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Comfortable and Uncomfortable Silence Between People

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posted on May, 2 2016 @ 03:25 AM
Hi folks,
I imagine most people know what I'm talking about. Whether your spending time with someone you have known for years or just a short time, there will always be either a comfortable silence or an uncomfortable silence.
When the silence between another person or people and yourself is so comfortable and you feel good just being in each others company... that is precious to me.
When silence is between folks is uncomfortable, I feel anxious, then drained and slowly over time I feel like saying, ''can't you just shut up for awhile!'' or call them a windbag.
Oh... how to say nicely... you talk to much. I mean the kind of anxious rambling that goes on and on where you start forgetting if there was even a point or what the point is.
Detail in a story is good... don't get me wrong, but sometimes people just talk to fill the silence and or to hear themselves speak and I find it very frustrating. I know many times some folks are going through tough times and their speaking becomes all frantic or chaotic as they try to grasp onto a bit of happiness and share their thoughts, but it can be difficult when they don't realize what they are doing.
I always think of this scene ***with explicit language*** from Pulp Fiction when I have dealt with a needlessly talkative person, Uncomfortable/Comfortable Silence.
This could very well be a rant but when I think of comfortable silence, I think of some of the best friends I've ever had and the good times we had together just being around each other.
So, thank you for reading and would love to read anything you might like to add, agree with or disagree with.

posted on May, 2 2016 @ 03:44 AM
When it comes to everyone comfortable silence please
When it comes to the one I can't get enough of it

Anything outside of this is nothing special

My tell me signature I would hate if there was something wrong and they didn't tell me

my assumption would be if it is not around talking to me than it is the nothing special time (it's when I grab a book or keep myself busy)
edit on 2-5-2016 by ArielaM because: (no reason given)

posted on May, 2 2016 @ 04:31 AM
solitude = the most comforting silence known to this munkie

posted on May, 2 2016 @ 05:10 AM
Most humans are frightened of silence - in fact most have never experienced silence.
Even when there is no mouth moving - speaking continues internally - thoughts continue chatting away 'inside'.

"The trouble with learning to speak is that even if there is nobody there you never get any quiet." Adi Da.

posted on May, 2 2016 @ 07:23 AM
They have taught everyone how to deal with uncomfortable silence in the room, turn on the TV.

"Shhh, the movie-game-show is on."

For people to feel comfortable with each other, they have to be with each other (not just 'on the internet'), and know each other well enough to trust one another's true motivations.

For some, its never comfortable, the silence is 'deafening'. Those people are the ones making it uncomfortable, they fidget, say "anyway… anywhooo", are the ones turning on the tv. They are uncomfortable in their own skin, let alone with others.

posted on May, 2 2016 @ 03:00 PM
Thank you to all that replied. I felt I had to purge my mind of this subject as I was trying to go to sleep last night because my own mind kept recycling the frustrating experience I had with someone earlier yesterday.
With this particular person, they go round and round as I listen for the point, wondering if there is one, thinking for brief moments I may have grasped their point and then try to offer any feedback and even if I do get what they are saying, they just keep going on and on.
Like Intrptr put it, ''these people are uncomfortable in their own skin'' this makes the most sense. I tried to ask this person, ''is my presence that uncomfortable that every bit of time together has to be talking ?''(they always say they like me around) They acted like I was attacking their character. I just don't know how to say or what to say to someone that can't calm their chatter box... they need to work on being more succinct or that they tend to fill the silence with needless fluff. I'm not trying to insult them, maybe it's just me, maybe it's just me and them combined.
Anyways thanks for reading.

posted on May, 2 2016 @ 03:59 PM
There's a bit of an art to dealing with people who won't shut up but, with a little practice, you can perfect the technique

My ex-employer just would not shut up when I was concentrating on my work. So smart to pay someone to do a job and then sabotage their every effort to do it...

Anyway, try imagining you have a paper bag over your head, it will help you 'zone out'.

Then just carry on with whatever you are doing but perfect the art of saying things like: yes, no, really, at just the right time so they don't realise you haven't been listening too attentively.

'Something' in your subconscious will get pretty good at alerting you to the need to respond. Self preservation instinct I expect

posted on May, 2 2016 @ 04:07 PM
a reply to: berenike Thank you for the advice, I will have to try that technique.😊

posted on May, 2 2016 @ 09:12 PM
Uncomfortable silence is that feeling of some intention in the air as they beat merciessly around the bush... theres some unsaid expectation that they may never get around to could be hours could be days as they ramble on. Of course some are just information dumps or therapy sessions, as they just unload burden after burden... in such cases have some compassion for oneself, before they drain all the energy out of you being empathetic enough to just listen and offer advice if asked that theyll likely never take.

Its just a true hallmark of insecure people that walk around on eggshells or plan and plot ahead of time and try to stay on cue or some line of crap for whatever sell or convience later.

Sometimes that comes from being emotionally unavailable to people and they purge in a huge ramble all the stuff theyve gone over in their minds like learning lines for some movie... I suppose that can be sweet that someone thought about you in your absence but could be just as creepy in oh no is this a stalker obsessed type?

But yeah, if someone cant drop all that expectation garbage and small talk... shoot the breeze and be like a couple of cats laying on a porch in a noon day sun making slow blinks and cozy air biscuits cause being in that moment is so awesome as it is purrfect without help? Whats the point... something fake plastic or problematic?

When reality hits like hunger, thirst, or wondering what someones deal is that keeps making something complicated or awkward such as your question rant, then yeah theres a time for some seriousness to talk about something other than enjoying the moment or possible planning to enjoy some moment in the future without all that complication.

Dont let such types drain you is my advice, if you get bored with their ramble, have some self compassion and just blurt out say what youre trying to say cause this is getting awkward... expressing a little feeling might help them express theirs quicker. Of course emotionally touchy people might get defensive and become disrespectful... at which point adios no need to waste any more time with expectation laden get defensive and prone to freakouts.

Im that silent type that unnerves people, I dont have a thought stream anymore so those trying to guess thought intent or motive are sol simply because there isnt one or anything beyond appearance... leaving the moment to blossom wide open to become anything as it usually does quite well on its own, so very familiar with people getting awkward trying to make conversation and that lil self comforting or assuring nervous laugh :p but cant say whats really on their mind, knowing what it is anyway kinda makes it worse a situation I suppose... Id rather not aknowledge it and see if they can manage it, or self destruct over time though... as its really not my issue if they cant speak openly or honestly about what they think or how they feel cause thats exactly what they get without pretense from myself.

Perhaps sharing some experience has helped solidify whatever experience youve had so you dont get that sinking feeling since their ground isnt really firm. Small talk or playing catchup(still the same person right?) is not something im a fan of could be 20 years and Ill still talk to the exact depth last we saw each other...

People learn in time though, if youve the patience then teach em how to communicate with you effectively... or send em packing someone will take to the task.

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