Meth addicted spouse. Kids involved. I need advice.

I would have your son get video from inside the house. That will be valuable in court.
Have him call the police the next time she is using around the kids or when she abuses him again.


Take control of your family and don't let the cycle of drug abuse continue with your grandchildren

a reply to: misskat1

YOU

AND YOUR SON

and any other family members with regular contact

MUST keep a journal for at least 30-90 days . . . make at least a one sentence entry every night. Sign, date & time-stamp it. Record EVERY significant BEHAVIOR, STATEMENTS OF HERS and events with the children.

You can have a 2nd journal for your feelings but one journal needs to be STRICTLY BEHAVIORS--ACTIONS OBSERVED; STATEMENTS MADE. Record them, when possible where legal. You can set up a video camera--hidden if legal--out in the open if not--they will forget it.

GET THE SON INTO TREATMENT ASAP.

YES, imho, he MUST take the kids--regardless. THEY are in a great hazard. He is not doing the mother any favors and certainly not the kids to continue to kowtow for whatever dysfunctional reasons to that level of craziness.

But he needs to do it with solid legal and counselor advice. So get him into therapy. Then the therapist can be part of the process. If therapy is too expensive, there are sliding scale mental health centers around.

He needs to realize that if she suicides, she just does. He CANNOT prevent it. HE MUST PROTECT THE KIDS.

Her family . . . sigh . . . what would you expect. Sigh.

KEEP THE JOURNAL. IF HE WON'T, THEN TALK TO HIM ON THE PHONE NIGHTLY AND YOU RECORD IN A BOUND JOURNAL WHAT HAPPENED.

Judges respect properly kept journals.

Even 15-30 days should provide plenty of craziness evidence.

May God have mercy on those people. What a zoo of a mess.

Congrats on your compassion--however, you probably need some advice from a professional about how to prevent enabling her destructive crap with your help.

Please keep us posted.

If you have a specific private question or 3, feel free. But you need local involved professional help.

He needs to leave her, report her, and take custody of the children.

I have seen this too many times in my past. If you do not want those children growing up to be whores, or drug dealers, then you need to make that aacrifice of separating them.

I hate to be the one to force you to be cruel but again. If you want to see those children become another cog in the underworld let them stay together. You might even see your own son become one. He needs to leave. Cut all ties. Do not speak with her. Ignore her. Don't let a single word from her reach your ears.

Get the hell away from her. Have your son take a pictre of her, or better yet a video of her on her last day seen near him. This is to confirm that the day he left you have evidence of her being "fine." After those pictures or video do not come into contact with her again. If she knows where your son works, tell him to immediately inform the police to remove her for interfering with his work. And make sure the video includes him driving away until he reache you. Record the moment he sees her, to the moment he reaches his safe house. Do not stop recording until he walks into the door of your house. You want that as pure 100% undeniable proof that he did in fact leave her, and went straight to you. Do not cut the video. Do not stop recording. Keep it going.

You may think this is extreme but anyone who is singing the tune of a death metal song to your son to sgay with her needs to be severed from the family immediately.

I predict that within the next two years she will begin stealing, lieing, and quite possibly cheat her way into getting more funds. All in an effort to keep her addiction going. You need to leave. You need to get out. No warning. No talking. Absolutely no contact with her what so ever. Do not answer her phone calls. Do not answer her at the door. Call the police and TELL THE #ING TRUTH.

This is coming from all the experiences i have had with well over 2 dozen families who have gone through the exact same #. What ever your son sees in her is nothing more than a bait tool now. He needs to leave her.

If he doesn't you may end up paying hundreds of thousands of dollars of legal fees for attempting to prove your sons innocence. It is much better if he records a video of every single interaction he has with her right before he leaves.


If you can not get your sons belongings out of the house without her being there? Leave them. Consider them lost in a fire. Do not try to retrieve them. Even if you have to knock your son out with a frying pan to never go there again it will be 1000000000000000 times better for him to receive a welt from you over it than the hundreds of hours being wasted in the most frugal attempt to prove your sons innocence.

Leave. No talk, no meeting up. If she arrives on your doorstep call the cops. No matter what get a #ing cop to show up. If she breaks in it is evidence abginst her. Call the #ing police. Do not falter. Do not cave in prevent your son from coming anywhere close to her because all she will do is lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie. She will fabricate lies of domestic abuse right there. Remove her from your home. Put a restraining order against her. If your son denies it put the order in yourself for your property.

If you do not do any of this. Then you will waste time and money. Do it smart. This is ckming from a collective body of work from police officers. If you dont follow this advice then good luck winning your case. And say goodbye to your money. Say goodbye to your grandsons. Say goodbye to everything.

Seriously do not falter. Do not cave in. Call the god damn police. You can even get great advice yourself right now if you call their non emergency number. They will tell you exactly what i just outlined right here. Get the # out. Leave everything behind. Testify in court of her drug habits. Do not even come close to her. Dont let her words reach your ears, otherwise youll face years.

a reply to: misskat1

AGREED. GO TO THE CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES FOLKS. You might ask around and try and get the more sane, balanced such involved vs the irrational control freaks but the main thing is to get their clout to insure the kids safety.

I agree about the DNA test.

a reply to: GiulXainx

INDEED. WELL PUT.

VERY WELL PUT.

a reply to: BO XIAN

I have tried hard to get him to keep a journal for the very reasons you cited. I like the idea of me keeping one of my own with second hand knowledge didnt think it would hold much weight with the court, but from the stand point that it would serve to back up what he is saying it is a great idea. So, yes, yes I will start that today.

Thank you everyone for your kind advice.

I would also suggest retaining an attorney for him.
There are proper procedures that need to be played out from a legal standpoint in his situation.
Lawyers can keep their emotions out of it, and know the channels better than internet ops.

Make no mistake, even though she doesn't care for the kids, she will claim half ownership, or sink the ship.

Winning a custody battle from a mom is not as easy as you would think, men are not afforded the heresay excuse that often passes against dads. Evidence will be needed before proceeding.

This whole thing needd to be done tactically, by professionals.

If it were me, I would call a meeting with a cps agent, your/sons attorney, and a detective.
The group can go over the situation, an if warranted, a judge will grant an emergency no contact order, and with communication, a cop can be at the house if she is headed there.

When in jail, file for divorce, custody and extended no contact.
If she turns it around, grant her supervised visits at first.

That's my jailhouse lawyer version, anyway

originally posted by: Mandroid7
I would also suggest retaining an attorney for him.
There are proper procedures that need to be played out from a legal standpoint in his situation.
Lawyers can keep their emotions out of it, and know the channels better than internet ops.

Make no mistake, even though she doesn't care for the kids, she will claim half ownership, or sink the ship.

Winning a custody battle from a mom is not as easy as you would think, men are not afforded the heresay excuse that often passes against dads. Evidence will be needed before proceeding.

This whole thing needd to be done tactically, by professionals.

If it were me, I would call a meeting with a cps agent, your/sons attorney, and a detective.
The group can go over the situation, an if warranted, a judge will grant an emergency no contact order, and with communication, a cop can be at the house if she is headed there.

When in jail, file for divorce, custody and extended no contact.
If she turns it around, grant her supervised visits at first.

That's my jailhouse lawyer version, anyway

EXCELLENT POINTS.

GOOD ON YA.

a reply to: misskat1

Codependency is a brutal mistress... Your son needs to break his addiction to her before anything good will come from this.

a reply to: burdman30ott6

I tried to get him to read, Melody Beatty "Codependant No More" excellent book.

a reply to: misskat1

LOVE IS A CHOICE

is one of the best co-dependency books I know of.

Minrith & Meyer sp?

Sometimes a 3 X 5 or 4 X 6" card with a sentence or short paragraph on it . . . every time or every other time you see him, it the best way to get such content into his noggin. Bite sizes somehow, anyway.

I REALLY like the advice to make a journal and to record him leaving her without cutting because it shows she is fine when he leaves. I would go so far as to start the recording, show her fine, and driving to a local police station with the camera still recording. Document everything. Very best wishes. Please get the authorities involved. There are potential resources available that you may not even know about.

Short of all the good advice you have gotten you could "set her up"... Give the boy some money that you assume she will take and buy meth.

Take the boy over to her and have him ask to take the kids to grampas. All the while videotaping her becoming abusive. Domestic violence. call cops, she goes jail, he gets kids. File ppo and get the kids.

A bit more planning than off the top of my head and it could work. Kinda like the ending of the movie Gran Torino, just dont get shot... although...

I haven't finished reading yet, but if she wants to quit but can't you should look up a treatment drug called ibogaine. It's kind of psychedelic and has the capability of helping people completely stop their addictions, heroin addicts mostly turn to it as an alternative to traditional treatments like other drugs such as methadone but I've read it can also help people quit other addictions as well. Auyawaska is also known for this.

a reply to: misskat1

In terms of the journal . . . when you talk to him, ask him specific questions that you've written in your journal ahead of time. If you can, record his answers and get them in the journal verbatim and note in the journal the entry is from a phonecon of such and such a time on such and such a date of such and such a duration.

Then upload the recording to your computer and save it to 2 or 3 thumb drives.

a reply to: misskat1

As a mother and grandmother, I can feel your fear and frustration here. Clearly, something needs to change, because she has been abusive to these kids. That alone is reason enough. The drugs are another. What I'd recommend is checking the local laws, to see what he can do to get the kids away from her, legally and safely, without being charged with kidnapping. Married or not, he does have parental rights. Once you know what can be done, then a plan can be made. Clearly, if she's dangerous, there needs to be a location she can't find. Documenting any instances of her abuse will help as well. With him disabled, and her burning kids, and God only knows what else, and the test showing drugs while pregnant, she can likely be found unfit. Possibly, they could order rehab, as a condition of her having any time with the kids. Best first step, though, see what you can do legally, and what proof is required.

Considering her family history, some injunction against them seeing the kids might be in order as well, unless they can be shown to be fit. You really need legal advice here. Best thing I can offer is prayer. That's sent.

SPAM REMOVED BY ADMIN

a reply to: misskat1

Document! Videos of the abuse and possible
Drug use.

Contact CPS immediately. Enabling is only prolonging the suffering the child is going through.

It is up to her to get help after.