. . . . and then I got my ass beat.

Someone once told me that I was so stupid, I couldn't pour piss from a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

I replied that if the instructions were in Chinese and written on the side of the heel, the piss would stay in.


. . . . . and then I got my ass beat.


Another time I had a coach say that there was no "I" in team.

I replied that there was a "me" which is a synonym for "I".

. . . . . . . and then I got my ass beat.


I know I'm not the only smartass here. Anyone else have a story?

It's hard to do because it has to be spontaneous.

Bill the cat, ACK !!!!

originally posted by: DBCowboy
Someone once told me that I was so stupid, I couldn't pour piss from a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

I replied that if the instructions were in Chinese and written on the side of the heel, the piss would stay in.


. . . . . and then I got my ass beat.


Another time I had a coach say that there was no "I" in team.

I replied that there was a "me" which is a synonym for "I".

. . . . . . . and then I got my ass beat.


I know I'm not the only smartass here. Anyone else have a story?

Ahhh us drunks

Wait, what did you just say!! Lol

I thought I'd be clever and try a new pick up line on a gal sittin at the bar.

I said "my friend say's you smell like a goat, can I have a little sniff"


sniff, sniff....followed with "he's wrong, you smell like a sweet flower from the South"

Originality is usually dangerous but may have Yuuuuuggge rewards.

But sometimes they Kick you in the nuts.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Bieber, is that you?
-------------------------------------------
The cop told me to get in the car....

I said F you, I'm walking and this is a walking trail, you're the one driving, you get in the car.....

And then I got my ass beat.

a reply to: olaru12

When I was single and into the bar scene, I once told a young lady that she was cute enough to stalk.


. . . . . and then I go my ass beat.

a reply to: watchitburn

An 'ass beatable" cop meme that I enjoy.

Cop pulls someone over and he says, "Papers?"

Then you say, "Rocks! I win!"

a reply to: DBCowboy

Yes, my platoon sergeant and I were arguing about the performance of someone on my team, he wanted to bring down a swift kick and possibly article fifteen this guy, and he said to me,"McCusker, one bad apple ruins the bushel" and I said sharply," then what does that say about the bushel?" And he called me a smart ass and stormed off. Didn't get my ass kicked.

I'm going with my original question before I read the OP.

How much did that cost?

a reply to: TechniXcality

Perfect!

In basic, after running the confidence course, I asked my drill instructor if I could do it again.

. . . . . . . and I got . . . .

originally posted by: intrepid
I'm going with my original question before I read the OP.

How much did that cost?

Standard rate, it's only extra when I have her dress up like Henry Kissinger.

originally posted by: DBCowboy

originally posted by: intrepid
I'm going with my original question before I read the OP.

How much did that cost?

Standard rate, it's only extra when I have her dress up like Henry Kissinger.

How much for that AND Angela Merkel?

originally posted by: intrepid

originally posted by: DBCowboy

originally posted by: intrepid
I'm going with my original question before I read the OP.

How much did that cost?

Standard rate, it's only extra when I have her dress up like Henry Kissinger.

How much for that AND Angela Merkel?

Not too much, I have coupons.

originally posted by: DBCowboy

originally posted by: intrepid
I'm going with my original question before I read the OP.

How much did that cost?

Standard rate, it's only extra when I have her dress up like Henry Kissinger.

The young, sexy Henry KissInger...or the older, dashing HK?

I once asked my mom "what's the difference between an excuse and a reason?"... and then I got my ass beat.

originally posted by: IAMTAT

originally posted by: DBCowboy

originally posted by: intrepid
I'm going with my original question before I read the OP.

How much did that cost?

Standard rate, it's only extra when I have her dress up like Henry Kissinger.

The young, sexy Henry KissInger...or the older, dashing HK?

Nothing says sexy like the Gerald Ford era.

Don’t mess with a Paleontologist…

You’ll get jurasskicked!!!

Couldn’t resist

a reply to: DBCowboy

I was speeding and a cop pulled me over. He walks up to the car and asks if I know why he stopped me. Me being an ass, I said, you thought you smelled coffee and donuts in the car? He didn't like that much, told me I was a smart ass and then noticed the uniden beartracker on my dash. The cop says that it was a radar detector. So I said no it's a radio but the twit insists it's a radar detector. So I ask him if he was educated in a barn. That didn't go over so well, they searched my car, gave me about a grand in tickets and confiscated the beartracker.

Two months later, I'm in court. The idiot prosecutor and idiot cop can't get their stories straight, so, 157 in an 80 thrown out, judge said taking my tracker was tantamount to theft, prosecutor and cop both reprimanded. But the icing on the cake was the judge ordered my tracking equipment returned undamaged and operational within 5 days.

Cops and prosecutors asses kicked ;-) there's a messed up story lol.

Cheers - Dave

a reply to: bobs_uruncle


. . . . . and then you kicked THEIR ass!

I once said to my 300 lb father, "You think that bothers me?" ..... and then.....