I need help. (Meditation)

Hello friends.

I write this message in a somewhat disoriented moment, so please bear with me.

I need your help. I forgot how to meditate.

It has been a few years since I have really posted or done much here. I thought I found my answers and went out into the world and started living. I found the answers of who I am and where I come from and how to keep myself level and grounded and I was actually doing quite well. Then I got married (save the laughs for a few moments).

The marriage itself is fantastic and my wife and I have never been stronger as a couple.

The wedding was another story.

My parents and sister did things that shook me to my core and forced me to question the prior thirty some years. EVERY. SINGLE. MOMENT. What they did, and how they did it, are not entirely relevant, but the aftermath has found me a shell of my former self. In the few short years of meditation prior to that moment, I was able to find "me" and learned to love myself and accept me for me.

I have been to counseling to speak with someone who was great at asking the questions I was missing, and giving me reasons to approach myself from different angles, to see me as a whole, rather than what I was seeing (sad, low, depressed, "woe is me"). That was all fine and dandy, but I hit a wall with that and felt as though there was nothing left to gain from that perspective. So I tried meditating again.

I couldn't, though. There is something blocking it. I am unable to clear my brain. Slow myself down. Even concentrating on my breathing and doing "box breathing" seems to be a useless endeavor.

I don't know if I am even making sense.

I am clearly disjointed, and this thought process has affected me to the point of closing down my business, my friendships have suffered, and I am at the point where the only thing I have left is my wife. She is an incredible woman, and has been more than supportive of me, allowing me the freedom to be sad when I need to be sad, and helping me be happy when I need to be happy. I am blessed, in that regard. I fell in love with a great one, and I don't want to put anymore undue stresses on her. I am starting to see her suffer as a result of all of this, and it is unfair. Way unfair. I need to "fix" this but I am unsure how to get back on that path.

I have forgiven my family for their actions and behavior. I have had several conversations with them, airing grievances and accepting my share of their grievances. I am ready to move forward but something will not let me. I know it is internal and I need to suss it out. I am unable to do so at this moment.

Here's where you come in...

I am a layman when it comes to meditations. I know what I used to do to get myself there... Box breathing to clear the thoughts and focus on something (heartbeat to a count of 4 for me) for a timed period (15-30 minutes generally) on a daily or every other day basis.

Can you show me, explain to me, teach me, YOUR methods? What works for YOU? I would like to try something different and do not know where to begin.

I want feel "upright" again. I want to see the beauty in the world again. I want to plug back into the great source of love and happiness that I was plugged into before. I want to have my smiles be true and honest. I want to be the best version of myself again, and I am so lost I do not know what to do.

If you have questions, or if I have left things out, holla at me. I am not afraid of this, or myself anymore. I just want to be happy and contribute to happiness again.

Thank you for taking the time out of your lives for this.

Also... entirely relevant Guns n Roses song.

youtu.be...

a reply to: RicketyCricket

Observe your chest, shoulders, rib cage and belly. Make no effort to control your breath; simply focus your attention. If your mind wanders, simply return your focus back to your breath. Maintain this meditation practice for 2–3 minutes to start, and then try it for longer periods.

originally posted by: RicketyCricket
I need help. (Meditation)

Dear Mr. R. Cricket, when I conclude this reply, I'll give you an excellent meditation for this age!

What you are 'complaining' about is your 'thoughts'.
With judicious and sincere Zen (thoughtless) meditation, you can find 'spaces' between the thoughts!
Some Perspective.
But, as a vacuum has got to suck, humans perceive 'thought' ('perceive', NOT 'manufacture'!)!
We perceive the sun and the moon, dreams, rocks, images of unicorns... all is perceived!
Thought, in itself, is a great and broad wild ride!
Thought is that little red demon sitting on your shoulder whispering into your ear!
It is either seducing you with images of warm and sweetness; if only... or it is causing you to doubt, to mistrust, to find worst case scenarios, get all crazy about it, and then find an even worse case scenario to get even crazier about!
I Love my Boopsie, for instance! Wonderful, right? Yeah, until I think about it; Do I really Love her? Does she really Love me back? Is she giving as mush as I am? Am I giving too much? All that little devil, 'thought'!Thought/imagination - ego - vanity/Pride!
Called 'sin' because it blinds us to unconditional Love!

True, unconditional Love is ALWAYS recognized by It's unconditional Virtues; Compassion, Empathy, Sympathy, Gratitude, Humility, Charity (charity is never taking more than your share of anything, ever!), Honesty, Happiness, Faith...
ALWAYS!

“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi

Now, as I offered;

Zen (thoughtless) meditation is a breeze!
You can do it any and everywhere, any time!
You need no clothes at all, or be dressed to the 9s.
You can be washing the dishes, watching TV, in the bathroom, working... whatever!
I'm not suggesting anything that I don't Know is useful!

Here goes;

Watch your breaths. Watch the air enter, watch it leave, watch it enter, back and forth, in and out...
You will find that you are occasionally 'distracted' by passing thoughts.
Simply pay attention to them, watch them come and go like everything else... but when you remember, continue to watch your breath while being 'mindful', lucidly aware!
Pay Attention!!
Naturally!
No special breathing, no breath control, no 'will-power', just relaxed, watch your breaths and Pay Attention!
We already, naturally, breathe and, to some degree, 'pay attention' to what is 'going on'.
There you go.
When you think that you 'get it', when you think that you 'understand', you don't!
Keep practicing!
Results guaranteed!

See? No BS, no 'work', and no excuses!

Enlightenment = unconditional Love!

tat tvam asi (en.wikipedia.org...)

Well, the difference between 'enjoying the 'ride', and 'going insane' is whether you 'believe' the 'thoughts'!
You don't have to worry about 'believing' if there are no thoughts perceived, for the moment, but they will return!
And here we are again!

Bottom line;
Never, EVER, believe anything that you 'think' or 'feel' ('feelings' are 'thoughts')!
Even the bible gets that one right!

a reply to: namelesss

Nice post. My post looks really bad compared to yours!

a reply to: RicketyCricket

Phew...i dont know man. Focusing on the breath usually works for me. There is no special technique. Sometimes i imagine white smoke coming in and black coming out as i breathe out but it is not more effective...jut helps my focus. Sometimes i count my breaths in my mind...one in one out...is one...and so forth.

a reply to: MarioOnTheFly

Yes I agree with you, your way is a great way.

you need to do a really good relaxation technique first.

Usually i tense my muscles starting with feet, i imagine energy pouring into my feet as i tense them, then relax the muscles as much as you possibly can. Then move to you calve muscles, do the same thing, breathe in and tense your muscles while imagining colorful energy filling that area of your body. Breathe out and relax those muscles as much as you can. Do this with your legs, butt, stomach, arms, neck, back and face. Then start over at the feet and do it again. By this time you should be nice and relaxed and hopefully you mind will be calm enough.

Another thing suggest maybe is trying different aromas, or even supplements like mugwort, or 5htp.

im sure youve heard the old addage, where you are there you are... well it is and it isnt. the mind is where one places it, is flag moving or mind moving? how about concept moving based on contact and concept is just empty as a reflection of the mind?

family is what is created and family is the greatest attachment as expressed by siddartha by naming his son... fetter. or attachment itself.

you said that everything was going great until family ghosts of the past showed up droping spirit bombs, that made your conceptual buddle of ideological happiness pop. well, seems thats exactly when everything started falling apart again yes? well those ghosts of xmas past had nothing to hand you as gifts except the past... and of course in your bubble of happiness? you moved on... progressed in happiness acceptance, so naturally in such a state of blissful unawareness? you were quick to accept burdens that they unloaded like a here catch the bouquet the bride tossed as things came back round full circle... except they are now rotting flowers as if from a grave they could not leave buried on their own.

misery loves company remember? now that forgiveness etc has been squared or boxed up? put it back to the curb the energies surrounding such hanging out is obviously not a good or positive happy wave length of energies as before... they are the fetters holding you back like a dog on a leash. to control and bind in such an impermanent bubble or conditioned arisings?

examine who is actually grasping and who is actually holding who in bondage almost as a vampire feeding on your energy draining all the positivity out of your life? which would you rather cut free of bonds? those trying to over come but wallow still but come back around to feed when down? or your wife you now feel too drained and helpless to support?

spring cleaning, pull out the brooms and clear out the cobwebs so the spider women cant have you for dinner any longer. the orb weavers weave many webs and next thing you know youre mummified without subjecating instead of being subjected. when you are the host? why allow such guests to rule you or lord over your happiness?

the only way to over come such spiritual enties or vibrations that send out a signal of food for them? is to become the preying not praying mantis if things get rough which is the natural order in such a density of being... do not allow tem to lay eggs of nonsense to confound you and then devour your whole world into a coccoon to come and go as they please.

reality has multiple layers and the only one most are aware of is the impermanent illusory ones, not the ones hungering for your form in retribution for not paying hommage and apologizing for karmic damage one was not aware of parlaying on that vibrational plane or density of existence. as one works through freeing oneself from such? take no prisoners and keep no slaves as in do not attach and do not allow attachment, in doing so only then can one go thus beyond the conditioned arising beyond all conceptual and the realities that manifest typically covered by illusion. eventually all become friends and one, instead of different sentient beings with a grudge one extremely subtle impercieved to the obvious gross planes of perception.

this of course, is where the gate of immortality comes to fruition and it too is a gift having made peace and lay aside stress and suffering to the world and peace and equanimity, as well as all out empathy and compassion for all life manifests itself into suchness beyond definition. yet, the fact of ones existance? is still dependent on the karma and peace one has made. but at the level of buddhahood having seen the end of causation the lights of the bardos and refusing to enter again the mortal womb? there is only attachment by those that love and wish to see this unity arise in utter peace instead of the choas judged at every step in the world of duality and rote understanding instead of actual experience of release in which there is no fear, and no suffering no loss no bias except by those still attached.

so obviously, if you wish to regain the world you once knew? either step back in time ousting those energies or keep moving forward into liberation.

It sounds that you don't want to meditate but hold onto your anger and depression. Instead of trying to meditate first try to work out why their acts have affected you so deeply. We all have faults and weaknesses. They as well as you and me. If we can forgive others their faults then perhaps we can forgive ourselves our faults which will help clear our minds for meditation.

The greatest gift we can give humanity is unconditional love. Try radiating your love to all the people on the earth including those that sin.

a reply to: RicketyCricket

I use this video as a guide

originally posted by: RicketyCricket
I need your help. I forgot how to meditate.

Well, in my opinion, the best way to work out the issue is to do it in a consistent manner.

As for me, the best source about the meditation is the book "Meditation: The First and Last Freedom" (Amazon, free PDF). You may not like the author or the other books published on behalf of him, but this one is worth reading.

Meditation isn't something "you" do. When falling asleep there isn't a set of steps to perform in order to achieve sleep, you simply lay down and it arises on its own. Meditation is the same exact process but performed in a sitting or standing position rather than laying down. The subtle amount of consciousness needed to sit upright or stand is ample enough to keep you from falling asleep. These people that say you need to watch your breath or observe your body are still engaging their minds which is a hindrance to the goal of meditation. How can you still your mind if you're using it? It's contradictory.

You will know you're meditating when you no longer are aware of thoughts or the five sensory perceptions. Again, meditation isn't something you do but something you intend to occur. Just as when you intend to sleep you lay down and get comfortable and sleep arises on its own, though sometimes does not arise, so is it the same with meditation. Sometimes you'll achieve a meditative state, sometimes you won't. These are factors you can't control.

Those who tell you there are steps or processes necessary for meditation do not understand meditation and are simply repeating something somebody else told them.

Remember, if it involves your 6 senses (mind included) it is not meditation. It is contemplation. Contemplation and meditation are two completely different acts.

a reply to: EviLCHiMP

a reply to: booyakasha

What they said.
First booyakasha, to relax then see if it happens. Most of all, if not shrug and just relax. It's no competition, you'll get there next time, or sometime.

I do mbsr mindful based stress reduction which involves a lot of meditation. This is good for the layman or those who are not interested in any religious or spiritual aspect in the practice

This is good to do once a day just to ground you

If you fancy something a bit more spiritual. This is a great meditation. The guy has a great voice too which always helps

To steal mikes catch phrase JUST DO IT. Don't think too much about it. Just lie back and enjoy, what could be more fun?

I am generally on the ADS/Hyperactive side. So just sit down and meditate is not as easy as it seems.

I tried and tried and realised its very beneficial -- if i can meditate.

Problem is the more agitated i am the more meditation is needed but at the same time it's more difficult.

I worked out 3 different approaches which work:

- I do a hardcore workout first til i am really powered out. Then my energy level is lower and i can start meditating.

- Meditation in movement; since i cant just sit down i started to do walking meditation. Which basically means; taking a walk while focusing on breathing. Adding a "mantra" helps as well; while breathing in i say "sat", breathing out "naan".
(huge meaning behind these words, but honestly i forgot. Which does not matter, you can say "in/out" or "cat/frog" whatever while breathing in and out.

- after a while i find it a bit boring so i was looking for alternatives for Meditation while moving and i discovered Iaido, the "japanese art of drawing a sword" I have a katana since ages, looked up some youtube videos and started to learn it at home. For me the perfect combination of movement, focus, body awareness and meditation. I am far from good at it (yet) but it helps me tremendously in keeping calm and focused.
Plus despite being a peaceful sword art i feel this warrior vibe which is good for self-esteem.

For learning Iaido i learned a lot from the youtube channel of
Steven Michael Fredrickson :




Anyways, wish you lot's of success in life.

a reply to: EviLCHiMP

indeed the 1000 foot pole as mentioned in Chan chuan training which bodhidharma brought to china from japan... or simply mind training. but everything the mind circles on is the finger pointing at the moon for which to leap off of.

another poster mentioned gaps between thoughts, this has recently become more wide spread the hou tau... or tiger by the tail training of chan chuan the tiger tail being the tought leaving the mind and grabbing it as fiercely as the thought grabbed you the word tail is more accurate as it trails off back into the infinity from which it arose out of then that space one gets left in as if it is a very small thread where there is no thought or mental quiesence... that thread is like a flat wave that has not formed a sound to perceive... unless of course one grasps to pluck that string in the void... how it resonates depends on what chakra vibration follows on the path... so pay very close attention to what grasping pulled the plug but do not attach... it will make quiesence easier the next time. keep the body neither taught nor to loose like when playing an instrument for proper resonation. eventually, the only arisings are intentional contact of others as if trying to use earth as a witness or grounding having fear of falling into the void. but while eating sleeping walking etc. all is just contact and the form is formlessness with the potiental to be form but function without need for a name or concept... it just is.

I have clearly come to the right place. I thank you all for your responses, and I appreciate each and every one of you taking time from your lives to assist me.

I will continue practice and as Glend pointed out, I have held onto anger and depression for a while with this.

BigBrotherDarkness, I would love to pick your brain over a beer someday. Something tells me that my mind would be blown.

I will be watching the videos posted and trying each and every one of your methods.

Evilchimp, I dig your style and appreciate the honesty. I will keep that in mind before I take it out my own.

Booyakasha, I definitely need to relax. My shoulders are up under my ears, as the stressors of life crept back in and have shown their faces.

All, I have also found my little green friend helps a bit with mindless mindfulness and relaxation. Is this something I should not partake in prior to, or is that grey area? Is that a taboo in this area of the world, or is it separate or what?

I am not trying to get anyone to say anything that may violate T&C so, if you're uncomfortable with it, Im good with a PM.

Thank you all, and I do, with my whole heart, appreciate this. If there is ever anything I can do for you, please, do not hesitate to ask and I will do everything I can.

Thank you!

Cricket

I focus on the breathing to gain focus, then I focus on the light show I see without thinking about what I'm seeing. It's usually like purple, blue, green light dancing, if I get deep enough or i'm stoned or both it turns into recognizable images. Sometimes it surprises me and I snap out of it. After focusing on the breathing for a while I'll feel the slowness of it until I'm not even focusing on the breathing anymore but my thoughts are still on hold

a reply to: RicketyCricket

"The great way is without difficulty. Stop picking and choosing."

It sounds to me that you are asking for a pill. Meditation is just an aspect of practice, much like taking antibiotics is an aspect of medicine.

Build a practice for yourself. What do you do when you're off the cushion in the world? How do you meditate in the midst of your crazy life unfolding in front of you?

Embrace the whole aspect of your life, the good the bad and the ugly. There is no beauty without ugliness. Do not pick and choose.

Just going after beauty you build great pressure. Pushing away the ugly is like putting your finger at the end of a running hose. Do not cling to either beauty or ugliness. Let it pass through, or over and around, this is life, this is such.

You are already that which you seek, set seeking aside, set discrimination aside, and just breathe, in, out, exhale.

originally posted by: Quantum12
a reply to: namelesss

Nice post. My post looks really bad compared to yours!

Just two Perspectives of the same One Reality!
One person might find more meaning in your Perspective, one in mine...

Thank you. *__-