Have an inexplicable fear? How do you beat your paralysing fears and insecurities?

I'm wondering since I sometimes get overwhelmed with inexplicable fear in certain social situations or when having to accomplish certain tasks involving meeting new people and/or exposing myself.
It's more of an urge to get out and be anywhere else but there, than actual panic, but it sometimes gets too much and I make a stupid excuse and leave at first chance.
The other day I signed up for a gym on their website, and today I thought ok let's go and workout. But the moment I reached the building my mind started racing, I had a quick glance inside and quickly walked on by.
Social anxiety? phobia? I don't know, I used to get really frustrated at this, but as I got older I started accepting that that's how I am. Maybe wishing that by accepting it and embracing it would lose its power over me.
But even if I don't get as paranoid or lose my cool as I used to, it still stops me from doing things that I'd like to do or being more assertive and outgoing.
The good thing I guess, is that it's not always on. There are few times when I find myself speaking out, or engaging with strangers in what I would otherwise normally call stressful situations. And later wonder if that was really me, why can't i always be like this?

Some people say 'Feel the fear and do it anyways', that doesn't work for everyone i think, as when its something inexplicable and paralysing it's hard to do anything at all.

Anyways, have any phobias or crippling social anxiety stories?
please share!

.whiskey.
spite.
and hearing my dads voice ringing in my ears not to be a b^^^^

a reply to: athousandlives

I've got a fear when I'm working 3 or more stories up on scaffolding. I hate it, my legs feel shaky, I have to totally zone into the job I'm doing and close down my vision to that instead of the ground view, while thinking of marshmallows n rainbows.
Crazy thing is that I jump off cliffs into the sea much higher than that every summer...I guess I'm just scared of the ground.

a reply to: athousandlives
My heart goes out to you. I know the paralyzed feeling. After I was bitten by a snake I developed a phobia of snakes. I went from being a person who loved rambling through the woods and fields to one who would rush from house to car in fear of encountering a snake. My long rambles through the woods and fields were gone due to the fear. Just seeing a picture of a snake on tv or in a magazine would set me to trembling and gasping for breath. All the while, my brain "knew" that the picture of a snake couldn't possibly harm me but my body reacted.
For me it took a year of counseling at the university's counseling center, working with psychologists who are trained to deal with these kinds of issues, to teach me to deal with it without the use of drugs.
It worked for me to the point that I lost the irrational fears. I still start and scream when I see a snake in the wild but at least I'm able to enjoy the outdoor world and my rambles. My heart still gives a little jolt even when I see one unexpectedly on tv but I don't have the violent physical reactions that once held me captive indoors.
I don't know where you are but you might search for counseling centers in your area. Most universities and colleges have them and have programs available for students, faculty, staff and the public. Our program is free to members of the university community and the fees for the public are based on income.
I hope you can find help because living in fear is no way to a happy life. My thoughts are with you.

a reply to: grainofsand

It would seem so, maybe a fear of slipping accidentally and injury or worse, rather than a fear of heights.
I can relate though, I get anxious when being in roof balconies, or even get dizzy or tense up just by watching some videos of daredevils and people climbing up skyscrapers!

a reply to: diggindirt

Thanks for your post, very appreciated, I'll have to have a look at that option I guess.
I actually did have a couple sessions when I was a teen with therapists, just because my mom made me, though. lol
But looking back I didn't really want to change at the time, I think
Maybe doing it by own will has more effect?

I am unable to approach people randomly and start talking. Not sure how to beat it. My heart starts beating like crazy when Im about to do it. Wont be easy to find someone to marry....I guess Ill have to hope someone approaches me for conversation.

Also when I was about 4-7 my mom wanted to take a picture of me, but I wouldnt let her. We were on a bridge. I thought the picture making would push me off the bridge. Guess I didnt trust her then or something.

When I was about 8 years old I was at my neighbor's house (they were babysitting me for the afternoon). I was eating a potato in the kitchen and I looked up out the kitchen window and there was a plane coming right at the house. It was a small plane and I could see a pilot and a lady next to him in it. I thought for sure it was going to crash right into the house, but it dipped down in front of the kitchen window right before reaching the house and crashed in the field in front of the house.

I remember grabbing Sally's dress and she looked out the window and couldn't see it so she thought I was lying... The house was on a bit of a hill that flattened out to a field and the plane was so close it was just down below the field of view under the kitchen window. But I knew it was there. When Sally didn't believe me I didn't know what to do so I went back to trying to eat my potato... Nobody believes kids for some reason... I remember trying and trying to figure out a way to help and I just didn't know what to do...

After a few minutes there was a knock at the door and Sally opened it and to there was a man standing there with blood running down his face from his head and he was absolutely frantic with terror saying that his wife was trapped in the plane and she was dying. That was a pretty terrifying day.

So my fear is planes - Big planes, little planes, any kind of plane. Do I fly? Yes I fly - you can't let your fears stop you from living, but boy do I have a fear of them. On TV if I see a plane my heart will yammer in my chest. 9/11 was particularly horrific for me watching the planes fly into the towers... thinking about this my heart is just pounding away. I guess the worst part of it was being so terrified and wanting so badly to do something to help, but having no one listen to me... It's like screaming in the dark... I had nightmares for so long afterward and still it haunts me and I wonder if they survived (the lady was air-lifted out)...

I got into nursing to help people because I never wanted to be helpless again and that helped a lot. I had the opportunity to save a life later when a motorcycle crashed in front of my house a few years ago too; finally the nightmares stopped.

You may want to think back on your childhood to find the reason why you feel the way you do - the reason is there somewhere in your past. Maybe then you can face it and do something to slowly make it better. Therapy helps too but it takes time - just be patient with yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. There are understanding people out there who can help you find the real source of your fear so that you can find a way to get through it.

Best wishes, friend.

a reply to: athousandlives

Hate to say it - sometimes you just have to jump right into what you're afraid of.

I used to hate roller coasters (in part due to the heights). We have an amusement park by us with some really large ones - The biggest one in the park sometimes would send you back down to the launch zone...backwards. What finally changed my mind was that one day, I noticed a pair of 80-year-old guys in the very front, and they did the ride like it was nothing. Figured if they could do it, then I could.

I also got over my fear of drowning with baby steps - Seeing as my old apartment complex had an indoor swimming pool, I would just go in in the winter (because no-one else was there), and get used to floating without touching the bottom. Then I practiced swimming from one side of the pool to the other - granted, I couldn't swim too fast (a shark would have given me a head start before finishing me off), but I was at least able to not panic if I was thrown into the deep end.

-fossilera

a reply to: athousandlives

Being hurt
How I beat that : get beaten up and I get happier .. Because I survived you

Btw: Your avatar and signature 100% congrats just what I needed to see

a reply to: athousandlives

The only fears I have ever had were entirely rational.

Totally irrational fear is by definition, fear absent a reason to be fearful. I would say therefore, that in order to conquer such a fear, it is necessary to understand where the fear stems from, how it came about, so that one can deconstruct ones fear from a position of understanding.

Well, when I was young I had a fear of bees.

I took up bee-keeping.

Sometimes, to defeat a fear you have to be drastic. That said, there is no way that I will throw myself out of a plane with the belief that the parachute will open!

a reply to: Tiamat384

I know exactly what you're on about.. I've never had a problem talking to random strangers but from time to time I will be so un-inclined to approach them that just the thought makes me feel extremely anxious. Then I have to remind myself that they are just people like you and me. You're probably never going to see them again so what does their judgement matter? Why do you HAVE to make a good impression? Why do you run through the possible options of conversation over and over again in your brain?

My theory is just that I don't like people, people are not to be trusted and the less interactions I have with strangers, the better. Because odds are, they're just going to be crappy humans like the rest of them...

As for ATHOUSANDLIVES. I don't think it's weird that you don't want to enter the gym. It's a bunch of judgmental people all going there with an agenda different to just plain healthy exercise. You have the old men staring at the young ladies, you have the young ladies looking for their next boyfriend, you have the gym fanatics who took a healthy activity and turned it into an unhealthy obsession, and then somewhere in the middle is you. Just an average person who wants to get some healthy exercise.

Go outside for exercise, hiking, jogging, mountain biking, sport climbing, they're all good. And lack people. It's great being outdoors on your own, and helps with anxiety. My dad was shot in front of me when I was a kid, my best friend passed away when I was 12... I can go through all the trauma in my life that has caused me anxiety, or I can find ways to manage this anxiety. So far managing has been working out a little better for me Although I'm 75% familiar with the causes of my anxiety.

Godspeed!
Sincerely
GG.

I don't have any "chronic" inexplicable fears,but one night,i got a terrible fear. I was young then,19yo and dating a quite older man,a very sensible pragmatic person.We were living in Cape Town,Rondebosch area,and we had to return one night to the empty apartment he'd shared before with a friend in Mouille Point,next to the ocean,to leave keys for the estate agent. He had lived in this old Art Deco style apartment block called Pont du Gard with another cosmetics rep called Wesley,before we got an apartment together.

So he unlocks the kitchen door,on the fire escape side outside,and i take the keys from him,saying " I'll just leave it on the table then?" There was a sort of built-in little table under a mirror next to the front door,which opened onto a carpeted,well-lit inner hallway,and the estate agent told him to just leave the key there,and the kitchen door unlocked. At that time,there was not much crime in my country,and in a wealthy area like that an empty apartment was okay to be left unlocked for one night.

As i walked towards this table in the almost dark,with only the dim light from outside the open kitchen door,i got a most Hideous feeling of total absolute fear and dread. I put the keys on the table-and strangely through this feeling of high dread and animal terror,i Still seemed to feel the need to venture further into the apartment,i recall i wanted to go to the balcony for some reason.I have a sort of defiant nature,and having grown up in a severely haunted/negative spirit-infested home. So i did not automatically equate the feeling with danger,but it was worse than in the house i grew up in though,this feeling,and getting worse by the second.This was like a primal thing inside me shouting:"No,get out,get away!!" So i paused.

Then i heard my boyfriend hiss at me: " XXX let's get out of here,now,NOW!!" and as i glanced back at him,i could see he was pale and absolutely terrified. That yanked me out of indecision,and i walked Very briskly to him,and as i reached him,he practically pushed me out of the kitchen door,banged the door shut behind us,and dragged me down the fire escape,not stopping till we were a few floors down,then we entered an inner hallway and went down in the lift to ground floor.

Turns out he was for some inexplicable reason seized by that same bone-deep primal terror and a sense of horrible danger.We just looked at each other,shaky and nervous and a lot of "WTF was That!?!"

Afterwards he said Wesley was an evil individual,maybe some of his residual energy remained. However,i met Wesley many times,he was a bit of a boorish buffoon type but certainly not Evil.

I have often wondered,about the BEK phenomena,if maybe they or something like them,shelter in abandoned buildings when they're not menacing people.Idk but i am very relieved that he felt it too,and called me away.I tend to second-guess myself,and especially having had a lifetime of sensing malevolent spirits,it was worse,this,but not something new or surprising -so it was seeing his terror that got me out of that place Fast.Still gives me shivers to think of that night.

a reply to: GreenGunther
See for me it's every instance of approaching someone. I just can't do it. Once I get talking, so long it's interesting, I can go on. I agree with your theory. I don't trust people. It doesn't matter if someone speaks poorly of me so long as it's out in the open and not behind my back. But I don't have a guarantee of that. No one truly does.

I think we want to make a good impression so that if we do see them we will be remembered well, or in my case say approaching a girl/woman. Obviously I want a good impression. Even "friends" I just can't connect. I can talk, but about what. Not enough in common.

Sorry for your losses.

a reply to: Tiamat384

Tell me about it, I have been single for quite a while now (years)
I have been in a relationship, but I'm thinking that only happened because she approached me in the first place.
So yeah, It's difficult when you suffer from social anxieties to even think about romantic relationships.
How I got by is over the years I've learned that women I'm attracted to are not demi-gods or that much different from you and me.
And not to take lust and just playful flirting too seriously.
Even loneliness, from personal experience it can weigh heavily, and be very frustrating. I don't pay as much attention to it anymore, I've been more relaxed since realizing that everyone is basically alone in this life, we all have to go through it alone and that is somewhat comforting, just knowing that we are all the same in that sense.

a reply to: AineEithne

Great story, thanks for sharing!
I've had many moments when I thought about what could ever had happened that made me like this.
I've contemplated many ideas, childhood trauma, past lives, family/genetical traumas etc.
I never quite found the 'ultimate' reason.
Thanks for the advice, I know I should be more patient, after all I have come quite a long way compared to how I used to feel in my teens until not too long ago.

Maybe there are things in life that just need greater care in exploring and understanding. Maybe some higher lesson that needs to be learned? I like to think so sometimes..

a reply to: athousandlives
With my last relationship. She approached me a few times and I ignored or lied to her to get rid of her. She approached me again online because someone told her I was nice and fun to talk with and so it happened. Only other relationship I was forced into it by friends who had told her and I knew she had feelings, but still. Hope it happens again.

You're right they're not demi-gods, but I think when you are attracted to someone you feel the need to impress them and you do to an extent, but not the extent that you are nervous about it. I think self confidence would greatly help and I am self confident at times. I voice my opinion even though I may be the only one with it, except perhaps in larger groups (say over 20) and at random in large groups. Presentations I have the knowledge for are fine usually. But then, the opposite sex somehow makes it so difficult. Or rather cause my head to make it so difficult.

a reply to: GreenGunther

Thanks for the reply,

I don't think it's weird that you don't want to enter the gym. It's a bunch of judgmental people all going there with an agenda different to just plain healthy exercise. You have the old men staring at the young ladies, you have the young ladies looking for their next boyfriend, you have the gym fanatics who took a healthy activity and turned it into an unhealthy obsession, and then somewhere in the middle is you. Just an average person who wants to get some healthy exercise.

Lol at that, and yes I'm fully aware of it.
I thought that pushing myself to do something different and actually force myself to get in better shape (cause you know they are taking money from my account every month now) would somehow magically give me the strength to go.
I'd rather have a nice outdoor space where I could all the stuff I wanted too, if I had the possibility.

You're probably never going to see them again so what does their judgement matter? Why do you HAVE to make a good impression? Why do you run through the possible options of conversation over and over again in your brain?

Yeap, I try to remember and hold on to that as much as I can,

a reply to: Raxoxane

Wow, thanks for sharing, that is another type of fear I'm a little familiar with. I've had instances time ago, when living in the countryside, of what I would call paranormal fear.
Inexplicable for sure as there was nothing concrete or no real physical reason to be afraid, just this sense of dread and of something lurking in the shadows, so to speak.