The Politically Correct Handbook

THE

POLITCALLY CORRECT

HANDBOOK

A living satire

Preface

You have the gift. You can look at a person, compare that person to the stereotypes you harbour in your mind, and can formulate their status as victim or oppressor from that evidence alone. However, in adopting the noble task of becoming an Identity Politician, you’ve also inadvertently gripped onto the PC bandwagon currently barreling driverless through our hearts and minds, and further down the slippery slope into the public marketplace. Now is the time to hold on tightly, for surely the unintended consequences of what we are doing will bare a bounty in our favour. For that we are almost, sort of certain.

But we are losing. According to FBI statistics for 2014, there were 5,192 known hate crime offenders that year in America. These 5,192 offenders made up just 0.0016% of the American population. On top of that, and according to the same statistics, “the majority of the 4,048 reported crimes against persons involved intimidation and simple assault”, and nothing like the lynching and genocide that often comes to our fevered and hate-induced minds. These numbers no doubt hint at the growing indifference to hate, as it becomes more commonplace during the slow regression into our barbaric past.

There is only one course of action. We need more hate. Hate and oppression, after we’ve obfuscated these and other terms beyond their meaning and recognition, can be seen in everything, such as in the t-shirt of a rocket scientist, the logo of a baseball team, a scantily-clad statue, a bandaid, a standup performance, and most especially, in every conservative person who has ever lived. In order to wake others up to the growing bigotry now engulfing us, nothing short of a purge will work.

But let’s be candid and get this out of the way first: we know you’ve adopted political correctness because you yourself are racist, sexist and homophobic. We know this because you’ve taken it upon yourself to distinguish individuals according to abstract generalities such as race, sex and sexual orientation, in the exact same manner as the overt racists, sexists and homophobes do—that is, without thought or consideration to the content of character, or any other universally applicable measures of worth. As you often tell yourself, “everyone is a little racist”, which is not only the first step to admittance and thus reconciliation, but also to understanding which of your traits need to be hidden from view. According to you, certain races, genders and sexual orientations of your choosing have privileges or disadvantages based solely on which category you’ve put them into, even though one single instance proving the opposite completely falsifies that theory. The only difference between you and the overt racists is the manner and direction in which you divert your subsequent discrimination. We do it “positively”.

Not to worry; your prejudices will be safely disguised with a little practice. Beneath a livery of rhetoric, moral grandstanding, and a feigned group solidarity, you too can disguise your tribalistic tendencies and your lack of moral character, allowing you to live out the rest of your life fully convinced that you are on the right side of history, correct only where it matters—politically.

Chapter 1: You are not alone.

Welcome you to victimhood. No one respects your pro-noun. No one wants to adopt your preferred nomenclature. No one is sensitive enough to your hierarchy of labels. You believe halloween costumes are “cultural misappropriation”. You believe certain words and expressions have causal powers, are “micro-aggressions”, and can have disastrous effects on what you have pre-determined in your mind to be the marginalized segments of society, whether they actually are or not. Racism, sexism, homophobia—all are built into the very fabric of society: all of it violent, all of it oppressive, none of it innocent.

Luckily, you are in good company. Like you, your newly found brethren harbour the exact same superstition towards words and expressions (and presumably body language), offering a ready-made support group for whenever you find yourself in a fit of unnecessary rage at the sight or sound of someone speaking in a way you do not favour. Like you, the politically correct sees the label before the labelled, the skin-colour before the person, the sex before the human being, and derive their conclusions from the various stereotypes that necessarily follow these abstractions. Together, usually arm-in-arm or in the safety of a drum circle, you may finally satiate that vain longing to appear like a good person to others who no doubt wish to appear the same, in order to disguise the vacuous absence of any good they’ve never done.

Remember this: political correctness is a public relation scheme, used to disguise your own racist, homophobic, and sexist urges beneath a veneer of respect and concern for the arbitrary and general classifications you’ve formed in your head, no matter, and without considering once, the merits of the actual flesh-and-blood human beings involved. Rather than repudiate the notions of race, class, or sexuality as measures of worth, disadvantage and privilege, you require them, at least so you know where to move yourself in the hierarchy when benefit serves.

From a utilitarian standpoint, you’ve made a wise decision in joining these ranks, because in the scheme of our political zoology, where the opinion of some anonymous consumer is as valuable to the corporations as a distinguished public figure, and when we tend to find ourselves in venues that provide our shrill comments with the loudest and most conformist-sounding echoes, political correctness is useful. It works! Nothing else besides outright puritanism has had the speech-freezing effect as the fear of condemnation, exclusion, loss of business, and outright dismissal by one’s peers for what one has said, and by extension, what one has thought. And though it is unlikely that any gulags or gas-chambers will need to be constructed in order to house your political enemies, ostracizing and marginalizing them will suffice for the time being.

Take for instance that cretinous disk jockey at an Irish Pub in North Carolina, who in his infinite arrogance, committed the violent and misogynistic crime against humanity by playing a top-40 song in front of human beings at a drinking establishment. According to a UNC fellow social justice warrior, the offending song promoted “rape culture”, and such “violence” and “graphic imagery” are what we now know as “triggers”, which are sure to sends us into anxious frenzies, almost as if we had no control of our thoughts at all. None of this pertained to herself mind you, given that she never experienced any sexual assaults throughout her life, but she took it upon herself to protect the numerous victims whom no doubt lay prostrate on the dance floor following that brutal assault. After a small and—I’m sure—innocent social media post, there was no stopping the subsequent wave of indignation. With the threats of boycott from PC allies, whom only needed to hear the rallying call of oppression, the disk jockey was let go from his position as the purveyor of beats and melodies at that establishment.

And that, my folks, is all it takes. With the tried and true methods of doublespeak and blind conformity, a pop song becomes a violent affront to the countless rape victims around us. This slight fancy, a delusion though it might be, allows us to promulgate the idealistic notion that we are making headway in the arena of social justice, even if in truth we’ve merely coerced the owner with threats of economic loss, because we perceived some slight against the imaginary victims in our minds. Justice is served. Yes, one can get a disk jockey fired for playing a top-40 song in a pub, which, in a brief analysis, is nothing short of a bloody miracle.

This is just a taste of the wonders political correctness can achieve. In solidarity, we can achieve a great deal more.

Im gonna print this out when all the chapters are done.

Sincere regards, Mannegishi

a reply to: LesMisanthrope

you may finally satiate that vain longing to appear like a good person to others who no doubt wish to appear the same, in order to disguise the vacuous absence of any good they’ve never done.

Without the specter of a rising tide of Political Correctness that threatens to drown us all, what would you have to use to make yourself appear so enlightened?

Anti-Political Correctness is a much more useful — and more often used — tool for silencing speech and persuading the easily persuaded to embrace their own victimhood (victims of Political Correctness).

How many right-wing politicians rant about Political Correctness and with what success? How many left-wing (less right-wing) politicians are speaking about the horror of "triggering," the need for "safe spaces" and other such nonsense? Donald Trump says "Political Correctness" dozens of times a day. How many times have you heard Bernie Sanders rally his supporters around the common cry of "cultural appropriation!" ever?

What volume of material is published regarding the evils of Political Correctness by the right-leaning media? How about promotion of the concepts of "safe spaces," "cultural appropriation" and the like in left-leaning media?

How many threads on ATS are created for people to whine incessantly about Political Correctness? How many threads are created by posters who promote anything resembling what you're talking about?

How can you not recognize that Anti-Political Correctness is far more pervasive and influential than the "out of control" Political Correctness you are satirizing?

You dedicated a whole paragraph to relaying the harrowing tale of a DJ losing his bar gig because some dumbass college twit complained that he was playing "Blurred Lines." Why do you think that this is the quality of example that you must resort to? That fact that you do makes this line particularly ironic in my opinion:

nothing like the lynching and genocide that often comes to our fevered and hate-induced minds

The DJ lost his bar gig! Oh, the humanity! Quick, let's start a crowdfunding campaign and go to a Trump rally!

a reply to: theantediluvian

Anti-Political Correctness is a much more useful — and more often used — tool for silencing speech and persuading the easily persuaded to embrace their own victimhood (victims of Political Correctness).

I think the tide is not turning quick enough, so i don't know where you see waves of "victimhood" standing up or even being given a voice.

The DJ lost his bar gig! Oh, the humanity!

Whilst in your mind he is a small casualty who is of no consequence, he no longer got to put food on his table. Do you then state that such that such power was wielded innocently. Why discount real life consequences bought on by a PC affronted piece of sh"t who dare not make her feelings felt face to face with the DJ; instead attacking behind the anonymity of the internet. Real class!

a reply to: LesMisanthrope

S & F

I've waited at least 5 weeks for your latest instalment; well worth it. thanks

So, if I say that I think Donald Trump is the most likely of all the candidates to have ordered a hit on someone during the course of any of their private lives - is that political correctness, anti-political correctness, and either way - is it completely ok?

Its hard to keep track of which opinions are ok and which ones arent, who is supposed to suck it up and take it on the chin, and who has a right to feel slighted, who's a special snowflake and who's a mobster with enough money to buy a newspaper

Maybe you should write a PC book on manners - real life etiquette is so rare these days

Don't you find it?

:-)