It's So Easy To Say That You'll Forget Your Past

Regrets are an ugly aspect of life. While most people acknowledge they have at least a handful of regrets, some people make the hard-to-believe claim that they have none. I don't think those who claim they have none are lying, but they are probably overlooking small examples of things they could have done better, or lessons they could have picked up sooner. Nevertheless, this thread isn't about challenging those who are adamant they do not maintain any regrets, but rather about exploring the difference between two key types of regrets: acting in a way that, if given the chance again, you would act differently and failure to act when it was necessary for your own development.

On a personal level, I have quite a number of regrets. Despite not doing anything that terrible, there are actions I took in the past which now seem bad, ill-judged or just plain selfish. I have lied, cheated and betrayed the trust of others. I have done things which I have strongly advised others against doing. I have sought material gain even when knowing it was only temporarily satisfying. But these pale in comparison to the number of things I wish I had done.

I have many reservations about things I ought to have done. I should have studied harder at school/uni, should have forged more meaningful friendships, should have utilised the years of my 20s more wisely, should have planned better for the future (now present) and so on. Most importantly, I should have overcome the lazy attitude that plagues many areas of my life today. It's so important to develop healthy habits when you are young, because they will be so beneficial to your well-being as you age.

I hope this thread serves as somewhat therapeutic for those who also have regrets in their lives, knowing they are certainly not alone in their feelings. I also hope younger readers decide to embrace the following advice: don't underestimate the power and beauty of your youth. Make your life the best you can by forming healthy habits and planning wisely for the future. Life is not easy, but it can be made easier for most if preparation is a significant consideration.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

Regrets are an ugly aspect of life. While most people acknowledge they have at least a handful of regrets, some people make the hard-to-believe claim that they have none.

Some are in denial, some claim they 'can't remember' (others take the 5th). Healthy minds want to review where they went wrong and try to understand it, maybe to make to right, maybe to not do it anymore.

Everyone is right where they are supposed to be, making mistakes is part of learning, unless they are a narcissistic control freak and really don't care about anyone but themselves.

I like to think the mnd is a CCD camera in everyones head-- recording everything that happens for later review. Even if we can't or won't remember it, its still in there.

a reply to: Dark Ghost
In my opinion, people that say they have regrets, don't embrace the person they have become because of mistakes. I fully embrace everything that I have ever done as it has directly led me to the path that I am on right now. If even one event had changed, even one that I could call a regret, then I wouldn't be where I am today. Do I have regrets? No. Not in the literal meaning of it as a verb not relating to myself or my actions. As a noun? Yes, I regret people close to me dying.
It can be taken many ways. I hope that I have touched on what you were meaning.

originally posted by: superman2012
In my opinion, people that say they have regrets, don't embrace the person they have become because of mistakes. I fully embrace everything that I have ever done as it has directly led me to the path that I am on right now. If even one event had changed, even one that I could call a regret, then I wouldn't be where I am today. Do I have regrets? No. Not in the literal meaning of it as a verb not relating to myself or my actions. As a noun? Yes, I regret people close to me dying.

I disagree.

Unless of course you feel everything in your life is perfect and there is no room for improvement whatsoever? (If that's the case, then I congratulate you on achieving what the vast majority of other people cannot.)

originally posted by: intrptr
a reply to: Dark Ghost

Regrets are an ugly aspect of life. While most people acknowledge they have at least a handful of regrets, some people make the hard-to-believe claim that they have none.

Some are in denial, some claim they 'can't remember' (others take the 5th). Healthy minds want to review where they went wrong and try to understand it, maybe to make to right, maybe to not do it anymore.

Everyone is right where they are supposed to be, making mistakes is part of learning, unless they are a narcissistic control freak and really don't care about anyone but themselves.

I like to think the mnd is a CCD camera in everyones head-- recording everything that happens for later review. Even if we can't or won't remember it, its still in there.

Going thru a mirror experience seeing how everything you did propagated thru space and time and effected everyone else?

Every soul has a right to fix what was broken including me.

a reply to: superman2012

Assuming you are evolving not de evolving by having a human experience.

Spirit having a human experience and I do not handle being human well. To little logic and awareness.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

I used to subscribe to the belief that "I regret nothing", however upon closer analysis and reflection I have found that this is not the case.

After coming to this epiphany, I was also overcome with guilt and frustration with myself after recalling some of these regrettable decisions/actions I took.

But I am now at the place in my life where I understand the purpose behind those actions and recognize my self-criticisms as a tool to better myself and, as intrptr mentioned, not repeat them.

A quote on regret, from one of my favorite movies:

I'm saying you've already done plenty of things to regret, you just don't know what they are. It's when you discover them, when you see the folly in something you've done, and you wish that you had it do over, but you know you can't, because it's too late. So you pick that thing up, and carry it with you to remind you that life goes on, the world will spin without you, you really don't matter in the end. Then you will gain character, because honesty will reach out from inside and tattoo itself across your face.

www.imdb.com...

The worst kind of regret is the kind that makes you shudder to think of it or audibly react, maybe even curse at yourself. Some sort of physical reaction upon remembering it, desperate to un-do it.

I have many regrets and have made a mutitude of mistakes, even more so than the average person. Ive been selfish, cheated and lied to those i really shouldn't have.

But through all the experiences ive had and mistakes ive made i have become great at giving advise and looking at all the options in a given situation instead of acting out of impulses and rushing in my decisions which lead to foolishness.

A lot of people ive spoken to and advised have said how come i know what the right decisions are all the time and how come i think of the options in a given situation that had never crossed their minds.

To which i would reply that a wise man only becomes wise by making many mistakes in life.

He who lives little, learns little.

He who risks little, gains little.

Only by making mistakes can one learn and grow to become wise. The biggest issue people have with their own regrets is that they need to learn to forgive themselves and not beat themselves up about it all the time. We're all human at the end of the day and we all make mistakes. Making mistakes and learning from it teaches us humility.

Have a good day all and be easy on yourselves, if you make a mistake then pick yourself up, admit you've made a mistake and set out to make repairs.

originally posted by: Dark Ghost

originally posted by: superman2012
In my opinion, people that say they have regrets, don't embrace the person they have become because of mistakes. I fully embrace everything that I have ever done as it has directly led me to the path that I am on right now. If even one event had changed, even one that I could call a regret, then I wouldn't be where I am today. Do I have regrets? No. Not in the literal meaning of it as a verb not relating to myself or my actions. As a noun? Yes, I regret people close to me dying.

I disagree.

Unless of course you feel everything in your life is perfect and there is no room for improvement whatsoever? (If that's the case, then I congratulate you on achieving what the vast majority of other people cannot.)

Not at all. I just feel that there is little to no point in regretting what could have been. How does that make a person better? As long as you are moving forward and actively trying to improve yourself, why dwell on "what ifs" and "what could have been's"?

a reply to: superman2012

Fair enough, thanks for clarifying that for me.

I didn't mean to come across as rude in my previous reply, so if I did, I apologise.

a reply to: superman2012

Some people learn better from considering the what ifs. This is true for me anyway, i like to dwell on the what ifs, consider every path or choice i could have taken, reflect on how much better a situation could of gone if i chose to say or do something different.

The reason for this is because i invested time, emotion and applied different thought processes so when i come across the same given situation again i easily remember from my past mistake and can also quickly consider what would be the wiser choice as i put a great deal of time and emotion into it.

Hope this clarified why some people think or dwell on the what ifs?

I've been fairly lucky in that I've made pretty sound choices. Of course I have regrets- but the one most weighing on me at the moment is getting a naval piercing. It was the dumbest thing I have done- no real reason, got it on a whim after work while hanging out with coworkers. After 6 months of waiting for it to heal I removed it and didn't think twice about it till a decade later. I'm now at the end of my pregnancy and the scar tissue is tearing this isn't my first pregnancy, and it's not my biggest either. Don't know why it's tearing now. But man, I seriously regret that choice.

But, if that's the biggest regret I have, at this point, I'm very fortunate!

a reply to: Dark Ghost

Very thoughtful words. Similar words were told to me when I was younger, but went in one ear and out the other with a chuckle. You actually have to be open-minded and ready for it. Im glad it happened for me sooner than later, although I wish it would have happened to me even sooner. Yes I have many regrets but glad that I can spot them and not do the same mistake again.

a reply to: LittleByLittle

Going thru a mirror experience seeing how everything you did propagated thru space and time and effected everyone else?

Mostly what we did and or got done to. No more coverups, no more lies. The truth will finally be revealed for all to see.

Ever wonder why our brain is larger than we seem to need? To record a lifetime of activity.

For me, it was not kissing my son when I had the chance. I wasn't expecting the nurse to motion for me to come into the room. I wasn't prepared when she handed him to me. He was so beautiful. Staring into his eyes, while he stared back at mine, it was a weird moment of circular seeing, as if I were he, looking back at me. He seemed so infinitely wise. I knew he was trying to tell me something...something important that he traveled so far to tell me...I wanted to kiss him so badly, but I had not brushed my teeth yet, and I felt dirty and unworthy...

To this day, I regret that.

But at the same time, I so cherish that moment of pure eye contact.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

I choose to live WITH my past and all the lessons it has taught me. Some choose to ignore it and learn nothing or deny the bad parts and say they have no regrets which is such an obvious lie.

I can honestly say have no regrets because I accept all those bad things and the wisdom that took so much pain to achieve. It wasn't in vain.

The hardest part is imparting the wisdom, especially as people can only really learn by their own mistakes. Perhaps it's more to give perspective and options for the individual to consider rather than the actual wisdom.

Just amazed I got this far to be in a situation as good.

Yes there is always room for improvement, but is that improvement so important? A tree improves each year, each day. In other words it grows a little or sheds a little. Human improvement is another matter, none of us are in agreement with what improvement should be made. I guess we all have a groundhog day going on, it boils down to making an inner choice and growing organicaly from there.a reply to: Dark Ghost

a reply to: Dark Ghost

There is no way to get rid of self-pity for good; it has a definite place and character in our lives, a definite facade which is recognizable. Thus, every time the occasion arises, the facade of self-pity becomes active. It has a history. But if one changes the facade, one shifts its place of prominence. One changes facades by shifting the component elements of the facade itself. Self-pity is useful to the user because he feels important and deserving of better conditions, better treatment, or because he is unwilling to assume responsibility for the acts that brought him to the state that elicited self-pity.

“Shamans have unmasked self-importance and found that it is self-pity masquerading as something else.”

If you don't have self-importance, you have only feelings. Do the following simple and direct exercise that could mean the world to you: Remove from your memory of a past interaction with someone any statements that you make to yourself such as 'He said this or that to me, and he yelled at me!' and remain at the level of your feelings. If you hadn't been so self-important, what would you have had as the irreducible residue at that level of your feelings; and is that feeling any less today than it was? Now, embrace them from your silence. Don't be meager, embrace them totally for the last time. But intend that this is the last time on Earth. Intend it from your darkness. If you are worth your salt, when you make your gift to them, you'll sum up your entire life. Acts of this nature make warriors airborne, almost vaporous. What we usually feel is merely the result of indulging and self-pity. In order to say good-bye and thank you, and really mean it and sustain it, sorcerers have to remake themselves. Vanquish your self-pity right now. Vanquish the idea that you are hurt; and what you have as the irreducible residue is your feelings. Not in the spirit of renewing anything, or harming anyone, including yourself, but in the spirit of a warrior-traveler whose only virtue is to keep alive the memory of whatever has affected him, whose only way to say thank you and good-bye is by this act of magic: of storing in his silence whatever he has loved.

Don Juan Matus

Make it what you will but if you expect people to tell you just what you want to hear, you will never get out of this cycle. Whatever regrets, deceptions, or anything negative and past, they are all illusions. Choosing to believe otherwise is feeding them, like feeding your dear ego which strives on all this, like a prisoner desperately clutching to his shackles because he has known that for far too long to have the guts to let them go. Grow up or let the World do it itself as the enforcer of change and purification. In the end the greatness prevails, always...

a reply to: Dark Ghost

Ive adapted the attitude that they were learning experiences. Ive hurt an ex-wife..all my fault. The next ex-wife hurt me-my payback for the 1st. Ive done many things I wish I hadnt..but you know what?

...Might have done things different..but then...if we did do these things in our lives we arent proud of? Then we wouldnt be the people we are now, would we?

So, I have some regrets, but wouldnt change a thing. Life is for learning. Not good to dwell either on the past...The 'ole adage of "shoulda-coulda-woulda" shouldnt apply. We can't go back...

Thanx for the thread here!