actually hurts inside, my stomach feels like I've been kicked in the stomach.

So without sound childish, please help.

There is nothing childish about asking for help. You feel like you've lost part of your soul, and that is perfectly understandable. It is the ultimate unfairness; we are given these beautiful creatures to be our companions, our confidants, our therapists, our children, our loves...and not given nearly enough time with them. It is heart wrenching when they have to leave us behind.

You speak of long walks with your babies, of playing ball and doing all the things that dogs love to do. Well...you did everything right. Did you know that dogs do not comprehend time as we do? They don't measure it. Every moment they experience is full and real. They are present for everything, unlike us. They experience everything so much more because they are not bound by a human state, as we are.

One minute to us may seem like hours to them, just as it does to a small child. An afternoon walk, in the open air, with birds and bugs and tantalizing scents and the pure joy of being alive and in the company of the person they love most, is a great adventure for a dog. No matter how often it happens, the novelty never wears off for them. You gave him so many adventures, and so much love. He carries that with him, and he always, ALWAYS will.

They also know when their bodies can no longer carry on. And they know that we cannot bear to see them like that. Do not feel guilty because your boy left this world without you right next to him. He likely planned it that way, to spare you the pain of seeing him depart his physical body.

He is still with you. A part of him will always be with you, but right now...and probably for a long while to come...he is there, worrying about you and looking for a way to comfort you. Let him. You can talk to him and he will hear you. Trust me on this.

I don't know why it hurts so much more with some animals than others. I think perhaps it's guilt. I felt indescribable guilt when my cat Tigger passed suddenly in 2014...he was walking along and just fell over dead, no warning at all. He was five years old and perfectly healthy...but he had a brain tumor that I was unaware of. And he died trying to run to me. I beat myself up for a long time over that...tears are streaming down my face now as I type this. But he is still with me, and he never really left in the first place.

One thing you should definitely do is devote as much time as possible to comforting your remaining dog. They take it far worse than we do, even if they don't show it outwardly.

I won't offer platitudes...they won't help you, and often can make it feel even worse. You feel this pain because you need to feel it, you are meant to feel it, because it is meant to show you something. What that something is, only you will know, because this is your journey and yours alone. But do not feel guilty. Feel angry, feel enraged. Feel sad, nostalgic, scream, cry...but do not feel guilty. You loved your boy and you love him still and he knows that.

Look for the signs that he is still with you. Look for a message...he has one for you. And above all, take care of yourself. Allow yourself to fully grieve, no matter how childish it may seem. Do what feels right to honor him and yourself and the great love that you share. Sometimes it helps to plant a tree or flowers for them. If I were close by, I'd offer to perform a ritual for you. If you know anyone who can, you may consider asking.

If there is anything I can do, please don't hesitate to message me. I'll listen to you rant. I don't mind. I cannot take your pain from you, but I can listen. Please be safe. You are not alone. Blessed Be.

a reply to: Skid Mark

He was. Maybe I'm bias but he was the best dog.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

Beautiful dog, I'm sorry for your loss. I think many dog owners can relate to what you're going through. I had two Golden Retrievers who passed away, and I still miss them.

Life goes on, and there's always room for you to make another loving relationship with another dog. You may want to seriously consider buying a puppy. I know with my wife and I, we couldn't continue to live in a house without having another dog to love. A new puppy will help you get over your grieving and establish a new loving relationship.

I am so very sorry for your loss, I have had dogs all my life and I know how distraught their passing always is. I believe dogs have souls just as we do and that we will be reunited one day. Nontheless that wrench is so hard and takes time to ease. He knew the love you had for him and would be at peace when he passed. Once again I feel your pain, you are not alone.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

I've had a harder few hours today, whilst the comments and replies have been helpful it's been hard to push it all down and try to fight through. I don't know how long it'll take but I think it's hitting Midnight (the other dog) harder than I thought. I've noticed her sniffing the part of the room where Playboy died and just a little while ago she sat there and stared at me and just the look in her eyes told me she was asking where he was. I told her and she just stared at me and now, about a minute or two ago she walked into the passage sniff his bedding in the large basket under the window and is lying in it now just there silently missing her brother.

Every time I come up the stairs and see the basket and his toys I break down. I know people have said that it's part pf the process and that it'll pass soon enough but I'm really struggling. My parents and brother seem to be getting through it, I can't even mention it or talk about it without going it's just that I miss him so much, I just want to have him here in front of me so I know where he is, I can see that he is safe. I want him in front of me at home alive not dead so I can tell him what he means to me. It feels like I'm stuck in a room with no lights or anything and the door has been walled up but I know he's out on the other side of the wall and I just can't get through it to him and I want to break it down but it's not working. That's the best way I can put it.

I sat in silence about an hour ago and spoke to him. Told him that I miss him that I want him back. I said that even though he's probably having so much fun where ever he is but he should be here with me. I went out in the garden with Midnight and we played ball and I saw his ball sitting on the floor and off I went again. I know people are gonna get bored of reading this and honestly I'm shocked at how many replies it got but I have to use it, this is the only way to get things off my chest and with no one here that I can talk to...it's my only option. So thanks for listening/reading to me ramble on and all that.

a reply to: alienscot1

Thanks for your words. I do believe all animals have souls, I actually think most living things do and that we'll get together at some point in my life. Whether he comes to visit me in my dreams or when my time comes but just looking at that spot, just looking at his bed and knowing that it's empty is what kills me. I know I'll get through, it's something we all have to do and muddle through but while it's happening, whilst it's raw and recent it's like the worst pain ever but as I've said all the kind words that people have given towards him is helping, yours included.

Now I gotta go get a fresh batch of tissues.

a reply to: Dwoodward85 ATS is here for you and I'll be checking in to see how you are doing for the next few days.
I believe animals have souls too and love is eternal and forever, so do know that the love you have for Playboy will be forever and he knows this and loves you too.
Do what you have to do to feel better, post here, curl up with Midnight and crying is a natural release of emotional pain and is very okay to do.
Do remember to eat and drink water, get a little fresh air and take some deep breaths, give Midnight lots of hugs and love.

a reply to: peppycat

I'm not forgetting to eat, drink and go out. I've taken Midnight, (the other dog) out for her walks and been in and out of the garden every couple hours for her to take a pee. You words are helping, in fact all of the comments are helping it's just a struggle that I know others have been through and one that I've had to go through three times (Twice as a kid and once a few years back) but as we all know it's still raw.

I think it's sort of an every so often thing. Not a constant stream of crying, running out of tears stopping and then crying. Now it happens every few hours so I'll get passed it I know I will. It mainly happens when I walk passed his bed or step where he was for the last time and when I'm outside playing with Midnight I just look around and think "yep that's where he would've run to with the ball and laid on it to stop me from getting it back" or when he would go straight out and always pee in the same place for some reason and go to his water and sit there for a good few minutes. So it's hard but as everybody on here has said to me, I'll get through it and he'll always be a part of me.

People on here should really understand that your words are helping in a major way that normally I wouldn't hear but for a few people having so many people say the same thing is making it better. And I'll no doubt still be checking this out and adding to it for a while yet so your check ins are more than welcome.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

I am so very sorry for your loss....
I know there are no words to make the pain less.

When Emily died last year, I thought I would never stop crying. And the sadness and pain were overwhelming at times.

Midnight must be terribly sad and feeling loss.
Give her a bug hug for me.

It will get better.

oh they rule our hearts so much more don't they... i've felt that too... i mourned his loss for a solid 2 months, crying every day, added his name to i don't know how many 'lit candles for lost dog' sites... read FAR too many rainbow bridge poems.. cried some more... read something online that said 'if your dog could write a will....i would give my place in your heart to a poor homeless dog, my bowl to a hungry one etc etc', and before i knew it i had another dog and believe it or not, that seems to be the best salve...for me anyway... try not to despair too much, go out for the odd walk in the sunshine and you'll feel his presence by your side for a good month.. then you'll know he's ok, and it'll be easier and easier as the days go by xx

a reply to: ladyteeny

Yh that's already happening. I keep thinking I hear him just random moments when I'm not paying attention but while it seems like a million years away I know I'll get to the otherside of this and just hope it happens sooner rather than later. That's the biggest pain about having dogs or any pet for that matter we always seem to out live them but this feeling has put me off having dogs for a while, although that's probably just the grief talking.

A wonderful epitaph for your true friend. So sorry for your loss.