It's over, CRUSHED!

Welcome to love..

Some of it's good, some of it's bad, some of it's horrible and some of it's great.

Everyone has scars.
Everyone has been in the "no one could ever love me possibly as much as I loved you " phase.
Everyone has felt like their failed relationship is the most damaging and horrible thing ever.

Their is no panacea for what you are going through so you just need to go through it. That will take time and either you will come through it or you wont but take comfort in knowing that billions of people have been exactly where you are and come out okay.

originally posted by: Ismynameimportant
I know how you feel.

I have scars on arms and legs because I couldnt cope.

Plz dont let it get to you,I know its easier said than done.
That person is not worthy of your feelings and times.

You will be ok, time has an uncanny way of dealing with things.
My advice is, try to not hate.

My thoughts are with you x

I'm sorry you went through it too. It's hard when someone betrays you.

I could never hate any of them especially him. I feel bad for him. I also know why his mom is the way she is and I feel sorry for her. I loved them all for years.

originally posted by: Wide-Eyes
a reply to: mblahnikluver

As much as I empathise with your situation, I feel far more sorry him. His mother will probably never let him be happy until the day she dies by which point, his best years will be gone and he'll be a husk of a man.

#Saddening :-(

Eta: Keep your chin up Queen Grey :-)

Oh it hurts me more because of him. I feel sorry for him. He will never be happy with her around. She had said to me once she had never seen this side of him or him be this happy before. I knew then her antics would get worse. It was like she was jealous he spent his time with me and not her so she acted out.

We all went out one night, his mom, sister, myself and him. It was karaoke and we had a blast. Well his mother couldn't stand him spending his time with me. She was rude to me and would make snide comments when he wasn't around. She never acted like that to me! Previously her antics were comments about how he and I should date and how perfect we are for each other, she was right about that. She didn't like how he hugged and kissed on me that night, you know how a couple acts when they're out having fun! It wasn't inappropriate yet she made him feel like a worthless piece of crap the next day. I couldn't believe it. I had to sit there and tell him he wasn't any of those things, he's actually a wonderful guy who is a total sweetheart and I think that is a downside for him. He wants to please everyone and not upset anyone.

It breaks my heart he thinks I did all this because I know it's hurting him and there is no need for it. He will see one day like you said when it's too late.

originally posted by: seeker1963
a reply to: mblahnikluver

I have been reading about your misfortunes with this guy for awhile without commenting. Love yourself and your child! At this point a man will distract you from the years of your little one that are the most important. Focus on pleasing a man to get him in your life, you will end up regretting focusing on that rather than your child.


I feel the guilt of making that decision when my daughter was a little girl and I felt I needed a woman in my life. Those are days I can NEVER get back.


I really wish you the best!

Oh I am not into pleasing any man to be with me. My son always comes first and he knew that. The only reason I didn't mind him around my son was because of our history. He wasn't someone I just met so it wasn't difficult to let him be around my son. His mother and sister had been as well. He was so good with my son too. My son asks where he is and talks about his truck, that's hard. People tell me "oh another man will come along" but I don't want that. I'm content single especially since I have child now. Before I would probably entertain the idea of dating one day but right now no way.

originally posted by: Skada
Sounds like his mom lost his dad and is projecting the father role on to him. She is jealous, and wants to control. The mother needs to go in to in-house therapy, where they have lovely designer jackets, and rooms with carpeted walls, and lovely meals that lull one to peaceful sleep either by ingestion or injection.

If that wasn't clear enough, the mother is bat-sheet crazy and needs to go to the nut house. She has an unhealthy attachment to her kids, and needs to control because she lost her mate/husband/"the father to the kids" and / or has a tumor or chem imbalance in her brain.

His other has been married three times! She's been single as long as I've known her, 10 years. She is jealous and wants control. It's sick. She does need a designer jacket! I honestly feel bad for her because I know why she is the way she is. She's very bitter and hardened yet she doesn't have to be. She needs to let her past go and let her kids live!

You may not like this, but....you're effectively soliciting sympathy here, and that's what you're getting. People are saying how sorry they are. Love yourself first, etc., all the noises that you would expect. How right you are. How wrong they are. It's kind of a co-dependency thing. And displaying your heart on a sleeve to ATS? Umm, this is not the real world and friendships here are somewhat illusory--they can vanish in a second. I've seen it happen to supposed "online communities" before. Basically, it's an easily-shattered illusion. "We" are not qualified therapists. You've painted these people as acting idiotically, and we are agreeing with you. Imagine that? More importantly, how valuable is it? You've set us up here to respond the way you want. If you really need help, seek it professionally. ATS, by and large, will agree with whatever you say.

But further, you're a grown-up. You've been married. Apparently you already have a child. You have grown-up responsibilities. Yet in your story everyone is acting like love-sick teenagers. Isn't it time for you to take a mature, more objective look at this behavior and adjust accordingly? If these other people continue to act like children, perhaps it's time to leave them be and maybe ask yourself why you are attracted to this kind of drama in the first place. It can't possibly be healthy for you.

I suspect I know what is going to happen next because we've been there before. I'm not going to check back and argue the points here. I'm just trying to get you to see this from a somewhat different perspective. Good luck.

Ahh, Honey...My eyes are filled with tears...I'm so sorry.

I've been with you through the good and the bad for the past few years as you've been through my good and and bad. Nothing but kind thoughts and Love.

Classic mama's boy. Like others said, you'll probably just end up being a second mom to him. Now is a good time to ask yourself if marrying a mama's boy really would've benefited.

How old is this guy?
You and him should not let the mother control your lives. You both love each other and should therefore stay together, it is not over before you give up. You could still find a way to stay together with him. But it involves him not living with his mother anymore.

If he takes Mommy over you, you don't want him any way. He would always be looking to her to take his side...and she would. Had a mother in law like her and I am DAMN glad she's gone. She, more than anything, destroyed my first marriage.

a reply to: mblahnikluver
Sorry to hear things didn't work out. You sounded so happy, despite the mom and sister talking crap.

I wasn't expecting this kind of news at all. Last time you wrote about him, things were so great. I am so sorry you had to go through all that. Don't ever turn back and try again with him because these problems are deep routed. I see no hope for change. You are a lovely lady and I know you will find someone else some day. You need time to grieve and take all the time that you need. It isn't easy. Just concentrate on that gorgeous child of yours and know that there are people here who genuinely care and are by your side. HUGS!

Yeah, he is what is called a "mamas boy". Wait until she dies and then hook up with him again, in the meantime just hang out with friends/family, don't be alone and have fun. Oh, stay away from his mom, at least until she is in a casket..

a reply to: mblahnikluver
mblahnikluver, sorry to hear the bad news. 1 has found it at times to be challenging to find that matching spark amongst the many and only recommends that you take your time as you search and maybe try to enjoy yourself more when you can. Good luck

originally posted by: mblahnikluver

originally posted by: Skada
Sounds like his mom lost his dad and is projecting the father role on to him. She is jealous, and wants to control. The mother needs to go in to in-house therapy, where they have lovely designer jackets, and rooms with carpeted walls, and lovely meals that lull one to peaceful sleep either by ingestion or injection.

If that wasn't clear enough, the mother is bat-sheet crazy and needs to go to the nut house. She has an unhealthy attachment to her kids, and needs to control because she lost her mate/husband/"the father to the kids" and / or has a tumor or chem imbalance in her brain.

His other has been married three times! She's been single as long as I've known her, 10 years. She is jealous and wants control. It's sick. She does need a designer jacket! I honestly feel bad for her because I know why she is the way she is. She's very bitter and hardened yet she doesn't have to be. She needs to let her past go and let her kids live!

There it is honey. This guy's maybe a sweetheart, but where he's
living right now has a built-in tractor beam, and it won't let up.
Mom's loss of control in three marriages means she's compensating
and big time. You're doing the right thing staying away from it.

I have this one small insight, and I'll shut up.. when I was dating
(sometime before the dawn of the Industrial Revolution) I
wanted my parents to like my match-- but I didn't
need them to. There's a big difference there, and you're
lucky to see it already. He maybe doesn't and that's so sad.

You'll be fine, but the apron strings to some are so strong. I've
been there myself and the marriage lasted less than four years.

a reply to: mblahnikluver
Sigh....why is there even a "looking for sypathy" category on this site?....go twitter or something.

originally posted by: Ismynameimportant
I know how you feel.

I have scars on arms and legs because I couldnt cope.

Plz dont let it get to you,I know its easier said than done.
That person is not worthy of your feelings and times.

You will be ok, time has an uncanny way of dealing with things.
My advice is, try to not hate.

My thoughts are with you x

....You have a mental disorder....normal people get depressed....they dont start chopping on themselves....please seek help....this is serious...

originally posted by: schuyler
You may not like this, but....you're effectively soliciting sympathy here, and that's what you're getting. People are saying how sorry they are. Love yourself first, etc., all the noises that you would expect. How right you are. How wrong they are. It's kind of a co-dependency thing. And displaying your heart on a sleeve to ATS? Umm, this is not the real world and friendships here are somewhat illusory--they can vanish in a second. I've seen it happen to supposed "online communities" before. Basically, it's an easily-shattered illusion. "We" are not qualified therapists. You've painted these people as acting idiotically, and we are agreeing with you. Imagine that? More importantly, how valuable is it? You've set us up here to respond the way you want. If you really need help, seek it professionally. ATS, by and large, will agree with whatever you say.

Where the hell did I ask for sympathy? I didn't. I never said anyone was a therapist ffs. It's the relationship forum or can't you read?! This is the one place income to vent. I seek no sympathy from anyone. I knew somewhat what I was getting into I just didn't know it was that bad. I am allowed to feel hurt by people I trusted and cared for, it's natural. Professional help? Really? i have a therapist. This is my outlet. I don't ask anyone to agree with what indoy, never have.

But further, you're a grown-up. You've been married. Apparently you already have a child. You have grown-up responsibilities. Yet in your story everyone is acting like love-sick teenagers. Isn't it time for you to take a mature, more objective look at this behavior and adjust accordingly? If these other people continue to act like children, perhaps it's time to leave them be and maybe ask yourself why you are attracted to this kind of drama in the first place. It can't possibly be healthy for you.

I am taking a mature stance. I said my goodbyes doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Are you just cold hearted because that's all I ever see from you on here. As for drama I hate it. Can't stand it. I for one don't want my son around it nor myself.

Love sick teenagers? Love is love, it's passionate, crazy, all consuming. It makes one act like love sick teenagers if you want to call it that. He and I tried to distance ourselves from his mother and her drama but it became too much for both of us.


I suspect I know what is going to happen next because we've been there before. I'm not going to check back and argue the points here. I'm just trying to get you to see this from a somewhat different perspective. Good luck.

originally posted by: eXia7
Classic mama's boy. Like others said, you'll probably just end up being a second mom to him. Now is a good time to ask yourself if marrying a mama's boy really would've benefited.

Oh I'm done. I love him dearly but I will not be around that kind of crazy especially not with my son. I told him goodbye, we both did. It doesn't make it any easier when you have two people who love each other yet one is too afraid to stand up for himself. Maybe one day in his life he will but I won't be there.