Seems like after 40 it's hard to have any fun in life...

a reply to: lavatrance

As another poster stated 'midlife crisis is real' and I agree.
I wonder if it hits men harder than women?

Someone very close to me is going through it. He just turned 45. I believe he has been going through it for a few years.
It started with a sort of change in personality and then down in the dumps. We've tried to 'ride the wave'.
Getting away helps. He goes off on his adventures sometimes and maybe fishing, camping, with his brothers, etc. This brings him joy.
I like being in the woods and sports so if I am able to get him to participate this seems to help also.
Self medicating with alcohol seems to be more of an issue lately. He is lucky in that he has a support system who recognizes the signs and encourages him to get out and go do 'something'. Whatever it is you need to get it out of your system so you can get back to regular life.
I think it is key to not stop learning, exploring, experiencing things. Don't be idle too long...that is where the danger lies. IMO
He has children and that helps to keep him grounded from flying too far off of the handle.

I wish you luck and perhaps just everyday when you wake up, think of something new. Do you have anything in your experience or knowledge bag that could bring joy to those less fortunate? Teaching/helping someone along this road we call life can bring you so much joy and you will be a hero in their eyes.
That can really build one's self esteem.

Good luck to you!

My suggestion is for you to take Magnesium, Vitamin B complex and Vitamin C. These can help when you have a depressed or anxious mood and don't want to take big pharma psychiatric meds.

I do have a job, a good one with a decent salary but at this point I feel like "wow I've been doing this a long time...isn't there more to life than this?" I guess happiness is transitory - it comes and goes throughout our lives and we are having to chase it down every once in a while. Keep on chasing happiness and eventually you'll catch up to it. ; )

Sal

a reply to: lavatrance

I turn 43 this year.

I think part of the problem you are having is that you said you have no money. While I have a lot more expenses, I also have way more disposable income than I've ever had and thus have been dabbling in a bunch of hobbies.

I was heavily racing RC cars for the past 10 years. I bought a motorcycle. Got into gaming. I travel a lot. I recently started building collectible Lego sets (mainly star wars). You just have to find stuff you enjoy and just do it.

I have a two year old now and it makes doing things I enjoy a lot harder, but in a way, my son is kind of a hobby too. He brings another kind of happiness and enjoyment. I like taking him places and seeing him get excited about learning and experiencing new things.

The only midlife crisis I'm really having is that I want to get off the hamster wheel. Feel like I am working just to be working. I really wish I could downsize my life and get away from the big city and all its issues, but it is difficult because the wife is a city girl.

If I didn't have a family, I'd probably be living in cabin out in the middle of nowhere enjoying the scenery and nature. Living a very modest life.

I think what happens to a lot of people when they hit 40 is they realize that 1) you don't have a ton of time left and you are mortal as you start seeing parents and friends dying. 2) you probably won't accomplish many of your dreams and desires and 3) you start having to accept your station in life. 4) You also start playing back all the mistakes you made that lead to where you are now.

Sounds like you need ...

MEDICAL MARIJUANA

All joking aside, change up your routine. Work out more, try to find a totally new hobby, try to save up and buy yourself something you actually want, I dunno. Whatever you do, don't go on ATS and say this, I'm only in my 20s and you're making me stress. That's not fair, you apparently didn't have to stress in your 20s! Irresponsible post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



edit: It should probably be mentioned, I have been known to give bad advice.

I still have fun, it's just that my definition of fun has changed. It doesn't sound like fun to me now to fight through a crowd to go to a concert, or meet my friends for drinks at 10, when the ball game starts at two. I don't want to meet at the bar at 10 pm. That doesn't sound like fun to me.

I have fun now, but of a different kind. I'd rather meet friends for dinner than drinks. Go to movies instead of concerts. Yep. I have fun working in my gardens and playing with my dogs.

So you still have fun, but your 'definition' of fun changes.

a reply to: lavatrance

Wait till you hit 50 , that really sucks.

a reply to: lavatrance

After hitting 50, I too felt that life was just a downward spiral and anticipated age related illnesses and the like would mean 'fun' was a thing of the past.

Then one day a bored friend suggested a country walk. We came across a children's play ground and decided to have a go on the play equipment there. It was fun, we agreed it took us back to childhood. We laughed at how our arms were not so good at pulling our weight on the swings and enjoyed the stares of those passing by who looked at us as though they thought us mad.

After that, we walked home and by chance, I saw a bumper sticker with this written on it:

You are never too old to have a happy childhood

After reflecting upon the experience, I decided that I was not too old to have fun, just that I needed to redefine what fun was for me.

I think as you get older, it is not so much a lack of fun but rather work and responsibility take too much time and energy, making spontaneity difficult. All 'fun' activities become planned, have to be accommodated outside of routine and thereby fun looses it's edge.

I have now defined for myself what 'mature adult fun' is and because it includes activities that I genuinely enjoy, I have found a different way of fun that is gentler and more rewarding than the mania of youthful craziness that can sometimes be mistaken for fun.

originally posted by: lavatrance
I guess part of it is I don't have a family or anything like that and very little responsibilities in my life at this time. So maybe it's just having too much free time who knows.

I reckon you nailed it there.
I'm in the 'early forties' bracket with an 18 year old son who I regularly now go to bar and clubland, fully accepted by his social circles.
I've never lost my love for fun and excitement, it just changed. I had a second childhood from the first time I helped him climb a tree, build a 6 foot high sandcastle/mound (which became the last sand on the beach at high tide), or building him up with confidence and knowledge having fun cliff jumping into the sea every summer.

I'm 'grown up' as far as money/work/life plans etc are concerned, but lose the fun?! Never!
Some of the most fun things I did when I was my lad's age I am now looking forward to doing with him. The next 'event' is going to be a crazy one at Stonehenge this summer solstice when the stone circle is open for a free 12 hour party, midnight to midday. I can't wait!

Nope, I'm just as much the excited child as I was when I was say 12, I'm only more sensible about life planning stuff so I can pay for more of the fun adventures I enjoy.

What do people classify as "fun"". What I classified as fun in my 20s I wouldn't classify as fun is just chilling out and listening to music and watching coronation street

a reply to: woodwardjnr

"Fun" is naughty, exciting, risky, entertaining, amusing, silly, childish, and much more.
...well, as far as I see it at least. LONG LIVE FUN!

a reply to: lavatrance

Dunno how you read my mind like that. I've been having very similar thoughts about getting away because I just don't fit in here anymore, so much has changed and i'm also on my own like you without family of my own. It can be tough at times but I keep on with my dream job and love it everytime I get to do my dream job.. only thing is it doesn't pay all that great at the moment.

Anyway, i bought a cycle 1 and half years ago and I enjoy cycling as a fitness exercise and just getting out.... enjoying the exhaust funes from the cars and buses!

Also having an interest in football gets me by most wk/ends as I have a bet on the games... it's fun but a bit #ty when ya lose... but as long as you are in control of your finances it's ok. Just don't overdo it.

a reply to: TruthxIsxInxThexMist

That sounds miserable, you have my genuine sympathy.
I purposely crawled into a roof space above an area a workmate was doing a boring repetitive job today. When our heads were less than 12 inches apart (me above) I said "I'm watching you" in a creepy sinister voice.
He jumped a mile and we both laughed big time. That is fun.

*Edit*
I'm self employed before any sanctimonious folk bitch that I was doing something naughty on company time lol

Sorry to hear you are going through this low time. I found hitting 40 and then onwards that the ennui would come from one simple thing: when I was younger, I could fill any downtime I had with a million different things, like a puppy in a room full of exciting things, I could guarantee that I was always busy doing something, usually creative in some way.

Then I got a little older, and my free time reduced, responsibilities increased, and when I did get downtime although I was still impetuous and flitting from activity to activity I found myself unable to stick with anything I was doing for too long, as I found that the stresses and strains of everyday adult life made enjoyment of whatever I could do, less, and I got bored easily. As a single guy with no real commitments and not too much money I hit that mid-life crisis and frankly, to go with the old joke, there was no way I could afford a sports car or a Harley ^_^

I too was in the situation where money was tight. But then something changed and I found my solution - as I moved into the 40's came the ability for me to really zone in on one activity as a matter of defiance and with a stubborn refusal to let the grind be everything. I eventually became less impatient than when I was younger - and so eventually I was able to fill my downtime with a single activity that I could let myself get absorbed into completely. It filled gaps, stopped me getting bored, and gave me a refuge from the daily grind. At first it was publishing an online comic, but when the ideas for that ran out I moved onto a hobby I had enjoyed in childhood, modelmaking.

I think in part because it was something I had done as a kid, modelmaking held my interest (it is a very demanding, calming and absorbing pastime) and gave me a little feeling of re-living youth. So I have stuck with that, and it means my days are always busy with either day-job stuff or my-time modelmaking creative stuff (which now after a few years includes a website, YouTube and teaching and encouraging the small group of folks that follow me) , which means I no longer get that stressful "empty time" where all you do is mull and ponder. I never get five minutes to even think about doing that!

Now, granted, that is not a cheap pastime, but not everything creative has to be expensive, and I firmly believe that a creative distraction is one of the best things because it's not just passive, you really get mentally involved and gain satisfaction and a sense of pride from what you create. I don't know if you are creatively minded, but I also firmly believe that deep down EVERYONE can be. I know you are struggling for money, so my path above would be a bad choice for you right now, but I bet you could make a small start somehow (even if it is just a pencil and a pad, for example). Give it some thought; even with little money there may still be ways to express yourself or try and tap into your creativity in a way you may not expect, that gives you a much-needed distracting, satisfying time-sink of some sort

Good luck and I hope you find your footing again.

originally posted by: SallieSunshine

But do synthetic vitimines actually do anything at all for a person???

a reply to: BelowLowAnnouncement

Trust me, you'll never turn 40, even 30 for that matter. You'll be in your 20's forever. So don't worry about anything, you got like a million years before your even 30 right. ha ha. You shouldn't even be reading this tread. It will give you nightmares about getting older ha ha

originally posted by: lavatrance
a reply to: BelowLowAnnouncement

Trust me, you'll never turn 40, even 30 for that matter. You'll be in your 20's forever. So don't worry about anything, you got like a million years before your even 30 right. ha ha. You shouldn't even be reading this tread. It will give you nightmares about getting older ha ha

Yeah, as if it wasn't bad enough, people started saying 50 was worse

Ya well I'm trying to resolve to get into a habit of spending morning and evenings working on my projects. Then during the day making an effort to get outside and do something. I might go get some more wine making supplies today and try it again. It's just getting anoying though as none of the batches I'm trying are working. I almost had it last time but one mistake ruined it all. But I thinking if I can get it working properly at least I can then self medicate with endless cheap alcholol. LOL j/k. or not. Just wish there was more to do than wander through Walmart, malls, and the same old places. I guess in a lot of ways I'm not too bad off. Just feels that way sometimes. Life use to make so much more sense.

I just realized something. I had a BLAST when I was forty. Forty is a great age! You can do anything you want.
Get off your butt and go have some fun!

a reply to: grainofsand don't get me wrong. It's just the fun I had in my 20s would be deemed as torture these days, sleep deprivation and a weekend on the booze is good when your in your 20s not so much fun in your 40s. My fun now is playing with my niece and God kids, going to the toy shop to pick out a gift with them, can't get much more fun than an afternoon in a toy shop. Getting the kids so excited they are a pain for their parents upon our return. I'm the hero, the parents are the law enforcers

One thing I do realize now is that having some money is way way better than not. I literally forgot how hard life gets without money. It just basically sucks. Especially at this age when you sort of expected to be stable and productive. But once that problem is solved then hopefully life gets a bit easier. Maybe I can rent an appartment again somewhere and have a bit of a normal life again. I really don't even know if I want an apartment though. I was thinking it would be better to just get either a camper van or a truck camper and spend like half the year traveling. Then in the winters (if I had the money) go somewhere warm for like a few months if not longer. Then by the time I'd come back it would be spring again. But anyway I think I'm just ranting now so I'm gonna end this, unless anyone else has anything worth adding.