I am Deeply and Profoundly Unhappy

Somewhere around last December I decided I wanted to speak mostly in memes from now on.

So it begins...

originally posted by: Lysergic
My only thing I could add is, dont ever give up, life a brutal bitch, no surrender!

True that...

a reply to: muzzleflash




Now is the time for me to rise to my feet
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes

Now is the time for me to rise to my feet
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes

I've got to take my life back
One chance to make it right
I've gotta have my voice be heard
And bring meaning to this life

Cause I've trusted for nothing
I've been led astray
I've been tried and tested
But I won't accept defeat
Now I've done things I regret
And its time to reverse the roles
I just want to make good on
All the promises that I have made

I will be

I
WILL
BE
I will be heard

I
WILL
BE
I will be heard

Now is the time for me to rise to my feet (I will be heard)
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes (I will be heard)

(Through the worst we prevail)
(So our voices will be heard)
(Through the worst we prevail)
(So our voices will be heard)

Through the worst we prevail
So our voices will be heard
Through the worst we prevail
So our voices will be

Now is the time for me to rise to my feet
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes

Now is the time for me to rise to my feet
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes

I've got to take my life back
One chance to make it right
I've gotta have my voice be heard
And bring meaning to this life

Cause I've trusted for nothing
I've been led astray
I've been tried and tested
But I won't accept defeat
Now I've done things I regret
And its time to reverse the roles
Now I just want to make good on
All the promises that I have made

I will be

I
WILL
BE
I will be heard

I
WILL
BE
I will be heard

Now is the time for me to rise to my feet (I will be heard)
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes (I will be heard)

I will be

a reply to: muzzleflash

I know my pain, I have had glimpses of others in their pain. I am no expert, but I know things suck out there in the real world.

I want to reach out and show you I care. I dont even know how.

Can I offer words to make it better? maybe so it hurts less?

Missing kids, feeling age slowly set in and your life force fade from its glory.

yeah. I know that.

I will offer some words on a screen and hope your phone doesnt die before reading them. That you arent in the worst of situations that distracts you from them.

Keep fighting. Keep fighting. Really, KEEP FIGHTING:

It is not about victory anymore. Its about vengeance against the you that ruined your life. Be defiant and resist the slow death as it comes. If nothing else out of spite. In that resistance, that stubborn NO! Know I respect you. I am with your spirit in mine. I am your fellow. I care. Your war is my war. We fight together. You on your lonely front, me on mine. Brothers in arms. Soldiers no less worthy to each other.

There are options. They seem far. You need to take it one day at a time. Get ready to get a job one day. Find one the next, work the next. The find a home the next. Find a friend, a neighbor the next.

Build something brick by brick. A life you forge stone by stone.

It is not easy. I know. Its not just hard work that will save you. But you have to. Its all a series of steps. One foot then the other.

One brick after the next.

Each pay check as timber for the oven you will pull those life bricks out of.

Once you build the base of this new house, this new castle, this new you.....you will see the bricks you need to finish it.

So, priority is getting that job. You need to start to work. Eating right will help your body heal. You need to get that first step going.

Then stick to it. Think spartan. The suffering is what makes you noble. It is the fuel you will burn. Take it step by step. Build your new life brick by brick. FIGHT against the old you. Make the new you step by step and know you are at war with your old self.

Its not about winning battles, its about keeping the war effort going no matter what. Victory goes to the last one standing. Be that guy. The new you, just that much more defiant. The old you, just that much less hungry for it.

The new you, built from scratch and forged in intense fires of desperation. Intense flames of pure and honest rage.

Each stone purified by the fires of your heart.

Build your home, your temple. Crown it with the jewel of the new you that you will become.

This helped me. Say it like a prayer everyday, every moment you feel low.

INVICTUS
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul

William Ernest Henley


Please, hold on.

HOLD IT DOWN.



Excerpt from the speech "Citizenship In A Republic"

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt.

a reply to: Lysergic

YES!!!!!

That was my second choice for a song. YES!

a reply to: muzzleflash

Sisyphus smiles

I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one's burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night-filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

www.nyu.edu...

Sisyphus hides a smile behind the strained face we imagine hard pressed against the stone. He is the wisest of mortals.

He chases his burden down the mountain every time. His CHOSEN BURDEN. He must feel light as a feather every time. After the tremendos weight he lifts to the heavens because of his desire to be happy, he flows like melting ice back down the mountain to his supposed hell. It is thought that the agony of his struggle would never be so great as the moment he must start it all over again, knowing it will never end, and in that absurdity is his supposed torment.

It could be said that he smiles every time he strains against his rock and we simply do not see it, and that it shows greatly to himself every time he walks back down the mountain and right before he presses his flesh into the stone once again. In this moment his joy is at its greatest. It would be absurd, but also true.

His punishment is his freedom. Defying gods, kings and even death, all for the pursuit of his happiness, in truth to himself.

He is at peace with never being complete in his task. He is at peace in a world with no master. All is right in his small world of that stone and that mountain. He is at peace in the return of his burden. His struggle is his own and it empowers him in every cycle. He is not yet conquered by the Gods and their will.

His joy is eternal in his eternal struggle that fills his heart. He is the absurd hero. The wisdom of his defiance and the gift of his self imposed torment is what we can learn from him.

With every step up the hill, he is filled with knowing that it will never be the last, he is vindicated in every feathered step back down the mountain that will also never be the last.

www.academia.edu...

Keep the absurd smile under your strained face my friend. The smile no one else sees beyond the suffering flesh pressed and struggling against your chosen rock.

You already have the absurd victory. It is yours! Take it and make it your own. I smile with you from behind the torment of our rock. I smile with you as we walk back down the mountain CHASING OUR BURDEN!

We smile together as Sisyphus does, as we defiantly press ourselves once again against that stone of our mortality. All is right in our world.

Smile with Sisyphus. Smile as he does!

originally posted by: muzzleflash

originally posted by: lSkrewloosel
a reply to: muzzleflash

learn to love yourself if yo uexpect others to love you back

with your opening speech i see why people might not warm to you. Sounds energy draining and no matter any feedback someone gives you it would not be good enough

i know lots of people like yourself and until you face your demons, love yourself and dont look on the world so negatively then the love and support will sure come quicker.

i feel drained just reading it to be honest .

wish you luck though ,this is my opinion looking outside in.

Your post is so ignorant, I ought ta slap you.

1) I'm in the mess I'm in because I Loved myself (and others) far too much. It's a mistake.
I admit I still suffer Narcissistic tendencies though, just much more tempered. Maybe I needed to be humbled?

2) I don't tell anyone I'm really depressed usually, most people think I'm a cheerful, energetic, intelligent person.

3) Drain you of what? The lie you live?

4) You never met anyone anything like me. I'm unique.

5) I face demons everyday to kill the boredom, and you're one of them.

6) Other people's Love or support does not come based on my point of view, it does based on Theirs. Only I choose my actions, others choose theirs.

If only you knew how much BS you actually believe in. Let's get this straight, you control everyone else's reactions by your attitude, that sad people are vampires, and you're totally in love with yourself? You sound so awesome...

cheer up will you

a reply to: muzzleflash

You can and will do it you have no other choice you are the only person that can provide your kids with the love they need...

Its a harsh screwed up world, one one hand i have full custody of my son and on the other i have not seen my daughter for almost 4 years now, she is 11, i am in the process of taking her mother to court for the 3rd time...the orders are worthless but all i can do is keep trying....

I feel your pain man i have had 11 years of it, you are a smart #er, use that and focus,patience is vital....good luck

Hey muzzle flash, I was wondering where you've been. I remember your battleship avatar and realised I'd not seen it for a while. Your a good member, so hope your back for good.

2) an intelligent, kind Hearted, beautiful, artistic Woman to basically pluck me from my loneliness and go on a wild romantic adventure with around the world.

Me too, so join the que on that one.

a reply to: muzzleflash was it Rocky who said. A man is not defined by how hard he can hit, but how hard he can be hit and keep coming back for more. It's a good one.

originally posted by: muzzleflash
Don't welcome me to the club, I hate this club.

I live in despair and torment myself at every turn. I have come to think that I must be cursed to a Hell of agony and desperation, I am despondent and disheartened, wretched even.

Hi muzzleflash. Me too. Honestly.

But I persevere, every day...because there are a few people who depend on me.
Almost every week I seem to hear about a suicide. Two days ago, the most recent was an 18-yr.-old son of an acquaintance.

I now know a lot of people who've lost someone to suicide...and they are broken people.
I will never inflict that pain on my children, and that's why I continue on every day.

Plus, as miserable as I am, I'm still deeply an optimist who believes that eventually...this cycle will end (I mean omg it has to!)....and some good will return.

The friends I have here...on this site...are the people who get me through my rough times...NOT anyone in my real life.
I hope you can make that connection, if you haven't already.

I'm in the same boat friend, and it's a very large boat.
jacy

a reply to: Lysergic

originally posted by: woodwardjnr
a reply to: muzzleflash was it Rocky who said. A man is not defined by how hard he can hit, but how hard he can be hit and keep coming back for more. It's a good one.

a reply to: tadaman

a reply to: jacygirl