This is a shoutout to all the deadbeat moms

This topic gets a lot of attention in the media, but very little of it is ever aimed at deadbeat moms.

You know who you are.

You got tired of being tied down to one man when you turned 50. You made excuses. You lied and stepped outside the boundaries and when you got caught, wouldn't get any help for your faulty, disorganized thinking.

You split on your teenage kids, and left them with their dad. He carried on, raising them while working more than full time, while you ran off to join the circus. You, who refuse to pay for anything because your child support order isn't final. You -- who tells your son, "let's do something fun this weekend because your dad is too busy or can't afford it."

You are a piece of work

You prioritize acting like a teenager, running around 3-5 nights a week, juggling boyfriends and using them for money. You bring that nonsense back to your home on the rare days (4 days a month) when you actually bother being a parent.

You have no idea how your kids are doing in school. They are doing fine, by the way, no thanks to you. Yeah, they had a tough adjustment when you took off, and I had to change my work schedule to accommodate a far more hands-on deck approach. I got them counselling. I make sure they have a warm bed and a roof over their head. I help with their homework and insist they meet their obligations before they play. I feed them 26 days a month. I buy all their clothes, and pay all their medical co-pays.

You are a barfly, and I hope it doesn't all catch up to you because I know the kids ADORE you, and I don't ever want them to know how much you have hurt us.

I can do it without you, because I have no other option. My voice is marginalized because we don't fit the profile. Everyone admits this happens but because the problem is mostly dad-based, historically, it is deemphasized in the courts and in in society.

But I'll always know who you are, and I'll always know what you did.

If I am strong, the kids will never know the truth, because that would hurt them more than my fake smile and policy of never speaking ill of you in front of them or where they can find out about it.

I come here to vent because no one knows I read or post here.

a reply to: 0zzymand0s

A sad story man, I wish you the best, and say go look yourself in the mirror and be proud of who looks back.
I know plenty of dead-beat mothers, perhaps as many as I do dead-beat fathers, but the difference here in the UK is the mothers generally refuse to leave the kids because the social security benefits are so generous.

I know many kids who would be far better off with the father if the selfish dead-beat mothers didn't treat the kids as a state funded income stream.
Good luck, and enjoy the time you have with your kids. There are many more men out there who would love the chance you have but their bitch ex's are backed by the courts so they cannot do so.

My Dad raised me when my mother did the same thing.

Your kids know what's going on, even if they don't say anything about being disappointed in their mother.

If I know one thing, as a person who was in the same situation as your kids, is that they'll appreciate you more than they could say for letting them be kids and not speaking ill about their mother, or dragging them into any fighting.

Sounds like you're doing an excellent job from your side of the story.

a reply to: 0zzymand0s

You are an amazing father and man. You are the very meaning of love and strength. Your kids know what is going on and by your selflessness and keeping respectful in front of the kids you are exemplifying what honor and true humanity is. So proud of you. We are here if you need to talk, vent and just to keep your strength up.

a reply to: 0zzymand0s

DP

I'm keenly aware that there are two sides to every story, hers, mine and the truth. I know she has complaints. I never bought here that car she always wanted. I wouldn't just let her have her freedom, and forced her to choose between us and "happiness."

I am not perfect. No one is. I don't even wish her ill. How could I? She gave me two beautiful children. I get to move on and find real happiness with a partner that suits me.

I already have. This isn't about bitterness towards her for that particular choice. This is about her not taking responsibility as a parent.

Well, your a wee bit older, and missing one child, to be a very good friend of mine.
His ex solved the barfly problem (not enough time spent there.) by becoming a waitress, and living in an apartment above the bar. She is in the same town and won't even call the kids.

I don't understand the mentality of a woman that can do this.

All I can say is thank goodness for men like him, and you.

a reply to: 0zzymand0s

Get it out bud. Talking (or in this case typing) about is quite healthy wevall need to vent from time to time.

Its sounds like whatever life throws your way you kick its ass and keep on truckin'.

Just know, your kids have got a damn good dad to look up to, depend on and confide in, I'm sure of it.

Props.

a reply to: 0zzymand0s

I thank God that I am not a deadbeat mom or a barfly!

The sad part is, you keep telling yourself that someday the kids will finally realize how mom is.
Well, that day finally arrived. Now I have 4 kids that hate their mom.

it's a shallow victory - nobody 'won'

a reply to: 0zzymand0s

And yet your kids deserve the truth later on. We all get abandoned at some point in our lives. Be strong, love your kids its worth it. If your ex is >50 years, surely you children are old enough to know the truth?

a reply to: TheConstruKctionofLight

that's what we are here for, better to let it out here then on your kids....you are a really good dad and should be proud.

I tend to look for ways to criticize the kind of mother I have been, but reading that?
I suddenly feel like I was a great mother.
So my kids broke their wrists because I let them roller blade- I had them covered with protections, I did the best I could.
I feel like a saint after that run down.
Sending loving thoughts to you and yours.
Screw her.

a reply to: 0zzymand0s
One good parent can make those kids I am glad they have that.

Epidemic going on of Mothers, fathers grandparents wanting to be teens again, tattooed and pink haired they dust their responsibilities off their feet and go "have fun". This seems to be some purposeful plan and loss of Family heading into darkness but we have hope still.

originally posted by: grainofsand
a reply to: 0zzymand0s

the difference here in the UK is the mothers generally refuse to leave the kids because the social security benefits are so generous.

I will agree there are mothers who pop out kids for the purpose of maintaining their income, however I can assure you the benefits are not generous!
Just to raise a point - You referred to it as Social Security. That shows just how out of touch you are on this matter! They dropped that title a long time ago because they dont give a damn about anyones social security.

Also, we must remember that the money is meant for the purpose of ensuring those kids do not starve, have decent clothing, and do not feel like lepers within our society, thats why it used to be called social security, but now! mothers have to choose between eating or heating, pay a bill or buy the clothes the kids need! there is no social security!

a reply to: VoidHawk

Whatever dude let's sing kumbyah

originally posted by: grainofsand
a reply to: VoidHawk

Whatever dude let's sing kumbyah

Thats a 1920s spiritual song from America.
I said you were out of touch!

a reply to: VoidHawk

You are such a bleeding heart aren't you lol

originally posted by: 0zzymand0s
I come here to vent because no one knows I read or post here.

S#!! I'd have never guessed.

We're here when you need us, brother.

a reply to: Snarl

Thanks, Snarl!

And thank all of you. I feel much better having vented. It was a tough morning, but I'm dealing with it as best I can.