Wauw.... I know when one opens up a shaken bottle of candor that I had to expect to get some in ny face... And I did. And thats ok.
Id love to sit down and answer every single post for as I read them all of them deserves a response. I genuinely feel helped or feel the empathy or
understanding in all of them.
Thanks for keeping it civil.
Yes, I can see how it could be depression... Thats a thought that has popped up now and again and even my gf dropped that line during a heated
The last couple of years Ive been philosophising a lot. Im an atheist btw... But I do brush up against eastern philosophy. So a lot of my relation to
life is understanding the all connectedness, and like one poster said... That whole we are a blink of an eye.
What Im saying is that in my depression currently Im adjusted to the belief that Im not the one with the symptoms as seen from a universal point of
view.... But yes, I totally acknowledge how this point of view takes me somewhat out of the human equation as being part of a fixed social system that
So Im trapped in this weird limbo where I at the one end feel like Im better off living in a wooden cabin in the forests of canada, and at the other
end I need to be there for my kids and this implies having to take my place in the hamster wheel.
From a medical point of view I was through the depression mill 16 years ago.
I enlisted in architectureschool and got in.... But that was a choice I made from what I at the time felt like was expected of a bright kid. Surely
enough I crashed 1 year into the studies, ended up working at a factory which with its lack of sunlight exposure made everything worse. Eventually I
got out of it. Dont think it was the meds cause he gave me the weakest product.
Anyways.... This now... Here... It feels different. Cant put words to it.
Good points about the kids. I really do love them. I just lack the energy to invest in playing with them a lot of the time. They are more or less
though the most important part of my life.
I thought a lot about career change. The last thing I looked up after posting this before going to bed was "education with job security".
Im a commercial photographer by the way.... Which makes all this ironic, because I chase purity but service fakeness and putting consumerish ideas
into peoples heads.
But the education as a photograher isnt really useful for that much else... Atleast not that I know off.
That brings me to those who mention the thought of leaving childhood behind and growing up... Facing the world. Did I take too long to do so??
I mean... Im not happy to admit it, but yes.... I might be childish. Economically as well and that has left its mark with poor decisions, sort of like
you who offered you honest stort about drugs, but my addiction was gear.
I have taken dramatic steps to fix this though.... Will take some years to recover.
But I feel like this prevents me from jumping to the next boat since that move is financially expensive.
edit on 6/4/16 by flice because: (no