Failure To Integrate

a reply to: Dark Ghost

I used to.

Back then I was painfully shy, insecure, afraid of my own shadow.

I eventually watched those I most admired and kind of copied/adapted how they related to my own personality and slowly forced myself out of my shell.

It sounds like you are already beyond that stage.

Another factor was just being genetically and from rearing very much a "bird of rare plumage." VERY different from the average bear. I was unusually well read for my age. I was brighter than most folks in the room. I was often seen as intimidating in the sense that folks felt my eyes could see right through them into their souls.

So, folks didn't know what to do with me.

And I didn't know what to do with their not knowing what to do with me.

LOL.

And, I HATED shallow, chaff, polite sorts of conversations. I wanted deeply meaningful and emotionally bonding dialogues as I was lacking that with my parents from an early age--a significant degree of attachment disorder.

Eventually, I began to look for dialogue with the one or two people I might have such with and let the rest go as inconsequential. That helped reduce the feeling you described a lot.

Alternately, I just became helpful--in preparing, serving food--&/or in clean up. Or maybe I'd play with kids a bit to relieve their parents. I'd try and have a constructive impact on the younger kids I played with--maybe teach them a new game or ask them about their lives or some such.

I rarely went away from such groups feeling that the family members really understood me or had connected with me. That was pretty much going to be a given. But I eventually could have enough meaningful contacts with at least 1-3 people such that I felt the time was worthwhile and that left me feeling less alone.

Hope that helps.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

You just made me focus on how little I socialize because I can not Imagine going anywhere if I felt uncomfortable. I would leave.

But seriously what kind of places are you going because I get the anxiety when I don't socialize. I need some tips.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

Well, I know what you mean, to some degree. Family, no worries, but I am funny about groups where I don't know people well. No one else seems to notice, though.

a reply to: Parazurvan

You could set some goals for yourself.

Make sure the steps are small steps you are mostly comfortable making/taking.

Then push yourself to take one step per day or per every human contact or setting etc.

For example, you could force yourself to ask or say to a clerk something genuine--e.g. "I hope you get some good time with those you love this evening."

Maybe force yourself to initiate a coffee or jogging or some such meeting once a week or once a month.

Whatever your goal--insist with yourself that you take small steps toward that goal at least every 3-4 days, if not every day.