Any of you else feel like... "why bother... really."

I'm in my mid 30s.... I chose a career path that more or less locks me in place and at the same time it challenges me because it's not protected per say. That means as tech evolves I get more and more competition.
I have 2 kids and a loaner. My girlfriend is in a steady job.

But here's the thing... as time goes by, I can't help feeling more and more overwhelmed by that feeling where nothing matters (of course with the exception of my kids!). I litterally understand the futility in the life of humans. I mean... NOTHING we do is exciting to me anymore. We are messing up the planet, we managed to look across the galaxies but we don't have the tech to go anywhere. Accumulating money makes no sense, because you can't take it with you when the game is over. This is true in general for all wealth accumulation.

But I also get nauseaus over hearing my colleagues talking about "oh... the shrimp they serve at that restaurant..." for f's sake, it's so shallow.

Sometime... I think about if I might at some point just choose to cash in and leave this realm, simply because it's so boring!

I don't watch tv anymore, it's filled with hate, violence, deceit, naivities and pointless reality shows about cooking, crime busting and people in general dire straits.
I don't read, because I'm struggeling to find a good reason to do so. Again.... I might pretty much be done with half my life, what good does being able to recite Shakespear do me for the next 40 something years? i mean... what good, that I can actually use for anything.

I'm at the point where I'm content as long as I'm fed, as long as I have a roof over me and my family's heads and have the full functionality of my body.
Sometimes I think I subconsciously am underperforming at work because I want to be fired as part of my downward spiral. I mean, that's one way to take off into the abyss. Would set of a nice chain of events I think.

Yet... I can't find the motivation anymore. When I lie here, just before writing this, and other nights as well, I'm contemplating wether or not it would be a good thing if I was suddenly struck by some incurable disease. I know my kids would be sad, but I also know that they would get over it at some point in life and live. I don't think I would ever have the strength to end myself in any way. I'm both scared at what it will be like, and that my ego will put up a desperate fight at the last moments and that would be terrible to experience. But at the same time, I feel pretty confident that the form of balance and state of pure energy that lies beyond this is amazing and un-hurtful.

Oh man... dunno what to do. Is this what is dubbed a "mid life crisis"? Is it plain old "depression".... or did I just not listen good enough when I was told that ignorance is bliss? The more I know, the less I want to be part of it.

Well, it certainly sounds like depression.

When is the last time you took a family trip? I understand with the way you speak you may not have a desire to do so, but reconnecting to family always helps keep me interested in life.

Or go to a funeral.
Reconnecting with death also keeps me interested in life.

originally posted by: Vdubya
Well, it certainly sounds like depression.

When is the last time you took a family trip? I understand with the way you speak you may not have a desire to do so, but reconnecting to family always helps keep me interested in life.

Or go to a funeral.
Reconnecting with death also keeps me interested in life.

It's been a while... The last time I recall where I actually really enjoyed myself I went hiking alone in the mountains in Norway. It really gave me something (Long story... my mother in law had given my girlfriend a trip to Spain in present and offered to pay for the kids as well, but couldn't afford me.... neither could I).
These days, we do the odd daytrip, but crying tired kids make it more of a hazzle than enjoyment

Funeral you say... how do you do that? I mean, how do you get away with it? I would be scared of being called out as "not belonging to the family".

a reply to: flice

Funeral crashing, anyone?

a reply to: flice

You sound depressed and agitated with life.

It's hard not to be. We are basically prisoners. It's hard not to imagine how good life would be without the artificial interference we have in modern day.

Imagine no work, imagine freedom, being with nature all day everyday. Unfortunately that's not going to happen.

What about the kids? You say they spoil days out because of their crying. Are they getting a bad vibe from you and this is a cycle making you feel #? Do they laugh? If so how does that make you feel? Are they your kids?

What about a hobby? What about getting out and going to the pub? Any friends?

I dunno. You sound depressed.

Chakra meditation could help a lot.

a reply to: flice

It reads as if You are/have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) that is covered here:

en.wikipedia.org...

www.mayoclinic.org...

Or is this more to it?


www.sunfell.com...

namaste

a reply to: flice

I'm NOT a psychiatric professional so take whatever I say as just opinion from the only knowledge I have and that is what you've provided so far in your OP.
I agree with the poster above who said it 'sounded' like depression. Is there a history?
Listen I know it can seem futile at times. Let me dissect your OP somewhat to get my point across and offer another point of view.

No, you cannot 'take it with you' but, you can offer some security to those left behind in the form of medical bills being paid, any debt, burial expenses, etc. You may even be able to leave your children a little purse to kickstart their lives and or the lives of your grandchildren.

People can be very shallow but, there is nothing wrong (IMO) with being able to enjoy the finer things in life if you are able to afford it or it is something you desire. Some folks couldn't care less. My parents, for example, did not care about amassing wealth or having always new things. They liked having things that were paid for.

I agree with MOST TV being a waste. Books, however, there MAY be your escape...albeit a brief one.

Outside is key...fresh air, exercise, enjoying the beauty of nature and your surroundings.

Perhaps you are 'underperforming' at work because you've grown stagnant in that particular position or vocation and could look into something new? Maybe something that you are interested in that you never dreamed you could make a living doing?

Please don't wish a disease or death upon yourself. As someone who lost both parents who fears everyday that they 'just didn't quite know' how important and life sustaining they were to me, please, don't even dream of bringing that suffering on those that you love. The damage could be irreparable.

Please think of talking with someone neutral. Do you have a physician that you are comfortable with?
I'm NOT advocating drugs just talking to someone, perhaps.

Midlife crisis is real, IMO, and although some folks may think that you are too young for that...it could be...but, you won't know for sure if you ignore it or spiral down so low that you can't be reached.

Good luck to you! To answer your question. Yes, I have felt that way and sometimes quite often. I believe it is all worth it in the end. I have to believe that!

By no means I am diagnosing you at all I just type this in short

Question

If the world was different would you feel different ?

* If yes, I would say it is something like social anxiety

( I don't mean it as a "psychological problem" I just used it as a vague term)

If the world was different you would feel indifferent ?

*If yes, I would say it is something like mid-life crisis

Either way interesting reading the thought process that's pouring out of your mind right now I think you should just keep going



Actually to edit: for me it is the outside world that makes me feel this way almost non stop

I ask myself why do people even bother (if I make sense)

Well I really just was thinking of a family member of mine who passed recently that I was very close to. I felt exactly how you described after that death, it was depression and normal for those circumstances. I have a richer appreciation for life since that has passed. Just trying to figure out how you could get yourself out of the funk you are in. I don't actually recommend funeral crashing :

Be 'overjoyed' at the gift of awareness. You have been given to see what others take a lifetime and never get.

It is overwhelming at times. A little more awareness is a certain kind of hell. Whats the alternative, blissfully ignorant? Isn't that your complaint about the shallowness in others? Thats when you should back off a bit.

Look into your kid's eyes… take them out somewhere, have fun, they depend on you to make their day alright.

a reply to: flice

As a psych patient myself, I recognize that you are suffering from depression. Please see a doctor.

a reply to: flice

I think maybe reflecting about who you want to be is important, feeling loved and a sense of being just who you want to be..

I know a happy thought will do more than feeling a negative one..

Much love - Bald Pete

a reply to: flice

Yeah, well slide over and make more room on the couch cuz whatever it is I got it too. I see that you joined ATS on 2007. As you are now in your mid 30s, you have spent maybe half of your adult life perusing a broader or deeper understanding of our human dilemma via a website that prides itself on pulling back the cover, of exposing the truth, of not just settling for the belief system of the existing paradigm.

This world is scary . I can understand why those who just live in slumber day to day are content to do so. Many deal with it by living in the old 'them guys bad, us guys good' mentality. But once we get by this we begin to see that things are much more complicated than that. And then we begin to realize that the problems we face as a species, as a global civilization are so dramatic that our old habits will no longer suffice to solve them. That we continue to try to deal with them like a bunch of third graders.

So while as many others have pointed out, you sound depressed, which may be all that it is and you should surely take that into account. But I offer this. That what you are experiencing is not just depression but rather a developing maturity, of shedding the illusions of childhood and youth and understanding that this world has little to do with the fairy tales we were taught as children.

It ain't easy growing up into a mature adult in this society where a huge fraction of the culture demands that one continue to be a child and immature. Much of our economic system is predicated on fulfilling childish impulses. Our society tells us that we should be mature adults by the age of consent. Adult activities such as drinking and smoking and voting and going to war along with others are set by law to assume that we are mature around our late teens or early twenties. I say bolox to that. From what I can see around me, many many people never do mature. At all. Look at the freeking moves that are costing millions and earning billions today. Based on the adventures of the fictitious super heroes of our childhood.

There is an old adage, well not so old really. Anyone who is not depressed is just not paying attention. This may be true.
In either event, you life is demanding maturity from you now as never before. So up with ya boyo, and get on with it.

a reply to: TerryMcGuire

You're right of course...being jaded can happen to the best of us.
If you can’t take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It’s not safe out here. It’s wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. But it’s not for the timid. "Q"

I gotta laugh at the posters saying "You're depressed"

OMG HOW OBSERVANT OF YOU!!!

The 'see a doctor' comment. Man that just gets me. A doctor will just wave his magic wand and poof all your issues with life will just disappear!

As to the question of your OP. Yes I've felt that way for a long time. I was 16 years old when I first realized how little I care about life and how pointless anything that can be achieved during it is (to me) The doctor didn't help, the pills didn't help, nothing has REALLY helped. You either just accept if and move on or you kill yourself. That's the conclusion I came to.

Been thinking about you some more OP. Your kids are really your lifeline, and you are theirs as well. You gotta find the good in the world and make sure they know it's there. That's your ticket!

I'm with you OP, I'm about to turn 30 this year and feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis. I've had some crazy stuff happen to me a lot over the past year, and I'm definitely feeling it myself. I definitely think it's just depression. I'm with the other poster that recommended a hobby.

I don't know how you feel about motorcycles, but you should consider learning how to ride one, and find one you like. When I feel like crap, I just hop on the bike and go for a nice long ride, it helps every time.


....except for right now, my bike is having issues, and all I can do is work and stay home, and it's definitely driving me insane not being able to ride. Plus my g/f of 6 yrs basically abandoned me, so yeah going insane lol.

a reply to: corvuscorrax

Obviously you have deeper problems than depression.

Meds help many people.

a reply to: Restricted

Ok doctor what deeper problems would those be if they're so obvious?

You and I clearly differ greatly in our perception of help.

some happy meds for meanwhile ..