Okay well I take some solace in knowing I'm at least not alone here. lol. Well but it's true. My 20's and 30's were "EXTREMELY BLESSED". I couldn't of
dreamed for a better time. Namely because my business was thriving, so I had tons of cash to expore everything in life. But now that's all gone and
I'm living off what tiny bit I have left. It just sucks so bad. Like this is weird but I'm like shopping at Goodwill now. No joke. But I don't mind
it, you can find some good deals there. I found a brand new fall jacket today which is super nice for 4 bucks. Never worn, has the tags and
everything. But regardless, it's still so different than before. At least I perhaps have learned to appreciate the value of a dollar now. I just got
to keep trying I guess. That's all you can do really. But ya I hear you guys. it's just weird. But that's the thing, part of me thinks I should try
and make a move before I get too old to even try. My biggest obstical though is leaving all my friends and family. But in reality I'm only really
close to like 1 person. All the rest I just don't have any emotional ties to so it wouldn't be as hard to just call or visit once in a while to get my
socializing with them.
But ya I don't understand it, like when your young everything is so fun. Especially dating was a lot more fun than now. now it's such a pain. It's
just nuts. But I don't know, I still have tons of stuff to be thankful for. I really shouldn't complain. But ya I might have to do some research into
learning more about what things I could try to maybe fix things.
But I think part of it too is that when you're young you're so naive about life. Which is actually beautiful, because you don't need to over analyse
everything or worry about everything. Now that I'm older, and I tend to think I know a whole lot about so many things it almost hurts me in some ways.
For example I want nothing to do with living on the grid anymore. Because I feel like it's a complete and total joke. It's completely fake. Like the
more you know about that stuff the more you eventually realize that the system just has too many flaws in it to be worth working for. Like you can
work your butt off for years and years, decades even, only too have Big B steal everything overnight. Which you eventually realize is there full time
job. That's there roll in society is to sheir the sheep. And like someone put it too me, there's no hard feelings, it's like the lion who kills it's
pray, they have no hard feelings, but they want to eat or need to eat. And if you're an easy target, like your keep your money in a back account, you
own a house, and your all on the grid, well then your only option as I see it is to be working a regular 9 to 5 job for an employer. That's your only
option when living on the gird. Which is rediculous. I mean last time I checked i thought we were living in a free country where you could carve out
your own path, ie: starting a business etc etc. But apparently not. Not a chance. Not in north american anyway. Way too risky. Sorry I'm ranting but
I'm just telling you what I feel about this gong show of continent. It's a joke.
But yet we're suppose to feel all grateful that we at least have good infrastructure. But if every thing we learn about EVERYTHING is 110% designed to
screw us in life then that's a scam. Like we're lied to our whole lives about everything. But I don't know whatever. I guess life could always be
worse right. We could be living in Africa starving right.
It's just frustrating when it's like your always "trying to make the best of it" but not really able to escape the rat trap were caught up in. I don't
know I guess I shouldn't complain but again it's just very frustrating.
But I sometimes tend to think of the economics of life. Like often when things are bad, they tend to improve again. it's like life is always got
seasons or is cyclical. I suppose we're meant to feel hardship too so that we can appreciate success all the more later on if and when it shows up.
(and all that jazz right).
I don't know I think I'm just gonna try and move within the next year if I can. See what happens. I know all my people here aren't going anywhere so I
can always come back if things aren't working out. But really to never try would be asinine. I got at least see how things are in another province.
Might have to live in my van for a while though. Which might suck. But I have some ideas for getting a place which I think might work out. At least I
But ya it sounds like I'm not alone, wow. I suppose everyone has problems. I just dont' recall ever having this many problems. But ya I don't know
what to tell you guys. I heard a saying that the future will be what you show up with. It is true to some degree, even luck aside. So if you can at
least make minimal progress on steps to improve areas of your life, then gradually things can improve even if it takes a while. But I don't know. I'm
gonna go watch my show. I'm watching The 100. It's a great series of anyone is looking for a new show to get into.
edit on 30-3-2016 by lavatrance because: (no reason given)